Something Like A Heart Attack

So, 2 days before Xmas, I woke up and noticed a slight pain in my chest. It was enough pain for me to notice, but I thought I was about to catch a cold. I havent been sick in the last year, but i figured.. dah… I guess it was a good run. Let me take something to avoid catching this cold. Took something, kept it moving.

Through out the day, the pain worsened. A LOT.  But I was determined to tough it out. I thought it would go away after a while. By around 3pm though, things go SUPER bad. I was having the most intense chest pain Id ever had in my life. Work outs after smokin a blunt, super deep bong hits, being socked in the chest, nothing compared to this!
I was at my office, I have a couch in here, so I decided to try to lay down, try to take a quick nap and wait for it to subside. Well, I laid down and it seemed like the pain fucking DOUBLED. I decided that was a super bad thing and that I should probably find an urgent care to figure out what the hell the problem is.
I hoped in the damn car and half way to the damn urgent care, I started to wonder if I was actually going to MAKE IT to the urgent care. This place wasnt 2 miles from where I was. I thought to myself…. ok… this is a SUPER bad thing.

I got to the urgent care and I couldnt fill out the check in sheet. I was hurting THAT much. I also could barely breathe. Its not that I couldnt really, its just that it hurt like a muthafucka to take anything other than short breathes.
I saw the doctor, I told him where I was hurting and everything that was going on. He asked me what meds Im on and if I abuse any drugs. Other than weed sir, no. He asked me if i use cocaine or crack. No, I dont. But I thought to myself… why did he ask seprately from the drug question? Next thing I know, Im getting an EKG. Im probably going to fuck up all these medical terms after this, so excuse me lol. So the nurse or whatever kind of other doctor this dude was, did the EKG, looked at it, did it again to double check something, turned his head a little… looked at me and asked. How old are you? 31 I answered. He nodded, told me he would be right back so he could show the doctor. I said “dogg, youre acting like youre seeing something bad” he responds “nah, I dont all the way know, Imma go ask the doctor.”  Then ANOTHER doctor comes in, ask me how old I am, and if I use coke or crack. Nah homie, I dont, whats going on with me? He hands me a plastic cup with two of the smallest pills you ever saw. “Whats this?” It was nitroglycerin. He told me to take them, then informed me they were calling the paramedics.

WHAT?!?!?! WHY?!?!!? He tells me that they believe Im possibly having a heart attack. WHAT IN THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?!? HOW?!?!?!?! WHY?!?!? WHAT IN THE FUCK?!?!! So now Im half way panicking. Foreals Player? Are you fucking shitting me?! I eat right, I exercise regularly! I dont do any heart attack drugs! NOTHING! HOW IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME RIGHT NOW! Im asking the doctor if he REALLY had to call the paramedics. He told me there was nothing else they could do for me. OK… this is SUPER bad. Worse than I thought it was. First thing I thought was “…Im about to have open heart surgery, SON OF A BITCH!!! …. I wonder will my insurance cover this?” Yes, this is what I really thought.
It was cold as fuck in this urgent care office, but some how I broke into a very heavy sweat. I was dripping wet out of no where, I had no no shirt, no under shirt, nothing, I was topless. Broke out into a full sweat, like I ran there instead of drove. I was really worried at this point. What in the hell is going on? What the hell did I do to make this happen? Did I eat something? Do I smoke too much weed? Did I smoke some bad with with coke on it or some kind of bad fertilizer or some shit?? What in the fuck dude?!

The paramedics finally get there… they worked on me or whatever. These mfs also asked me… do you use cocaine?? Dude… No, I dont. The paramedics decided they had to take me to the emergency room. They strapped me on the gurney or whatever, the whole urgent care office is watching me be wheeled out. I thought to myself… thats kinda strange? nothing else is going on in this mf?? Im struggling with this chest pain, but Im thanking everybody in the office that helped me when I got there. The paramedics put me in the back of the ambulance…..
a little back ground first… Ive actually rode in the back of an ambulance before. But, it was because my father had been shot in the back by some asshole gang banger who was trying to shoot at another nigga. Thats a super long story, but I was in the back of the ambulance holding my dads hand. We’re rollin all calm and everything, Im like 10 at the time, and Im wondering why the hell the sirens arent on?!?!?! I asked the paramedics and they told me that my dads life wasnt in danger. It put my mind at ease a little bit……

So back to present day. I get put in the back of the ambulance, they put on an oxygen mask on my face and start to pull off… the sirens come on. Really? So the first thing I think to myself is….. MY LIFE MUST BE IN FUCKING DANGER! FUCK! Im sitting there staring out the back of this ambulance, noticing this dude is SMASHING through these streets. Seeing people pull over. Saw a few assholes who were like, fuck pulling over. Bitches.
I was in so much pain, the ride felt like it took forever. Im sitting there getting another EKG and getting nitroglycerin sprays. Trying to stay calm, trying not to get nervous. Then I started to think, what if I die today? Is this how it was going to happen? My life didnt flash before my eyes or anything. Time did slow down though, and I had the following thoughts:

