Dear Summer,

You know Im going to miss you.

I love the summer time and everything that comes with it.

I love everything right now. Currently im driving down the 134 freeway, east bound, rolling through Glendale. The moon is full and hovering over the city scape. The moon isnt all that “high” in the air, its about 8pm. The moon is a dull yellow, big and absolutely gorgeous. The moon is one of my favorite things to look at, its something like hypnotic. When i look at the moon, im almost at a lost for words. My thoughts are overwhelmed with the fact that there are countless other people looking at the moon, right now, just as i am. People i will never know and never meet. This is the closest physical connection.
I think about all of the people that ive personally known and forgotten; miss or gladd to see gone; hated and or loved. I wonder if theyre looking at the moon at the same time im looking at the moon? Then i take in the fact that its only physical connection ill ever have with these people unless our paths happen to cross again.

I am happy right now

Although ive worked an 8 hour shift that didnt feature a lunch. Mainly because i wasnt all the way starving because i have been snacking on various snacks provided by a company im freelancing for these days. Ive eaten all kinds of bananas, granola bars, oatmeal, mixed nuts, somebody brought pie; by the time i looked up, it was 3:30pm. Who goes to lunch at 3:30? Lol. I could have, bit i was in the middle of something.
I absolutely love what i do for a living. Im a web developer. I build websites and do web stuff all day long. And i get paid for it; which is awesome because, i can assure you, if i wasnt at somebodies office doing this from 9 to t, id be at home doing the same damn thing in my draws, for free or in my spare time.

Its a nice warm…. fall night. Summer has passed me by. But this is Los Angles, the valley. Its warm as fuck lol. So im doing 75 on the freeway (now the 210, in upland) with the windows down, Jay-Z on the ipod. Back in Glendale, (because now im in upland) when i got a good look at the moon over the city, Jay-Zs Dear Summer came on and put a bow on the deep down good feelings im going through right now.

Im in a good mood!

One of my favorite MC’s. One of my favorite songs. The song and the sample.

I have on one of my favorite colors (red) and i still smell good from earlier (sean paul gaultier 2 – i spelled that wrong lol.). Im typing this whole entry on my phone, which i love and waited for for-fucking-ever (droid 4 — fucking verizon). I love LTE. I love where technology is these days to where I can do stuff like this while on the freeway. Im still blowed from smoking earlier; although typing this whole thing out with 2 thumbs instead of 10 fingers is proving to take longer than id like lol.

Im super happy to just be happy right now. What do i mean by that? Well, right now i have a happyness that i can feel. There are things going on in my life that would be fucking my day up if this was 2010. There would be no way i could feel as good as i do right now, back then. Even though ive had to sit through some super punk ass shit for the last week or so. More than once, more than twice. If this were 2010, id be way too pissed off and mad as hell until i addressed these punk ass people and this punk ass shit. And even after that. But im not mad. Well i am, but im not. Its not taking over my day or my thoughts. Thats what im used to. Im used to being hella mad right now. Im used to knowing all these good things were going on in my life but not being able to feel them because id be so damn mad. Or because everything wasnt exactly perfect in my life. Id only feel something like this happy if i were having a lot of fun with a lot of people, totally distracted from every last thing in my life. But that feels totally different than this. Im not happy like im having a good time.
Im just happy and appreciative. You may be reading this and thinking that im putting a lot on my feelings right now. But this feeling is new to me.
Ive seen people say they felt like this. People who cared about me wish, hope and pray that i could feel like this. And me wondering what the hell it felt like to feel like this.
Ive been jealous of people who could sit around and be happy and feel it no matter what was going on in their life for so so so long. And ive worked plenty hard to be able to have these feelings. I battled a lot of personal demons, faced a lot of pain and had to make some really hard changes.

But the way im feeling right now has made all that hard work worth it. Im not happy where im doing cartwheels down the street and pissing everybody off because im too gotdamn happy. I just am. I have a happyness that nobody else is giving me except me. My happyness has nothing to do with not a single soul on this planet.

For the past 6 or so months, ive been able to feel this way. This is the first time in my entire 33 years ive been able to feel this way. In these past few months; for the first time ever. Despite all of the solid gold bullshit ive been dealing with over these same past months; im happier than ive ever been ever. Not at this moment, just in general. The moment where the moon was right, the night was right and sound track was right, just reminded me of how im feeling overall. Its awesome. I love it.

Thats what i mean by, im super happy to be happy.

I thought id never be able to feel this way.

Im not walking around grinning from ear to ear or anything like that. But if you asked me “OJ are you happy?” My answer is yes. Before it wouldve been: eehh, everything is alright i guess, i wouldve never said yes and left it there.

ūüôā


Q: Dear OJ,
What do I do if I get to the restroom and all the stalls are taken?

This is a great question. Here is the very first thing that you should do and be your frist priority: DONT SHIT ON YOUR SELF!! Wait for an available stall. Do a dance, walk in circles, do what ever you have to do to not shit on your self.

If you’re a forward progressive thinking person, by now, you’ve probably already reached the conclusion that; if all the stalls are full, when its time for me to shit, the toilet seat will be warm with ass heat ¬†that is not my own.
This is true. And fucking GROSS, SON!!!!!
At least its gross as fuck to me. When I was little, my mom used to tell me horror stories that would reflect the need to put down toilet paper or something on the seat so I dont catch crabs or some random disease that randoms may or may not be carrying around lol. So Im super paranoid when it comes to other peoples asses and how they may or may not maintain said ass.

