Uhmah Park

I have been celerbrating my 25th birthday for about the last 10 days! and ive been having the time of my fuckin life! gotdamn!
i even have the pictures to prove some of it. not all of it. because ive been drunk as fuck and high as hell for most of the more memorable moments.

lets recount!

friday the 21st. ( the first day of gemini season! ) late that night, i went out to my parents house. me and my sister planned a lil get together for me and my dad. see… my dads birthday is on the 22nd and mine on the 27th ( may = 5th month / five. my brithday… is on the 27th of that month = five27.com — for the slow people lol ). but my dad aint big on celerbrating his birthday too tuff. and honestly i was starting to feel where he was coming from, until this past week lol. anyway… sometimes we have a birthday event together. this was one of them times. usually how it works is…. a few of his friends come thru. and a buncha mine. which is cool. my dad usually enjoys himself and i do too.
Anyway.. back to friday night. i get to my parents house. and gotdammit if i didnt get some horriffic ass news. i mean. gotdamn. at first i was pissed. then sad as fuck. to the point where my feelings were damn near hurt. ive only had my feelings hurt twice in my life. once by my dad. and once by my mom. but… ive been disapointed a buncha muthafuckin times. and the shit that started off my friday night fucked me all up. i dont even wanna talk about the shit. it still kinda makes me sad. but eh. ill live. shit happens. and its really out of my hands. aint shit i can do. so fuck it.
Anyway… me, making an attempt to get my mind off of it. i refused to sit up and drink all night, for two reasons. one… because i had planned on doing that the next day lol. two. because i refuse to drink or smoke to run away from my problems. i believe that is some chicken shit, shit. and it will only make shit worse… what if i get real drunk or somethin and show my ass. or get real high and start crying or some dumb shit lol. fuck that lol. i refuse to go out like that! i only drink and smoke in the name of a good time! and speaking of which… me and that nigga rj was desperate for a good time. my sister left to some old folks club with tracy (one of thier neighbors) my mom and dad where no where to be fuckin found. its just me in this big ass house by my self. talkin shit on my cell phone with rj. so… we decide… fuck it, lets hit up dave and busters at the ontario mills mall, fuck it! niggas is bored.
We get there… and to our surprise, its the most crackinest shit we’ve ever seen go down in the whole inland empire ever. there was even good lookin females there. something VERY RARE for the IE. well ok… youll see maybe 1 or 3 but nothing over 8. and there was well over 8 there that night. we couldnt fuckin believe it. So… im at the bar, eating somethin… i cant remember what. i finish and all i hear is a glass break on the other side of the bar. i get up like… that sound like a fight. and sho nuff it was! at first it was a pushing match. then i think somebody got took off on… then a few people steped inbetween the dudes fighting and it was broke up… almost… all of sudden lol the shorter of the two dudes reached thru like 4 mutahfuckas and STOLE on this big mutahfucka something COLD! ol boy was SO pissed… he was yelling out… fuck that cuzz!! that nigga sucker punched me cuzz!! fuck that!!! then in one swift motion… this big nigga moved about 5 people out his way real smooth and took off on that other niggas whole face with ruthless aggression. homie melted away under the bar and big homie jumped ALL on him and kept taggin his ass. lol. now i know for a fact that this bar has a big ass foot pole thing at the bottom of it. and by the way dude feel i KNOW he fucked his head up on that shit. i guess these two niggas didnt know that there were two police officers having dinner or some shit over there and they came and broke the shit up. we had a nice lil laugh tho. it was the guts.
After that. i was like fuck it… i should have me a good drank! i hit up the bartender for a kamakazi shot ( my favorite shit! ) and she gave me at least a tripple. i took that shit to the head like a champ and challenged rj to a game of pool! while we was playin… i saw the homie there that i aint seent in a while. dont ask me this niggas name, i can never remember it when i see him. i dont know why…. dude is hella cool. anyway…. while we was playin… i caught the two ghettoest tackest girls in there eyein us. im thinking to my self, “eeeh fuck this aint gonna turn out too good.” sigh… next thing i know the more tackey of the two. ( and clearly the one with less to lose ) came up to me and was like ” hi, my name is (something-hella-ethinc) and thats my cousin (something-even-more-ethnic) and she think you super cute. she shy and didnt want me to say nothin. but i thought i should just let you know anyway”
i look over and say “well hi (somethin-hella-ethnic) my name is OJ. is that your cousin over there?”
“yea….” she says.
“well great, im flattered. ill have to introduce my self after my shot” i told her. now for whatever reason i tend to talk hella dignified (or what i think is lol) when im drunk or otherwise unsober lol. so after my shot i walk over to ol girl and i say “hi, my name is OJ. whats yours?”
she says, “(something-even-more-ethnic)”
and i say “well its nice to meet you…………….” from there i was drunk and really was out of tact. so i just kinda turned around and kept on with my conversation and pool game and forgot they was standing there watching us a couple of times till they kinda joined in a couple of conversations or somebody would kinda include them in on some cosign shit. needless to say, i dont think they got the attention they thought they was about to get. so around the middle of the second game. they left. and we had a few lil laughs… like hell naw!
So that was basiclly the end of that night. i drove home kinda buzzed but i was cool.


