On GP (General Purposes)

No Swine Please

For those of you reading this who dont eat pork ( or beef ) like myself. Have you ever gone to an eating establishment, and saw something tasty on the menu with one exception… There is either bacon, ham or some other various form of swine on said tasty menu item.

I know plenty of people who have been thrown into this situation… and its not the most inconvenient situation ever, because you can ALWAYS ask for your tasty menu item "with no bacon please". Simple request. Although it might SEEM like a simple request, unfortunately, for as simple of a request that might be… too often the employees of eating establishments where ever you go are just as fucking simple… but ill talk about that later.
So, like i was saying… No Bacon Please! Alright… so usually items that come with bacon cost a little bit extra, no? Of course they do. But, I wish to enjoy my menu item of choice, devoid of all swine. Therefore I feel should be paying less for my tasty menu item!!! But no matter where you go… they will take off the bacon, but the price will NEVER be adjusted for you. You have to pay the same with bacon twice.
I think its unfair for those of us who want to eat healthy. With out all that fifthly ass, vile, disgusting swine on which ever tasty menu item we wish to enjoy at the moment. You know what the killer part is though? You can ADD bacon like a muhfucka! And they are super quick to charge you for the shit. And extra 50 cents to a dollar or so, depending on where you go. I only know because Ive been in the company of pork eaters or saw people order bacon.

But then, lets think about that for a second… you would think, ok… so i dont want bacon. Hey Mr / Miss food worker of america. Since you can ADD bacon prices, How about you do a little bit of tinkering for me, the customer… who is always right, and deserves the highest level of your help and respect. How about you SUBTRACT the cost of bacon from my tasty menu item? Hm?
Yea right! Ask one of the food workers of america that shit (who isnt some defunct MIT grad. or some shit who cant find a job) and be amazed as they go from borderline competent to suspended in stupidity in SECONDS! There will be lots of ummm’s and uhhhh’s! You might get a "Huh?" accompanied by a dumb ass look to boot. And if youre lucky you will get a visit from the manager, but 7 times out of 10, you will get to watch this person scamper off, in search of some kind of advanced level assistance.
Depending on where youre at, somebody might fuck around and get offended that you even asked them to do something out of there scope of competency and they will spit in your food because of it… or just as bad… put some fucking swine on your would be tasty menu item.

Speaking of ending up with swine on your tasty menu item. One of the things that drives me crazy, is for me to ASK for no bacon, and INSIST that i absolutely MUST not have bacon on my tasty menu item. But the retard behind the counter some where, cant follow simple ass instructions… and not put bacon my shit. Youd think they would be happy not to any extra work. But no. I cant count how many times I have had to drive back up to which ever food establishment of america, and make them make my WHOLE meal over. Or just ask for my money back all together… Its the hardest thing for me to go back up there clam because the shit is nasty to me. Not only do i have to go back up there and WAIT for them to fix my fuckin food again possibly, but i have to CHECK it over for swine ( and spit… bitches ). Most of the time ill sit up and watch them make my food over again if im at a fast food joint.
And NO… i cant just take the shit off. Why? Because i run the risk of bacon juice being all in my food. That shit is fuckin nasty. I dont eat pork, and i havent for years. If i was to take that dive in to a swine hell, id get physically sick. Throw up, fart, the shits. All that good shit. Actually, wouldnt none of it be good. It would be bad… all bad for me, and everybody else around… or downwind lol. Hell, even upwind. Its terrible. So no swine for me please. Shits gross. But its a damn shame that asking the food workers of america to adjust the price, because it would be asking too damn much.

8 replies on “No Swine Please”


I went to this conference a couple weekends ago and they served lasagna. It was DELICIOUS. Then about an hour after everyone eats, this man gets on stage and was like “Um, I hate to tell you all this, but the lasagna you were served is pork lasagna”.


you ever see that Beggin Strips doggy commercial? the fuckin dog is like BACON!!! BACON BACON BACON!!!!

damn that does sound good right about now with some scrambled eggs.

lol j/k. your site finally wants to act right on my shit! yay!




I like the site update. What’s wrong with the delicious swine? Enough is enough. While black people, native americans and jews have had it bad poke’ has been surviving through over three thousand years of persecution! Every day.. they struggle for equal rights. Does the beef stand up? No, they think it’s not their business! Does chicken stand up? Of course not! They’re chicken! But when one meat is inequal inequality is abound in all meats!

Chicken… the less flavorful meat now has bird flu. Those nasty ass birds are filthy mcnasty when it comes to how they live. They eat dirt and stuff and don’t care because feed is on the ground. They need to stick up for their other white meat bretheren. People say that pigs are dumb and nasty but I don’t remember Charlotte spelling out “Some Chicken” in her web. And that goes double for Turkeys which although low in fat are dumber than rocks and are about as tasty.

Beef, don’t get me started with beef. They don’t want me to get started with beef! Lets just say.. that now… with all the crap they are feeding cows.. nowadays they often eat the diseased other cows and sometimes chickens. Disgusting! Plus driven north to Oakland and seen the cows out there? They stank all to be damned! Pig farms smell like flowers and honey! Flowers and HONEY!

So my point… all you need is pork and veggies. I would get into fish.. but they are not land dwelling meat and uh, that would take me too long. We need equality amongst the meats. We as people can’t be free, with meat in-equal-itee. Down with dope… up with poke’. Keep poke’ alive. Thank you.

-The Rev. Minister Bishop H Ceeswell PhD. Esq. LLD. TLC.

i’m vegetarian.

if they don’t have anything suitable for me at a certain restaurant, i just take my business somewhere else.

but i guess that would be too easy…

Nigga…that shit changed the whole way I dine at fast food restaurants. Jack In the Crack is a prime example…you know we used to damn near live off of that shit…(that and a good ol’ pot of Hurt U Beans…LOL) back in the late ‘90’s. My deal was the # 14 minus the swine. I’m not into dining in but I refuse to sit in a long ass drive thru line to have the restaurant patron phuck up my order. I’ve had them try it all on me…Just take the ham off…NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!…Try to blame that shit on me…”Sir you said nothing about on swine…” Lying asses. I make sure I’m standing right in front of the person ringing me up and damn near shout my request of no swine…Then double remind the cashier to confirm that my tasty ass Sourdough Breakfast Jacq is swine free. Lazy phucks…And hell yeah your right they need to deduct that shit…Ham is heavy as fuck, I should get at least 75¢ back BASTARDS!!!!( you got me heated thinking about that shit….Arrrrgh!)

pork is bad…always has been; always will be. however, whites back in slavetimes would offer up cornmeal, molasses and every now and then a little pork. we weren’t supposed to be eating it then and we’re not supposed to be eating it now; yet, it seems like you’ve offended someone when you tell ’em you don’t eat pork. you can not eat any other meat, but when you say you don’t partake of swine, it’s as if all hell breaks loose.

Carmen – i would have choked some gotdamn body that day lol. actually i would have probably been way too sick before i got the chance.

Hassan – Youre the guts, and i aint never eating over your house

John – LOL! i wish i could quit jack in the crack lol.

Resha – Spell check baby… what you know about that?

J. – High five!

Ant$ – ….. dogg… the point is… i WANT to eat which ever is on the menu, minus the pork. it would be too easy for the fucking workers to follow simple ass instructions. thats what the fuck would be too easy. but since youre a vegan, i imagine the places you want to eat are SUPER limited.

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