Uhmah Park

First off i would like to thank all the people who called a nigga and woke me up on the way to mexico ( we left at 9 somethin… a nigga was sleepy lol ) to say have a safe trip… yap yap yap.

Secondly i would like to offer this explanation to all the people i did not tell i was going to mexico for 4 days before the fact : Oops. My bad homie. apparently i only remembered to tell 5 people out of the hundreds i know lol. i came home to a buncha… ” what the fuck nigga” ‘s lol.

but yea…

Last thursday i went to rosorito, mexico with 19 latinos. i only knew two of the people i went with… Dennis and David. everybody else i had just met that day… they was all cool as hell…

but… i learned some things in mexico, such as:

— when traveling to another country… its good to speak a good portion of the native language. I made sure i had one of them fools with me most of the time i was there. i was in desperate need of a translator.

— when sleeping in a room with FIVE other dudes… make sure them muthafuckas do not fuckin snore! Fuck. lol David is a little pretty boy… and was the most popular of us all amongst the females… but this muthafucka snores loud as fuck to be as small as he is. but wait… there were TWO muhfuckas in the room snoring. Henrey is a bigger dude and… ok… i wasnt surprised at that one. but them two snoring at the same time was kickin my ass for a large portion of my designated sleep time. I fucked around and had a dream that i woke up and told Henry to hit the anti snore button on the wall by the bed he was in. funny thing about that is… about 5 to 10 min after he hit that shit… both of them fools stoped snorin…. it was great.

— when sleeping in a room with FIVE other dudes, jack an extra pull out bed… it was great… i didnt have to sleep with nobody that didnt have a vagina the whole time i was there lol. Cant say that about everybody else tho lol

— being able to wear whatever the fuck you want to a club aint always a good thing, just ask two pairs of my j’s. eehhh i dont know… just didnt feel right. a nigga took advantage tho lol.

— hustlin in mexico starts at age 3 to 4. there was a buncha little kids running around trying to sell necklaces and other little knicknacks the whole time i was there… them little niggas is relentless too!! they didnt even come up to my knees. they would pull on my shorts or pants and hold up whatever they was sellin and a two… for two bucks, i would tell them no thanks… and im not tryin to be racist or no shit… but it seemed like in less than 3 min… that same lil nigga was back in my face trying to slang me the same shit. i was like damn. it seemed like there was a million of em… and they all looked related!

— street vendors could possibly be worse than telemarketers…. ok… so there was a buncha little kids running around slangin knicknacks… but there were also teenagers old ladys/men adults trying to sell any and everything out there. that shit gets old… QUICK! you cant walk 5 feet out there with out somebody trying to sell you SOMETHING. this one dude was selling flagrantly fake sterling silver chains… with LA medalians on em… stickin em in niggas faces saying ” Bling bling? want bling bling? ” lol that shit was the guts. what was even funnier… i saw 2 white boys with them shits on.

— the tip system is the only system in mexico. thats the only way to get any damn thing out there… is with a fuckin tip… you want your drinks stronger homie? tip strong. you want good service… you better be a good tipper. that shit got irritating… especially to a nigga that doesnt believe in tipping.

— cuban cigars are the shit. woooooo still got one in my bag… i should light that muthafucka up. if i could nigga-rig me up a ash tray right now i would. that muthafucka stank tho lol. i think this weekend ( because i aint doing SHIT… SHIT SHIT SHIT!!! SHIT!!! SHIT! ) imma throw on some jazz and stank up my room with that shit.

— packing clothes for a trip to mexico, dunk, is NOT a good fucking idea! i took 3 pairs of jordans down there and had to sacrifice two of them muhfuckas to the sand and the clubs. ugh… nigga forgot his boots… but shit… i dont know what would have been worse. fuckin up my ecko boots or my jordans. now that i think about it… i would have much rather gave up the ecko boots. ugh.

