December 2004 - Uhmah Park

you want to bomb my house my main man?

lmao wooo shit!!! im watching southpark right now. the one where cartman trys to spread xmas joy to iraq. and these niggas shot santas fat ass right out the muthafuckin sky. then they tourtured him with eletroshock therapy to his nuts…
and santa hollars out… NOT SANTAS BALLS!! gotdamn lmao i damn near suffocated lol, maybe its one of those things you had to see… but i swear i almost pissed on my self laughin at that shit. then you have the fuckin only fuckin iraqi that speak english, and after everything he says “my main man”. fuckin shit! i cant fuck with these muthafucaks gotdamn.

anyway, this entry was REALLY suppose to be titled “Call us, so we can get your dumb ass fired” but fuck, that shit damn near killed me.

but like i was GOING to say… so im sitting here watching south park n shit… and this fuckin commercial comes on. Talkin about… hey are you being over worked? are you being over worked and not being compensated? do you work a salary job and arent getting paid any over time? Call us at 866 SOMESHIT.

and i cant help but wonder, who in the fuck would be dumb enough to call that bullshit and actually file a claim against thier fucking job? what the fuck do they think would happen afterward? they WILL find a way to fire your punk ass. during the fucking commercial, they ask some shit like “do you have a slight managerial responsiblities, on top of your already mounting work?” or some shit like that. lets say youre thinking to your self… why, yes i do, this is my exact situation. im pretty youre your shorted sited ass isnt thinking… hmm? am i fucking replaceable?!?! chances are, if youre not being paid like youre suppose to be…. youre definitly replaceable homie.
so yea… you call up these muthafuckas, like yea… my job is fricken screwing me on my pay man! could you guys take my job to court on my behalf so i can get paid what im suppose to? ok dumb fuck… lets just say… you win your lil case. and now youre getting paid what you were “suppose” to getting paid in the first place. everything is great huh? WRONG!
i DARE you to fuck up one good time, if its a good enough reason, youre fucking GONE. if they catch you coming back 3 min late from break. oh youre getting wrote up. i bet YOUR dumb ass is thinking “3 min? thats not a big deal!” well asshole… rules are rules and since YOU wanted to be on that shit. well guess what? now were enforcing them shits! congratulations mr/miss i wanted to take my fucking job to court. and what happens if you are caught socializing, please believe, when they write you up… they are going to HYPE it bad. hella bad! and eventually after being written up so much, youre going to be fucking fired. you thought your fuckin job sucked before? its going to HELLA suck now… but good news! Your job wont suck for long! Why? because you wont even HAVE that shit that long after you file that case, ya jack ass!
but on the other side, you take your job to court and you fuck around and LOSE, then what? no harm no file? WRONG! WRONG! same shit is still going to happen! but now, no raise! way to fucking go!
i couldnt believe that shit the first time i saw it lol. i had to wait for that shit to come on again to see if it was foreal lol.

man… file a claim against your job. who do these muthafuckas think they are? do they think they are really helping these people out? NO! because they are going to be in an even worse situation than they started. chances are, the pay increase wont be THAT fucking much lol. would it even be worth all that trouble? you will probably have to fucking miss work, to show the fuck up in court, i hope you have leave! lol.
Normally, i dont hate on a good come up. but this is just bad lol. i mean, there are enough half wits in the country to go for this (im talking to you, red staters). this whole shit could possibly slightly have a bad effect on the american econmic structure. if people lose thier jobs, the economy suffers. businesses suffer when they have to defend them selves in court over some retarded shit. and they were probably doing pretty good over working your ass. but now they have to come out the poket a little bit more. so then thier have to be cut backs. and somebody else might fuck around and get fired. lol in a perfect world the muthafucka responsible would have to pick up the slack lol, and be underpaid all over again lol.
you see where this could possibly go?
this whole shit is just unamerican! lol. foreal lol i think the taliban, al queda or some other punk ass terrorist group came up with this to be honest lol. ( Well not really, but lets just say i really believe that shit lol ) they are set on fucking up this country where it really hurts. the american economy. this whole scheme may actually have a SUPER small effect on the economy………. but we are talking about the same group of muthafuckas that WILL throw a rock at a big ass muthafuckin tank, if they have to. they are no strangers to ryde or die. and every little bit counts lol. 1 solider + bomb = MAYBE 8 isrealis… its all worth it to them lol. im not JUST talking about palistinians, the only muthafuckas in the middle east ( what a dumb discription of an area ) that like isreali’s, are…. fuckin isrealies lol. most middle eastern countries find some way to fuck somethin up in isreal, not just palistien. anyway… im talking about terrorist anti american muthafuckas. which wouldnt include palistienians, they arent terrorist, they are revolutioniaries. there is a difference. but thats some whole other shit.

