espn Archives - Uhmah Park

 

This commercial is kind of hilarious. Scott Van Pelt ignored the hell out of this dude lol. Instead of supporting the small business man, this guy choose to support the automatic job killing vending machine of some major corporation. Shame on you Scott Van Pelt and ESPN. You’re sending a bad message… no matter how funny it is lol.


LOL this was awesome. He even tried to add some drama at the end after fumbling over his words. He was flowing with it for a second though lol.

I bet Jay wont be making another song this fucking year though. Lebron has been BLOWING IT! The one time Im routing for this dude and he’s no where to be found! Good thing I was always a bigger D.Wade fan.


This is what happens when you wake up high and drunk… still. Because you were getting high and drunk as hell maybe a hour or so earlier and you thought you was about to sleep it off, but you woke up prematurely for some reason.

This is what happens:

video://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsG0_w69Ykc

You know what I think happen? I think maybe if he could possibly fly, his powers were stripped from him when he made the fucking bird noise. LMAO Muthafucka super man could fly, he didn’t “caw” lmao.

This commercial is the fucking GUTS!!!

The first time I saw it, it caught a nigga off guard and I thought I was gonna sophisticate myself from laughing too damn hard.

His homeboy couldn’t even believe he actually jumped out the window.

That man is better than me, I would have probably damn near fell out the window pointing and laughing at this muthafucka. Gotdamn.

This shit is way too funny.

Yall Welcome.


jalen rose
Bristol, Connecticut – Jalen Rose was fired the other day for what was referred to as “Aggressive and forceful sales tactics of religious materials” at the ESPN Studios. The retired nba star apparently has recently converted to the Nation of Islam, and like most new NOI members, they are enthusiastic about pushing their new found knowledge, wisdom, awakening and so forth. There are several complaints and eye witness reports of Rose knocking on the dressing room doors of the Black news anchors at ESPN, in a Jehovah Witness like fashion and delivering his message of Black empowerment, in the same robot tone as he does on the air. Forcing blinks in between syllables and stale enthusiasm. Rose’s message also comes equipped with a publication put out by the Nation of Islam called the “Final Call”. A publication filled with what Jalen called “Knowledge and essential tools for a Black man working in Connecticut!” ESPN management tried to be tolerant and open minded to Jalens new views.
However, we have super secret sources that says management had enough after they had learned between a heated exchange between Jalen Rose and Stewart Scott. Where apparently Rose beat Scott down with a Final Call news paper and had him cowared in a corner and would not stop beating him until Scott agreed to “stop giving away the Black Man’s verbal encryptions”. We assume Jalen was referring to Scott’s frequent use of well known “slang” in his commentary.
When asked about the incident Stewart confirmed the attack and admitted that he agreed to stop using slang on the air, “Yo, of course I agreed to stop using slang! Jalen is crazy stupid big! The kid has a stupid crazy swing with that final call too, yo! He started hitting me and the first thing I thought to my self was – Hater In The Hooooouse! What was he thinking?! I’m just trying to bridge the divide between Bruhs and the Nascar dads, ya dig? I’m not saying he was wrong for beating a brutha down. I’m just saying he don’t work here no more. So it’s back on like donkey kong with the stupid freshness… BOOYAH!!”
Jalen Rose could not be reached for comment because he hasn’t come into work, work most of the day and then get the bad news.
We will keep up updated as the situation develops.

I know for sure, Im not the only person out there who watches Cavemen on ABC. I might be one of two Black people that watch this show though, because out of most of my friends that Ive polled (the majority of whom happen to be Black like myself) none of them watch the show. Except for my cousin JD, and I dont know if he still watches it.

Anyway, here we have a show where FINALLY the guys in hollywood get to be racist, and EVERYBODY thinks its funny. I mean, I personally think its the fucking guts. I really appreciate the shit they get away with on this show. Ive havent heard ANY ONE bitch about how openly racist that show is.
And here is why I say Finally. Because, as far as I can remember, every show that has ever had “regular” people treating another group of “odd” people differently in the open.. They were like aliens, or some kind of animal or some other off brand shit, and most times, sex was really out of the fucking question. This shit here… is actually HUMANS being treated DIFFERENTLY in the open by OTHER HUMANS. Discrimination, stereotypes and bigotry, all over the place. Whole show most of the time. Its the fuckin guts, I swear. For example… there are three cave men that live in one apt. The land lady, this old white bird, trifflin as fuck, janky as fuck, all that – of course, this bitch cant tell these three muhfuckas apart. Come on now.

