Categories
Camera Phone Calamities

No shit? Foreals player? Well lets see it then..

No shit? Foreals player? Well lets see it then..

Categories
Super Awesome Advice

OJ’s Shitty Advice: Kept it warm for ya

Q: Dear OJ,
What do I do if I get to the restroom and all the stalls are taken?

This is a great question. Here is the very first thing that you should do and be your frist priority: DONT SHIT ON YOUR SELF!! Wait for an available stall. Do a dance, walk in circles, do what ever you have to do to not shit on your self.

If you’re a forward progressive thinking person, by now, you’ve probably already reached the conclusion that; if all the stalls are full, when its time for me to shit, the toilet seat will be warm with ass heat  that is not my own.
This is true. And fucking GROSS, SON!!!!!
At least its gross as fuck to me. When I was little, my mom used to tell me horror stories that would reflect the need to put down toilet paper or something on the seat so I dont catch crabs or some random disease that randoms may or may not be carrying around lol. So Im super paranoid when it comes to other peoples asses and how they may or may not maintain said ass.

So, here is my advice to you if you happen to have to immediately occupy a stall that was just occupied by some asshole who made you hold your shit for longer than you really wanted to.

You have 3 options.

1, you could put it out your mind and have a seat on an unusually warm toilet seat. Repeating to yourself “its better than shitting on myself” over and over again until you finish.

2. You could get as many toilet seat covers as your heart desires, in concert with some toilet paper and cover the toilet seat with it. Not that you dont already cover the seat with a seat cover; what im saying is, you should cover it with enough seat covers and toilet paper till the point where you think you wont feel any foreign ass heat transfer from the toilet seat to your ass and back of your thighs. Its the same thing as putting a bunch of toilet paper and seat covers on an ice cold toilet seat. Except for a toilet seat will never be cold from somebody taking a shit on it before you got there lol. What to do with all the extra TP? Who cares? flush it, leave it, throw it on the ground. Thats not my problem lol.

3. Squat. Hover over the toilet and drop it like its hot. However, if you’re hovering too far above the toilet, you might splash your self with shitty water. Thats what you dont want. There are several ways you could go about squatting; you could hold on to the walls or something; if you have the strength, just go down as far as you can so you dont slash your self lol; OR… you could semi squat then lower yourself as you feel a log exiting your ass (gotdamn that was kind of graphic lmao); OR you could sit on your hands then stand up to wipe your ass lol.

All these options are better than shitting on yourself. And if worse comes to absolute worse, go in the bathroom of the opposite sex. Fuck it. Most people would rather you not shit on yourself and will help you NOT shit on yourself. That is, if you can bring yourself to explain that you have to shit to a stranger in the opposite sex bathroom lol. If youre having a hard time exploring this amount of desperation, say this to your self “Fuck it!! The same associated with this is better than the same of shitting on myself.” LOL. Barg in, look down and go for it lol

Speaking of which, coincidentally, this is similar to the advice I’d give if you were taking a shit in the middle of antartica.. or new york, north dakota, canada or the east coast or some where else its cold as fuck at any point for no gotdamn reason. Ive been forced to have to take shits in some pretty cold climates over my life time. It fucking sucks lol. But it doesnt suck more than a warm toilet seat from somebody having had taken a shit there right before you did. As it certainly doesnt suck as much as shitting on your self.

 

Your Welcome.

Categories
Camera Phone Calamities

Mac n cheese winner for the win!

Mac n cheese winner for the win!

Categories
Camera Phone Calamities

@djjazzyjeff best dj on the muthafuckin planet. Shutting kiss n grind DOWN1

@djjazzyjeff best dj on the muthafuckin planet. Shutting kiss n grind DOWN1

Categories
Camera Phone Calamities

I make this face every time I walk into the bathroom here. This mf STANK, B!

I make this face every time I walk into the bathroom here. This mf STANK, B!

Categories
Guttie Shit

OJs shitty advice: Did you take your pants off holmes?

Im a tall guy; im six feet, six inches tall. So its not a problem for me to look over a bath room stall wall. At a glance, I wouldnt see anybody taking a shit, typing out a blog entry, waiting for this friday to be over already. But i can at least see the adjacent wall lol. However, I am tall enough to catch a mf writing a blog entry on the toilet while taking a shit, if I did happen to put effort into looking all the way over the stall wall. Lolol. Anyway..

The other day, i walk in the bathroom and notice the big stall (the handicapped stall) is occupied; fuck! So i have to use the regular stall, next to the handicapped joint. Fine. I step in the stall and turn around to close the door and i notice there are a pair of shirts hanging on a random hook on the wall.
Word? Wait? Wait? What? Why? But? Lol what the fuck is going on here?? Lol.

Since i wasnt going to be busted making sure that i was really seeing what the hell i thought i was seeing. I double checked to make sure i was seeing what i thought i was seeing. And sure enough. The man that was taking a shit next to me, took off his muthafuckin shorts to take a shit. A moderately noisy shit at that.