but like i was saying… this is america people (fuck yea! lol). this country was BUILT by muthafuckas that was underpaid and hella over worked. you know who im talking about… SLAVES! the muthafuckas that was brought over here, against they will, to work the land that eventually lead to the economy this country enjoys today. good or bad… its still one of the best out. not just slaves tho… there are tons black men and women who never got credit for all the hard work, thier ideas and inventions and contributions that made this country what it is today. but we wont go into all that. my main point is… over worked and underpaid is how this country has always worked lol. back then… all niggas got was ass kickings, degridation, pork, christainity and more work as compensation for thier labor. at least YOU are getting monataraly compensated for your time!

the only muthafuckas that deserve to be overpaid are people who are smart enough to be over paid. and if you THINK youre smart enough to be over paid, but you look up, and you happen to fuckin discover that you are infact NOT being overpaid or at least being paid even steven. then chances are… youre probably not smart enough to NOT be over worked lol lol. congratulations!

so OJ, how do i manage to get my self into a postion to where i can be overpaid… im smart enough. at least i think i am?
Well, to you i say… fuck, i dont know? muthafucka im trying to keep ME overpaid lol. i dont have time to figure out how to put you in a postion you probably shouldnt be in lol……………………. unless of course, you want to pay me to help you get to where you wanna be lol. then we can come up with something together lol. and you know imma help you, because… if you dont get paid… I dont get paid. and im serious about me being overpaid lol. im trying to be overpaid as much as possible lol.
its either, pay me… or keep your current job, and call the muthafuckas at 866 F-U-PAY-ME. they are gonna want some doe if they win the case too you know. might as WELL pay me. i wont get you fired lol. whicha dumb ass lol.


“you ugly, you ugly, yo mamma said you fugly!”

does anybody remember what this is from?

of course you dont, so imma tell you. its from this old ass movie staring goldie hahn and a buncha other niggas who i cant remember right now. and it was called WildCatz. it was about a female football coach. it was the guts. i used to watch that movie all the time when i was younger.

fugly, for those who are unaware is short for “fuckin ugly”

but yea… that shit is from when the cheerleaders were doing one of they cheers. shit had me rollin when i first heard that shit.

speaking of ugly, me and the homie eman just had a discussion about ugly.

