March 2006 - Uhmah Park

lol how many entries am i gonna write about this muthafucka Tom of myspace.com fame?

I was talkin to my main man The Killa and he was telling me that myspace.com was fucked up and down, and had been down all gotdamn night…. yet again. This of course, is no REAL big surprise to anybody who has ever logged in to that gotdamn site more than 3 times. But whatever… i cant really say shit, because I log in anygotdamnway… just like everybody else. We live with it. But today, The Killa was fustrated. And wanted to whoop toms monkey ass because the shit was down.
I cosigned of course, being the nigga that i am. And I suggest to The Killa, that maybe i should hop on the 405 (aka the SLOW-O-Five) and roll to santa monica, where myspace.com is supposivley located, and have a sit down with Tom. lol of course im not… but still lol.

Then it occured to us that we probably arent the only muthafuckas that have had that thought lol. And i know for a fact im not the only muthafucka in LA that had that thought. Saying to themselves, i should find this fucking place and either whoop Toms ass for a variety of reasons. One being, fustrated because the site is all fucked up… all the time, the shit runs like an ’81 caddalac. With the cloth on the roof all saggy n shit… getting old ass foam dust in your fuckin hair.

So yea, im wondering. Since this man has put is FACE across every ones myspace page at sometime… and probably used his real muthafuckin name, because im sure he had no idea that the shit would get THIS big. maybe kinda big. but this big? i dout it.
And with his fucked up hair, and white guy smile… im sure if by chance you bump into this muthafucka, and happen to reconize him, youre not going to be mistaken. Unless youre like me and think most white people look alike lol.

LA is a big ass muthafuckin place. And im more than certain a decent number of people just in santa monica alone, have myspace pages. I bet you this man Tom cant go no muthafuckin where with out being hit up in some shape form or fashion. I bet he is hella tired of hearing his own damn name at this point. Hearing that same shit over and over… "hey, youre tom right?" id go nuts lol. I wonder if anybody has tried to fight him or threatened him over thier page being deleted? LOL
My cousin got his page deleted for no reason. Shit was just gone one day. Im sure that aint the only nigga that ever happen to. lol MySpace have been up for how long? If nobody has tried to whoop tom ass some where in santa monica, or just in or around LA period. id be fucking shoked lol.

I know another thing he is tired of hearing about is his gotdamn site. Either people bitching that it was down…. or some over zelious ass nerd who wants to have a meeting right there in the middle of McDonalds and tell tom how he could improve the site and make it work better. Id really love to be around when either one of those happen. What if Tom was out to eat, and somebody who was pissed over them deleting thier page, SPIT in tom food. Now THAT would be some funny shit!

The Killa mentioned, that what if Tom was sliding niggas shade. Like NO! im not tom, go away or some shit. LOL wouldnt that be fucked up? Like dogg, the whole purpose of your site is on some friend shit. Lets be friends… we are friends. I mean hell, you was my first friend when i joined. And homie, you aint being too friendly right now! lol what the fuck? lol he would probably get his ass kicked over that lol.

So im assuming it would suck to be tom lol. Has to suck to be him right now. Until you remember that he got chipped off for myspace. Then im sure it would be a lil easier to put up with. lol


Its a well known fact that people get frunk as duck on saint pattys day. Its also a well known fact that the holidays offical color is green.
So why dont people Smoke on saint pattys day, instead of drink. Makes more sense to smoke. Smoke some green! GREEN LEAVES in fact! not a clover, but you get the picture. the leaf im talkin about aint round, but pointy… but how hard is it to imagine that one could not see the correlation. Makes more sense if you ask me.

Anyway…
So how about some randomness?

Mike Jones… i dont have a big problem with this man. Although is skills on the mic are …. well to say his skill leave something to be desired, i mean… thats not really putting the proper lid on it. However… in spite of that…. I like some of his tracks. Dont ask.
Anyway… with me actually liking something about this mans music… i took it upon myself to "Acquire" his album. I sat thru that whole shit… and i think he repeated the same 300 words over and over again… in different order over different tracks with different beats. but the same 300 words. you WILL hear the following on practically every song: i got 84s something or the other… princes cuts this or that…. his cell phone number… purple stuff in my cup… something something is what im throwing up… something about his shit being clean… and thats all i can think of right now. but there are a few more. trust me.

