April 2006 - Uhmah Park

If you have a soft spot in your heart for kids… no matter what? then you might wanna turn away now lol. But this shit is way too funny to not share lol
NOT the story, the commentary!

ENJOY YOUR FRIDAY!… or at least try to if i fucked up your day lol.

OJ: nigga…
OJ: imma show you this shit i just read
OJ: tell me what you think
OJ: 5 Mexicans Die While Praying At Metal Cross
OJ: MEXICO CITY – Five Mexican children were killed when a large metal cross they were praying at was struck by lightning in central Mexico, local media reported Monday.

Five children between 9 and 16 years old died and several others suffered burns when lightning struck a white-painted metal cross set on a hill in the town of Santa Maria del Rio early on Sunday, according to two newspaper reports.

“The lightning went straight into them and killed them instantly,” local Red Cross chief Eduardo Suarez told the daily El Norte

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12467604/?GT1=7938

JD: maybe they should have been more sincere in their prayers
OJ: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OJ: OH SHIT
OJ: OH FUCK LMAO
OJ: LMAO THATS SO SKANLESS LMAO
JD: Like nigga, that is the most reverse info you could ever receive
JD: you go to to the cross, looking for a blessing or 2
JD: and you get that
OJ: LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OJ: OH SHIT LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAO!!!!!!!!!
JD: Nigga honestly
JD: how can you believein religion after that
OJ: LMAO!!! LMAO!@!!!!!!!!!!!!
JD: if that were my kids, id be like what happened? nigga fuck that cross
JD: fuck that religion bullshit
OJ: you know?!?! LMAO
JD: Nigga im sure you would assume that to be one of the safest placeson earth if your that religous
OJ: i cant stop laughin
JD: imjust going up the hill to pray to themetal cross during a lightining storm
JD: oh no dont trip
JD: im praying
JD: Ill be protected
OJ: LMAO GOTDAMMIT LMAO
JD: nigga just got your conversation with god RUDELY interrupted
OJ: holy shit nigga lol
OJ: LMAOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JD: nigga and I know i know I know fora fact
JD: they were not praying for that
JD: Nigga if they were doing anything other htan praying they wold still be alive
OJ: LMAO!!!!!!!
OJ: they were probably forced to go up there… and they was like…. i hate this bullshit…
JD: and nigga you really cant find a better time for your kids to pray, other than fuckin midnight in the middle of a storm
JD: that might be jesus way of punishig you for being dumb
OJ: and then everybody else agreeed, and got delt that vengious hand from the lord
JD: yea niggas wen tot the cross with hate inthe heart
OJ: LMAONMLMAOFFAAF!!!!!!!!!!
JD: and got struck down
OJ: nigga i cant take it
JD: nigga and i know that wasnt the lord naswering there prayers immeditaly
OJ: nigga they painted the cross white tho?
JD: “lord please show me a sign that you there, oh lor…..ZAAAAPPPPP
OJ: LOLOLOL!!!!!!! LMAO
OJ: DAMMIT NIGGA LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OJ: im going to put this on the ins…
OJ: it gets no worse than this lmao
JD: Or nigga, they was fuckin praying for some bullshit
JD: Like tight ass toys for they casaneda or some shit
JD: may the Pinatas have all of my favorite candies
JD: May my Tortillas taste sweet
OJ: LMAO!!!!! HELL NAW
OJ: nigga… im laughin way too hard
OJ: and i cant stop
JD: praying for the wrong shit, when they had grandparent all sick and shit
OJ: im afraid i might die on the way out now nigga lol
JD: uncles trying to get across the border
OJ: LMAO! WHAT?!?! LMAOOMAO
JD: and they ass is in poverty
JD: but they praying for soem extra lucas
JD: the man got fed up, and snapped
OJ: GOTDAMN LMAO
JD: lost if for a quick second
OJ: ill teach you ingrates a lesson!
JD: them niggas actually got smyted for real
OJ: fucking shit nigga lmao
JD: maybe somebody peaked while they were praying
OJ: LOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OJ: LMAOOMLMAO
JD: A photo showed charring on the cross’s turquoise-painted cement base, although the cross was still standing.
JD: thats cold business
JD: there is a deadly reminder there to pray correctly
OJ: LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OJ: YOU KNOW?!?!?!
JD: how nervous are the next mufuckas gonna be when they pray there
OJ: YOU FEEL ME?!?! LMAO!!!!!!!!!!

this nigga JD man lol… wooooo
imma be making this nigga new blogger soon… stay tuned. IT GETS WORSE!


