Trife Life Memoirs Archives - Uhmah Park

So, back in my drunken partying days lol, anytime “Get Low” came on, I’d stop what I was doing and start dancing. So this one time, I was drunk at the homie house. That shit comes on. And I started dancing with the chair. I guess I got a little too rough with it, and I snapped that bitch in half. It was a flimsy ass chair anyway lol. Some how, Clever got pictures of said event. And thats the only proof that exists. Other than me confirming the story. But its really all here say as far as I’m concerned lol.


Has this ever happen to you? You have a female friend who you moderately flirt with and there is a possibility of ‘something’ happening. Something could be anything, from Sex to a Relationship,. And lets say, youre really only interested in sex and she might be interested in ‘something’ like a relationship. Alot of times, its some one who just wants to be with some one else of the sake of be being boo’d up. They dont really even like you, they’re just looking for somebody to fill a slot.

Firstly, ending up in that situation sucks, because all you wanted to do was fuck from time to time. But this person has something else in mind that requires alot more attention and work than you believe said person is worth. So you and this person go through a little tussle. Where youre half way trying to fuck, doesnt matter to you. But everytime you hit this person up, theyre not really trying to get with YOU per say. But they make it known that they wanna be in a damn relationship or at least some kind of regular in your face-too-gotdamn-much-ness. In dealing with this other person you happen to meet a friend of theirs some how, who is just beautiful, or more your speed, who you would much more rather deal with than the person you wish you would have never had that blow job conversation with.

Has this ever happen to you? Where you wish you would have met the friend first? Its happen to me. At least 5 different times. So what would you do? Would you wait this person out, till they got into a relationship with some one else or really interested in somebody else?. Would you have the balls to ask for the hook up? I have. Met with much resistance surprisingly? Whats that about? Haters.
Maybe I have more to offer your friend. Maybe you suck lol. Clearly youre a hater.Chances are you suck lol. Nobody ever thinks about that. oh well lol


King Juave = JD. Big Juave = OJ
I’d explain the names, but fuck it, i dont feel like it right now. Im too busy laughing at this shit.

if you know somebody with food stamps, and you think you want to use them… please consider the following lol

and just incase you didnt read the title right. Yes… it usually is PROS and CONS… but in this case… its just PRO and CONS. (JD’s Joke)

oh, and just incase you need a point of reference… http://www.ebtproject.ca.gov/ … there you go lol