Those of you that play basketball have all been on the court when the WHOLE gotdamn game is stoped… and some nigga is like… HOLD UP! MY CONTACT FELL OUT! and then this nigga searches the ground for his dirty ass contact that hopefully no one stepped on. But what if a nigga with a glass eye was playing? and his glass eye fucked around and fell out his head!!! how nasty would THAT be?! lol im a basketball nigga… and i been hangin around basketball niggas all my life. this is what would happen… if that shit rolled around on the ground… niggas would avoid that shit like it was an elephant avoids a rat on the cartoons. hoppin over it around it, backin offa it n shit… and the niggas on the side lines thats watchin the game… are going to fall the fuck out laughin… but a few of them might be shocked first lmao. and that story would NEVER get fucking old. Damn i almost wish the shit really happen now, and i was there to bare witness.

… BET Uncut is on my tv right now. I was trying to get my commercialism ( i was watchin regular bullshit earlier ) on for a min. something i like to do randomly. but now bet uncut is on… and this bullshit here. there is some song called shake yo sally. and there is some bitch with a mustache on the video… like with other video hoes… there is one muhfucka up there who has a mustache… a girl. she damn near look like money mike. But its Uncut… i suppose i shouldnt be surprised.

Nigga, does anthony hamilton have patches of naps on his face? like nap patches, on random spots on his face. like they look like islands of naps. not regular naps either… pubic hair naps. sir… you are a reasonably sucessful soul singer…. shave muthafucka. and while youre fucking at it… take a gotdamn comb to your head nigga. shit. walkin around lookin like an extra from the color purple. i can almost understand the clothes… youre an artist, this is your style, youre different n shit… abstract and what not. but comb your nappy ass hair! shit looks like taco meat. it looks like this nigga harvests naps on his head. he’d probably slang them shits if he could… but who wants to buy naps!? the moral of that sentence? nigga your naps are doing you no good no matter which dumb ass way you slice it! somebody get them that big black plastic ghetto comb and tackle that nigga to the ground and comb his shit! is the nigga Jamaican? or from some kinda island ( or from canada? lol ) that might be excusable. maybe if the nigga was from south america or some shit… Dominican. something… but… im not thinking so. comb your shit. cut it… something. …. or dont… fuck it… talking about your nap-dom is fun. it can be a group activity or some shit.

Chris Wilcox looks like clifford the dog, with dreds.

im done. im blackin out.


( In the honor of a successful and reminiscent ThrowBack Slang Weekend …. lol whos gonna get this joke? )

But clearly, its not illegal to drive if youre def. How is this?

How did i find out that def people can drive? No, I havent made any friends that are hard of hearing lately. But recently, quiznos started to take delivery orders. With me being the big ol quiznos fan that i am. I immediately jumped on the option, because for whatever reason today, i didnt feel like leaving the fuckin house.

I call… order a honey mustard chicken or whatever… i requested more than three times…. No Swine Please. I guess everybody wanted to jump on this new Quiznos delivery because the lady on the phone told me 40 muthafuckin minutes to delivery… i was like fuck! A nigga was hungry, and 40 min wasnt gone cut it. Of course she told me all this after i gave her my payment information. Although i cant say if i would have canceled the order, because honestly it would have taken me 40 min to get offa my ass… get dressed… lolly gag on leaving… get there and come back. So fuck it, a nigga waited.

40 muthafuckin minutes later… damn near on the dot, my door bell rings, and there is a white guy standing there with my food and a receipt, im lookin at the receipt trying to see if these niggas over charged me. Im not paying too much attention to the deliverer dude. But im asking this man if he has a pen, and i start looking around for one. And i notice this nigga hasnt responded. I look up and im like… Yo? you got a pen or somethin? And just when im about to look at this muthafucka like nigga you aint hear me the first few times?
And he hands me a pen and says "UMH MFH MDEF".
Huh? I looked at him all puzzeled. What the delivery guy was trying to tell me was, that the delivery guy was def…. to my absolute muthafuckin surprise. Because I know its illegal to drive with headphones on… but gotdamn. You can drive if youre def. I did not know that shit. That was like my first fuckin thought. How this nigga get a job? DRIVING? This is not what i was expecting! AT ALL!
Some one reading this is probably saying to themselves. Well maybe he fooled the people at quiznos, and they dont know he def. Like why would somebody hire a def delivery boy? ( youre fuckin stupid if you even tried to think that was a possibility by the way. )
Well… ol boy had the def accent, so there was no hiding the fact that he was def. So there goes that.

