The Coldest Shit Ever Spoke

I forget what has transpired today to make me write about the shit im about to write about. But fuck it, here it goes.

My senior year in high school, we were at a Senior class meeting. That means all the seniors went to the gym and we got talked at by some of the members of the faculty. Whatever gets niggas out of class, and amongst the homies is alright with me. On this particular day, it was hella muthafuckin windy. If you dont know about the wind in Fontana, its Hurricane-ish with out the fuckin rain. Sometimes, it be hot… and windy as fuck. But whatever, im not here to bitch about how Fontana wind is some of the worst shit ever.
I know some asshole on the east coast is saying to himself… damn, thats as bad as it gets, nigga thats it? Yes Muthafucka! and it sucks, fuck off!
Anyway… so it was so so windy, it wasnt exactly cold, but not all that warm. East coasters and white people can still wear shorts in this weather miraculously.
So here we are… alot of the homies were all in one spot. Of course, im sitting next to JD. And we are all kind paying attention, talkin n shit. whatever. The whole senior class has settled down and the speeches n shit are underway. Oh but wait. There is a lone member of the senior class that hasnt made her way into the gym quite yet.
If youre a Do-Gooder, turn back now.
The big heavy ass Oak door starts to open. The gang is not all quite here. In through the door a very fraile mentally disabled girl starts to fucking CLAW her way into the gym. Ummm, CLAW you ask? YES! This mentally disabled girl in particular needed the assistance of a walker to immobilize her self across our humongous ass campus. The biggest Highschool Campus in Southern California. Nigga it takes forever to walk that school! I dont know how the fat kids managed to stay fat walking around that shit. It would take people a full six minutes to walk directly from one class to another. No stoping and talking. OUT! Neglecting your friends n shit lol. So this lil retarded girl had to use a walker to navigate the school grounds. Frail as fuck. This same girl is trying to open a BIG ASS oak door that our gym had. Ive seen small girls have trouble with the door. So you know her ass was strugglin like a muthafucka! Clawing her way into the gym. Put her walker through and proceeded to BRUTE her way through the door with her lil ass shoulders. And you know how fucking cruel kids are. Muthafuckas was laughin n shit, or trying not to. Holdin it in n shit. She was strugglin bad!! And Nigga didnt NOBODY get up offa they ass to lend her a hand! IT WAS SAD YALL!!!
But… My poor poor student counselor, Mrs Sargent, she was great. But she was a bit old. And far from the girl. Too far to save her. Like she probably wanted to do, bless her heart. She probably realized this, but wanted to do something to stop the kids from laughing at her, and try to take a little bit of attention offa the girl who was getting crushed by this big ass door mercilessly!!!
She turns into the microphone and says "if you think you had a tough time trying to graduate, you should’ve seen her walking against the wind this morning!""
I had to think about that one for a moment, because her saying something was kinda unsuspected. But i thought to myself…. Nigga is she helping at all?(Her being laughed at and all) Did she just put her out there like that?? is that fucked up? Is there more to this?!!? just as im thinking all this, i hear JD behind me GASPING FOR AIR!!!! and i hear my homegirl shawntayah(sp????) say, "JD You Wrong!" I turn around and this nigga JD is laid the fuck out, crying laughing!!!

I immediately became weak! My thoughts were confirmed. That was the most Unintentional Coldest Shit ever! So much was so funny about that whole shit. Ive been laughing for the last 30 min just typing this shit out!!!! Gotdamn!! I couldnt help my self, if i had any hope of holding that shit in, JD is soley responsible for throwing that shit out the window! We were sitting there laughin like a muthafucka, and everybody around just thought we was the cruelest insensitive bastards out in the world at that point.

I dont give a fuck though! that shit is STILL the guts to this very day. and i KNOW JD is reading this shit, laughin like it just happen!
This is one of them things only me and him will find uncontrollably funny. Like most people might see its funny, but not laugh because of the circumstances. ME? i cant help my self AT ALL. But i dont be laughin at just whats at the surface.

Anyway. I see some McDonalds in my future.

4 Responses to “The Coldest Shit Ever Spoke”

  1. OH nigga that was the guttiest scene ever! I’m pissed you beat me to it, cuz I been meaning to blog about this shit for the longest!
    Here is JD’s perspective of the events.

    Everything this nigga said was right on point… man when the counselor said, “If you think you guys have had trouble making it to graduation, then you should’ve seen her trying to walk in the wind this morning..”
    Man I instantly fell straight to ground doubled over in laughter. And the cold thing about it is, I didn’t hear anybody else laughing, but I thought that was becuz I was laughing so damn loud, I couldn’t possibly hear all the laughter. But still an uneasy feeling came about when I realized, if there are a 1000 people in here laughing, then I should still be able to hear it regardless of how loud I’m laughing. So after about 30 seconds of hysterical, tears in my eyes laughter. I finally start to gather myself to look up, and enjoy this gutty moment with my class mates. WRONG!
    I looked up; to see everybody looking back at me, with that how in the fuck could you be so cold look.
    Then this nigga OJ, I know in my heart that this nigga is gonna be my saving grace, he has to be laughing. I looked over at this guy, and he is just looking back at me, and he is fighting his hardest to not laugh and is about to explode, but nobody even notices cuz they are giving me the ‘go to hell JD look” (I swear I lost at least 6 friends, and a gang of potential ass at that moment of insensitivity). Then I’m lookin at O and I realize he isn’t even laughing at the joke the counselor told anymore, he is laughing at me in my precarious predicament.
    I could not believe that me and this nigga were the only 2 people laughing. It was so blatantly funny that I thought the counselor was gonna have to apologize. Instead I ended up feeling like I need to apologize to some one.
    I didn’t car though, I kept on giggling for another couple of minutes cuz I couldn’t stop thinking about that shit!
    And OJ over here speaking about “ I don’t just be laughing at what’s on the surface” I got a whole nother blog in regards to that one comment, its great it will change your life, 4 years from now.
    Coming soon….
    thak you O, for helping me relive one of the guttiest moments in the history of the world

  2. Anonymous

    I know why you thought this up… you were thinking of your girl’s grandma: Ms. Ray Charlina.

    lol

    No but seriously, that is some cold shit. I got a couple of other cold ones for you but I really don’t want people thinking I am that kind of an asshole. I’m really not.

  3. Anonymous

    LMAO!!!!! Nigga. I’m weak.

    Dude. I was really trying hard not to laugh at this shit. But the visual of JD laid out laughing his ass off was too much. Handicapped girl with a walker struggling against the wind. That’s cold business. HTF she just gonna blurt that shit out like it’s what was gonna divert attention?