I know im not the only one that has seen those new Jetta commercials… where an unspecified number of people, are in a volswagon jetta, and the people inside the car, are having a conversation. A some what interesting conversation, one that you start to pay attention to after a while. And no matter where your interest grab hold the conversation,  right when youre into it, a BIG ASS muthafuckin car comes out of no where and FUCKS the lil ass jetta up!

THAT SHIT IS UNERVING AS FUCK!!!!!

while i understand the point of the commercial, is to show how the saftey of the jetta. But i see that shit from a whole different angle. There aint no way in the fuck im getting in a Jetta, because every time ive seen on for the last month or so…. ITS GETTING HIT BY A BIG ASS CAR!!! As far as im concerned, it looks like to me, that Jettas tend to get hit by big ass cars. Maybe they dont see them little shits. Also, this commercial makes me feel like people who drive jettas cant drive, and tend to allow themselves to get the fuck knocked out they lil ass car by some big ass behemoth of plastic glass and metal traveling at a undesirable rate of speed if its gonna hit yo ass. Shit, as far as im concerned, 1 mph is too fast for something that weights over 2 tons to be hitting my Black ass! 20? 30? 50 mph? Aint gonna fuckin cut it! That shit is rediculious! And yes, i do feel like its possible to avoid getting blind sided by a car. IVE DONE IT! i almost got hit by a police car in pheonix, driving down the street just like that. Honestly, lucky for me he had on his lights and not his siren but still!
I guess for such a little ass car, it can take a lick. But i dont fuckin care man, that shit is still an unerving ass commercial.

Say, uh… Volswagon… STICK TO CRASH TEST DUMMIES!!!!  Ive seen like three of these commercials so far ( id look them up on you tube,  but fuck that, im lazy ). And every single time, the first time i see them, they fuck with me SO bad. I hate them shits!! Even when i see them again, you can never really tell when the hit is gonna come, it just make you nervious once you realize thats what your watching. Shit sucks lol

I think it makes me so nervious because I HATE to drive. Thats right, i can drive my ass off, but i hate it. Having a good sub woofer in my car does ease the pain lol but still. I hate driving, the only thing i hate more than driving, is being a passenger! Being a passenger sucks for me. Because i know some muthafuckas who CAN NOT DRIVE. For instance, my sister. My sister has fucked up at least 3 cars. One of them shits, we used to call the Battle Tank, it was an old ass 84 pontiac Boniville. This shit here was fuckin shit up. She knocked down a mini brick wall that was the divider between our house and the neighbor house. MURKED the poor mail box! But my sister car? not a muthafuckin scratch, i couldnt believe it! She didnt want to fess up to that shit either, i had to use my powerful deduction methods to figure that shit out. Because looking at her car, you couldnt tell. Unless you got RIGHT up on it, there was fuckin brick dust in the groovs of her shit, thats the only way i noticed! That shit was the guts.
There is a spot in Rialto CA, i can take you too RIGHT NOW! On Cedar, north or south of San Bernardino ( i cant remember which one, im blowed right now ), like two or three streets up or down. There is a big ass CHUNK of the side walk missing. My sister did that. Shits still there, or it was the last time i passed it, over 5 years later. I KNOW she drove that shit through somebodies front door to help the police in a raid or something. The car could have took that shit. My sister used to drive that shit like she was trying to bust through the gates of hell and do a drive by.
Driving with my sister is some of the worst shit ever. People think im bad. But niggas who can drive, know i aint hitting SHIT. Niggas that have known me for a long time, have seen me do, or was in the car when ive done out outragious shit behind the wheel. But my sister tho… has totaled TWO cars. One she drove offa the gotdamn freeway like the dukes of hazard n shit. Me, im no saint, i have been in one accident lol, im sure JD will post a comment about it. But i aint been in one since! Driving with my sister, is like playing with your life.