KingJuave: nigga over here trying to swindle food stamps off people
Big Juave: LMAO WHAT?
Big Juave: lol nigga you know you cant use them shits right?
KingJuave: nigga, you aint down with the 2 for 1?
KingJuave: nigga i cant
Big Juave: or do you have a wic card your self?
KingJuave: nah
KingJuave: youhave someone just use they wic card, and then pay them upon leaving said store
Big Juave: yea i been through that before lol
KingJuave: 2 weeks of groceries, 65 bucks! woo
Big Juave: shits wack lol
Big Juave: LMAO
Big Juave: this nigga
KingJuave: shit not to me
Big Juave: well its wack that i gotta hang out with people that have food stamps just to use food stamps
KingJuave: I mean i had to do the shopping anyway, I just need this nigga with me to swipe her card
KingJuave: LMAO
KingJuave: well i feel you there
KingJuave: ideally Id like for it not to matter,
Big Juave: not that i wouldnt if i had to
KingJuave: but it does
KingJuave: Redistribution of wealth, if food stamps qualifies as wealth
Big Juave: LMAO!!!!!
Big Juave: cant argue that lol
KingJuave: I know i couldnt do it though, if they still had them big ass stamps that look like chinese currency
Big Juave: LMAOL!!!
Big Juave: in the food stamp books n shit lol
Big Juave: nigga, thats the only think ive EVER been able to do
KingJuave: right nigga
KingJuave: nah nigga
KingJuave: I aint never fucked with those lol
Big Juave: really does beat hanging out with that county recipient lol
KingJuave: luckily by the time i got on my own , and was buying all my own groceries they had the EBT cards crackin by then
KingJuave: lol
KingJuave: LMAO @ Hanging out with people who get food stamps!~
Big Juave: we used to buy food stamps offa uncle june
Big Juave: then when they changed all the gotdamn rules
KingJuave: Cocaine is a hell of a drug
Big Juave: i actually had to roll with that nigga to the store
KingJuave: LMAO
Big Juave: last time that shit happen lol
KingJuave: well you know what thats different
KingJuave: LMAO
KingJuave: nigga id be pissed if i had to go WITH that nigga to the store
Big Juave: exactly
Big Juave: aint like imma just give the nigga a list of shit i need
KingJuave: like nigga, if i give you alist , you think you can manage?  hmm, on second thought, fuck! nevermind, I dont know how im going to get out of this
KingJuave: LMAO!
KingJuave: funny you should mention!
Big Juave: who knows what will happen in between there and me getting my shit
KingJuave: exactly what i was thinking
Big Juave: lmao
KingJuave: like nigga, even if you tell then nigga, “go buy all this shit” ill give you the cash when you get back
Big Juave: nigga might take 5 hours to come back
KingJuave: right!~
Big Juave: and all my shit is defrosted
Big Juave: and the nigga still want his doe
KingJuave: then comeback with half of the shit you asked for and it be cheap
Big Juave: oh, and then there is that problem lol
Big Juave: nigga buy me all clearance food or some shit
KingJuave: then he try and act like he lost the receipt and then over charge you
Big Juave: i aint gonna even understand
Big Juave: YES!
Big Juave: LMAO FUCK THAT LMAO!!!!
KingJuave: Nigga will then try and tell you he didnt get the groceries from the 99 cent store
Big Juave: RIGHT!
Big Juave: everything in black bags tho
KingJuave: and the only reason he got 99 cent store bags, is becasue The grocery store ran out
KingJuave: LMAO!
Big Juave: exactly
Big Juave: lol
KingJuave: I see he gets even less credit than the 99 cent store!
KingJuave: black bags
KingJuave: liek he shopped at the liquor store!
KingJuave: well
KingJuave: shit
Big Juave: LMAO!
Big Juave: RIGHT!
KingJuave: nevermind makes sense
KingJuave: one stop shop
Big Juave: i remember the liquor store used to take food stamps nigga
KingJuave: liquor, drugs, and well a portion of the shit on the list
Big Juave: you just couldnt buy liquor with that shit lol
KingJuave: yes nigga!
KingJuave: they all do now!
Big Juave: word?!
Big Juave: LOL
KingJuave: plastered in teh window, “We now accept EBT”
Big Juave: i thought they stoped
Big Juave: DAMMIT!
KingJuave: nah nigga
Big Juave: nigga… you can tell we live in different areas
KingJuave: if there is an iota of grocery in there, they accept that shit
Big Juave: because i havent seen that shit ever lol
KingJuave: yea and i doubt you would
KingJuave: “EBT?
KingJuave: what kinda government agency is that?
Big Juave: nevermind
Big Juave: i have seen that shit
Big Juave: it was in the middle of the valley lol
Big Juave: not up here lol
KingJuave: LMAO
Big Juave: i am tempted to go down to the corner and see tho lol
KingJuave: Im wiaiting for them to accept EBT at fast food joints
Big Juave: LMAO!
Big Juave: that would be the fucking guts!
KingJuave: but only for items on the value memnu lol
Big Juave: LMAO!!!!
KingJuave: nigga
KingJuave: even stores got in on the ebt craze
Big Juave: nigga that means you could get away with paying some random crack head 50 cent for two apple pies
KingJuave: you can get cash instead of using the food stamps on your EBT
KingJuave: but you get substantially less cash value then you do food value
Big Juave: WHAT?!?!
KingJuave: LMAO
Big Juave: WHERE?!?!
KingJuave: a lot of places
KingJuave: im pretty sure its pretty standard wtih EBT now
Big Juave: wow nigga
Big Juave: they are just pushing crack down niggas throats lol
KingJuave: nigga
KingJuave: its like the nerve ofa nigga on EBT asking for “cash back” at the end of purchase
KingJuave: lol
Big Juave: LMAO!!!!
Big Juave: OH SHIT!!!!!
Big Juave: TIME OUT!
Big Juave: thats the other option thats not debit?!?!!?
KingJuave: A POS machine reads your EBT card and allows you to buy food with your food stamp benefits. If you have cash benefits on your EBT card, you can buy food or non-food items with your cash benefits and get cash back with your cash benefit purchases at some stores. Some stores may also allow you to get cash at a POS machine without a purchase
KingJuave: yea nigga
KingJuave: Debit
KingJuave: Credit
Big Juave: WOW!
KingJuave: Other
KingJuave: lol
Big Juave: naw nigga ive actually seen EBT
KingJuave: nigga they trying to take teh shame out of it
Big Juave: and ive hit that shit hella times thinking it was debit lol
KingJuave: LMAO
KingJuave: LMAO
KingJuave: LMAO
KingJuave: yea well it usually says Other/EBT
KingJuave: but i figured that was just out where i lived
Big Juave: ah!
Big Juave: naw nigga
Big Juave: ive seen that every where lol
KingJuave: this nigga been pushing that shit!
KingJuave: LMAO
Big Juave: so i guess you are right lol
KingJuave: LMAO!
Big Juave: ive seen that shit at fuckin lowes
KingJuave: dont try to make more than 4 cash withdrawals in one month though
KingJuave: cuz thats over the limit
KingJuave: LMAO
Big Juave: oh no?
KingJuave: nigga for what!
KingJuave: the candy they have in the checkout line!
Big Juave: who knows nigga

