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On GP (General Purposes)

Back up off my fuckin nipples homie!

sigh… im going to type this out at the request of a dear friend of mine… her intials? PF ( lol inside joke lol )

but yea… im pretty sure any normal muthafucka would say to themselves, i wonder what the fuck that random ass title… has to do with what this nigga is about to fucking say?

buss it.

i used to have a cat when i was younger. we had 3 sets of cats growing up. the first set, is the set imma speak on. they were two all black cats. named Niger (mine… yes like the country) and Candy (my sisters). Anyway… i cant remember how old i was when we got these first two cats, i just remember i came home one day and they was there lol. i loved my cats lol. However… i am from the ghetto, so i am a ghetto child at heart. and if you didnt know this about most ghetto children, we can do some CRUEL shit to animals lol. and you better damn believe i had fun with my cats at the expense of a some pain on thier end lol.

anyway… i guess you can say me and my cat got kinda close. after a month or two he would come and sleep in my room at night. the lil muthafucka wouldnt black out when i did tho… he would wake me up scratching on my door to be let in. id let him in. and he would find a spot to black out on my bed some where.

sigh… i dont know what the fuck happen to this muthafuckin cat. but i guess he felt a lil too gotdamn comfortable with my black ass… oh wait. time out. did i mention Niger was a MALE cat?!
anyway… the fuckin cat one day… i guess… he got on that shit. now i also should mention before hand… that i have ALWAYS slept in just my boxers, no shirt or anything. just draws.
and yea… so one day… the fuckin cat decided that he wanted to lick my muthafuckin nipples! have you ever fucking felt a cat tounge? that shit is ruff as fuck! the shit do not feel nice at all! im laying there… blacked the fuck out. and i wake up to a molestation session sponsored by my very own muthafuckin cat.
i was in disbelief and hella grossed the fuck out. not only because my gotdamn cat was getting fresh with me. but because that shit felt fucked up!!! this nigga was licking hard as fuck and clawing my chest!
i remember the first time… sigh. ( why do i sound like a former choir boy? LOL ) i woke up and yelled out a loud ass ” WHAT IN THE FUCK!!?!?! ” i pushed the cat off me hella hard… like nigga UGH! and really didnt know what to do… i was shocked as fuck but still sleepy as fuck. so… eehh pushed him off… grossed out like nigga get away from me! and blacked back out.
Niger, the cat, undaunted by my disgust… AND NO MUTHAFUCKIN MILK mind you… went RIGHT BACK AT my shit… like i just didnt push him off me. i was like oh HELL NAW!!! this time i TOSSED that muthafucka across the room. and he hit something, i dont remember what. fuck it it was dark… but clearly he was ok. because he came back for more! i guess i should have taught this lil muthafucka that No, means fuckin NO!
i had to actually cover my shit up with my blankets to try and get some sleep. ok… so no nipple…. he left me alone. for that night. i didnt tell nobody, because… fuck. it was embarrassing… Oh… this nigga OJ be getting licked up by his cat at night ha ha ha. fuck that lol.
so over the next few days… the same shit kept happening… i kept being woke up by this fucking cat licking my gotdamn nipples in the middle of the fucking night. like he was a priest in his past life or some shit. i remember a couple of times i threw that muhfucka against the window ( lol ) and tried to just cover my shit up with my hands… nope! he would lick my fucking fingers and hands n shit… i was honestly perplexed but always too fucking sleepy to do anyting about it at all lol. the last fucking straw… was when… ok so he got at my shit… and toss his ass off… and i put the blankets over me…
ONLY to wake up sometime later… and this little muthafucka had found his way UNDER MY BLANKETS! to my muthafuckin nipples!!!! i was fucking done… i hit him… opened my fucking door and threw that nigga down the fucking steps! and yelled out, BACK UP OFFA MY FUCKIN NIPPLES HOMIE, GOTDAMN!!! my dad said that he heard me say that shit and couldnt figure out WHY in the fuck i would have POSSIBLY yelled that shit out at 4 am lmao. and he was so perplexed that he didnt ask. and was just like fuck it.
he did ask me later and i told him the whole story… and he just gave me this slight… oh hell naw look and kept rollin his joint lol.
my cat was banned from my room after that…

and i dont think he ever got over it lol. he ran away one halloween and never came back lol.

oh well.

the other cats we had never did that shit. just that one. i dont know why till this day. ill probably never own another cat ever. because i hate cleaning the fucking litter box. so chances are that shit will be a mutahfuckin mystery. lol

lastly, please dont be an asshole like certain muthafuckas i know… whos name starts with an A and ends witha RIE and think i named my cat NIGGER. i mean honestly… lol
i named the muthafucka Niger… like the country in africa. pronouced NYE – JER!

damn lol.

26 replies on “Back up off my fuckin nipples homie!”

That was the funniest shit I’ve read in a month…

And the low blow of the month:

“i kept being woke up by this fucking cat licking my gotdamn nipples in the middle of the fucking night. like he was a preist in his past life”

ROFLMBAO!

