Uhmah Park

i am convienced that i only see really funny shit in the company of one of my cousins.

and thats just it.

Rialto CA, last weekend –

last weekend i went to my parents house in Alta Loma for the weekend… got there… wasnt shit really going on except a buncha television viewing, so i was like fuck it… went to my cousin Reefer Bandermans newly aquired house ( went to jd’s house ). Really wasnt a damn thing goin on there either except some the late playoff game that was showing and just me and this guy shooting the shit.

About half time i noticed that i had left my cell phone charger at home…


so this nigga JD suggest that we go to walmart to get a car charger.

We get to walmart and see the following things:

some short guy… with a serious ass pot belly… and a shirt on that was obviously too small… discribed by JD as ” nigga… that man shirt size looks like it reads Extra Medium ” ( that shit is still fuckin funny i dont giva fuck lol )

some guy working there that needed a hand brake for his damn tounge because he had the longest lisp ever… that shit was bad…. dude said… ovvvvvvvvvvvver tttthhhhhhhhhhhhere

( this joke is strickely for southern califorinans ) i had been tellin some of the homies about this shit… and nobody really believed me… but now i have a witness… walmart has a comforter ( comforter = blanket for the dumb asses ) that is a big ass red bandana…. no… im not bullshiting at all… if i can find a king size one i swear ill buy one. its a big ass red rag… the whole bandana pattern and everything… i wish i could find a blue one… it would be on lol.

so we find a charger and go to the check out line… i look over about 5 or 6 check out lines… and i see a 6 foot ghetto queen… with bleach blonde hair and a BUNCHA make up on… i said to my self… ah hell naw… fuck that… i have to get a closer look… so i went and got in what appeared to be HER line…. sooooon as me and jd got in “her” line… dammit… why did this muhfucka look like that murray pulvich (sp) episode just WAITING to happen…. you know those one shows he be havin…. can you tell the sex of this person? man… i was in this line baffeled the whole time… but i was soon distracted by my cousin jd and his uncontrollable laughter… this “lady” looked like a killer ghetto clown… no joke. JD had to eventually get OUT of the line and go kick it by the door and just let the tears run down his face. as for me… i stood my ground… and tried not to stare… but as i got closer and closer, her hands got bigger… voice got deeper…. and she started to look real rugged… and i could only help but think she took somebody on jerry springer and hit them wit that extra hot plate of REVERSE information…. like… i know we been together for a min and all… but ummm… IMMA MAN!!! … yea… it look like who ever she told didnt take too kindly to that shit and “she” recieved an ass kicking shortly after providing that cruical peice of information to which ever dumb ass that she was with lol.

woo… so after that shit got old… i turn to my right… tryin to stop from staring lol… and what do i see? this girl, or lady. with the OLD OLD OLD salt and peppa hair style… salts shit… from when they FIRST hit the scene… the back of her head was shaved with a triangle design in that shit…. i couldnt believe it… i thought i was fuckin 8 all over again… and to make the murder complete… ol girl had on a white bomber jacket… you know that shit with tha fur along the hood?? i damn near lost it lol… only thing she was missin was big ass gold earrings and a fuckin brick phone. but she did think she was tha shit… it was too much for me… i had to just purchase my shit and leave walmart with my head to the ground. i didnt wanna risk seein shit else… i was done for the day.


the next morning… ( the night before i went to the chicken head club and got super drunk saw a ganga old friends and had many laughs ) flirting with a hang over and half damn sleep… once again… me and jd lol… went to the donut store around the corner… commin out of the donut store… jd looks over and says… oh wow… this guys sweats are young ( meaning his sweats were too little). i look to catch this fashion violation…. and no… his sweats wasnt too little ( this nigga jd had just woke up too plus he didnt have his glasses lol ) but this man had his sweats… tucked in his SOCKS!!! something TOO TUFF!! i mean not just tucked… but stuffed… just all the exsess material from the sweats was pulled and stuffed in his damn socks… his socks was all buldgy n shit lol… ah man…

anyway… after all this… im just happy i can drink and my stomach wont kick my in my black ass ( because a nigga does have an ulcer )… now i just hope i dont over do it lol.