Uhmah Park

… well… its May again. so its a nigga birthday month. all things great that happen in may lead up to a final climatic moment where every one comes together and celerbrate the day i was born on. usually they do it on memorial day and just dont know about it lol.

but anyway… i remember one of the reasons i started this blogger, was that it was to server as an OJ updater, for the people i know who ask me ( please see title ). i could just link them to to my blogger and wouldnt have to explain. because really if you ask me… anybody on my buddy list can attest to this… the only answer you will get from me is “Shit…”. lol what can i say… im not big on letting people know whats going on with me when they ask for whatever reason lol. i cant help it. ive always been bad with that. i could have had the most adventurious ass day, and the only thing you will get from me when you hit me up is “Shit… nigga was running the streets today, you know” i honestly dont know what my problem is. maybe one day ill figure it out.

Anyway… back to this thing. so yea… its suppose to serve as a OJ newsletter of sorts, but it really hasnt been that at all. turns out im a pretty private person lol. and im really not into letting people know whats going on in my life unless i tell them personally. so i can keep track of who knows what, and if you know something about me that i didnt tell you, i usually can guess who the fuck told you. lol thats real shit. ive always been real private tho. i dont like to share my feelings, i dont like to give updates on my life, i dont like for people to “read me”, i dont like for people to know what im thinking. i have a few surface level reasons why this is. but whatever is lying under that… i couldnt tell you what those reasons are.

But lets see…. Whats up with me? i dont know where to begin…

oh ok… i decided to cut back on my smoking (which means i might have to step up my drinking! lol) because im starting to build up a lil bit of a tolerance. and i figure, ehh i dont need to smoke so much. ill just go back to smoking on the weekends, and maybe ill skip a weekend or two. no big deal, i do it all the time, i usually just dont annouce the shit lol. so yea… im cutting back, because ive built up tolerance and i have to smoke more to be as blowed as i usually get when i smoke. i figure, thats a fucking waste of good weed lol. and alot of times i just smoke to smoke. no real purpose. so fuck it. imma cut back. lets see… the last time i smoked was monday april the 25th, and i wasnt really all that blowed. so then i decided to take a break… no i just smoked just yesterday on may the 7th. and oh boy i was blowed. so the cutting back is working. dont know when the next time ill smoke.

ummm what else?

im going to attempt to organize my music, all 60+ gigs worth. i put that shit in itunes and i got all kinds of different artist and genres n shit… its out of control. i aspire to get a 60 gig ipod photo ( although a 40 gig will do just fine… i did mention my birthday was coming up right? lol ). and i cant have my music all fucked up. i figure it will take a nigga a lil over a month of slowly pecking at it.. deleting shit, moving shit to get it all right… but we will see. i think mainly what im trying to organize is the albums and albums and albums of shit i have, along with a couple of collections i have, like the Waxxon collection and what not.
but man, i used to not want an ipod, i had no real use for one. because i have a mp3 disc player in my car. and i dont take public transportation, i dont fly alot, i work at home. id listen to it in the car, but i wasnt really gonna have all them wires all over my shit, and have to switch songs from the ipod, that shit just wasnt practical enough for me. that was until alpine and pioneer ( just recently ) came out with a nifty lil cable that you hook up to your car deck, to your ipod that will not only charge your ipod when you plug it up to it, but your car deck will read your ipod as a cd changer… a big ass cd changer!!! woooooo! thats what it is!!! it seperates your shit just like a ipod… genre, artist, album, playlist. you can suffle the shit and all that. it cracks! so now… i see a reason to have an ipod, especially since that bitch comes in color now, AND im trying to get my work out on, so i can take that bitch from the car to the gym right back to the car!! no more buring mp3 disc for the car, although it was better than trying to fit 15 songs on a cdr. i can get like 8 or so albums on one data disc now. but fuck that, if i could have a buncha music on one ipod. thats whasup! so yea… im trying to fix my music so i dont have 8 different Notorious B.I.G listings under artist lol. people who use itunes know what im talkin about. i gotta fix my albums so they list the songs in order too. i cant stand playing songs out of order on a album.

alright enough about that… what else is new?

i just got back from DC/Virgina. i had a real good time. i got to kick it with Hassan and Leon them two niggas are halarious! i got to see my aunt that i havent seen since i was like 13 n shit. she taught me how to ride a motorcycle! i been wanting to learn how to ride for a min now. i have a project going on that is gonna require that i know a lil bit about bikes, so this really cracked. but man, i know how i am on a bicycle. and i know how i am in a car… i can only imagine me on a motorcyle lol. shits gonna be GREAT!!! providing i dont hit shit or fall lol. anyway… back to my trip. lucky for me it wasnt all that cold. because i would have probably fucking died. Resha was my offical DC/Virgina tour guide and i kicked it with her the whole time i was there. she showed a nigga a great time. i dont think ive thanked her enough for everything. but then again… honestly i suck at thank you’s. i cant remember how many ungreatful muthafuckas ive been over the years lol. but really that dont be the case. maybe i just be too wraped up in my good time or the kind guesture or some shit, i dont know. i remember one xmas ( when i used to celerbrate that bullshit ) me and my sister got our toys taken away from us…. THAT MORNING because we never said thank you to our parents about some shit… not for the presents but something else they had did for us. and thats when i found out there was no santa claus lol. i was like 6 or 7 or some shit lol. thats a whole different story tho. Anyway lol. Resha showed me a great time, and i thank her for everything. Shes great…. when she wanna be lol. But my assment of the DC/Virgina area? nigga its GREEN than a muthafucka. i dont know if i was sick from all the damn pinkos that was on my fucking plane or if my body was on some war of the world shit, but i couldnt breathe when i was out there. and i dont have allergies! it could have been too much fresh air and not enough smog lol. i dont know. i think i was just sick tho. because i coudnt breathe when i got home either lol. but umm if you go to DC, go with a purpose. dont go just to go lol. if i didnt have a real reason for being out there… i would have been mad lol. but like i said… it was great, i had a great ass time.