But back to my point, i hate being a passenger most times because, thats leaving too much up to another muthafucka to me lol. Especially if that nigga cant drive. My WORST fear in the whole world, is getting hit on MY SIDE of the car, when im riding as a passenger, because i am just a pure victim in that situation. i didnt do shit to deserve getting hit on MY side, other than get in the car with the muthafucka that shouldnt have made that left in front of the caddilac or some other dumb ass reason somebody gets hit on the passenger side. I think if i ever really did get hit on the passenger side, and the driver could have avoided it. Immediately after i figured out what just happen, and im able to do it effectivly, im going to look to MY left and knock the shit out of who ever is driving. I dont care WHO the fuck it is lol. I know im gonna be THAT gotdamn mad… Unless its my mom or my dad ( aint no way in the fuck imma get in the car with my grand ma ever again! ) youre about to get the shit knocked out of you as a reflex! LMAO Chances are, imma be alot more hurt than they are… and i aint gonna suffer by my gotdamn self!!
If my right arm is all fucked up… im backhanding the shit out of somebody with my left! LOL only if its their fault tho, if its not. Then, no back hands or devistating hooks.
Now that i think about it tho, im glad JD didnt steal on my Black ass when we got in that accident. That shit would have sucked, even at 17 he had massive pimp hands of hoe face destruction!! That nigga would have shifted my whole face!
JD has human talons. Like, if Rodan was more human like, but he was that big massive ass bird, he would have hands like JD, and would have whooped Godzilla ASS. SOLEY because he had monster ass hand talons, built for slaping and choking muthafuckas! LMAO anyway… pay no attention to my JD hype.

That shit scares the fuck out of me. Not JD’s big ass Hulk hands. But getting hit on my side of the car. I could take it as a driver. But as a passenger, it would be a tuffer pill to swallow lol.


On my ( now duel! ) broadcast of my digital “journal” i will be doing a series of post under the category, “Tuff Pill To Swallow”. All about the harsh realizations that people face from time to time.

For my first Tuff Pill To Swallow entry, i will be talking about this guy, a 18 year old asian kid that jumped to his muthafuckin death because he could not live with the fact that he has a small dick. Can you believe that shit? This nigga must have missed the memo. We will call him Dum Yung Fuk. His mom even took his ass to the doctor and the doctor told him that he had a normal size dick for an asian man. Which im more than sure drove him to that ledge. Where he proceeded to get his KrisKross on. ( Jump, Jump… you should know you should know better! For the slow people )

So i was thinking, there had to be a point in every guys life, that has a little dick, no matter what race, religion or culture… where this poor son of a bitch looked between his legs and said to himself “sigh……I guess thats it.” What happens after that is anybodies guess. Ive never had to say that to myself, so a nigga like me wouldnt know. I guess they just take on life, and fuck who every they can as many times as they can, and then some girl will have had enough, and make some show like Sex In The City n shit lol.
But talk about a tuff pill to swallow? Gotdamn that must suck!! I know somebody had to have thought that God turned his back on HIM specifically.

Ive heard of some dudes living in denial but im sure he knows the truth in the back of his head. Im sure he’s been told the shit at least twice by the time he has fucked 5 girls. lol im literally sitting here shaking my head. Im a pretty mean guy though… so i could wish a little dick on my worst enemy. And id be sure to point that shit out every chance i got as a matter of fact.

Anyway, while im talkin about asians, i live next door to an asian family. Actually, where i live there are a good number of asian people. I havent identified the culprit yet. But i know its one of the asians families, im sure of it. These muthafuckas be sun cooking fish or something, because on a random nice day, the whole gotdamn everything will stink of rotten ass fish, or something, i dont know what the fuck it is, but it stank like a muthafucka. The only THING ive ever smelled worse than this shit is chitlins, thats on everything. It smells like they are boiling blow fish over in they shit. Making goldfish tea or somethin nigga… that shit stink so bad, its like the nerve gas on 24 that was eating away at the lining of the doors n shit. that shit will creep in your house and violate your nostrils with very suddle aggression. its like a fuckin funk fog, and it just slowly consumes you. Its hella faint at first, then all of a sudden it smells like some 70 year old prostitute opened her legs. cats be every where n shit, loosing they gotdamn minds. Mean while, im sitting my black ass here, cussin like a muthafucka because i cant run from the smell. I got incents and everything. it just smell like sweaty ass flounder and whatever ghetto ass black love incents i bought offa Jamaican at Venice one day… 25 for 2 bucks, cant fuckin beat it! lol Just like you cant beat that fuckin smell out of your brain for a few hours. Shits nauseating. It smells like thai food, indian food, and dirty sushi had a fuckin orgy on a humid day. shits repulsive as fuck. I feel like i can smell that shit with my eyes!! it stink that bad! it make me feel like i got after taste of eating hot gold fish n shit.