Now im not saying that def people are no good to society or anything like that. I just didnt know they could legally have a drivers license is all.Surprise Surprise.
Imagine my frustration when the next time im on the road, and im having one of those road rage sessions that at least half the population has. Cussin somebody out thru my window… and i feel like there is a possibility that this muthafucka is def and can not hear shit im saying, because he is too muthafuckin far from me… to read my fucking lips. Gotdammit.
I think it might be best for that nigga to respond to some foul shit i say. I cant imagine the measures id take if im honking my horn at some non-driving son of a  bitch, and the muhfucka cant fuckin hear me. Shit id be angry lol. Muhfucka just wont move and i feel like im being flagrantly ignored.
Fuck that lol.

Anyway… lets hope for our sake that def people are excellent drivers! …. some how lol? shit i cant imagine how this could be… unless like def people can use the force or some shit lol. sense danger… sonar, nigga something… fuckin spidey senses out this bitch. i dont know. but lets hope that gives them some kinda edge on the road that makes up for there lack of hearing capabilities.

You know what?!?!?! that makes me wonder if Def people get fuckin handy cap darking? Is being def not a disability?!?! it is dammit! but i really do wonder, if def people get handy cap parking! like… if they dont… it would be hard for me to understand why.
Lets say some def person is walking to thier car n shit. And, an old person…. Old people another group of people who should be excellent drivers, considering all the fuckin experience they should fucking have by now. Is in that same parking lot, and fucks around and runs the def person over…
Now… you would think that a def person… would feel the vibrations or something of the car and dive the fuck out of the way. You know what they say… when you lose one sense, the others step up. Well, id think that would be true also, if it wasnt for this poor girl HERE… she couldnt feel a big ass muthafuckin train comin. Aint no way some poor def bastard is gonna feel a measly 5 ton car comin ( you know old people drive huge cars for the most part ). Road Kill. Another traggic death So, if they get to park close. Less chance of injury. Actually, maybe not… because def people park in the handy cap parts too lol.
This is fuckin with me tho… i need to know if def people get handy cap parking or not. I think they should. Might as well lol.

Anyway, i wasnt finished iwth my story. So the def guy… tells me he is def, and automaticlly, i felt like i needed to give him a tip. Now i wasnt gonna give him a tip because there was an extra $1.50 added on for delivery. ( aint that about a bitch? ) But since the nigga was def n shit. And i ALMOST kinda felt like he was telling me VERY conviently, to get a tip. Its cool tho, that shit worked, because i gave the man two bucks tip.

How, anybody that fucks with Quiznos, knows its kinda pricey. But the shits worth it. I get my sandwish, and the shit is soggy, like its been posted up for 40 muthafuckin minutes! I look at my carrot cake… and it too looks like it has been riding in some def guy car for 40 muthafuckin minites. PASSED luke warm / slightly refrigerated n shit. Sandwish barely warm and getting cold… soggy as fuck. But im like fuck it… its gonna be good anyway. Which it was… But i couldnt help but feel like there was something extra going on. Some thing that i once knew, but it couldnt be. Do i taste BACON?!?!?!? naw naw… couldnt be. i SPECIFICLY TOLD THE LADY… no muthafuckin bacon. But i guess it feel on def ears ( ha! ) because it look TASTE like somebody put bacon on my shit… realized they fucked up. And took the shit off. But FORGOT SOME!!! Fucking shit… Ill tell you what… i even opened both sandwishes, i didnt see no stripes of swine, so i figured…. everythings cool! Little did i know. somebody fucked up… Then, i was fucked up…. stomach started crip walkin n shit. A nigga got dizzy slightly. I had to lay it down for a min, just to feel better. And im certain there was bacon, because i picked some out of my teeth. It was meat and it wasnt fuckin chicken! 

Sigh.
LOL


Wzup!?!?! Thats right, i said it… you know why? because it is throwback slang weekend. Havent done it for awhile. but its back!

Check here for the rules

Usually what happens is, either on Wednesday or Thursday, somebody will use some outdated ass slang. And either in an effort to honor that person or mock them ruthlessly, we have come up with Throwback Slang Weekend where every one uses old ass slang from yesteryear.

Yesterday i was posted up at the cheese cake factory… and i hear one of the waiters with a hint of homosexuality in his voice say… "hey, what the deally-o". I wanted to get up and throw my fuckin keys at that mans head. But instead, i decided to kick off Throwback Slang Weekend. Thats right… OJ is turning the negative into a gutty situation for me and everybody else. lol

So dont be afraid to call somebody a buster this weekend.
Dont think you cant say some shit is fresh, Funky, Funky Dope, and the over zelious ass mixing of several slang words.