So, here is my advice to you if you happen to have to immediately occupy a stall that was just occupied by some asshole who made you hold your shit for longer than you really wanted to.

You have 3 options.

1, you could put it out your mind and have a seat on an unusually¬†warm toilet seat. Repeating to yourself “its better than shitting on myself” over and over again until you finish.

2. You could get as many toilet seat covers as your heart desires, in concert with some toilet paper and cover the toilet seat with it. Not that you dont already cover the seat with a seat cover; what im saying is, you should cover it with enough seat covers and toilet paper till the point where you think you wont feel any foreign ass heat transfer from the toilet seat to your ass and back of your thighs. Its the same thing as putting a bunch of toilet paper and seat covers on an ice cold toilet seat. Except for a toilet seat will never be cold from somebody taking a shit on it before you got there lol. What to do with all the extra TP? Who cares? flush it, leave it, throw it on the ground. Thats not my problem lol.

3. Squat. Hover over the toilet and drop it like its hot. However, if you’re hovering too far above the toilet, you might splash your self with shitty water. Thats what you dont want. There are several ways you could go about squatting; you could hold on to the walls or something; if you have the strength, just go down as far as you can so you dont slash your self lol; OR… you could semi squat then lower yourself as you feel a log exiting your ass (gotdamn that was kind of graphic lmao); OR you could sit on your hands then stand up to wipe your ass lol.

All these options are better than shitting on yourself. And if worse comes to absolute worse, go in the bathroom of the¬†opposite¬†sex. Fuck it. Most people would rather you not shit on yourself and will help you NOT shit on yourself. That is, if you can bring yourself to explain that you have to shit to a stranger in the opposite sex bathroom lol. If youre having a hard time exploring this amount of desperation, say this to your self “Fuck it!! The same associated with this is better than the same of shitting on myself.” LOL. Barg in, look down and go for it lol

Speaking of which,¬†coincidentally, this is similar to the advice I’d give if you were taking a shit in the middle of antartica.. or new york, north dakota, canada or the east coast or some where else its cold as fuck at any point for no gotdamn reason. Ive been forced to have to take shits in some pretty cold climates over my life time. It fucking sucks lol. But it doesnt suck more than a warm toilet seat from somebody having had taken a shit there right before you did. As it certainly doesnt suck as much as shitting on your self.

 

Your Welcome.


Im a tall guy; im six feet, six inches tall. So its not a problem for me to look over a bath room stall wall. At a glance, I wouldnt see anybody taking a shit, typing out a blog entry, waiting for this friday to be over already. But i can at least see the adjacent wall lol. However, I am tall enough to catch a mf writing a blog entry on the toilet while taking a shit, if I did happen to put effort into looking all the way over the stall wall. Lolol. Anyway..

The other day, i walk in the bathroom and notice the big stall (the handicapped stall) is occupied; fuck! So i have to use the regular stall, next to the handicapped joint. Fine. I step in the stall and turn around to close the door and i notice there are a pair of shirts hanging on a random hook on the wall.
Word? Wait? Wait? What? Why? But? Lol what the fuck is going on here?? Lol.

Since i wasnt going to be busted making sure that i was really seeing what the hell i thought i was seeing. I double checked to make sure i was seeing what i thought i was seeing. And sure enough. The man that was taking a shit next to me, took off his muthafuckin shorts to take a shit. A moderately noisy shit at that.

It kind of fucked me up lol. I was sitting in the next stall, taking a shit, trying to think of every possible reason that any one would take off their shorts to take a shit lol. I was really puzzled by this lol. It aint like i could ask lol. But fuck, i sure did want to lol. I really really did lol. I just had to know lol.

The only possible reason i could come up with, is that this man didnt want his raggedy cargo shorts to grace the bathroom floor……… which, upon further thought, is a pretty legit case lol. This bathroom fucking stinks. I can only imagine whats going on with the floor lol.
But still. Is this man 4 years old? Lol even when i take shits at a gas station i dont come all the way out of whatever bottoms i have on lol.

Next thing i wanted to know is, why is that hook on the bathroom wall? Huh? Foreal? Why? I just dont get it. Im wondering if the guy who hung his shorts up on said random hook, put the hook there. Its one of those plastic wall hooks that you stick to a wall lol.

I cant front though.. i am so puzzled by the shit, that i damn near took my shorts off and hung them on the wall today, just to possibly understand. But i couldnt bring myself to do it lol oh well. I guess ill never understand lol

So heres my advice on taking off your pants, to take a shit in public: dont. Unless you have a stellar reason. And if you do, id love to hear it lol. But still dont lol. Unless youre still potty training. Hell, even then lol


ITS THE RIDDLEEAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

I know a lot of people dont remember or forgot about this track. Its one of my favorite Wu / Method Man tracks of all time. I dont know why its not on my ipod, but that really doesnt have much to do with much right now. But I aint happy about it. Anyway.. Batman Forever was one of my favorite Batmans as well, the first round of Batmans, that is.

I always thought Method Man tore this beat down. Method man being a lot of people favorite Wu-Tang Clan member is well deserved. The only Method Man fans I dont take seriously are those fans who cant point out Masta Killa on a track. Those arent real Wu-Tang fans lol

And for those that dont remember the video for this, click here