— Rosorito is not for muthafuckas over 21. There was nothing but muthafuckin 18 to 20 year olds there… wanting to party, fuck and drink… because they couldnt in the states. which brings me to the next muthafuckin thing i learned

— i dislike people under 21! As far as going out and socializing? oh fuck no! ill never do that shit again! gotdammit! that shit irritated the fuck outta me. And NO! i did not know before i fucking went! ok?! ugh. i hate hate hate young girls… HATE! NIGGA HATE! ( watch some white supremest on google end up at my shit now lol ) i wont lie… i did actually meet a couple of females that were cool and what not and a couple of the dudes we went with was cool too… but for the most part… ah fuck naw!!! i was irritated as fuck after day 2 because i realized there was like a total of 30 people in all of rosorito over fuckin 22. fuck. its cool tho… im over it lol.

— getting drunk on the beach is hella muthafuckin fun! shit… gettin drunk is fun fuck it lol

— tequila shots out there are fun as fuck! lol this is what they do… there is this muthafucka walking around at the clubs with a big ass bottle of tequila and a muthafuckin whistle… blowing that shit loud as fuck… grabbin peoples heads… you pay that nigga three fuckin bucks… he will grab your head… tilt it back… and proceed to hold that tequila bottle over your mouth and blow that whistle loud as shit. lol after your mouth is filled with tequila… or he is just fuckin finished fuckin with you… he puts the bottle down and shakes the fuck out of your head. which fucks YOU up… THEN… if this nigga can pick you up… he will… then spin you around. lol the first time i tired that shit… i had to threaten dude… i leaned over and said “ay… you shake my head… and imma have to fuck you up. ” but after the first one… i learned that the head shaking shit makes the experience… over the whole weekend i had like 8 of them shits lol at different times… folded me nice and good lol

— rum will intoxicate me faster than anything. it doesnt matter what the fuck kind of rum it is. i will be fuckin folded fuckin with that shit. as femmine as this shit sounds… sex on the beach is my new drink of choice! imma start callin that shit Red Ass or someshit… i dont know… Ass in the Sand… i dont know imma have to think of something that dont sound like i have a twat when i ask for it. i drink to get fucked up… not to piss out 70 dollars worth of bullshit.

— it is possible to roll to mexico with some smoke on you. i didnt… and when i found out that i could… i was hella disappointed!

— leaving mexico is a pain in the muthafuckin ASS! ill never drive over there again with anybody for as long as i live. there is up to a 3 hour wait at the border coming back over to the states… fuck that! i am all the way not interested!

— papas and beer is the muthafuckin SHIT! club iggys aint so bad either… senor frogs is wack… the other shit down there aint shit to write home about at all lol.

— riding mechanical bulls drunk is some of the most fun ever. period. i wish i could have stayed on longer lol…

— if you are drunk enough… it doesnt matter if youre dancing with a white girl and she has no concept of a beat. i swear… for me at least lol

— i can not fuck with beer. i tried a Corona… fuck it, i was in mexico… why not? them shits taste like apple cider with no sugar… i cant fuck with it at all. calvin will disavow any knowledge of me after this… but hey… whatever… i cant do it lol.

———- time out. I think… Fuck it should be one word. Fuckit. Mainly because i had a hard ass time typing that shit just a few seconds ago… but now it seems like a real good idea… kinda like “dammit”. ———–

— i also can not fuck with guacamole. it feels like it does ol 87 shit on my stomach and hits the corner of esophagus ave and stomach st, in a hooptie with the lights out… 4 niggas in the car on some… AY HOLMES!!!! FUCK WITH THIS!!!! followed by me spewing liquid monkeys out of my rectum… stinkin up somebody bathroom with no regard for manners/pc/anything associated with what is right or pleasant odors. that shit is ruff… and no no no… it wasnt the food out there… because ive had about 4 burritos from chipotle out here ( them shits are heaven! ) and one of em had guacamole on em and i was on the same shit… i just wasnt sure… till i hit mexico. and speaking of the food in mexico