Big Juave: nigga imma have to paste this convo on my blogger
Big Juave: The Pros and Cons of Using EBT If You Arent On Goverment Assistance
KingJuave: shit the Pros are you get even better rateson groceries than even teh EBT recipent
KingJuave: thats about it, the financial gain as far as Pros go
Big Juave: im just saying
Big Juave: thats the title of the blogger entry nigga
KingJuave: so label it the Pro, and Cons
KingJuave: right, Pro and Cons
Big Juave: no… its that long ass title lol
Big Juave: OH
KingJuave: well
Big Juave: PRO!
Big Juave: LMAO!!!!
KingJuave: its still inaccurate
KingJuave: as their are no Pros
KingJuave: just a single ass pro
Big Juave: llmao
Big Juave: right
Big Juave: i see it now lmao
Big Juave: LMO@!!!!!!
KingJuave: Cons
KingJuave: You might have to hang out with a stereotypical reciepent of EBT
14:35
KingJuave: which turst me, if you dont understand the problem with this, your probably on EBT
KingJuave: and your the stereotype
Big Juave: LMAO!!!!!!
KingJuave: Con 2, you might have to hangout with said individual, more than just at the grocery store when trying to shop.  You might have to actaulyl qualify as a friend in this persons eyes.  Which means you could be spending time with this person, while not benefitting from THEIR EBT card
KingJuave: Con 3
Big Juave: lol nigga
KingJuave: If the EBT recient is a girl, everybody int eh store, especially the checker, will think that is your girlfriend, and you are in a EBT/Welfare ass relationship
Big Juave: what if they ask you to take them to the crack house or to the mall to spend the cash you just gave them for all your food lol
KingJuave: Nigga
Big Juave: LMAO!!!!!
KingJuave: its a long list
KingJuave: we have just begun
Big Juave: i know nigga lmao
KingJuave: Im just tryingt o assit in making sure its thourough
KingJuave: but we wouldve gotten there trust me
Big Juave: lol naw i already pasted it up lol
KingJuave: Oh
Big Juave: LMAO
KingJuave: well
KingJuave: Maybe illcomment with any thing you already missed
Big Juave: LOL
KingJuave: Con 4
KingJuave: You as the non EBT recipient, will probably not be dressed as a regular EBT recipient, and will feel as though you are being looked at like a thief by grocery store employees, giving you the uneasy “are these niggas gonna report me or something?” feeling
Big Juave: LMAO
Big Juave: IVE BEEN THROUGH THAT BEFORE TOO!!!!
Big Juave: i REFUSE nigga lol
KingJuave: LMAO!
KingJuave: nigga
KingJuave: how the fuck did I know, when i typed that I was thinking, “this nigga is gonna know exactly what im talkin about”
14:40
Big Juave: LMAO!!!!!!!!!
KingJuave: liek they wanna just bust a spotlight on you and announce over the intercom “These niggas are perpetuating EBT fraud in lane 4, EBT fraud icurrently going on in lane 4”
Big Juave: lmao you know?!!?
Big Juave: or just call the manager on your ass and they dont let you leave with the food
KingJuave: RIGHT!
KingJuave: nigga, feels liek you abotu to get caught up on some kinda credit card scheme

