Uhmah Park

” if ya ass wanna act / then you can leave ya ass where ya at ” — get low by lil john and eastside boys feat. the ying yang twins…

that line there is probably the most prolific lines in respects to male / female relationships… ever. lol i promise.

i started this post about to speak on the shit calvin and deah have recently posted on thier bloggers these past couple days… not what went on between the two of them, but thier whole war of the sexes Killa Rumbsfeild ( private joke ) kicked up……. but eehh fuck it. im irritated and the first muthfucka that say something ELSE stupid for me to read is gonna get a heap of esteem battering insults the world has never seen the likes of. cold bidness shit. ive been reading or hearing females say dumb shit all gotdamn day and woooo… im done for the month. i cant do no more ( who remembers that? )

today reminded me of 1999, when i could count on ONE hand, the number of females i could stand to talk to over 15 minutes….. that i WASNT trying to sleep with. the only way i had any kind of interest in any female was if i was trying to get some ass. but once that was over… my interest just wasnt there. i used to really think most females walkin this earth were retards. well, maybe just the ones i went to school with ( the only ones i really ever delt with on a regular basis ). the bulk of my interest were in older females who were smarter and more mature. it was rare i could find a female around my age that could keep my attention. it was bad. i really dont know how i got to that point… i have an idea or three, but im not sure about some of them. i havent really explored any of them too tuff…. i mean, fuck it… it aint like that no more lol. but i felt that way for a long time, till i was about 19. i dont know what changed, i dont know what happen… but all of a sudden there were females in my life that i could actually have a converstation with and not be bored out of my fuckin skull. it was kinda refreshing…. lol i cant think of anything postive to say after that… anyway.

Presently… i dont think like that anymore… because i have tons of female friends. Too many if you ask my girlfriend ( or any other girl that is/was interested in me ), and can actually to get her to be honest about it. i have several females in my life, most of substance and who happen to be great…. im trying to ditch a few that turned out to be full of shit. but yea, my relationship with the female gender group has greatly improved. Maybe its because as i got older, females in my age group found more interesting shit to talk about than what was on BET and MTV and other retarded shit i just couldnt force my self to be interested in. i stoped watching BET and MTV around 92, 93… so i dont know… i was off to bigger and better shit i suppose. i didnt know any females that were interested in sports or anything like that… so that was out. i dont know… i just didnt have anything in common with females back then, other than me trying to get some ass lol. oh well… shit has changed. i think my old way of thinking still effects my life some what. im having a hard time being a “couple” i dont know how to do that shit at all. my current girlfriend aint that most out going individual… but then again… secertly, neither am i. i only really go out in groups ( or on a dolo mission some where ). i dont know how to be out with a female if we arent doing something that i want to do. and even then, if we are a couple… for some reason, i dont feel like i can be my self. its werid. even if i am with a group of people and my girlfriend at the time… no matter how fun she is… or isnt, i always feel like she is killing my fun ( something i can not fucking STAND! ). i havent figured out how to fix this yet. maybe one day.

with the female issues i do have, it might seem like i have a hard time with female attention, obtaining or otherwise lol. naw… thats one problem i dont have. keeping my interest and attention… thats always been a problem though. i dont know what to do about it… or how ill end up. my guess is alone. but for way more reasons than all the shit ive just spewed.


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