— ” dont eat the food! ” is ALL HYPE! the food out there at some of them spots was so fuckin good!!! of course like ANYWHERE you go… you have to peep out if the spot is clean. but man fuck… i love mexican food… and that shit wasnt gettin no more authentic than that! fuckin shit, it was delicious! one night at papas and beer… i was HELLA drunk… and shit was about to start spinning for me. so i grabbed henry… like dogg… lets go get something to eat… AT THE CLUB they had a fuckin spot to eat in the corner… i rolled over there… dizzy as shit… drunk as fuck… like yo… let me get some fries ( lol of course! ) and a chicken quesidilla. My Lord! that shit was so good… i thought i was high that shit was so good! i thought i made the best chicken quesidillas ever… until i tasted that shit there. holy shit!

— when walking thru a crowd at a club… hold your nuts. or somebody else will. i dont even wanna talk about how i was fondled a good 3 times. and then we wont even talk about the girl who straight forward about slobbin a nigga down.

— sand is the devil! that shit gets in EVERYTHING! i got sand in my fuckin camera… in my shoes ( of course i was on the beach ) in my wallet… i did drop it but still… in my nose… in my fuckin ears… my ass ( ????? ) my toes… under my muthafuckin arms… every gotdamn where

— sleeping in a bed with sand in it is the worst shit ever. it feels worse than a girl rubbing her legs on you and needing to shave.

— the beach down there is great. a tad bit dirty in some spots… but great none the less

— girls walking around in bikinis never gets old. even if they are under 21 ( but over 18! ) especially when they have some sort of figure to show off.

— thongs too, never get old. maybe its just me lol

— white boys arent as crazy as we once thought! i swear… some of the shit they do is fucking fun! buss it…..

—- ATV 4 wheelers are tha muthafuckin SHIT!!! i can not stress this shit enough… i swear imma get me one… i dont know where the fuck imma roll this shit at… but im gettin one. we rented atv’s down there… about 20 of us ( we met up with some people down there ) on the beach… down to this circle track on the beach… holy muthafuckin shit was that shit fuckin great fun!!! the brakes were SHIT. but i was havin so much fun i didnt care!!! once i learned i wasnt gonna tip over… i was tearing that fuckin track up. a couple of the homies fell off they shit… a couple of people flipped over lol. i didnt! i came close though! i went straight on a couple of turns thinkin i was going too fuckin fast… but that shit was fuckin wonderful! ill always remember that shit lol

—- Bungee Cord jumpin is fun as fuck… but scarier than that lol

—- Lying about your weight when the weight limit is 200 pounds but you weigh 230… AINT the smartest thing in the fuckin world to do. alright… here is what happen:

at club iggys they got a bungee tower or whatever… and the homie jason found out how much it was… and jumped. it looked HELLA fun… mind you… a nigga like me was EXTRA drunk… i had a couple of those crazy ass tequilla shots and 2 Ass in the Sands ( sex on the beach lol ). so… the two females we was chilling with that day… ashely and rosa from bakersfeild… was like i wanna do it!! how much?? 20 bucks. 20 bucks? thats it? i wanna do it too!!! so ashley, rosa, jason ( who just jumped ) and i walked up to the booth to pay for that shit. on the way there i hear… if you are over 200 pounds… they wont let you jump because you would be too heavy. im like FUCK! i walk up and ask them about that shit and they tell me… well if youre too heavy you will hit the air mat at the bottom. im like oh… well fuck it then.. im cool! Jason pulls me over to the side like

“fuck that… do it! im 200 pounds… i didnt come close to hitting the mat! you saw me!”