And if anybody ask you what the fuck your problem is… tell them that its Throwback Slang Weekend and Five27 is the booooommmmmmmbbbbbbbbbbbbbb yo!


Through out the time Black people have been in this country, we have had to fight for "equality". We have had to fight for our rights to be treated with the same respect as every one else, in every aspect of human relations. Education, Entertainment, Labor, Politics, Law, Religion, War, Economics and Sex…. well maybe not sex so much lol.

We’ve fought and fought, and struggled… just to be treated and regarded in the same manner as the ruling class in this country.

Me and my cousin was talking the other day about movies. Particularly movies with scenes featuring alot of death and carnage. And of course, we started talking about the first 20 min of Saving Private Ryan and the Invasion of Normandie. We also talked about how BAD of a plan that whole thing was lol. Now im not a historian at all. Nor have i done much research. But as far as I know… as far as we both knew at the time. Wasnt no niggas storming the shores. Because Black soldiers wasnt allowed to see combat like that back then. There could have been a few niggas out there, but im sure there wasnt very many. In the movie, i didnt catch a one.
Now everybody remembers how graphic Saving Private Ryan was. I mean, some of them dudes never even made it off the boats!!! Bullets was flying around every where, fuckin people up. Killin muthafuckas left and right. But wasnt no niggas out there.

I was thinking… when news got back of what had happen and what not. Although they managed to put enough people up there to take over the beach, still… alot of muthafuckas died that day. So yea i was thinking, that was probably one of the only moments in Black history in America when niggas said to themselves… Damn, Im sho glad i wasnt equal that gotdamn day!
That was a dumb ass plan. Im kinda surprised they didnt send every last nigga in the military to the beach on the first wave or some shit lol.

lol ah man, we had a nice laugh over that shit.

This also reminds me of something I saw on the movie Patton. Where General Patton said something to the effect: Its not about you dying for your country, its about making the other bastard die for his!
Ive always thought that was pretty great lol.


For those of you reading this who dont eat pork ( or beef ) like myself. Have you ever gone to an eating establishment, and saw something tasty on the menu with one exception… There is either bacon, ham or some other various form of swine on said tasty menu item.

I know plenty of people who have been thrown into this situation… and its not the most inconvenient situation ever, because you can ALWAYS ask for your tasty menu item "with no bacon please". Simple request. Although it might SEEM like a simple request, unfortunately, for as simple of a request that might be… too often the employees of eating establishments where ever you go are just as fucking simple… but ill talk about that later.
So, like i was saying… No Bacon Please! Alright… so usually items that come with bacon cost a little bit extra, no? Of course they do. But, I wish to enjoy my menu item of choice, devoid of all swine. Therefore I feel should be paying less for my tasty menu item!!! But no matter where you go… they will take off the bacon, but the price will NEVER be adjusted for you. You have to pay the same with bacon twice.
I think its unfair for those of us who want to eat healthy. With out all that fifthly ass, vile, disgusting swine on which ever tasty menu item we wish to enjoy at the moment. You know what the killer part is though? You can ADD bacon like a muhfucka! And they are super quick to charge you for the shit. And extra 50 cents to a dollar or so, depending on where you go. I only know because Ive been in the company of pork eaters or saw people order bacon.

But then, lets think about that for a second… you would think, ok… so i dont want bacon. Hey Mr / Miss food worker of america. Since you can ADD bacon prices, How about you do a little bit of tinkering for me, the customer… who is always right, and deserves the highest level of your help and respect. How about you SUBTRACT the cost of bacon from my tasty menu item? Hm?
Yea right! Ask one of the food workers of america that shit (who isnt some defunct MIT grad. or some shit who cant find a job) and be amazed as they go from borderline competent to suspended in stupidity in SECONDS! There will be lots of ummm’s and uhhhh’s! You might get a "Huh?" accompanied by a dumb ass look to boot. And if youre lucky you will get a visit from the manager, but 7 times out of 10, you will get to watch this person scamper off, in search of some kind of advanced level assistance.
Depending on where youre at, somebody might fuck around and get offended that you even asked them to do something out of there scope of competency and they will spit in your food because of it… or just as bad… put some fucking swine on your would be tasty menu item.