KingJuave: Further Cons, said EBT reciepent has a 70% chance of not having a car, meaning you will be the driver, but you will be going to their EBT receiving neighborhood
KingJuave: This neighborhood tha you will eb shoppin in, will clealry not have the quality you are used to in your neighborhood!
KingJuave: sot he trick is convincing said EBT’er to go shopping closer to your neighborhood, where you trust the produce a little more
KingJuave: however,
KingJuave: said EBT’er never thinks the monetary exchange for EBT privledges is enough
KingJuave: Your EBT reciepent will probably request, a ride to go spend their newly acquired cash
KingJuave: Milk and Dairy chillin in the car for inordinate amounts of time be damned!
Big Juave: exactly nigga lol fuck that lol
KingJuave: this muthafucka wanna take you to the hood,“real quick”
Big Juave: nigga…
Big Juave: i automatically think real quick means 3 hours
KingJuave: if you get no definite time frame “real quick” is not real quick
Big Juave: i dont care who it is nigga
KingJuave: right!
KingJuave: taht three horusis real quick compared to 24 hours in a day
KingJuave: and
Big Juave: right….
KingJuave: it is reql quick, considering it wouldve took them 5 hours to get to said place by fot or bike, or whatever mthod they normally use
Big Juave: its amazing how the most unsuspecting people will try to hit you with that logic too…
Big Juave: oh nigga
KingJuave: usually waiting on the crackhead who does havea bucket to make it to they house so they can carpool to the “seedy neighborhoods”
Big Juave: what about when you gotta go to they house and wait for them to get ready?
14:45
KingJuave: Hmm
KingJuave: I aint never had taht problem
Big Juave: lucky you nigga
KingJuave: usually in an EBT situation involving cash in hand, they be waiting on you!
KingJuave: soemtimes you gotta go inthe house, for a hot minute and endure that old “Ghetto smell”
KingJuave: and then you get to take a look in they kitchen, and think
Big Juave: exactly lol
KingJuave: “damn i almost feelbad for using this nigga card, obviously they need food in this bitch!”
KingJuave: how can they afford to seel these insteadof using them?
KingJuave: *shoulder shrug*
Big Juave: nigga the old ghetto smell is oddly comforting… in an… ahh.. this reminds me of old times, but let me get the fuck out of here because of that same reason
Big Juave: LMAO!!! never had that problem lmao
Big Juave: or… i never thought that…
KingJuave: lol
KingJuave: I have,
Big Juave: i just cross niggas houses off places to eat at
KingJuave: like damn, you really wanna sell these instead of purchase, well, food?
KingJuave: LAMO!
KingJuave: LMAO, I would never eat in said house, or accept a meal from one
Big Juave: right
Big Juave: them is niggas you dont invite to potlucks lol
KingJuave: right, or keep tabs on what they bring if you do
KingJuave: cuz the people can be cool
KingJuave: but dont mean you wanna eat what they brought
Big Juave: LMAO RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!
KingJuave: first of all where did you get that from, i used your EBT up
Big Juave: you be at the table like … umm who made this?
KingJuave: second, where did you cook that at?
KingJuave: right
Big Juave: LMAO!!!!! RIGHT!!!!
KingJuave: stickin little red stickerson certain pots you wanna stay away from
KingJuave: nigga liek the star of david
Big Juave: LMAO!!!!!!!!!
KingJuave: just markin up “undesirables”
Big Juave: Scarlet letter n shit lmao
KingJuave: soup nazi
14:50
Big Juave: oh nigga… dont forget ALL the excuses you will hear in between going from where you at
Big Juave: to the store
Big Juave: and back
Big Juave: and if you run across somebody who is good with theres nigga… they will make you go to where they need to go FIRST…
Big Juave: because they doing YOU a favor
KingJuave: yes nigga, like you being they taxi driver is all part of the fuckin deal, and its assuemd thats the case
15:25
Big Juave: LMAO!
Big Juave: right!! LMAO
KingJuave: “Oh yea!”
KingJuave: gotrdamn it, did this nigga just say “Oh Yea!”
Big Juave: and being that you have become a taxi driver, that means its ok for them to unload all they problems bullshit and lofty retarded ass dreams off on you, like you care. lol