Friday night i went to bed at like 4:30am. my cousin jd calls me at like 9:45 am like dogg… you still going to the computer show with me? and i said i was… so i pulled my self together… got up and this nigga came, scooped me up and we was on the 210 fwy west, headed for pomona. on the way there this nigga jd sparked up a blunt. and here i go… not even up for a hour… BLOWED as fuck. i get to the fuckin computer show. and i should have KNOWN there was gonna be a buncha shit for me to NOT openly laugh at there. gotdamn that shit was hard. me and jd was walkin around on that shit lol. crackin all kinda jokes, while peepin out the deals and steals there. i been thinkin about putting me together a new machine. imma have to fuck with it when the next show come around.
Anyway… this nigga gets what he needs to get. and we bounce. this nigga drops me off back at my parents house and i blacked out till about 3 pm. When my sister called me and woke me up… telling me we needed to go to costco and get some food for the bbq. i wake up… come down stairs and have a continuation and clairification of the fucked up ass news i got friday. which was even more fucked up and made shit worse. sigh. but fuck it. i refuse to let ANY female fuck with my heart like that. so i just had to turn my emotions off and keep with the festivities! im still disapointed tho lol.

so we are fastfowarding to saturday … eehh lets say late afternoon… sun was still up.
now… the kamakazi is my FAVORITE drink. and every time i drink them shits with somebody i have a lil ritual that i go thru…. you take your drink… you take that shit to the head… you slam it down on the counter and you let everybody know what number shot youre on. so lets say i take a shot to the head… i slam the glass down on the counter ( not hard of course ) and i yell out… ONE!
and you keep doing that till you get too drunk to keep count. or if youre like me… you know when to fuckin say when! Too bad for my peoples… they aint really never fucked with kamakazis before. so they had NO CLUE of what they was in for. and ill admit to settin they ass up. wouldnt be the first time i set some niggas up… one night i got my sister BAD lol. anyway… so i stood there and took the first 8 or so shots by my self… and i saw everybody kinda intriged so i poured them shots like HIT IT!
well… next thing i know my shot count is like 10 and everybody else is on like 3 and 4 n shit. but oj is on 10 and drunk as fuck lol. my mom is like… its only 7:30 yall should pace your selves! mamma knows best… so i sat my black ass down. after i sat there for a good 30 min ON ONE… my sister and my cousins was taking shots here and there… and was like… OJ. go play some music. so i got up and went to the computer to put together a mp3 list of shit to play. then all of a sudden… eric and rj come in the office like NIGGA WE ON 23!!!! YOU GOTTA CATCH UP!!! these niggas was FUCKED up lmao!!! i mean FUCKED UP lol. i have pictures!!!! CLICK HERE!!! complete with movies and everything!!! but i felt kinda bad… like gotdamn… these niggas passed me up!!!! my sister came in the room like im on 12!!! and she was fucked up too!!! then these niggas nominated me… because i was the most sober at the time… to drive to the store and get some more vodka and lime juice. im blowed… im buzzed a lil.. i can drive. so i did… in the car… these niggas started arguing about what number they was on lol. we went to the store and couldnt keep it together for shit lol. we was laughin and being loud as fuck all over the place. well not me. them niggas. im cooler than a fan when im drunk… i can control my liquor. these niggas was loud as fuck and all over the place lol it was