i had something else to say, but i fucked around and forgot.
ohwell


The other day i was coming from a clients office, walking back to my car, and i noticed that this SUV has a flyer on it. But oddly enough, no other cars had flyers on the window.

So my curiosity immediately caught fire. i moozied on over to said  vehicle with said would be flyer and this is what it was:

I was puzzled. I asked myself, now why is it, that this is the only car on this whole long ass street, that has this flyer on it? Then it hit me. The owner of this vehicle must have children, and they heads must be a mess. And by chance, some guy that does kids hair, saw that the owner of this car was in need of some kids hair assistance lol… and decided to make them selves more available.
Hint Hint, say, i noticed your childrens hair was a little fucked up there. Let me introduce myself… my name is Bryan, i specialize in doing childrens hairsytling.

Now i dont know about anybody else… but if somebody suggested that i couldnt do my own kids head, and this is how they told me… id be a lil pissed. Amused! But still pissed slightly at least lol. This is a pretty cold notification that YOU got your kids in public, and they hair is all fucked up lol.  Mind you this was on a big ass SUV, like a Surburban. So its likely that there was more than one kid with they hair all fucked up n shit. There aint no way you have one kid and you are pushing a huge ass surburban. Who evers car this is… they should probably be ashamed of themselves for having they kids out there with they hair fucked up. I honestly dont even know how to comb a girls hair. But if i had a lil girl, her hair wouldnt be fucked up enough for somebody to take it upon theyself to offer me they services like this lol.

Also too, i do realize this could go totally different from what im thinking…  the guy who is hooking up these kids heads… he could have just seen the owner of this vehicle had some kids with them. And is an ambitions go getter, plugging his services at every opportunity . But, i like to think the worst of people, so im going to go with, the owner having tacky kids lol.

These niggas should have never given me a Camera Phone!!

Wait till i get the video crackin off!


I know a dude, through a friend of mine. He’s on my buddy list. How he got on MY buddy list? I dont exactly remember. And you know what, now that i think about it… i dont even know this muthafuckas name. All i know is, this man types with a pink font, and a black background.
Thats how I recognized people most times. By the color of their letters and what font they using. I know i aint the only person that do that. And then when you got a unfamiliar… you stop everything and REALLY look at the name lol. I know im not the only nigga that does that shit.
Anyway…

This dude is on my buddy list… and ive been knowing this dude for a long time, now that i think about it. But i dont know shit about this man really. Like i said, I dont know this mans name even. Well, i might know it, and im too blowed to remember that shit right now.

So I was sitting here being blowed one day, and i realized something. This man is only on the Internet when im high. Or want to be high…
So lately I’ve been starting to think… maybe this man is a figment of my imagination? Like my blowed imagination. Im starting to think he might be an imaginary figure on my buddy list. I swear thats the only time he is ever online… is when im fucked up some how. He is almost like that martian on the flintstones n shit.

This man is kinda random too… the other day, he went on a date to a fuckin Black Eyed Peas concert. Poor guy, i felt for him, because there was no way that was his idea, pink font or no pink font lol. Lucky for him the PussyCat dolls were on the under card ( why zab judda get beat up like that? ) and he hadnt ever seen the lead singer.

Another reason i thought he might be part of my blowed imagination, is because everything this man says, i find a way to laugh at. Even if he is being serious. I dont know how this is possible. But thats what goes on.

By writing this out, i am in no way out of my gotdamn mind. I know good and gotdamn well this man is real… and im not imagining everything. I just thought it would be pretty funny if it was. And I could half way make a case for it being real lol.

Blowed Mind Exercise.