Eman: and the ONLY woman on the planet I give a free pass on that shit
Eman: is whooppee
Eman (2:50:41 AM): and she aint whoopee
OJ (2:50:57 AM): LOL
OJ (2:51:19 AM): whoopee goldburg has to be one of the uglist bitches possible
Eman (2:51:29 AM): yes, but thats not the point
OJ (2:51:32 AM): no…
Eman (2:51:36 AM): see, we sen whoop all her life with that shit
Eman (2:51:41 AM): so its acceptible garb on her
OJ (2:51:42 AM): do you know how ugly you have to be, to be ugly as possible?
Eman (2:51:43 AM): on another bitch
Eman (2:51:44 AM): no
Eman (2:51:48 AM): lmao
Eman (2:51:49 AM): HAHA
OJ (2:52:01 AM): thats like the max
OJ (2:52:05 AM): all the way…
OJ (2:52:12 AM): youre all the way low
OJ (2:52:16 AM): under under
OJ (2:52:24 AM): the worst…
OJ (2:52:31 AM): ground fuckin zero
Eman (2:53:06 AM): oh man
Eman (2:53:10 AM): I just added all this to my sig
Eman (2:53:14 AM): that whole spill right there
Eman (2:53:16 AM): oh boy
OJ (2:53:16 AM): you have a signature uglyness to youre being
OJ (2:53:30 AM): lol ha! thats the guts
OJ (2:53:50 AM): man… im sittin up here high, listening to……… hold up miles davis, blues and ballads
Eman (2:53:50 AM): man
Eman (2:53:53 AM): im crying right now
Eman (2:53:57 AM): oh thats great
Eman (2:53:59 AM): miles? shit
Eman (2:54:01 AM): cant go wrong
Eman (2:54:08 AM): add some ol sammy or ray to it
OJ (2:54:08 AM): thinking of all the ways a muthafucka could be ugly as possible. and what that REALLY means…
Eman (2:54:10 AM): u str8
Eman (2:54:14 AM): lmao
OJ (2:54:27 AM): naw… no singin… just instrumental for this one
Eman (2:54:36 AM): yea miles has alot of those
OJ (2:54:52 AM): but you know what?
OJ (2:55:15 AM): now i look at whoopee, and its like ok… youre ugly as possible. like there isnt anything at all attractive about you…
OJ (2:55:39 AM): any one thing a person could like on another person, you do not have…
OJ (2:55:53 AM): you are totally devoid of phyiscal beauty…
Eman (2:56:05 AM): wk.fdskfdssdsd
Eman (2:56:07 AM): lmao
Eman (2:56:10 AM): oh jesus
OJ (2:56:13 AM): gotdamn nigga just ZERO
OJ (2:56:23 AM): but nigga
Eman (2:56:27 AM): yea, that’s pretty bad
OJ (2:56:30 AM): i know somebody uglier than that
OJ (2:56:34 AM): this bitch…
Eman (2:56:39 AM): if ugly had a hell..u’d be it’s embodiment
OJ (2:56:39 AM): i talked about her in the MLSS post…
Eman (2:56:42 AM): thats horrible even
OJ (2:56:47 AM): LMAO! gotdamn lmao
OJ (2:56:55 AM): OHSHIT!!!
OJ (2:57:01 AM): wooo gotdamn…
OJ (2:57:03 AM): but man
OJ (2:57:05 AM): this girl…
OJ (2:57:17 AM): she was mood changing ugly
Eman (2:57:18 AM): not the mooncricket
Eman (2:57:20 AM): lol
OJ (2:57:26 AM): naw… she had the moon cricket beat
Eman (2:57:30 AM): oh hell naw
Eman (2:57:37 AM): the way ya’ll described her
Eman (2:57:39 AM): man
Eman (2:57:40 AM): I was like
Eman (2:57:45 AM): she cant be that fucked up
OJ (2:57:48 AM): im telling you… looking at this bitch, she could change your attitude
Eman (2:58:00 AM): from happy mood to man wtf just came over me
OJ (2:58:02 AM): well, the moon cricket looked like antonio tarver….
Eman (2:58:04 AM): BACK THE FUCK UP
OJ (2:58:05 AM): yes!
OJ (2:58:25 AM): if somebody left the room for 10 seconds and come back, and inbetween that time, she came into your feild of vision
OJ (2:58:41 AM): they would look at you and be like “fuck is wrong with you?”