KingJuave: right
KingJuave: like the im gonnna own a business
KingJuave: without even a GED
Big Juave: lmao right
KingJuave: but tahts only if they gave up they rap dream
Big Juave: LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!
KingJuave: cuz you could also hear “Can you drop me at the studio?”
Big Juave: LOL RIGHT!!! LMAO
KingJuave: whccih consist of the homies house, wh waas able to come up on some equipment
KingJuave: oh god
Big Juave: LMAOLMAO!!!
KingJuave: heaven forbid they want you to “listen to this track”
Big Juave: RIGHT!
Big Juave: lmao dont let a nigga have a cd on em n shit lol
KingJuave: exactly
KingJuave: nigga
Big Juave: because, fuck what you listening to. even tho you driving…
Big Juave: peep this track i been workin on
KingJuave: they ask you to listen to it, while thr already in the motion of taking your shit out
Big Juave: LMAO !!! RIGHT%!!!!
KingJuave: Nigga this shit is straight fire
Big Juave: LMAO
KingJuave: and your stitting over there, “no its not”
KingJuave: or thinking
KingJuave: “nigga you dont do any of this?”
Big Juave: lol thinking… it is until i get this food
15:30
KingJuave: LMAO!@
Big Juave: dont forget about the muhfuckas going back to school
KingJuave: yae nigga, some courtesy head nods
KingJuave: nigga
KingJuave: you mean the niggas, bout to register
Big Juave: LMAO
Big Juave: right…
Big Juave: some kinda school
KingJuave: All these bitches said person, is crackin
Big Juave: barber school… make up school… real estate school…
KingJuave: if its a bitch, she talkin about going to cosmotolgy school
KingJuave: or
KingJuave: school to “become a nurse”
Big Juave: hair school
Big Juave: lol right!
Big Juave: nursing fucking school lol
KingJuave: LMAO!
KingJuave: like buitch, if you become a nurse, I know you would only get hired at the county building
Big Juave: and thats why they selling you these food stamps because they tyring to pay for school
Big Juave: LMAO COLD SHIT!
Big Juave: lmao hiring from with in lol
KingJuave: which is fine by me, czu i will never windup there, and damn sure wouldnt want you to put your medical expertise gained through “American Career Academy” to use on me
Big Juave: LMAO!
Big Juave: LMAOJMLMAO!!!!
KingJuave: Bith what!
KingJuave: they dont even have school, or even a tech in thier name?
Big Juave: yea they learned all about viens before they got to nursing school
Big Juave: one way or another…
KingJuave: Pre printed diplomas and shit, where they just white out old names and shit
KingJuave: LMAO!@
KingJuave: if they cant do shit else, they can find a vein on yo ass
Big Juave: LMAO!
Big Juave: dont forget about the muhfuckas who start telling you all they business for no reason
KingJuave: LMAO@
Big Juave: who stay in bullshit because they kids is bad
KingJuave: Allt hey fuckin problmes you cant, nor will you ever identify with
Big Juave: or because they significant other be on some bullshit
Big Juave: LMAO RIGHT!
KingJuave: this is a lto of fuckin cons, for taht one Pro
Big Juave: im having a hard time thinking of shit ive even heard lol
KingJuave: right
Big Juave: thats why i dont fuck with it nigga lol
KingJuave: im trying not to!
Big Juave: LMAO!!!!!
KingJuave: luckily i deal with people that I dont have to deal with all these issues
Big Juave: lucky you nigga
KingJuave: Nigga its straight to the store and home
Big Juave: every thing i said came from some kind of experience or second hand experience lol
KingJuave: yea ngiga, mine too
KingJuave: but fortunatly taht aint the case now
KingJuave: but it was on Shamrock
15:35
Big Juave: LMAO!
Big Juave: nigga i bet it was lol
KingJuave: fuck, everyplace i lived in Rialto as a matter of fact
Big Juave: LMAO!
KingJuave: just liek im srue you realzied most of these issues while int eh Fo
Big Juave: right lol
Big Juave: dont forget, i got hella family from san bernardino too
Big Juave: and transplants from when we first moved out to fontana lol
KingJuave: well yea, I mean to encompass the whole general area
Big Juave: like oh its nice out here!
Big Juave: oh
Big Juave: nigga…
Big Juave: and then there was lonnie
KingJuave: convo closed!