I dont know how many people watch Basketball on TNT. Me personally, i try to break my neck to see the shit. I am definitely a fan. Kenny and Charles are the best analyst on tv, along with Ernie, and sometimes Magic and Reggie Miller ( nigga looks like a star trek extra. like a fraringee ).. The whole staff. Way better than ESPN. ESPN is boring, alot of people dont like Steven A. Smith ( but i do… he’s the guts ) and other than Greg Anthony, the show dont have no life. We wont even talk about Scottie Pippen, its just all the way around a bad situation. Anyway… Love Inside the NBA, even with Craig Seger and his non-dressin ass.

So this season they have some kinda segment where Kenny Smith goes from nba star house, to nba store house to hang out with them, and do some kinda… i dont know what the fuck… they just fuckin shoot the shit. Whats the Damb is the point of that?!  ( that was for Resha ) Does anybody know? Like why is this a segment? why did somebody sponsor this? What the fuck is the damn point of that segment. Something is going over head. i dont understand that shit. Imma really need somebody to explain to me the point of that segment. And dont try to dare say that for us to get a peek in the lives of nba stars. Because no, that is not whats going on at all. This is a peek at Kenny Smith and and assortment nba stars, being lame. Thats it, thats all.
I cant believe these niggas are doing this segment and are attempting to look seroius about it. Shits terrible.

Jacke Chan, how many movies has this man made? Tons. And in alot of those movies, he is a cop or some law keeping individual. Have you ever noticed tho, Jackie Chan dont EVER fire a gun? He will, however, point the fuck out his gun. He never has a good shot. He will say dont move, but will let a nigga run. He will jack somebody for they gun in a heartbeat. Nigga dont ever shoot nobody tho. Dont even fire a shot. Why? I understand that the man dont make nothing but movies that feature martial arts. But shoot one muthafucka. Steven Segal used to shoot niggas all the time! Whats the fuckin problem!  I dont understand…

You know what… The Bacardi and Cola guys stand kinda close together. Why? Why is them two dudes always standing so close at a party full of women? And then, what is it ( well i know the drink , but…) that is suppose to be attracting these women to them? I know its not the fact that they are standing so close together at some kinda function. Im sure the camera shot could with stand them taking a step or two offa each other. Im not homophobic, but that commercial makes me a lil uncomfortable. I feel like somebody is standing that close to me. I find my self trying to get some phantom individual manifested by my imagination, the fuck up offa me.

Why do the they try to make that white lady on that show “The Closer”, Kyra Sedgwick look sexy?? This bitch looks like kermit the frog’s grandmother. I dont give a fuck if you were doctor 90210 himself, youre not going to beautify this bitch by no stretch of anybodys imagination.  Shit. Bitch is ugly.

Currently… There is a commercial about a moter powered wheel chair, the shit is called a Hover-round. Its for old people ( A Larry Flint mobile… ). They got a buncha old people on here singing, talkin about something i love you. Im way too blowed for this lmao. These niggas are super happy. its hilarious. The product was invented by a dude name Tom Kruse. This guy, clearly an inovator, wasnt the sharpest when it came to gimicks to market his product. Firstly because he got old people singing in his commercial lol. Secondly, he could have called that shit something WAY lamer than the Hover-round lol. I mean if he was gonna be that fuckin lame… he might as well named that shit after his self. And called it the Kruser, by Tom Kruse.Duh…

Anyway… im about to eat great even late out this bitch.

The INS is back… love it all over again!


Well, it was a nice run….

As long as ive been smoking… i havent bought a lighter to smoke for years. Until sometime earlier this year. But for all those years before, i would always some how some way come up on somebodies lighter, i had a bunch of lighters and i hadnt paid for not one. I had stolen each and every last one of them. And i had a collection of lighters that ive jacked from other niggas over the years.
But, like i said… everything changed earlier this year… or could have been late last year, i actually bought a lighter to smoke. And since it was my first lighter, i thought to my self. i better make it one that will stand out and be kinda dope… but still just a cheap lighter at the same time. so i get me a bic with a werid rubber grip n shit. and i kept that shit for months.
Then, recently… my cousin JD ( of Chronic-ils fame ) jacked ME for my fuckin lighter!! son of a bitch!! and i really didnt even realize that it was gone, until he told me that he had it. i guess it was sweet revenge for all the lighters that ive stolen from other people. But like i said, it was a nice run. and im not too worried about karma, because i am a vet in the lighter jacking world. so it would be pretty hard to get my lighter. Mainly because i know all the tricks.

