You know whats werid?

often times when i utter the phrase ” you know whats werid? ” to some one… they somehow are caught off guard with some off the wall this that acompanies that phrase. with that said. there be your warning.

but… i find it weird that there are people on this planet that CAN NOT take a shit unless they are reading something. Today my cousin JD came thru ( see bumble bee story ) and i guess it was that time, and he had to shit. because he got up and said… yo… you got something i can read?
Ive been knowin this nigga for a long ass time… and he has been the same since we were young. but every fuckin time… is like the first time when i see that fool take a old source magazine, a flyer… old news papers, books he dont care shit about… fuck… anything with the printed word on it… ive never seen it my self… but im PRETTY DAMN sure he has taken a bible or three to the throwne with them once or thrice lol. but he isnt the only person i know that does that… i know a good hand full of people ( and im pretty sure at LEAST one person will comment and expose thier shitting rituals as well ) that have to read SOMETHING in order to take a shit. if they dont… it just aint crackin. ive heard of people reading ingreidents on hairspray even… anythign they can find.
Some people would view this as a handicap of some sort. but me? im super lazy… i almost wish had to have something to read in order to take a shit! Id be taking shits when i good and gotdamn well pleased… instead of when my bowels dictate i do. I would be the muthafuckin boss! true enough… my insides would be fucked to hell… but its all principal. id never have to worry about shitting on my self!
lol i dont know… i just find that whole situation to be strange to me lol
(blowed thought advisory)
…. but i wonder… do people who have to read something to take a shit have accidnets when thier stomach starts to grumble and they realize they have to take shit… but like… that shit would happen when they are watchin a movie with subtitles? lol
would it just come out? lol kinda sounds like potential diaster to me. but i dont know… im stuck as fuck at the moment. lol

speaking of taking shits… and stuck as fuck.

the worst place a muthafucka ever wanna be in his/her/shim/whateverthefuck ( lol ) life is:
high or drunk or both
upset stomach
taking a shit
and then… right at the moment… you realize… there isnt a SHEET of toilet paper NO WHERE in the bathroom! OR your room… OR with in a good 20 feet of you! and you have absolutly NOTHING to wipe your ass with AT ALL.
then after that… not realizing that a potential option might be to get in to the shower and just clean your self that way lol. but waddle around your damn apartment ( or other dewelings ) IN THE DARK… looking for toilet paper!
its not a place that i would wish on anybody that i was almost kinda cool with.
well… on second thought… fuck it. lol it would be funny to laugh at they ass lol
and THEN… lets not forget the part where you have to leave the bathroom and look for the toilet paper right. but you have to come back and sit on the toilet and wipe your self… but before you make it to the toilet… you are greeted with that most unfriendly ( or ungodly lol depending on your eating habits ) aroma that you really wasnt effected by when you intially took the shit.

terrible horrible place indeed. you dont ever wanna vist. lol or be visting me when im there lol
lol but after a muhfuckas read this… this shit here should no longer be a problem i might have to worry about for a cool min.

18 Responses to “You know whats werid?”

  1. Well, I have never seen anyone take something to the bathroom to read. When men took The Sports Page or whatever to the bathroom on TV, I always figured it was ’cause their team lost and reading about it would piss them off enough to push it out. So, what? The words trigger shitting? That’s crazy if it does… but if that was true, like you said, they would shit anytime they read wouldn’t they? Hell, maybe they just need something to concentrate on. Did you ask your cousin?

  2. I’m a “toilet reader”….I’ve read some of my favorite passages on the toilet….there is a copy of “The Catcher in the Rye” on the floor in my bathroom as I type this (I can’t seem to get anywhere in that damned book!!!)….

    Anyway I have “BEEN THERE”….where I’ve had to waddle to the linen closet to get a roll of toilet paper or (even worse) to the kitchen to get a paper towel (I was broke as a joke for about 2 weeks….and my toilet paper ran out on the 13th day)….

    But that’s not the worst thing that can happen…the worst is living by yourself and having guests…and having to smell THEIR lingering odors…or if they leave a floater…that sir is the worst….

