Uhmah Park

Earlier today, I was on the phone with Resha, and she was telling me how she was looking at some poor seeing eye dog. He was stuck in the rain, looking depressed as fuck that his owner had him in the rain. Stuck, wet and miserable looking.

And that got me to thinking…

What if the dog was really depressed and was like fuck it. Im just about to walk out in the middle of the street and get hit by this bus. I don’t feel like living no more. I hate being a seeing eye dog. So the dog see’s a big ass bus coming and steps out into the middle of the street. Taking his owner with him because well, the owner is blind and trust the dog to do the right thing. Here goes the owner, like “hey… Rex, are we in the street… I feel like I hear a bus?”. Because Rex dont feel like living no more, thats why. Sorry… he’s taking you with him.

Or what if… If you was going sky diving, and you was hooked to a sky diving specialist. But little did you know, he just caught his wife of 20 years and his best friend of even longer than that in the bed fucking earlier this morning. And they didnt really stop, they was just like… “you know what? we was gonna tell you…”. Fast Forward to right now, and here you are, strapped to this man. Thinking you’re on some thrill seeker shit. You and this guy jump out this plane with the rest of your thrill seekers. One by one your fellow thrill seekers and their respective sky diving specialist that they are strapped to pull their respective parachutes. However, you’re still free falling. You look up see every body pulling up. Then you look down to see this man staring back at you like… “psh, fuck pulling this cord. I don’t even wanna be here no more. I don’t give a fuck about what you going through”. Quick hands, luck and some intuition about where that life saving cord might be, may help you out. But remember, he’s a specialist. He probably already thought about that. Now you’re going with him.

Or what if… You’re a window washer on a sky scrapper some where. You’re a million floors up. You and your partner put the little window washer thing together and get to washing windows. A few floors down you start to notice your partner really ain’t giving too much of a fuck about washing these windows. He is just kinda going through the motions. You ask your partner “hey man, whats wrong with you?”. Thats when he decides to tell you that he got caught soliciting gay sex in an airport bathroom. His wife and family found out and now he can never look them in the face again. Just as you’re thinking to your self, “Gotdamn thats rough… and ugh? Not that I have a problem with that, but damn I never would have thought. Time out an airport bathroom dogg?”. Next thing you know, you feel a big jolt, hear a snap and a thud. You look over at this man to find him unlatching the last piece of whatever that is keeping you both in the sky because he did a shady job of putting his shit together in the first place. He turns around and looks at you like. Psh, oh well. “What do you mean oh well?!?!?!?!” He means, he may have not have thought this all the way through, but you’re going with him.

Or what if… Your best friend was a suicide bomber and you had the slightest damn clue. (Hey, it happen to the lil boy on 24. lol) One day, yall are shooting the shit. Yall go into a crowded starbucks, cracking jokes n shit. You thinking yall making plans for the weekend to go to the club, fuck with some bitches or some shit. Then this guy turns to you and says, “Hm, this looks good, I think I’ll be blowing this muthafucka up.” and you say, “HA? You over there fartin’ n shit?”
He looks back at you with a look like, I kinda have something to tell you, but fuck it. Then says, “… um no.”
Then he screams “ALLAH AKBAHHH!!!!”
And you say… “what do you mean Allah… huh??
Translation: my friend my friend, you’re coming with me my friend.

alright thats it for now.



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