FTL Archives - Uhmah Park

THIS WILL ALWAYS BE FUNNY! FOREVER MORE!!!

I’d say this seems like something that would have happen to a Black person. But I dont think any logical Black person would waste some perfectly good watermelon like this LOL. I probably would though. I dont like watermelon at all.

What makes this so great is how her head snapped back! In real time it looks SOOOO VICIOUS!!!! LMAO! Good GOD MAN! To make the murder complete though, her team mate was like… You gotta finish! So what you cant feel your face bitch! Get your ass back up there and win this for the team!!!

This is the greatest tv incident in a long ass time lol.


Do I have to mention that the driver is missing a whole LOT of teeth? The driver has “Summer Teeth”. Some are here, some are there lol. Her mouth looks like a haunted graveyard There is nothing good in this whole video, except that its hilarious overall lol. This has to be one of the worse things Ive ever seen on the internet. Ever lol. You cant make shit like this up. At all.


I could go in on this guy all gotdamn day long….

But then I’d feel like I was just as dumb as he is, for spending all that time cracking jokes on this dude when I could be smoking and replaying this shit, laughing like a muthafucka.

But that truck didnt seem all that anxious to slow down for this idiot at all. It seems like the most the Ice Cream truck driver could manage to bring his self to do was take his foot off the gas and honk. THEN changed his mind about stopping to make sure he was ok.

lmao gotdamn.


This Hornitos commercial is the best 16 second commercial ever. It gives a very interesting awkward story in less than 16 seconds.

So first this guy comes in feeling super proud of his self for smashing some super hot Couger the night before. Then like the cool guy he is, he hands the bottle of fine tequila but he is trying to get it crackin, AGAIN! And he is about to do this all in front of this man.
Which would be cool normally, clearly. Except for his parents are in town and he cant be out there like that. Except for his Moms already beat him to it. With his home boy!

This is one of the best commercials I’ve ever seen. I’m SURE there was absolutely no understanding after all the dots were connected. Im just wondering if ol boy still got hit by the bottle lol. Chances are he did. What say you? Would you have clocked this mf with that Hornitos bottle? lol


So Ron Washington, manager of the Texas Rangers was outted for his Cocaine usage. Which he claims was just once. Mind you this man is 57 years old. And at the age of 57 he decided to try Cocaine. The millionares who own/run the Texas Rangers some how still trust this man to make choices with their Billion dollar franchise. Yet at the age of 57 this man decided to try cocaine. He took the gamble that his heart would hold out on this virgin voyage to nose candy land. Clearly he survived this encounter. But youre telling me that a man that used to look like this:

Is just trying coke at the age of 57?? …. NO!

Im not buying it. Dammit.

Lets just say he hasnt been doing drugs since way before that last picture lol. What is going on in your life at the age of 57, that you think taking that line to the nose is even an option. If you went through the WHOLE 60s…. 70s… and the 80s… manged not to try it all that time, but in 2009 you decide to go for it. Clearly something is wrong in this mans life. Either that, or he’s a gotdamn liar lol.


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This looks like everything Justin Timberlake was not talking about in his song ‘Sexy Back’

I see this and I have to ask my self, what does one have to eat to obtain such a frame? Gummi worms and hogmogs? shit.

what does the front of her look like? Maybe shes so ugly, her titties ran to her back?

and shes knock kneed. But its very well possible that her knees have collapse from the pressure of holding up her top up!

at least she match tho. not really.

is that gout on her legs? I was informed you cant see gout, but well… you be the judge. What in the fuck is that on her legs lol Im no expert here. Im just high as fuck and came across this picture on twitter.

Is that a sports bra of some sort she has on? Is it holding up her front or her back?

normally your purse strap is suppose to come around your back and down to your hip. hers… didnt make it that far down.
speaking of her purse strap… is her chin swallowing the other portion of the purse strap?

and is it me, but for whatever reason, it just seems like she had a beard or some kinda stubble or chin hair on that face…

I wonder how far she has to walk… and how much her thighs have to rub together… until her ass swallows her pants? … or sweats. or whatever stretchy cotton garment that is providing that ill visual.

her hair situation though… a bun to the side? interesting choice considering the shape of her head. her corn rows look like they fade into a row of naps.

is her shirt on backwards? i ask because that hole is really big. it looks like a stunt man is gonna be fired out of that shit or something.