Eman (2:58:41 AM): your whole day would change eh
Eman (2:58:45 AM): lmao
Eman (2:58:53 AM): “bitch I just looked at yo ass”
OJ (2:58:55 AM): this bitch ugly is burned to your retena
Eman (2:58:56 AM): “now Im ruined”
Eman (2:59:04 AM): lmao@ into retina
OJ (2:59:21 AM): man… think about this…
Eman (2:59:24 AM): eh?
OJ (2:59:32 AM): im pretty sure your old enough to know what a sleestack is right?
Eman (2:59:38 AM): 27…
OJ (2:59:41 AM): right lol
OJ (2:59:46 AM): so she looked like a sleestack….
Eman (2:59:51 AM): wtf is a sleestack tho…it sounds familiar, but shit
OJ (2:59:59 AM): a real life actual TROLL that you would find under a bridge
OJ (3:00:03 AM): and a robot…
Eman (3:00:05 AM): I compare women to wildabeasts often
OJ (3:00:10 AM): all at the same time…
OJ (3:00:12 AM): gotdammit
Eman (3:00:13 AM): hold up
Eman (3:00:15 AM): first off
Eman (3:00:16 AM): FIRST off
Eman (3:00:26 AM): Trolls dont exist..this means we are getting into a whole new realm of ugly
Eman (3:00:28 AM): second
Eman (3:00:32 AM): its impossible to kill trolls
Eman (3:00:35 AM): unless u burn them with fire
Eman (3:00:40 AM): they regnerate and shit
OJ (3:00:41 AM): LOL LMAO!!!
Eman (3:00:47 AM): cut off one limb, and u grow a whole new troll
OJ (3:00:52 AM): http://images.google.com/images?q=sleestack&hl=en&lr=&sa=N&tab=wi ( for all the rest of you unknowing ass niggas… gotdamn lol. )
Eman (3:00:52 AM): omfg this isnt funny..Im fucking serious
OJ (3:00:56 AM): thats a sleestack cuzz
Eman (3:01:19 AM): lmao
Eman (3:01:20 AM): dude
OJ (3:01:28 AM): im telling you… if you liked ugly bitches, you would get her and ask her, girl… you got part troll in you huh?
Eman (3:01:28 AM): u just pasted me a link to a fucking lizard
OJ (3:01:34 AM): LMAO
OJ (3:01:35 AM): no nigga
OJ (3:01:38 AM): thats a sleestack
OJ (3:01:41 AM): from land of the lost!
Eman (3:01:42 AM): LOL
Eman (3:01:45 AM): h;ksdsk;bsdk;fsd
Eman (3:01:48 AM): oh hell naw
Eman (3:01:56 AM): wait
Eman (3:01:58 AM): WAIT
Eman (3:02:04 AM): those things that would walk around in grps of 2-3
OJ (3:02:06 AM): imagine… a sleestack, a troll and a robot
OJ (3:02:08 AM): YEA!!!
Eman (3:02:09 AM): and be sorta bent over
Eman (3:02:11 AM): and chirping?
OJ (3:02:15 AM): YES!! LMAO!!!
Eman (3:02:17 AM): ugh
Eman (3:02:18 AM): LOL
OJ (3:02:30 AM): LOL YES NIGGA!
Eman (3:02:35 AM): man
Eman (3:02:40 AM): this is the ugliest bitch possible then
Eman (3:02:41 AM): seriously
OJ (3:02:43 AM): she was lizard lookin….
OJ (3:02:51 AM): like the sleestack…
OJ (3:03:01 AM): and it was like she was scaley, but hairy at the same time
OJ (3:03:06 AM): imagine if a snake had hair
Eman (3:03:09 AM): LMAO
Eman (3:03:10 AM): dfndfdgldfgdf
OJ (3:03:29 AM): and you know those robots with the upside down cheese?
Eman (3:03:40 AM): yes
OJ (3:03:49 AM): like she looked kinda like a star trooper in the face
Eman (3:03:52 AM): my laughter is out of control right now…boy
OJ (3:03:56 AM): big ass eyes… werid ass mouth
Eman (3:04:02 AM): man
OJ (3:04:04 AM): block ass head
Eman (3:04:05 AM): in highschool
Eman (3:04:11 AM): i knew this girl named rana
Eman (3:04:19 AM): u know how there was always that one black ass chick
Eman (3:04:21 AM): like midnight
Eman (3:04:30 AM): that was her
Eman (3:04:41 AM): her name, Rana, means Frog in latin
Eman (3:04:45 AM): and be damned if she didnt favor one
OJ (3:04:54 AM): :L