Speaking of ending up with swine on your tasty menu item. One of the things that drives me crazy, is for me to ASK for no bacon, and INSIST that i absolutely MUST not have bacon on my tasty menu item. But the retard behind the counter some where, cant follow simple ass instructions… and not put bacon my shit. Youd think they would be happy not to any extra work. But no. I cant count how many times I have had to drive back up to which ever food establishment of america, and make them make my WHOLE meal over. Or just ask for my money back all together… Its the hardest thing for me to go back up there clam because the shit is nasty to me. Not only do i have to go back up there and WAIT for them to fix my fuckin food again possibly, but i have to CHECK it over for swine ( and spit… bitches ). Most of the time ill sit up and watch them make my food over again if im at a fast food joint.
And NO… i cant just take the shit off. Why? Because i run the risk of bacon juice being all in my food. That shit is fuckin nasty. I dont eat pork, and i havent for years. If i was to take that dive in to a swine hell, id get physically sick. Throw up, fart, the shits. All that good shit. Actually, wouldnt none of it be good. It would be bad… all bad for me, and everybody else around… or downwind lol. Hell, even upwind. Its terrible. So no swine for me please. Shits gross. But its a damn shame that asking the food workers of america to adjust the price, because it would be asking too damn much.


It goes down. That is correct, after a good 3 plus years of looking the same… i have finally updated the look and feel of Uhmah Park. And alot of other shit has changed as well….
Such as, after almost mastering Movabletype ( although my past site did not reflect my MT skills what so ever lol ) i decided to ditch MT, because it was pissing me the fuck off ( As the foot of this sitewill state forever lol ). No longer could i deal with the rebuild times and CGI bullshit of MT, i just couldnt take it no more. As chance would have it, at the same time i was feed the fuck up with MT, i discovered that WordPress had updated to version 2.0, and some of the bloggers i read used it, and i always admired the features and said it would be nice if MT would come with some of those features. Well, they havent and wont, so i made the switch. and im pretty satisfied. This shit is WAY easier to work with. Although i just jumped into it. Im learning pretty fast. But that also means this site is a work in progress and im bound to fuck it up a good two times lol.

As for how this site is constructed, Ive been wanting to do this shit here for at 4 years now. My last site was a temporary holder for me to learn how to do this shit. But work, life, and laziness got in the way. Lucky for me though, because this shit would have been WAY harder to pull off 3 years ago ( flash 5, and no wp?… no lol).

Honestly though, im a perfectionist, and its hard for me to scale back, or not have shit exactly the way i want it when i present it. Its a struggle. That being said, this site doesnt do a good 30% of what i intended it on doing. But im trying to progress as a person lol, and let go of shit. So im going to just say this is a work in progress and keep it moving lol. I got a lot of shit i want to do this year. and this has held a nigga up big time.

But what this site DOES do (which im pretty proud of) is it can change its stripes. What im talkin about is… if you havent discovered, on your own already, that on the left side of the page there is a flash menu, hovering your mouse to the top will revel that fact. Going to “Park Skins” will present you with two options… or “Skins” if you will. The default is the Now Open skin, which most people should be seeing ( if i didnt fuck up too bad ). And the other one is called album cover, clicking on that will change the look and feel of the site. It goes down. im pretty proud of it. It works in most browsers.

In punk ass internet explorer on PC there is a SLIGHT problem with the loading of the html portion of the skin. But i dont give a fuck about Internet Exploer Users anymore ( not tottally, but im fuckin fustrated with IE, so fuck IE right now ). Its YOUR own damn fault for using that peice of shit. I dont feel sorry for you muthafuckas at all lol. I think of it as looking at a person that smokes ciggerettes … or better yet… CRACK! Everybody knows the effects of smoking crack… none of them are good. Just like using IE, nothing good comes out of it. Its a pain in the ass… you can catch ALL kinds of viruses n shit, pages dont work, or load right all the time. It can be slow and buggy. Its the worst shit ever. So fuck IE, and the people who use IE deserve what the hell they get lol. A bad internet experince.

Anyway, i did manage to fall short on a few aspects of this site, and im not all the way happy with it. But like i said, its a work in progress, and here it is.
As for the rest of Five27.com, such as the photoblog, and my other foto gallery. All will be getting a face lift and reconstruction over time. I have a buncha shit i wanna do, and i might finally be getting the oppertunity to pull the shit off this year. im working on my time management… speaking of which. I need to bone out.

So the site that is the Number ONE search result… for the word “Jheri Curl” is back (or used to be, im too lazy to check if it still is ). And i will keep this bitch updated as much as possible. Its been a while, and i have a buncha shit to say…. and i wrote most of it down lol.
yay for me and no one else.