California Love

The following is one of the truest rants ever spewed anywhere…. ever.
Bill Maher has a show on HBO called Real Time with Bill Maher, the new season starts Jan. 16th at 8. But this was the last show i seen… from i beleive the last ep. of last season. At the end of every show he does some shit called New Rules… the following ( like i said from the get… ) is pretty damn great, and its called Lay off California. A rule that i stand by and agree with 100% gotdammit! ( pardon my cosigning lol )

You know, the rest of America has been having quite a laugh at California’s expense lately. But let’s remember this: California has a lot of people.
And the reason it does is lots of other people in other states saying, “Fuck this, I’m outta here!”
And then those people come here to California, and people ask them, “Don’t you miss the winters?”
No, strangely enough, I don’t. ( hell yea! )
Much the same way I don’t miss slamming a car door on my hands. ( lmao )
Make fun of California, but if it weren’t for California, East Coast rappers would have to shoot musicians from Branson.
If it weren’t for California, there’s be almost no TV, and you’d have to come home at night and actually talk to your family. ( lol )
You know, the rest of America feels about California the way the rest of the world feels about America. They hate us because we do what we want. ( Thats Right!! ) They think we’re too blessed and too free, and it makes them nuts in the dreary hovels of Kabul and Tikrit and Lubbock, Texas.( lmao! )
They pray to their threadbare gods that we’ll get what we deserve. But it won’t happen.
Because you never know what we’re going to do here next. We elected Ronald Reagan and Jerry Brown.
We’re home to Disney and Hustler( YES! ), the Partridge Family and the Manson Family.
We can drink a Mudslide and a Sex on the Beach during an actual mudslide while having sex on the beach! ( YES!! )
Our farms feed the world, and Calista Flockhart lives here. ( lol hell naw lol )
We have bears and great white sharks. And even our washed-up actors are allowed to kill one blonde chick. ( cold shit lmao )
We invented surfing and cyber-porn and LSD and the boob job. And if we didn’t, we would have. ( Hell Yea! )
We have oranges, free oranges, everywhere. What grows on the trees in Scranton, fucker?!
We have a real hockey team named after a hockey team in a movie!
Our Indian casinos could kick your Indian casinos’ ass.
We give our illegal aliens driver’s licenses.
And we have a guy running for governor who digs group sex.
Would anywhere else in America trade places with L.A. or San Francisco in a piss-soaked New York minute? You bet they would. Because I don’t recall anyone ever writing a song called “I Wish They All Could Be Rhode Island Girls”! ( lmao!! )
— end —

Honestly…. after all that… how can you dispute the greatness of California? you would have to have to have so much hate running thru your blood you could become the next fuckin darth vadar lol.

to further drive home my support of how great california is… MSN just published the Top 10 Most Stressful Cites to live in. There is only ONE stressful Californian city… i mean… come on now… the state is big as fuck… we was bound to have ONE… BUT its small ass city that probably has a high divorce rate and a high drug use rate because is in the middle of no gotdamn where and there aint shit to do but drink fuck and smoke ( northern cali has bomb weed!! ) and you cant get away from the muthafuckas that stay there… so there is also probably a buncha skanless shit going on there too! And also on the list Orange County, BUT it is the number 3 on the top 10 low stress cities in the country ( this survey must have been completed by a white person now that i think about it… because there are a whole buncha racist ass white people in OC lol ).

also in honor of this entry i have a great picture in The Uhmenhiem ( that has been updated by the way ) to go along with it!

3 Responses to “California Love”

  1. *throwing up Westside signs and ish* You are so on point about Northern Cali bomb. That’s why I had to leave San Diego and move back home. Something in the soil here, just fantastic! :o)

    I really can’t understand how Lodi made the stressful list. There is nothing but Truckers and Trailer Park Trash residents there. What the hell is so stressfull about paying mortgage on a double wide trailer and riding in the big rig with Ray-Ray? *shrugs* Guess I’ll never know, cause to Lodi, this chick won’t go! :o)

    Have a good weekend, man…

  2. He forgot to mention the gangbangers and people with jheri curls and the fact that Cali is going to fall into the ocean in the next ten years due to a huge Earthquake…..

    For real though…if Cali weren’t so far from my family I’d move out there….

  3. Deah Vader

    Typical damn californian to think, without LA, there’d be no TV… like it’s incapable of existing somewhere else??? Thanks Cali, for ruining the family unit, lol.

    lol @ Oj’s fervent YES! behind the mudslide comment… way to be proud of a natural disaster buddy.

    Half the shit he said wasn’t shit to be proud of, but hey… knock yourself out kiddo, lol.

    I still stand behind it… LA sucks… I can’t say Cali sucks, but LA does indeed blow major ass.