is it me? or do snoop and pharell come with the dryest proformances ever? dont get me wrong, i love snoop and pharell both, drop it like its hot is my shit. but them two niggas on stage…. gotdamn. fuck it, just play the video on the big screen. shit.


man… isnt seeing people you went to highschool with the most awkward shit to ever happen?

you know, like if you aint seen em in a long time. and they walk up on you, and they like “HEY!” and you gotta step back and try to remember who the fuck this person is… then you gotta look at them like… ummm i know i know you from some where, you look kinda familar. but different. OH! i used to know you long time ago! how are you doing!?
and in the course of while youre talking to them, you have to remember this muthafuckas name, some how some way. but you gotta go thru all that other shit in like 2 seconds of intial contact lol… or the shit will be more awkard than its going to be. but in the mean time you have to give them that general ass – avoid having to use thier name conversation. and GOD FORBID if you have to introduce this muthafucka to somebody your with. like yea this is.. umm ummm… fuck what was your name again?
oh! now its a whole hell of a lot more awkard that it already was going to be!
so then the person tells you thier name and thats its own brand of awkwardness.
and then when youre like “oh thats right!” you have to actually REMEMBER them and shit about them.
but thats if you happen to forget that persons name or not. in a tad bit more of a favorable situation, you would.

yesterday i was at dave and busters and this same shit happen to me. but it was my black ass that walked up to this girl i used to know and said hey. no big excietment or anything but i just walked up to her like i knew her. (because i did, remembered her name and everything… shanna) and she pulled that whole shit. lol except she was with her friend that went to the rest room, and wasnt around. and she never said my name but i could tell she didnt remember that shit lol. so i just was like hey, how you been. and it was hella uncomfortable for me after that… because a nigga like me…. ran outta shit to say lol. that quick. i didnt know what the fuck to do, so i told her “nice seeing you again………….. aight.” waved goodby like a muthafucka. went and sat down. fuck it.

but im wondering… what in the fuck do you say to people you havent seen in a long ass time? maybe im just bad with that shit. its hella awkard for me. i think im bad with people i dont know. i DO NOT know what to say. the only things i ever come with are:
Hey, how you been?
what you been up to?
whens the last time i seen you? (maybe)

but thats fuckin it lol. im extra done after that. i usually HOPE they will say… oh i just been workin or going to school. and then i can ask them about that and “how is that going for you?” maybe something about what it is they do or studing. if they dont… im assed out. that whole conversation is all down hill from there lol. but seriously… im not trying to interview them like that. and furthermore, i cant say im all that interested… its like man, in most cases, me and this muthafucka dont talk no more for a reason. im not trying to put my self in a situation where me and long time no see over here see each other more than we already havent been.
well maybe sometimes you would like to kinda. for whatever reason. but fuck, tell whats been up later lol. when i can plan to be interested in whats been going on with you.
but i guess it would be my fault for asking… but then again… i fuckin feel obligated damn near. like i said. its awkard for me. i cant just play muthafuckas off like that. oh hi! gotta go nigga! peace! nice seeing you again…. although its clear im lying because if i wasnt lying, i would have made at least a half assed effort to catch up.
i can be fucked up, but im not that fucked up lol. plus… usually i can make myself and somebody else laugh through this incounter.
so what it is, is… if i feel obligated to catch up with you, because im not that mean of a guy. me being a nice guy or a mean guy has nothing to do with it, what im hoping for is that some how this chance meeting will result in some laughter later on, some where else. either that, or a hook up. lol because shit… people gotta work… shit slips through the crack, and it aint about what you know its who you know. if i can get hooked up with some shit… dont matter what it is. long as its free or half price, im all for it lol. but my first concern is the jokes later on lol.

like when i saw shanna… caught up for a second… hey how you been yap yap yap… then i was off to sit down with the homies and eat ( we hella blowed ). and it took me like 20 min to remember what was so funny about me seeing this girl. and it hit me… and i think i said it too loud. i said “oh yea, i remember why me seeing this girl is kinda funny. Her friend sucked my dick in front of her mamma house. and she (shanna) used to be standin RIGHT THERE all in my shit, while i was trying to get her to come off some head back in fuckin highschool! gotdamn!”
anyway…
i remember shanna… she was there when i got kicked by that retarded girl. she was standing directly on my side and so was the girl that ended up givin me head (thats a whole seperate blogger entry… if i havent came with that shit already ). this girl though, this was one of the only girls that ive ever met that can sucessfully crack a joke on me, with out me having SHIT to say back. like she could get me bad lol. i dont know how lol. but she used to talk SHIT to me lol. i never understood though… this girl would keep her hair and nails done, and dressed like one of her overweight 40 year old aunties. it was weird. she had a big ol ass. she just… i dont know… never tried to be cute with her shit. her man league scoring system score though? like 40 something, mid 40’s… some ol ill never tell cut. and NO i didnt cut her either… i swear. because i know SOMEBODY is gonna ask me later. asshole. anyway…. just because youre score is low, that dont mean you give up. if you gone give up, why get your hair and nails done? fuck i dont know…