• I havent talked to my sister in years. Is this how we are going to start talking again? Its wack that I have to have a heart attack for that to happen. Maybe I was the one who was wrong lol.
• What is my best friend and business partner, Sylvia gonna do if I die?
• How much is this really about to cost though? lol no seriously… I wonder if anthem is gonna tax me for this?
• I never saw Venice.
• I havent talked to my ex-girlfriend (one of the closest people to me) in like 6 months. Im never going to know why she is mad at me and refuses to talk to me. I have an idea, but I dont know for sure. I might die and never know (Id really like to fucking know). Oh well, she doesnt give a fuck. If I die shes probably not going to give a fuck either.
• No seriously… how much is this shit going to cost me. I swear if these anthem muthafuckas charge me for this shit theres going to be some shit lol.
• Hold up, nobody knows Im here… wheres my phone??
• WHAT ABOUT NEW YEARS!!?!?! Im suppose to be having a pretty live new years eve!! What if I cant smoke?!?! What if I cant drink!?!?!?!? ……….. what if I cant have sex?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
• THIS IS SOME SOLID GOLD BULLSHIT!!!!!!!

By this time I got to this hospital, the wheeled me into the ER or whatever and Im still in a bunch of pain. It hasnt let up for one second since this morning. I get to some kind of emergency room, and i get ANOTHER EKG. Mind you, its the winter time and I have a some what hairy chest. I was tired of EKGs lol. Everything is kinda fuzzy after this up until the point a carologist walks in and a nurse is behind her with some forms. She started to talk and I had to stop her… “Sorry… but am I REALLY having a heart attack?! Im young! I work out! This cant be happening!” She ask me ….. “Do you do cocaine? Its ok if you do, we have to know”
“No… I dont… you do know its a hellava drug, right?!?” She responded, “Yes but we have to know if we give you a drug that will make it worse” lol. I felt better about being asked if I was a crack head so many times after that lol. However that didnt improve any of the pain in my chest what so ever!
The doctor then explained that time is muscle. Meaning that, if I was indeed having a heart attack, as the minutes tick by muscle in my heart dies. So the faster they got me into surgery, the better chances they had of saving my life. However… what those forms were for, is if I die. There was a chance that something could happen and I’d fucking die. This is basically what the doctor told me. Then had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to go through with the procedure. They were about to preform an angiogram on me. WACK!!!! but ok. I looked over the doctor and said… Ill sign whatever I have to, please save my life. Please make the pain stop.
Before they  took me into surgery, I called Sylvia, not only are we room mates but she is the nearest person whos number I know off the top of my head. Nobody knew I went to the urgent care, I just went like fuck this and it, this shit hurt. I didnt tell anybody at the office. I just jumped in the car and peeled off. Usually Sylvia, like most people, doesnt pick up the phone when there is a mystery or blocked number calling. Luckly she picked up. “Sylvia, its OJ. Please dont panic… Im at the hospital, they thing Im having a heart attack.” She said she was coming right away. They wheeled me off. As they did, I thanked the paramedics for getting me there so fast and doing all they could to help me out.

On the way to surgery, I was cussing. The pain was getting worse and worse. I kept saying “FUUUUUUUCK! FUCKING SHIT!” and “THIS FUCKING HURTS!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK” “MUTHAFUCKIN FUCKIN SHIT!!! FUCKIN  SHIT FUCK THIS FUCKING HURTS FUCK FUCK FUCK!” thats mainly what I remember. By the time I got to the operating table I had offended hella people in the hospital. They asked me to stop cussing and try to calm down, these request went IGNORED! I was hurting too bad. They were telling me I needed to stay still so they could poke me in the leg and start the operation. If you remember from early in the story, laying all the way down made this shit HURT way more. So staying still was a struggle until I blacked out. I guess they sedated me. But I woke up half way through the operation. I kinda thought I died, because I didnt have no more pain. But I was still clearly being operated on. I looked to my left and noticed on one of the monitors, I could see my heart beating. “uh, is that my heart??” … it was. There was some x-ray thing hovering over me and I could see all my insides. Then I noticed there was some wire inching its way up to my heart. I was trying not to move, but I noticed my heart to beat faster lol. I stayed still though. Tried not to freak out. Eventually just stopped looking at the monitors. I had to really check if I was still alive though, because it was cold. And as everybody knows… I believe that hell is cold as fuck lol

As they were finishing up, my chest started to hurt again! FUCK!!!! Im being wheeled out into ICU, I look up and see my dad. He’s all worried and everything. I told him I was fine. Lyin, because my shit was still hurting. They gave me a buncha different things for the pain. And posted me up in ICU for hours. Mean while… Sylvia, my mom, my dad, my sister, JD and RJ all came to visit me. I could tell a few people had been crying. My sister came in the room crying. We havent talked in years. But that day, we finally talked. Just me and her, to make a long story short. Were cool again and Im going to be an uncle :). Everybody was hella worried about me. I could see it in every ones face that came in the room. I felt super loved. But at the same time I felt like I was really fucking up every bodies day lol. Everybody stopped what they were doing to rush up to the hospital. Aside from Syl, everybody else was about an hour away from the hospital.
I dont know, maybe I have a problem with sympathy. But I some how felt bad about having everybody rush up there like that.  I dont know why.