The easiest way to get somebodies lighter is when everybody is standing around smokin… passin around a blunt or a joint or a bong or whatever. let the blunt go on when it get to you…. or just front like you gotta light it again, and ask for the lighter. Blam, youre now the last one with the lighter. Now you have that shit in your hand, but you dont pocket it immediately. you keep it in your hand for a second.. when you got to pass the blunt, then you slip it in your pocket. Everybody is blowed so, the lighter is forgotten about safely tucked away in your pocket. Now belonging to you! hooray for you.

in the same scenario. if for some reason the lighter manages to leave your possession. what you do then is try to hit the roach. roaches ALWAYS go out. "Let me see that lighter…" blam. Lighter is once again in your possession. the thing that sucks about this tho, is you now have to burn the tips of your fingers at the sake of purposely and maliciously stealing some one elses lighter. so you are kinda getting what you deserve. You janky muthafucka!
its all good tho, you done came up on a lighter… blam.

in the case of a bong… you gotta do something similar… try to smoke the ash. or just be the last one to hit it some how. Blam, lighter is in your hand again. keep it in your hand for a little while… then let it make a trip to your pocket on a sudden movement. like getting up from sitting down… or walking away from a group… or sitting down. something like that.

Doing shit this way… it will always look like you came up on the lighter by accident. and if by chance the owner of the lighter ask for they shit. you immediately dive in your pockets and give up they lighter. because again… you dont wanna seem janky. and lie n shit. just go out lookin honest. youll live to jack another day.

Never ever pick up a lighter that is just laying there. because if somebody sees then it looks like it was on purpose. and now youre known as a lighter theif and you will never be trusted with the lighter again. every time you ask for it, muthafuckas will be hawkin you… waiting for you to be janky. and you dont want that. so you gotta pass on those.

If you got a lighter on you. be the last option for the lighter. never smoke with your own lighter. even if youre smoking by your self. Ask for somebody elses if you can. or if youre gotta spark the blunt. ask for somebody elses lighter to start it… and try to end up with the roach, so nobody else needs the lighter back. blam, you now have two lighters on you, and an excuse if somebody accuses you of trying to keep the lighter. "i got my own lighter, what i need yours for?" usually that works, unless somebody is being a hard ass.

at your house… never really have your jacked lighters out in the open. because if one of your victims happens to come over your house, they might recognize it, and then you will have to explain your self. not good. also, dont have some lighters out, and your jacked lighters in a stash pile some where hidden. because if by chance some one that youve more than likely stolen a lighter from, sees that you have a stash of lighters. and they happen to remember they have been got for a few lighters over the weeks or months. they are going to make a big fuss lol. lets just say that. youll have to answer for your crimes. also not good. so keep your lighters on the bottom of something thats almost in public view. blam… its just in the pile. if somebody does spot they shit, you can act like you didnt do it on purpose. blam, innocent!

Thats it for the most part.
Now you too can jack people for their lighters like the asshole you are.

Ill admit though, at first, i really didnt notice that i was stealing niggas lighters. it just kinda happen. i always ended up with the lighter last, everybody was blowed, so it was forgot about. what are you gonna do? so over time also came to realize, that i hadnt paid for any of the lighters. and i was pretty shocked at the amount of lighters that i had. so then, i figured… well hey, i want to see how long i can keep this up. and how many lighters can i get. The answer? alot. years worth lol. i only had to buy a lighter because i didnt have one when i needed one, and i wasnt at home where my stash was. so yea, it was a good run. but now its over, and i was busted by somebody, i cant remember who right now. Because they found out some how that i had never bought a lighter and always hand lighters, so that meant that i stole them all. and they long trail was put together until the truth was reveled, i was out for niggas lighters lol. So my run is some what over, ive still managed to come up on lighters but not like i used to. but its all good, you cant steal niggas lighters forever.

My next lession… Jack Moves: Lighter Jacking 201: Lying! ( "naw thats not your lighter.. " )

Lastly, the INS is back all over again… GET UP ON IT!!