but what really has me puzzeled is… why every time i see somebody i used to go to highschool with… im either drunk as fuck or high as fuck. im NEVER sober when i see somebody i havent seen in a long time. imma fuck around have people saying all kinda shit about my black ass… and then IMMA be the nigga being laughed at later, instead of them. “girl, i saw oj the other day and he was fucked up!”
“yea i saw him like a month or two ago, and he was fucked up then too!”
“daaaaaaaaaamn homie!”
lol you know every since that gotdamn song came out… niggas been sayin that shit about muthafuckas who fucked up after highschool lol. the fuck happen to you?
but yea man… damn near every single time… im never fuckin sober. like my homegirl ebony. i seen her on the 4th of july, i havent seen her damn near since graduation day lol. and i see her on the 4th, and i was blowed outta my mind. yapped it up for a second in front of her house. and bonned out. then i seen her a few months later… it was at my parents house. and i was drunk as fuck when she got there lol. and we went out to dave and busters later… me her and some friends n shit. and i started throwin back mojitos. i was toasted that day lol. eh… oh well lol. fuck it lol.

just for the record tho, im fucking slick… if i dont know a muthafucka name when i have to introduce them to somebody im with… i give the ol:
“oh yea… this is my ( insert relation to this person ) ( insert said persons name )” introducing them to the person im with.
and then if i can remember how i know this muthafucka:
“yea (insert said persons name you are intoducing mystery muthafucka to) we ( state how you know or where you know mystery muthafucka from)” so it would be like… oh yea this is my cousin tiffany. then turn to tiffany and say: yea tiffany… we know each other from my highschool… then turn back to mystery muthafucka like: so how you been?
see how that works?
i got caught up with that one time, just KNEW i had this niggas name right. introducing him to my cousin like yea this is jimmy jr, lonnies cousin. this nigga was like naw, thats my brother… im BB. gotdamn was i moded! shit was ruff, and fucked up after that… shit! i felt all awkard lol.


pardon me…
im sorta blowed. but im convinced i make perfect sense.

recently, ive been watching the food channel more and more… because my room mate always has it on.
why? she is trying to learn how to cook. shes actually made some pretty good shit. However, previously… like a month and a half ago… this is something she wasnt intrested in, but then one day out of the clear ass blue, its a new hobby of hers. well ok… fine do your thing holmes.
shes getting all kinds of new cookware n shit… it goes down actually, because i was tired of using that ol bullshit, but im not THAT interested to find out whats hot in cookware these days. she is… we got new shit. it goes down.

so anyway… like i was saying. she watchs the food network all the time n shit. it used to be home and garden… but now its the food network. and this fucking channel is the worst gotdamn channel to watch when youre hungry as fuck.
and me… im hungry alot. but apparently im some kind of fuckin “Foodie”, which means im hella picky about what i eat, and wont eat anything i dont have a taste for. which is the unmistakable truth. but im ok with that, and i dont give a flying ass fuck. i cant eat some shit i really dont want. its hard as fuck for me to do. but then again… ive also been accused of being a “control freak” but thats another entry.

well maybe not… because you know what? i fucking hate to be fucking teased! if you gone start some shit… you gone finish some shit or i cant fuck with you no more. and when im watching the fucking food network, and that country lady is on there making the best shit ever in history. i be so gotdamn mad and jealous of her.
i love to fuckin eat. i just cant never make up my mind on what i want, AND im too gotdamn lazy to get off my ass sometimes and make the shit i want. i know i know… i have a problem. but so… i cant help that shit. it fuckin sucks and i cant do shit about it, ive tried.
so anyway… here i am, hungier than a muthafucka… and this lady is on my gotdamn cable that i pay for… teasing the fuck out of me with tasty ass treats. it just aint right. i feel like im fucking paying to be teasted. i feel like im at a fuckin strip club… im putting money in this bitch pocket. yet and still… im not fuckin. i cant even touch this bitch. all i get is attention i wouldnt get if i didnt have some doe to throw in her pocket. and it aint even some satisfying attention… its “i started, but i aint gonna fuckin finish the job attention”. which is really the worst fuckin kind. and what makes it worse? yes… like i said earlier. i had to fucking pay for it. so here i am… paying for cable, giving this lady ratings, putting money in her pocket thru sponsorships and all kinds of other tv doe. but do i get a slice of that great ass cheese cake she just fuckin made?!?!? NO!!! do i get some fuckin super chicken n shit?!?!? NO!!! DO I EVEN GET TO SMELL THAT SHIT?!?!?! NO!!! i am being teased yet again. and have to come out the pocket for it, because cable is fuckin expensive!