lets see… i saw spanglish on the way home on the plane… good movie, worth a watch. once.

i saw whoopie on broadway the other day… gutty shit. it wasnt a regular stand up. but it was funny as fuck.

like i said tho… its May, and this is a niggas birthday month, but its gotten off to a fucked up ass start. for more reasons that ill actually name. lol a nigga is private like that.

1 reason tho, i was hit with a diesel truck of reality, with two trailers of truth. and i dont know how to handle that shit. i got to see first hand how i am in other peoples eyes. and i didnt like what i saw. and that fucked me up so bad, to where ive been calling people that i can think of that ive been like this to, and ive been aplogizing. basiclly… i can be real unpleasant to be around sometimes. when i dont have to be. like a nigga will be annoyed at lil shit, or constantly irritated, or just in a bad mood. and its not that i dont have a reason to be in a bad mood. and its not that i take it out on other people ( although i used to, and will do unintentially sometimes, but i always atone for that when i realize it ). but you know… it kinda makes other people feel kinda fucked up, or brings the mood down. you know? while my argument is… well look, im not mad at you, but im mad… yes. but im not pissed at you or taking it out on you… whats the fucking problem? to me… really there is none. but now… i see that there is… i see what it is… and i see what people have been trying to tell me. actually, only two people i can think of off hand right now… Sylvia and John ( maybe ). i know how i am… i mentioned it… i dont say whats on my mind. and i wont say why im mad. so alot of times i make people feel like its them. and that aint right, … mainly because its not them lol. but i realize that if they dont know, they are going to feel responsible. because they care. so i guess, if they care enough to feel responsible, i should suck it up… and open my mouth and at least explain why im pissed. i dont have this whole thing figured out, but i do know that ive been unpleasent to be around for a long time. and i wonder how i have any gotdamn friends right now. but im thankful that i do, and im thankful for the people that put up with me, and im really sorry to anybody that ive made feel like they was a problem or anything along those lines. shit sucks…

speaking of shit sucking tho… lol. sigh… on fucking thrusday, my gotdamn transmission went out on my car. fucking shit! this means alot of things. mainly that any birthday celerbration i had planned for myself, is going to be considerably downscaled because i have a foreign car ( 90 infiniti Q45… with a boomin system! lol but now the muthafucka wont move). so its gonna run me over 1k to fix im sure. for a min i was considering saying fuck it and just get a new car. actually i still dont know. i cant afford a new car or some payments right now. im pretty used to not having any payments at all lol. its hard to go back once them shits is gone! gotdamn. not only am i car-less. but i am faced with a few issues. one being… how imma go see my mamma tomorrow for mothers day? im looking at her gift right here, and i cant get it to her. this is going to suck. another thing is… im the kind of person that needs to have options in every single situation im in lol. i work from home… so i rarely have to leave the house… shit some times i dont like to. but i have a car and i can leave and just bounce anytime i want. im pretty spontaious like that… so options is a good thing. i have no options now… and im DESPERATLY trying to hold on to my sanity. but im worried lol. last time i was in this situation. i didnt hold on to my sanity so well. like… i really went crazy. i couldnt go no where, i couldnt do shit. i was stuck at the house on COUNTLESS weekends.. gotdamn. this was when i was living down the street from where im at now. and i didnt have NO friends out here, i didnt know shit about out here. i couldnt go play basketball… i couldnt go hang out… i couldnt do shit. i was standed! my family and close friends all live 70 miles away from me. it was hell. and i am faced with that same hell once again. i have a few friends out here, but i dont kick it with them all the time. sigh… i have no release. i dont know what imma do. this shit is really bothering a nigga. ill figure out something tho. i dont think i can stand to loose it again lol. im trying not to sit around and feel sorry for myself. but damimt its hard! i hate this shit!

umm… i have a pile of work im super behind on.

ive been glued to the tv watching the playoffs and sportscenter. im mad houston lost. i wont talk about my lakers to anybody that aint a laker fan. and anybody who got something foul to say can kiss my black ass after a watery shit! bitches!

anyway… i hear birds cherping out this bitch… May isnt starting off great at all. but hopefully it will get better. im optimistic. or at least im trying to be. i refuse to be negative and unpleasent like appearently i have been for so long. its a new day! lol.

or it will be to me after i wake back up in like 7 hours lol. although technically its mothers day! So happy mothers day to all the Mommys who happen to be reading this. id name some of the ones i know. but i cant handle a senstive ass girl right now talkin about you forgot me or some shit. lol lol id fuck around and brutilize somebodies feelings on their special day n shit lol.

see how long this shit was?

this is why i never say whats really up. it always turns into a long bullshit lol. a nigga like me is busy, i dont have time for all that. shit… i really didnt have time to type this shit out as it is lol.


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