LMAOOOOOO

yo thats some sh*t to hear at 4 am

” BACK UP OFFA MY FUCKIN NIPPLES HOMIE, GOTDAMN!!!”

lmaooooooooo i would have been in tears dying… like wtf who he talkin to… lmaooo

niger must have had flashbacks of when he was young… missing the nipple and milk

i think it’s obvious to anyone who was reading this that you liked it.

there was a very simple solution to this very twisted story…you should’ve started sleeping on your stomach, muthafucka!

you are a nasty sonofabitch.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh shit!

If you were embarassed then, what made you share this shit now???

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Tooooo fuckin funny.

Maybe he liked your soap…maybe? LOL

“Oh… this nigga OJ be getting licked up by his cat at night ha ha ha. fuck that lol. ”

Awww Dammit… I am way too through with you OJ… LMAO! How are you just gonna have a molestation session with the cat and then tell everyone in the world hella years later??? OMG… LMAO… *crying*

I swear you have the funniest shit happen to you…this site should come with like a re-enactment of the stuff you write about that would so damn funny

What a LAME-O
Can’t even leave criticism on the BLOG
has to DELETE the posting, that’s just how inadequate and lacking in the most rudimentary elements of self confidence this BUTTHOLE is…

well, you TINY little weasels are ALL LAME,
thats the FACK JACK

and your moronic pseudo-black manner of expressing yourselves, and the childish ways in which you “support” one another proves to this observer that the lot of you are about 9 years old, with the intellects of 6 year olds.

GET OFF THE WEB, YOU MIND NUMBING COMPU_SLUGS

geezix, what a WASTE OF BANDWIDTH you are.

stultifying
obsequious
ridiculous
asinine
shit for brains
retarded
children

GET OFF THE WEB!

YEAH,
what that last d00d said was RIGHTEOUS!

so LEAVE IT ON, whitey!

(we KNOW you AINT BLACK, chillen!)

muthafuckas… first of all. if you muthafuckas are gonna talk shit… at least leave your fuckin email address… dumb asses. at least have the balls to have some shit talked back to you muthafuckas instead on on the web on some comments.

and while im at it… FUCK yall and yall dumb ass comments. gettin mad over some damn animal you aint had no contact with. honestly… what do you think imma do? atone my ways?!?!?! fuck that and fuck yall lol. honestly… save it homie.

and oh yea. am i suppose to be mad at some dumb fucks, who dont know me…. talkin about im not Black? lol really… stop it. youre wasting your time… youre not hurting my feelings. its not even a gotdamn insult lol try again.
and lastly… if presented with the chance… id gladly kick the FUCK out your dog then your fuckin cat and finish off with your moms for birthing you gutless sons of bitches.

back up off me bitch.

ha! oj this was hella funny. when i come to l.a. the very next time, i’m gonna smoke you out and i want you to tell me this cat licking nipples story in person with props.

kthx

first off, LMFAO @ e-marv!!!! that was some cold shit.

next, oj not black???? LMATFO!!!!!! damn what kind of shit is this? some armchair revolutionary believes that this questioning of ones cultural roots will stymie the humourous rants??? you pseudo killjoy ass muhfuccah!!! what a dumb ass. then we have side-buster-brown come in and incoherently type some bullshit. you real life pinky and brain ass niggas need to get another pastime, professional haters dont really get paid that well.

by the way, O is a big ugly black muhfuccah, i am certain of that. lol

nerve gas would cure what ails you LA residents

you live in a desert, and steal water from the rest of the West,
in order to perpetuate a worthless wasteland of ethical, moral, and cultural vacuum.

i hope the nipple licking was fun, you will have it to remember when you are dieing in your own filth.

have a great life, short and worthless as it might be, MUHFUKKAH!

also: good job of “ethnifying” the language that you “speak”

ug ug grunt grunt, scratch, grunt, fart, blah blah muhfukkah, grunt grunt

GOOD DAY, eh?

BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!! That’s some nasty shit….but funny as hell. I hope you scrubbed them nipples thoroughly. Oh, and another thing you could have done…worn a shirt. Iown know..just a thought. lol

That shit was hilarious… now… if the cat didn’t have a “rough tongue”, would this story have ended differently sir??? 🙂

ps: I’m sorry, was this site required reading or some shit? Maybe we should all change our ways b/c lamos-anonymous decided to talk some pseudo-intellectual bullshit. Last I checked, it’s a little black “x” at the top of the screen for those who don’t like what they’re viewing… USE IT.

Yeah abusing your animal is really hilarious. I get that you were freaked out, but every fuckin time you mentioned throwing him you had to throw in that “lol.” You a fuckin sadist? Just so you know what was actually happening: cats like strong odors/musks (I work at a vet’s office). So obviously you have some stanky ass nipples and then you go and blame it on the cat and hurt the poor lil thing. Im gonna tell you right now that you are an ignorant lil motherfucker OJ- hope you get what’s comin to you for abusing animals. Just cuz you from the hood don’t mean you automatically get the right to be cruel to animals (I’m from Oakland and you don’t see me doing that shit). I know plenty of ghetto ass motherfuckers who treat their pets with respect unlike your pitiful ass– take your shit back to SoCal pretty boy.

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