So, watching the food network when youre hungry, is like watching porn. its not like watching a stripper at a strip club. at least the stripper at the strip club… she will rub her ass on me for 25 bucks. and if she think im cute, she might let me rub her up if aint nobody gone see. ( fyi: i dont go to strip clubs enough to know that its true. but the few times ive had stripper run ins lol heh.. ) if the food network was like a strip club id at least get to SMELL the food being cooked, and might get a SMALL ass sample if im fuckin lucky. but nothing enough to satisfy my fuckin hunger pains. just a lil tease. but with the food network, i dont get even that… im left totally to my imagination and the visual in front of me. just like porn… you cant brush against no ass or titties… you cant smell the purfume or basiclly experence anything outside of a visual that might turn you on. the only thing you have in front of you is what you can see. and imagine how good it would be.

then that shit goes off… and youre like fuuuuuuuuuuuuck that looked good as fuck. rather its head, or salmon, fuckin or apple pie. youre fuckin stuck with what you dont got. unless you wanna go get it ( or pay for it ) your self.
lol

and the sad thing thru all of this is… i cant turn away lol. if its on… imma watch lol. im talking about the food network. but… people say the same shit about porn!

LOL!!

im blackin out… im sleepy and delerious damn near.


I always feeeel like… somebodies waaaaaatchin mmmeeeeee

i think the nigga that sung that song was a victim of a parking lot stalker. he was probably at some mall, this time of the year. the busiest shopping time of the year. he was probably done shopping, walking back to his vehicle. and all of a sudden he felt somebody lurking in the cut, watching him from behind, waiting paitently… probably heard a motor running, if it was dark… he probably saw a pair of head lights that never ended up passing him. yet… he could hear a car behind him. he was probably just looking for his car, because most people forget EXACTLY where they park at the mall… but usually they have an idea of a general area where they MAY have parked lol. so chances are he was preoccupied by finding his fuckin car… but in the back of his mind… he knows something aint right. and then it happens… a car slowly approches his side and a voice says to him “Hey, are you leaving?”
he was probably thinking to himself… what in the fuck?!
answers to this ABOSOLUTE stranger “umm yea, i guess?”
and the parking lot stalker probably then asked him ( like they all do ) “cool, can i have your spot?”
lol
i know somebody is reading this, like hey… i never looked puzzeled or mind when people follow me to my car… or ask if im leaving.
thats probably because you are a parking lot stalker your gotdamn self!

i dont know… maybe its just me… but i dont fuckin like to be followed by muthafuckas i dont know. i dont give a fuck if the parking lot is crowded as fuck and some lazy son of a bitch is looking for a close parking spot. i dont wanna be fuckin followed. i hate that shit…

i like to fuck with people sometimes tho lol. ill walk 5 rows over from where my car is, and zig zag my way all the way to my car. lol muthafuckas… its funny. but still… i feel like im trying to lose a tail n shit.

once i even had a muthafucka trying to follow me to my shit… and i parked far as fuck… because there was no parking, and i HATE looking for parking. im lazy, but ill fuckin walk. i dont care all that much… unless its raining or hella cold or some shit. actually… im too lazy and impatient to look for parking. walking hella far from my car is the lesser of the two evils really. but anyway… i had this muthafucka lurking in my shawdows n shit, then i guess they got impatient… pulled up a little closer to me and asked me… “say… are you leaving?”
“…. yea.” i reply, on some who and why the fuck?
“where did you park?”
i pointed some where off in the yonder n shit… “way back there some where?” and then, these muthafuckas, rolled up they window… got an attitude and pulled off. what kinda shit is that?! i didnt even know what i was suppose to do after that… should i have been offended, should i have fliped them the bird or yelled out “well fuck you too then!”…. what? i was at a lost… foreal lol. bastards lol. oh well fuck them lol