im thinking to my self… well hmmm… he looks like he could be 200 pounds… and he didnt come close… fuckit. i walked up like yo… i wanna jump… im 198! lol them muthafuckas did not believe me… after alot of talkin… i got them to let me jump. i tell jason… alright dogg… look… imma trust you… but if i hit this mat… imma fuck you up. if i bounce back and hit the tower… dogg… i swear… imma beat you untill i forget about it. Jason was like… im tellin you its cool… ill take the ass whoopin if you hit it… im tellin you its cool. So… i climb my ass… drunkenly up like… 6 flights of stairs, prayin… like Oh God… please dont let me fall to my death… please let this 30 pound difference be alright. please. i get to the top and its ashelys turn to jump. and she was bullshitin… i didnt see what the big deal was at the time… i was hella excited… cheering her on n shit… after a couple of min… she was like… ok OJ……………… PUSH ME! *SHOVE!* she went flyin off that shit screamin… YEA! so now… its my fuckin turn… and im beggining to sober up kinda.. thinkin: oh shit i hope i dont kill my self… i hope i dont kill my self. im all tied up and ready to go now… standing at the edge… hearing the homies cheer me on… hearing the wind blowing, the waves on the beach, looked down…and see the bullseys on the mat… and i hear my thoughts again……….

THIS SHIT IS RETARDED!!!!… i wanna turn the fuck around… this is some bullshit… imma fuck jason up for talkin me into this shit… fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck shit… fuck fuck fuck… fuck………. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck… ok… if i dont jump…. they are gonna think imma bitch….. well so… ill be a bitch!… no no … cant be a bitch… aint no bitch in me………………………

JUMP muthafucka! SSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!! that first free fall sobered me ALL THE WAY the fuck up… i see the fuckin mat speeding towards my black ass… i didnt close my eyes… i saw that shit every inch of the way down… the mat is getting closer folks… closer…. im staring right at the bullseye in the middle of this muthafucka the whole time… closer closer… i feel the cord catch and start to stretch out… YES! but… im still speeding towards that mat. im NOT slowing down at all.

PFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTT!!!! sigh…. why did i hit the muthafuckin mat?? right when that shit was pullin me back up…. slowed down mostly for the most part eventually. but i hit that mat face first….basiclly what happen was i deflated it like i jumped on it from the side or some shit… but as soon as i hit it… i bounced back up… when i hit the fuckin mat i tried to put my legs out to try to land on my feet if i got too close to the ground and i put my arms out in front of me. hit that mat nice and good tho lol… fuckin shit… talk about relief!!

but! the terror wasnt over! im speeding back up fast as fuck too! shit snatched my black ass up from that mat with mad force…. i turn around to see if imma hit the tower……………. didnt come close! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i started screamin my ass off!!!! that shit was retarded fun!!!!! id do that shit again if i found a spot when more of a weight limit! lol after i got off that shit i felt like there wasnt shit left for me to be scared of ever in life! ( other than the mexican police who was walkin around with m-16’s lol) i couldnt believe how fun that shit was….
sigh… man…

— i only have about a 36 hour stretch of parting and non soberness per week… so if i start on friday… sunday after noon im done lol. we got there on thrusday after noon… i was ready to leave by early saturday morning at around 3 am. i felt like SHIT. maybe i was just tired… i had did a buncha shit on that friday. the atv’s… we could all barely stand after that shit… we was tired as fuck… then i sat and drank in the sun… the two crazy ass tequilla shots and the ass in the sands… then the bungee cord jump… then… i walked about 5 miles around rosorito lookin for batteries for my camera because them shits went dead when was i about to jump and the homie was on the ground trying to take pictures. a nigga was hella exhausted. i was ret tah go. lol

anyway… thats all i can think that i learned in mexico. it was cool… ill never go back to rosorito again. its nice there… but there are too many kids… and they was playin old shit all day at the fuckin clubs… same shit over and over… i was hella irritated. i had fun on friday tho. overall i dont regret going at all. but next time i go to mexico… im going to cancun or some other spot where it cost too much for kids to go lol

damn… this is long as fuck


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