  3. yo i read sometimes when im on the throne
    but i need some music goin in the background.I got a boom box in my bathroom that i listen to when i’m droppin bombs.

  4. I canNOT take a shit without having something to read… I will run my ass around the house in search of something before I can go in… If I don’t have anything to read, I HAVE to talk on the phone… don’t know why, that’s just the way it is.

  5. My cousin is stayin wit us for a week.. Its the worst thang in the world to go in the bathroom and smell the lingering smell of his shit and bathroom spray.. I dunno whats wrong with dude on the inside, but it is rotten az fuck.. Or i’m just used to my own smells, and those of other folk who live here.. The foreign/visitor shit smell is not a welcome one in my house.. And yeah I’m a toilet reader.. I sit there till i finish reading whatever article i’ve got. If its a book I stay there till the chapter is finished.. lol.. Taking a shit in a public bathroom is the worst.. nothing to read damnit

  6. lmao.. and i got a homie who runs around the crib gripping her ass, trying to hold the shit in .. searching frantically for an unread magazine tryin to get to the bathroom with fresh material.

  7. Jakaricat1

    I’m a closet toilet reader… case in point: When I’m home and need to cop a squat, I never take anything to read wit me. Don’t see why. But I often find myself shitting at work, and I keep magazines around on my desk just for this occasion. I find, when sitting on a barely private throne, wit someone else pinching off in the next stall.. having something – anything to distract you from how alone you are NOT – is good.

  8. LOL! shitting at work is a NONO. I will seriously go home for that. As for reading, depends on the “mood” I’m in. I’ll read stuff thats in my hair products, I’ll read the lil paper that comes in the tampon box (gets utterly disgusted), but basically anything with words gets read.

  9. yes it is true, I must read when dropping the kids off at the pool. Just cant help it, and I refuse too start until I have something in my hand too read. 85% of the reason I have the news paper deliverd too my house is so i have something too read while im on the toilet. Hell even i dont have too take a shit. But I feel like im about due, ill start lookin for something too read, just too be ready when the moment comes. but there has been plenty of times when i have been ambushed, or just procrastinated too the last second, and i have too run around my house, holding my stomach or trying too fight back feces while i run around, and look for anything too read. Ive read month old TV guide Cheers or Jeers. Ive read the back of cereal boxes, Ive read my junk mail, instructions too a new video game, love letters, report cards, you name it, ive probably read it while dropping the kids off at the pool.
    Only thing I cant stand too read, would be homework or a text book. Who wants too read that crap, when your tyring too take a crap. And yes, if im not done reading the article, before ive dropped off all the kids at the pool. Then i sit there and finish the article, or at least get too a point where i dont mind stoppingat, and picking up where i left off at the next time im sitting there making my sacrifice too the porcelien god. Taking a dump with no reading material is horrible, and if i can help it i wont do it…. i dont wanna sit there and think about what im doing, i want too sit there read a magazine while i wait on my body too do what it has too do. i dont know about you but i hate waiting, and i believe that is why i read. And if you are teh type that has old ass jet magazines or sports illustrateds littering the top of your toilet, than i applaud you. you are a very considerate and compassionate human being, who recognizes that a quality #2, cant be had w/o solid reading material

  10. Chris

    I know I don’t like to take a shit at work. People at my job have some terrible ass stomachs. I hate to go in a good 30 minutes after someone has taking a shit.

    I like to have reading material, also. From Jet magazine, to the Chicago Sun Times, to comic books….just relaxes me….and my ass, I guess. LOL!

  11. I used to know of a house I went to when I was younger and they had hella Jets in the bathroom but they ripped out page 43 in each and every one of em!!!….BOY was I heated!

  12. i can’t go w/o reading…i even read the toothpaste if i forget a book or something. i think it relaxes me.

    wtf is up with people who talk on the phone and shit? not funny.

  13. Yea yall phone talkers is just some nasty mu’fuckas. And I bet some of yall be on the computer so much you’ve thought about taking your laptop in there

  14. Man, whoever has a problem with phone shitters can go straight to hell… As long as the phone gets sterilized and the person on the other end doesn’t mind, who gives a fuck??? If you do, kiss my rosey red (and now tanned) ass 🙂