and then, worse than them… is when you have a parking lot stalker riding shot gun, and they try to turn you into a parking lot stalker…
HEY! they look like they goin to they car! follow them!
Muthafucka NO! lol i aint following no gotdamn body… me and you… be bout to be two walkin muthafuckas. and thats fuckin it. if i happen to come the fuck up on a parking spot… cool. if not… walkin aint never killed nare-muhfucka.
ive been in the car with muthafucaks who will get MAD at you for not askin tho… pissed off… WHY WONT YOU ASK!!! I DONT WANNA WALK! i cant believe muthafuckas some times… but hey whatever…
ive been imbarrassed a couple of times… ill be rollin past a muthafucka that look like they walkin to they shit… and my shotgun parking lot stalker will roll down they window and ask the muhfucka on THEY side if they leavin… i HATE that shit lol.

i will admit however, i have asked a muthafucka or two if they was leaving… BUT THEY WAS AT THEY CAR!!! with the doors open n shit… or getting ready to open they doors. and why did i ask? because some people… for whatever reason… will go back to they shit… get something out… and go back in the mall or whatever. but MOST times, you can tell if a muthafucka is bout to leaving or not. we wont talk about the muthafucka that take 8 gotdamn years to get they shit together to clear the fuck out… thats for another entry i suppose.
but anyway, like i was saying… i dont follow nobody to they shit… i have been coaxed into doing the shit a few times by my passenger parking lot stalker. but eehhh im too gotdamn impatient to wait for somebody walkin super fuckin slow to get back to thier fuckin car. fuck that… it aint that gotdamn serious for me.

the only time i dont get irritated at parking lot stalkers is when im like 2 cars away from my shit, and somebody asks me… then i dont mind so much. is there a way to tell how far i might be from my shit? no… but so fuckin what. i just dont mind when im close to my shit. lol but im an asshole who could care less about anybody elses parking spot… so usually when im walking to my car… i enter my car from a row or two over like i said earlier, just so i dont have to be asked or followed.
the only other time i dont mind the PLS’s is when IM looking for parking, and they are walking to THIER car, and they spot me looking for parking and they reach out to me, and say… hey, im parked right up there if you want my spot.
most times… only parking lot stalkers ask you this shit, because they know they are about to be followed and asked, just like they would do some complete fuckin stranger. lol but i do hate when somebody signs up to let you in thier spot and its a decent distance away, and they walk SLOW AS FUCK. gotdamn that shit pisses me off lol, because you cant just get impatient and roll the fuck off… like fuck you, you slow son of a bitch… id rather park a quarter of a mile away! they were kind enough to invite you to thier soon to be relinquished parking spot, and it would just be rude to ask them to hurry the fuck up. or pass on it because they were walking hella slow. it would also be rude to talk shit about thier reinactment of molasass movment to thier fucking vehicel, to who ever is riding shotgun… but i usually do that anyway lol.
lol a couple of times, during the summer or when its hot… and i got my windows down… ill be cracking jokes… and the person riding shot gun will laugh hella loud. lol now the person who was kind enough to invite me to thier parking spot… has a small inclination, that i am talkin about thier half steppin ass.

and of course… some gotdamn parking lot stalker is gonna leave some comment, talking about how they just want a good parking spot. whatever… stop being lazy muthafucka… take what you can get… walk yo ass on. its good for you.
oh… i got problems with my feet
maybe you shouldnt have your punk ass at the mall then huh?
maybe you should have your dumb ass at the fuckin gym or the gotdamn doctor?!?!
this might seem like a retarded excuse for a person to give… but please believe… i know some trifflin ass people who WOULD say some shit like this (pissing me off at the very same time). and then be mad that i can actually use my muthafuckin brain… finding huge gaping holes in thier half witted ass excuse… and then have the NERVE to call me mean after wards.
bitch! you just tried to insult my good sense! fuck you!

lol let me stop… im actually already mad and thinkin about some other shit… i been walkin around cussin for any reason possible.