Back up off my fuckin nipples homie!

sigh… im going to type this out at the request of a dear friend of mine… her intials? PF ( lol inside joke lol )

but yea… im pretty sure any normal muthafucka would say to themselves, i wonder what the fuck that random ass title… has to do with what this nigga is about to fucking say?

buss it.

i used to have a cat when i was younger. we had 3 sets of cats growing up. the first set, is the set imma speak on. they were two all black cats. named Niger (mine… yes like the country) and Candy (my sisters). Anyway… i cant remember how old i was when we got these first two cats, i just remember i came home one day and they was there lol. i loved my cats lol. However… i am from the ghetto, so i am a ghetto child at heart. and if you didnt know this about most ghetto children, we can do some CRUEL shit to animals lol. and you better damn believe i had fun with my cats at the expense of a some pain on thier end lol.

anyway… i guess you can say me and my cat got kinda close. after a month or two he would come and sleep in my room at night. the lil muthafucka wouldnt black out when i did tho… he would wake me up scratching on my door to be let in. id let him in. and he would find a spot to black out on my bed some where.

sigh… i dont know what the fuck happen to this muthafuckin cat. but i guess he felt a lil too gotdamn comfortable with my black ass… oh wait. time out. did i mention Niger was a MALE cat?!
anyway… the fuckin cat one day… i guess… he got on that shit. now i also should mention before hand… that i have ALWAYS slept in just my boxers, no shirt or anything. just draws.
and yea… so one day… the fuckin cat decided that he wanted to lick my muthafuckin nipples! have you ever fucking felt a cat tounge? that shit is ruff as fuck! the shit do not feel nice at all! im laying there… blacked the fuck out. and i wake up to a molestation session sponsored by my very own muthafuckin cat.
i was in disbelief and hella grossed the fuck out. not only because my gotdamn cat was getting fresh with me. but because that shit felt fucked up!!! this nigga was licking hard as fuck and clawing my chest!
i remember the first time… sigh. ( why do i sound like a former choir boy? LOL ) i woke up and yelled out a loud ass ” WHAT IN THE FUCK!!?!?! ” i pushed the cat off me hella hard… like nigga UGH! and really didnt know what to do… i was shocked as fuck but still sleepy as fuck. so… eehh pushed him off… grossed out like nigga get away from me! and blacked back out.
Niger, the cat, undaunted by my disgust… AND NO MUTHAFUCKIN MILK mind you… went RIGHT BACK AT my shit… like i just didnt push him off me. i was like oh HELL NAW!!! this time i TOSSED that muthafucka across the room. and he hit something, i dont remember what. fuck it it was dark… but clearly he was ok. because he came back for more! i guess i should have taught this lil muthafucka that No, means fuckin NO!
i had to actually cover my shit up with my blankets to try and get some sleep. ok… so no nipple…. he left me alone. for that night. i didnt tell nobody, because… fuck. it was embarrassing… Oh… this nigga OJ be getting licked up by his cat at night ha ha ha. fuck that lol.
so over the next few days… the same shit kept happening… i kept being woke up by this fucking cat licking my gotdamn nipples in the middle of the fucking night. like he was a priest in his past life or some shit. i remember a couple of times i threw that muhfucka against the window ( lol ) and tried to just cover my shit up with my hands… nope! he would lick my fucking fingers and hands n shit… i was honestly perplexed but always too fucking sleepy to do anyting about it at all lol. the last fucking straw… was when… ok so he got at my shit… and toss his ass off… and i put the blankets over me…
ONLY to wake up sometime later… and this little muthafucka had found his way UNDER MY BLANKETS! to my muthafuckin nipples!!!! i was fucking done… i hit him… opened my fucking door and threw that nigga down the fucking steps! and yelled out, BACK UP OFFA MY FUCKIN NIPPLES HOMIE, GOTDAMN!!! my dad said that he heard me say that shit and couldnt figure out WHY in the fuck i would have POSSIBLY yelled that shit out at 4 am lmao. and he was so perplexed that he didnt ask. and was just like fuck it.
he did ask me later and i told him the whole story… and he just gave me this slight… oh hell naw look and kept rollin his joint lol.
my cat was banned from my room after that…

and i dont think he ever got over it lol. he ran away one halloween and never came back lol.

oh well.

the other cats we had never did that shit. just that one. i dont know why till this day. ill probably never own another cat ever. because i hate cleaning the fucking litter box. so chances are that shit will be a mutahfuckin mystery. lol

lastly, please dont be an asshole like certain muthafuckas i know… whos name starts with an A and ends witha RIE and think i named my cat NIGGER. i mean honestly… lol
i named the muthafucka Niger… like the country in africa. pronouced NYE – JER!

damn lol.