the fuckin guts. we get back to the house… prophet and his wife tawanna (sp) is there. and so… they gotta catch up! i started making more kamakazis and prophet didnt wanna drink that much because he had to drive. but his wife got ALL fucked up. this nigga was over there plotting with me on getting her fucked up so he could have his way with her later lol. i guess she is more fun when she is drunk or something lol. or either he wanted to show her a good time. these niggas got THREE babies. so needless to say… they dont get out much lol. anyway… so we are drinking again… eric gets up to 26 shots… rj is on 25. im on 23… my sister is on 21 and tawanna is on like….. 9 or some shit lol. but hers dont count really because i was cheating making hers super strong and giving her doubles lol me and prophet was doing her dirty lol. so we are sitting around and thats when eric said claimed that my sister broke his watch and that he had plans for that watch. he said, he was gonna ice it up! lol he said the it was gonna have so many carrats in it that it was gonna look like fuckin coleslaw!!! please pardon my fuckin laugh… but i was drunk and couldnt help it. i dont even laugh like that normally lmao but that shit was fuckin halarious!!!! part two of that shit is just as funny. the nigga said it was gonna have more rocks than an aquarium! lol gotdammit lmao.
all of a sudden… this nigga rj disappear. i look around like… where is this nigga rj at? i get up and check the bathroom… hm… door closed. light is on? yo? rj… you alright dogg. this nigga didnt say shit. me and prophet was at the door and im like… nigga… he is giving it up!!!!! im bout to pick this lock!!! and right when i was about to crack that bitch… prophet stoped me like… nigga. what if he is taking a shit???
ugh!!! well… he wasnt sayin shit… so i took my chances… picked that lock and we opened the door… this nigga was LAID OUT, clutchin the toilet!!! lmao!!! i was fuckin rollin! i had to put my camera on video mode so that nigga would always remember this shit lol that nigga was talking that i dont throw up shit lol i had to throw that shit in his face lol. you can hear this nigga eric talkin about YOU LOST! YOU LOST!!! and my sister telling him to get his phone off the fuckin toilet lolmao oooh shit lol.
so eric is up there talkin hella shit… went over and got in this nigga rj face and everything! then… after all that shit talkin… he too started to give it up i couldnt believe that shit!!! and then this shit here is the most priceless picture ever! these niggas was BEYOND folded lol too fucked up to care they that was both given it up to the same toilet lol. not at the same time tho lol. but the same camode lol. i was fuckin rollin. i coudlnt take it.
After while… we draged rj ass out of the bathroom… because it looked like he was finish giving it up. so what do we do with this nigga? drag him to the middle of the floor and start contourting his body in to retarded ass positions lmao!!! tawanna was yellin out at us… put his body like the dead people on forensic files!!! lmao… people was posing n shit with this nigga… taking pictures lmao. that shit was funny as fuck. THEN tawanna grabbed some lipstick and hit this nigga face up!! he couldnt do shit about it! he was WAY too fucked up. she jumped back and looked at her handy work… on some… look yall… i brought out his eyes!!! woooooooooooo lol we was rollin… i have pictures of that shit too. but thats my nigga… i cant put him out there like that lol its bad enough im telling the story as it is lol. that nigga was cool about it tho. although tawanna ass is in for it lol rj is WAY MORE Mean than me lol. rj is FUCKED UP lol. good laughs tho.