But the thing about it is, they take every stereotype you can and throw it in there some how. Actually, its most of the stereotypes Black people are faced with. At least those are the ones I recognize for the most part lol. But whatever lol we’ll just pretend for now. I dont watch the show sober no how, so I could be making this all up, and the whole shit could not be funny at all.

So like I was saying, there is no disputing that “cavemen” are in fact a kind of human. Not far off from what “we” are now. Yet… they are different. But, conveniently, as the commercials that spawned the whole show in the first place have taught us… cavemen arent really real… “anymore”, but now from the commercials, they are. So basically, you have a situation where you have a “race” of people who arent “really around anymore” but for the sake of the show they are and have been and we didnt know about it. Also as a convenience, we all just happen to have an idea of how they “were” at “one point”. So now they are all ready made with stereotypes, of various uncivilized this, they are violent that, self hate issues, we’re so different issues, be proud of who you are and where you come from yap yap yap… when clearly, they can be civilized too( – Word to Bill O’reilly and his punk ass. ) And they have the same issues that all ethnic people have and that white people can identify with on some level some how. (im not gonna ask any questions here)
But this is funny, if you dont have a MAJOR stick up your ass.. because not only is it not you being a victim of hollywoods jokes and open racisim, but its not your friends either!!! So there is no guilt!! No only being offended when your caveman friend is around, No sneaking those dirty words under your breath. No having to be obligated to beat somebody ass if you do happen to hear them say that word, or even tell your caveman friend lol!! lol none of that shit lol. Then to make the murder complete, the dudes on the show are WAYYY to bitchy for any ethnic group to identify with all the way, even if they wanted to. Unless they just happen to be a bitch ass person. I’d suggest that Bill O could identify well, but I doubt he could ever be that funny and that bitchy at the same time lol
So youre free to laugh at all this open racisim, because its not directed at anybody thats really “real” yet and and still they borrow real issues from every ethnic group and laugh at them as they are made into this that and teach us a lesson or whatever at the end of the show when everybody comes to their respective resolves and what not.
But as far as I can see it, most of the episodes Ive seen, they didnt have any of the typical resolve. Its actually kind of a fucked up resolve of somebody being a bitch ass person in the first place. Kind of like sienfield episode. Which is why everybody loved that show. Which is why I think I like this show.

You know what, if you havent seen the show, take a look for your self: (this is a short by the way, the show goes nothing like this at all)

video://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbkPRIwKwLA

Sigh, lol if you dont see that shit, then your bad lol. Shits fuckin halarious. A “shaver”, homie? Its who you are inside that counts?? lol man! I really cant take it. The people that write this show are so full of shit. Its great! I love it. As bitchy as these three muthafuckas are. And the 4th caveman that just comes out of no where randomly? Its like hes a tame caveman will farrell, just way funnier to me. I’ll take a moment to throw my own predictable stereotype in the bunch and give an ol’ “The 4th random caveman is off the chain, word!!”
And thats all I have to say about that.

As I did mention before though, Ive never watched this show sober, so I could be wrong about this. But I dont think Ive ever seen a Black person on this show. Ive never really seen any other ethnic people on this show other that white people, and hairy ass white people with fucked up faces and low brows. Like this guy on the right:


For my espn watchers, Ric Bucher is the missing link homie, I swear it!! lmao Thats the best picture I could find ( trust me, it gets way worse than this), but I turned off Cavemen, straight to sportscenter (of course!) and this muthafucka was on my HD, and had my blowed ass thinking I didnt turn Cavemen off for a second.
Poor TV people, HD is NOT being kind to yall at all. They got Ric Bucher looking like the Shaver that wrote in to the question a caveman jumpoff lol. Botoxed the fuck up lol. (Ric is gonna be pissed if he ever decided to google his name lol)
And while I have the picture there, this nigga here on the left, I think his name is Mike Terico. He looks like he is barely Black lol. He’s right at the line where you dont have to maybe wonder if thats a white guy made up as a Black man lol. To me, he also looks like he could be the first Black serial killer to eat his victims in squares. While in contrast Ric Bucher on the right over here, looks like he just clubs bitches with his big ass espn mic and drags them by the hair to this hotel room, from city to city n shit lol. (zing!)
But back to Mike Terico, you would never believe the voice that comes out of this dude. Ill just say, whatever you thought it was gonna be if you never heard it before. Thats not it, I can almost promise you that lol. This muthafucka has the most commanding voice possible to look like that. Think about it, He manages crazy coaches, athletes and anylist on espn post game pre game half time all those shows. He is a wrangler of time, information, opinion and advertising space. All with his voice lol. Amazing.