I assured everybody that I was ok though. Not that I knew that I was, I just didnt want everybody to worry. I still had one more test to go through and my chest was still hurting, just no where near as bad as earlier. The angiogram said I had a healthy heart. All the blood test came back negative. I was that medical mystery for about 24 hours. I felt like I was on House (Road HOUSE! — you have to be a family guy fan to get that). While Im waiting for this one last test I have to get, my family is in the ICU with me. They werent suppose to be. But I guess they saw how unruly I was when I came in. So I guess they saw the same potential in my family, because they let 7 mfs in the ICU with me, and visiting hours was suspended for 2 hours for shift change.

So after I told everybody that I was going to be fine, the jokes started with my cousins JD and RJ… of course lol. These niggas started calling me Hank Gathers n shit. I was up there looking BAD lol. As you can see:

Here’s me… ICU Thuggin it up. I was still in pain in this picture. JD took this picture and said that I was giving the thumbs up that football players give when they get carted off the field. That shit was the gotdamn guts lol. I couldnt laugh all the way because my chest was still hurting. But of course I had to make a ridiculous face for the camera lol. However, as you can see, I was pretty folded. I had the oxygen thing, the blood pressure monitor, the EKG stayed on, an IV… and a couple other things Ive forgotten all about.

I got the next test, I forget the name of it. But a lotta hours after that it was determined that I was suffering pericarditis. SHITS PAINFUL B! So what happen was… I had a viral infection in my blood. There is a sack of skin your heart sits in and whatever viral infection I had attacked that sack of skin your heart sits in. It became inflamed, swole the fuck up. And thats where the insane amount of pain was coming from. It feels just like a heart attack. But its not. It just hurts like a muthafucka. The only thing that helped the pain for the 36 or so hours I spent in the hospital is some anti inflammatory medicine they gave me. Which help them diagnose my problem.

Sigh… So, yea… thats what happen. Im sorry I scared everybody like I did. I didnt mean to. I kinda feel like I should have taken better care of myself, but the doctor doesnt know how I got the infection. They said it could have came from any where. People get infections of the blood all the time. “its just one of those things” they told me.
So I have no answers really. And there is nothing I could have done. I guess I just had to go through this. I dont know why. Maybe so I would improve my relationship with my family. I dont know? I saw how many people really cared about me. I talked to alot of my family I hadnt spoke to or heard from in a while. My relationship with my sister is a lot better. Sitting in the hospital with different family members coming to see me, I think I saw the role I play in my family, and Im pretty much ready to accept it. Ive ran from it for a long time. I just didnt have the tools to be able to handle it. Im sure I can now though.

Also, a big shout out to all my friends and acquaintances who were concerned. Yall rock. I really felt the love that was sent my way. I honestly couldnt believe all the people that showed concerned. I didnt even think I really knew that many people lol. Some things you really never stop to think about, I suppose. Its been weeks and I still have people asking if Im alright. You guys are awesome!

This whole ordeal is officially over. Im healthy. I walked out of ICU. Thats the second time Ive managed to pull off mobbin straight out of ICU. Hopefully thats the last time lol. I recently got a check up, my heart is beating like its suppose to. No more pain and the spot they poked me for the angiogram is healing. So now I can get back to working out! Now for my next trick… I have to get back into work out mode lol. Because I SWEAR I’ll be working out for the rest of my damn life! If thats what a fucking heart attack feels like, I DONT WANT NO PIECES OF THAT SHIT!!! That shit is fucking PAINFUL. SUPER PAINFUL. Now I know how people feel when they collapse from a heart attack. That shit is fucking CRUCIAL! Actually, it probably hurts way more than what I went through. Fuck! I’d say I cant imagine. But I dont have to, all I have to do is remember! That shit HAPPEN lol. Fuck that… Im never going through that shit. Would I wish it on my worse enemy? Of course I would. Dont be silly. Im pretty ruthless when it comes to things like that.

Shit like this though, is why youll never see me type out FML (Fuck My Life)… Ive almost died and been in enough life or death situations where you walk away thanking God youre still here. Which is exactly how I was feeling walking out of that hospital.

I am very happy to still be here :-D!