Uhmah Park

I was talking to my good friend Dell, who has a similar background as myself, but really didnt stick to the demographic he was born into. kinda like my self. and we were talking about different we were from then to now.

as ive gotten older, and started to make more money and do better shit. i realize more and more how ‘ghetto’ i really am. im not saying i ever thought i was better than the next man. but every black person knows when the next nigga is more ghetto than they are. lol its the truth. ghetto and or country. every body can take themselves and compare themselves to the next black person and assess themselves accordingly. or at least i can lol. maybe im the only nigga that thinks of shit like that? who knows.

the thing is… all this time, it turns out, the people i grew up around and hung out with. i was just the least ghetto of the bunch. oops. lol still id like to point out, in no way do i think im better than any one else because i might be less ‘ghetto’ than they are.

Sadly though, fact of the matter is. The ‘ghetto’ shit that alot of people hold dear to them, aint really the best shit going. and im not talking about just growing up and becoming mature. im talking about the lifestyle one leads when growing up in the ‘ghetto’… for instance, grocery shoping in south central and grocery shopping in porter ranch… two different worlds homie, you wouldnt believe. it is super hard to eat healthy in the hood. shits wack. its gotten to the point to where i cant even stomach alot of shit from where i grew up at. i wont even eat over there. even the mc donalds is greasier in the hood. shits wack. that shit is oppression on the smallest, yet grandest level if you ask me. thats another post tho.
Sigh, i remember the day i figured out that if i ate at Tams again, i was probably gonna fucking die. i was so damn sad. that shit was so gross i wanted to drop kick somebody. that shit used to be SOOOO fucking good.

anyway… thats just one example. but for the last 7 years or so, i feel like everything that people do where i come from, doesnt work for or around the people ive encountered in that time span. and im faced with this shit daily it seems like.

one could say, well oj, maybe youre out of your element. possibly. but guess what. i didnt exactly fit in with my previous element either. ive always known that there was better shit to be had and experienced. and certain things i just refuse to fuck with. and that made me a little too different for some people. and they’d talk shit lol. muthafuckas have even gone as far as to accuse me of not being black. ive heard various brands of this bullshit all while i was growing up. but its whatever… im not bitter and i dont hate nobody really, but fuck them niggas anyway lol. they can be on that shit on their own damn time.

lol however though, picture me fucking befuttled as fuck when i grow up and find out more and more every day how ‘ghetto’ i really am. the fucked up part is, i really did fight off those people who i met after about 2000, who would try to tell me how ghetto i really was… and for a long time i thought they were full of shit. until one day, i was smokin and the truth smacked me right in the face. i had did something earlier that day, that made me realize where i stood in life and who i was exactly. i dont remember what happen or what event took place. i really dont remember when it was exactly either. i just remember i was blowed and saw the truth. then after that, i said fuck it, i dont care, thats just who i am then. if im ghetto, then so be it. love it or hate it. but of course, that only stuck for so long. because when you realize the truth, you can only be ignorant on purpose for so long if you have any sense at all. and well me having sense at and all. i still continue to struggle with what is socially acceptable for the people i current surround my self with.

and every time i realize that residual a perspective from a former lifestyle hold me back in my current lifestyle. its the worst moded feeling there ever was. and ive been pretty moded more than my fair share lol. nothing tops this at all lol.  its a pretty wack feeling. its even wacker when all the would be better solution really sound super wack to you lmao. what the fuck do you do then?! oh its a struggle. sigh. every day damn near. its something.

I had a muthafucka at my door. and we had got into it earlier. and then like less than 30 min later the muthafucka is at my door and wanna talk about it. and of course i was on some fuck you and fuck that shit. and this guy is sitting there just taking it. looking me right in my eye. like im looking at him. i clearly state that i dont give a fuck about whatever he is talking about. but this muthafucka just stand there and doesnt budge. he didnt back down a tiny bit. this, pissed me completely the fuck off.
Now where im from, if there is one person, pissed at another person, and that person is being confronted face to face, eye to eye. somebody has to back down. somebody has to be like, hey i dont want no problems. even if that person, is the person yelling at the other person. ( not that that always works ). now if this doesnt happen, the chances of a fight breaking out are almost guaranteed.
So hear i have this old ass white guy at my door on some punk ass person shit, and im telling him what the fuck i think about him being a punk ass person and he is lookin me in my eye like he want me to whoop his ass basically. i know what he was thinking. the old racist fuck. he was thinking in his younger days he could take me. or either he wanted to sacrifice his well being to piss a nigga off and put another nigga in jail lol. its alright tho, fuck that guy. the point is… even though i didnt step outside and put my foot in his old ass. him not backing down should not have pissed me off as much as it did. no matter if i did or didnt like that muthafucka in the first place AND had walked away from the first confrontation. he was wrong and i was right no matter what. i should have just said what i had to say and kept it moving. or been a real asshole and threated to call the police on his punk ass for even bothering me in the first place ( aint like the muthafuckas would have showed up but still )

but anyway… now looking back on the whole thing… here i feel super moded because essentially i tried to drag an old white man into a nigga moment. lol actually, if he was just a few more degrees red neck or trashy, he would have tried to whoop my ass on the first confrontation lol (where he fucked up in the first place). ive seen old rednecks ready to scrap with anybody, they dont give a fuck. this old whitetrashy white dude pulled a knife on me one night around the corner, lol on another nigga moment actually. lol ill have to write about that shit too lol. fyi… he was in the wrong too, i promise lol.

oh well.  i dont know what my fate is. sometimes i feel like im selling my soul in order to have the finer things in life and to do better shit. but sometimes i feel like its time to move on and accept the things that are better for me and will make me happier in the long run.

being from the ghetto shouldnt mean youre all the way black or that you must always continue to do ghetto ass shit and have no class on purpose. it should just mean you know how to struggle and make it no matter  what.

lol and one day ill take my advice all the way lol. until then, fuck it… at least im trying lol. shit.


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