thought this night was over? FUCK NO! i was hoping that it would be! but it wasnt! my parents neighbor calvin ( not the killa himself ) came over… mind you it was like 2:30 am…. like ay yall… lets go to the elks lodge! ( WHAT?!?! ) they have an after hours spot! we can go have a good time and get out n shit! ( WHAT?!?!?! ) and then here go prophet and tawanna… yea lets go! i wanna dance!! i dont never get to get out the house! come on yall. sigh… i dont know how the fuck them niggas got me and my sister out the house and in the car. but they did. sigh… we get all the way to the middle of fuckin san bernardino and we roll up to the elks lodge and wasnt nobody there… im like COOL! we can go back home! shit! WRONG… WRONG!!! shit would from “bad” to “GOTDAMN SHIT FUCK” calvin is like… i know of another spot we could go to. so we back track a lil bit and we pull up to this Black Biker Bar on highland and mt vernon. if youve seen biker boyz… this spot was the lowest step of that spot they had in biker boyz. they had pool. yea… they had music. yea… people was dancing… yea. but it looked like it was the fuckin BaseHeads Ball out that bitch. and these niggas had the muthafuckin AUDACITY to charge five bucks to get in. i couldnt believe that shit! like you have GOT to be shittin me!? we get in there… and oh boy. where do i begin? there was some nigga over in the corner who looked like he was dead. and honestly…. he could have been because i never saw that nigga move… not one fuckin time. and the music and everything else in that bitch was loud as fuck. then there was some girl in there who had on pants… a old bootleg fubu jersey a JACKET ( wind breaker ) and a visor that was upside down and backwards. and she was big as hell. but… she was shakin her ass like she was trying out for a video. not any video… like… a dance video with routines n shit lol. like a mya video or a beyonce video or some shit. and who was she dancing with? the residence base head! this nigga had every last characteristic of your sterotypical basehead. hair aint been combed in weeks. LINT in his fuckin hair… look like he didnt have teeth. he did… but you know how baseheads can some how make them selves look toothless? he had on the basehead uniform…. dirty tshirt and slacks… fucked up shoes. and he never really looked straight or opened his eyes all the way for more than 5 seconds. but! he was groovin! he would kick out his leg and point on some disco fever shit… he was shakin his head n shit… he knew all the words to all the songs lol. but what made the murder complete… he would just arbitrally STOP dancing…. get down on ONE KNEE… cuff his elbow with one hand… and plant both his elbow and his hand on the knee that wasnt on the floor… put his chin in his palm and appear to take a 3 to 9 second nap! i fuckin swear to GOD! i should take a picture of what the nigga was doing ( i wouldnt if i wasnt so lazy! ) the muthafucka would just stop and do that shit every so often! i couldnt fuckin believe it. then… he would just fuckin pop back up and get back to groovin like a muthafucka… i didnt… i couldnt… i was like… man fuck… i didnt know what the fuck to make of that shit. lol i laughed like a muthafucka tho lol. there was also another girl in there who looked like a dark skinned ass golum… with a OLD ASS 92 body suit on. but it wasnt quite there… it was like capri pants and it was sleeveless and it had some bootleg ass saved by the bell print. she also had on some kinda leather jacket over that shit. why? who knows lol she kept taking it on and off… and captn basehead managed to dance with her too lol. i REALLY wish i had a bigger memory card for my camera because i would have taped captin basehead singin along to the youngbloods – damn, track. DONT START NO SHIT IT WONT BE NO SHIT!!! he was serious!!!! i been telling muthafuckas you cant play songs like that in cali… we dont get crunk we get bout it lol niggas be serious lol niggas will fight over some shit like that. like nigga what? what you mean wont be no shit?!?!?! even tho they hear the song playin… it just dont work out here lol. as you can tell. because even the baseheads be ready to start some shit lol. nigga was walkin around serious about that shit lol. about 4 somethin… we left. i was happy as fuck lol. i was ready to lay it down. i was tired as fuck. i got home and passed out face down on my parents couch.

Sunday? i dont remember what the fuck happen on sunday. i drove back to LA and …………………… shit who knows?

that was that weekend… part 2 will detail thrusday (the actual day of my birthday) thru … eehh monday or sunday… one of em lol.


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