It kind of fucked me up lol. I was sitting in the next stall, taking a shit, trying to think of every possible reason that any one would take off their shorts to take a shit lol. I was really puzzled by this lol. It aint like i could ask lol. But fuck, i sure did want to lol. I really really did lol. I just had to know lol.

The only possible reason i could come up with, is that this man didnt want his raggedy cargo shorts to grace the bathroom floor……… which, upon further thought, is a pretty legit case lol. This bathroom fucking stinks. I can only imagine whats going on with the floor lol.
But still. Is this man 4 years old? Lol even when i take shits at a gas station i dont come all the way out of whatever bottoms i have on lol.

Next thing i wanted to know is, why is that hook on the bathroom wall? Huh? Foreal? Why? I just dont get it. Im wondering if the guy who hung his shorts up on said random hook, put the hook there. Its one of those plastic wall hooks that you stick to a wall lol.

I cant front though.. i am so puzzled by the shit, that i damn near took my shorts off and hung them on the wall today, just to possibly understand. But i couldnt bring myself to do it lol oh well. I guess ill never understand lol

So heres my advice on taking off your pants, to take a shit in public: dont. Unless you have a stellar reason. And if you do, id love to hear it lol. But still dont lol. Unless youre still potty training. Hell, even then lol

Categories
Music

You Wanna Talk Genocide? Not a problem.

ITS THE RIDDLEEAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

I know a lot of people dont remember or forgot about this track. Its one of my favorite Wu / Method Man tracks of all time. I dont know why its not on my ipod, but that really doesnt have much to do with much right now. But I aint happy about it. Anyway.. Batman Forever was one of my favorite Batmans as well, the first round of Batmans, that is.

I always thought Method Man tore this beat down. Method man being a lot of people favorite Wu-Tang Clan member is well deserved. The only Method Man fans I dont take seriously are those fans who cant point out Masta Killa on a track. Those arent real Wu-Tang fans lol

And for those that dont remember the video for this, click here

Categories
Blowed Thoughts

Balance wont let me be great

For about the last 3 months Ive been swamped with work. I havent had time to workout, work on my skill set, get out of the house really or anything. Just work. I have a lot of projects on my plate. Ive worked 10+ hours damn near daily over the past few months. Sometimes going 7+ days with out taking a day off.
Ive been working an onsite gig downtown and now in woodland hills. I have been working 8 and 9 hour shifts, then coming home and working 2+ hours on my freelance project; almost daily.

During the last week of busting my ass, i started to kind of see the light at the end of the tunnel. Its not really all that close; maybe what I see is new energy and excitement about all the things I have on my plate. I have 3 personal projects that I will finally get a chance to work on once I have all these work projects off my plate.

Today is labor day and I really wanted to do one of 2 things today. Finish up one of my freelance project; wouldve taken about 4 hours. Then/or work on one of my personal projects that ive been anxious to complete, which is the new look and build for this here site. I cant wait to get it up. I seriously cant wait. I figured i could get a lot of the grunt work and heavy lifting all done today.

But ive been working a lot. A whole lot. I love what i do but lately Ive been feeling a certain heaviness when its time to get to work. I know what i have to do and how to get it done and where to start, but ive been having the hardest time getting started. Although I want to get started. There has been some kind of disconnect between me wanting to and me actually getting started or keeping a good groove going. Its like I dont want to; and i feel like its for no good reason. Because its what i WANT to do.

I need a break. Today i forced myself to take a break. I refused to sit at my computer today for any reason. Ive been kinda bored; pacing around, thinking about what id be doing if i was working on my site. Thinking about what i have left to do and things i might want to do. Ive been watching tv, watched a movie on netflix. Today i forced my self not to do anything. Not to look for an apt, not put a bunch of energy into cleaning up. Nothing. Just laid around. I hardly ever do this. I feel like i wasted the day away, but i know my body and brain needed it.

But i feel like im being held back. I want to catch up on my work. Im excited to be caught up. I cant wait to get these next few projects launched.

I wish i didnt need breaks. I wish i didnt get burned out. I wish i could would a set number of hours for a set number of days and not get tired of doing that. Not wear down. Eyes not start burning from reading code. Not mentally exhausted from solving problems. Switching windows and keeping track of what im doing, multitasking, etc.
I wish i could just keep it going with the same energy as the first few days.

I feel like this much needed break and balance is holding me back some how. Although i know it will make me more productive in the long run. I guess my wishes for no exhaustion are stronger than they should be.
I hope i come back refreshed off this break.
I cant wait to be done with the projects. So i can get to my dream project that im super excited about. I cant wait!

Categories
Camera Phone Calamities

Yongs first time at Chuck-E-Cheese! Happy Birthday @retroboogie!

Yongs first time at Chuck-E-Cheese! Happy Birthday @retroboogie!