I wonder if shes ever seen that mean ass crease in her back? I wonder if she feels it? You know she sweat alot. and im sure thats the first wet spot. that crease.

But no seriously…. what do you have to eat to get a body like that? 3 Luthers a day?

whos legs did she sit in between to get those corn rows?

she has an automatic recline when she sleeps. Probably helps with eating, being laid up in the bed and sleeping all in the same spot and the same position. im sure that back makes it really easy. those are probably bed sores on her legs. not that i know what those look like either.

I wonder what she is there to buy? what if she was there to buy minstrel cycle supplies? would that be gross to you, or just further confirm that its a girl?

have you seen beuwolf? and you know how the man who is power hungry sleeps with the weird thing (anglia jolie) and she has the monster baby that hunts the kingdom of the king in 18 years or whatever… it looks like alice the goon slept with the weird thing. and blam. This girl is tall as fuck lol. she is towering over the other two ladies in the shot!

i wonder if she wears tight clothes to show of her figure?

I wonder if somebody told her she looked good in what she has on. I wonder if somebody told her she matched??

I wonder if that top was somebody elses and she stretched it out?

good lord… just hit the track already. clearly there is a huge problem.


In July of last year Ralph Santiago, age 31 manged to suffocate himself by accident. Mr Santiago was found dead in the men’s bathroom of his brand new job. Thats right. His second day on the job, he was found in the mens bathroom by the guy following his shift. He worked as a security guard Slumped over on the toilet, in wellingtons, a wet suit and a gas mask over his face. Apparently the night before, Mr Santiago had been printing out instructions of how to gain a better sexual arousal by inhaling poppers through a gas canister and a gas mask or something of the sorts.

An inquest into this man’s death showed that he was into some pretty freaky shit. I consider myself pretty open minded and nasty, but I’ll pass on the set suit n shit. Its reported that Santiago liked to dress up, and really get into it, which Im all for, except that his girlfriend also says she didnt participate. Which tells me this man was dressing up like a giant bunny rabbit or a baby or a Gitmo detainee or some bullshit. Poor fella.

Im sure some people will jump to call this guy an idiot. I wouldnt go that far myself. Because every man has risked his life for a nut. Maybe you was fuckin somebodies wife or girlfriend, and if said girls man would have found out, he would have probably tried to shoot you (been there done that lol). Maybe youve driven / walked through a rough neighborhood for some big booty girl.(been there done that.) Maybe you was fuckin some girl while both her parents were home (been there done that…. too many times. ugh. lol thank god im fuckin grown now… ). Or better yet, trying to get some ass before the parents came home or were suppose to be gone, and you knew you ran the risk of them coming home but you was still tryin to fuck anyway. (been there too lol directly and indirectly, i have a story about that … it might have to be my next entry lol ) But anyway, my point is, us as men, have all put our lives at risk to buss a nut. Im sure Mr Santiago knew the risk when he went into that bathroom and through on his wet suit. Just like we all knew the risk going into our respective adventures. But sadly my man didnt survive this nut. Im sure just as he was taking his last breaths, he thought to him self, oh no…. they are gonna find me like this…. fuck! Terrible L to take.

Via: Kevin on Facebook, and http://www.getreading.co.uk/news/s/2043884_man_died_after_sex_act_went_wrong


image Poor Donovan. I actually like Donovan McNabb, although he has absolutely no real Grit. Which is a crying ass shame, because he is pretty damn good. I have to admit, I left at half time of this game, to catch an Ikea sale. Fuck it, they were getting their asses kicked. I didnt possibly think they could show any heart in the second half. Low and behold, I come back and find out these fools actually managed to take the lead. By a stinking ass point.They basically shut down the Cards in the 3rd quarter. What happen in the 4th quarter though? Couldnt finish strong. Lost the damn game. Gotdamn shame.

All those Philly fans out there, so damn dis bonded during the first half, as the Kurt Warner and Larry Fitzgerld put there respective foots up the philly D’s ass. It seemed like all hope was lost come half time. Missed field goals n shit. But of course, Philly fans are fucking crazy, so Im more than sure, EVERY LAST ONE, was just fucking CERTAIN that they were gonna make a come back in the second half. And goonie goo goo me, they did! By a point. Only to give up that one point lead, in the 4th quarter. Game winning time. Oh the double heart break!! FTL!!!