… we would talk about lonnie. but that will lead to a nigga having to smoke for the wrong reasons. so we are just gonna end it there. becuase while we are STILL talking about that nigga. Im not trying to come back later and relive nothing but the jokes! lol


The forthcoming story, is an account by my cousin JD. But before you get started, let me clear up something.

The girl I was “kicking it with” was not my girlfriend at the time. We never got that far. Now that I think about it, there aint no way in the hell lol. I was messing with this girl by chance. I was at ihop one day, with my little 11 year old cousin, and I think this girl helped me once or twice before. But I thought to myself, she has a decent enough rack… let me see if I can start eating here for free.

So I tell my cousin, watch this. I get this girls number after talking to her for a while. I can’t honestly remember anything I ever did with her. Anywhere we went or anything. I just remember she had a really strong looking jaw. Like she had a under bite, that was very noticeable. She wasn’t ugly, she wasn’t unattractive, but she wasn’t overly attractive. This girl just basically wasn’t fucking up, but her “try” appeared to be mediocre at best. But…. still good enough to cut lol. that was before I knew better lol. That was when I had a thing for tall girls with a lil bit of ass and at least C-Cups. (shits not cutting it these days lol)

I said all that to say, this was really just some girl I was fucking with. Not my girlfriend… I only make it an issue, because I remember how unspectacular she was lol.

anyway… on to the story. lol

————————————————–

MY DATE WITH JANET JACKSON

Man you ever have somebody hook you up with somebody? I have, and rarely has it gone well. Back in the day when I lived in Arizona because of my military obligation. I got the hook up. At the time OJ was living in Phoenix. So every now and then me and this nigga would hang out and whatever. At the time this nigga either had a girlfriend, or some girl that he was having sex with I should say. And him being the true homey that he is, decided that he would inquire as to whether or not his fuck buddy had a buddy for me to fuck to. Well apparently she did. So this nigga once again being the homey that he is, decides that he should hook me up with his girls cousin or friend or whoever she was, sight unseen.
Now that was the first and biggest mistake, the fact that I was getting the cold blind date. But honestly I can’t be mad, because judging from just conversation; I had nothing to be mad at. Matter of fact I’m surprised this nigga didn’t try and leave his girl alone and try and start messing with this one (1). But anyway, yea somehow I end up taking to this broad on the phone. And from the conversation it’s all to the muthafuckin good!!! I was like hell muthafuckin Yea, I’m with it! She was talking about how she had light eyes, and she had long nice hair, aka “Good Hair” and these big soft lips, and this that and the other. And when it came to size she was like I guess you can say I’m a little on the thick side. She really gave me that cold blooded Janet Jackson description from the movie Friday, when Smokey got the hook up from Craig’s sister. Matter of fact if you have seen that scene from that movie you really don’t even need to read further.

Anyway. So we hook it up, I’m gonna go kick it with OJ that upcoming weekend, and in the process I’m gonna hook up with this broad here.

Well finally the moment of truth arrives late Friday or Saturday night. OJ makes the call to his breezy and she says her and her cousin along with some of their friends are going to come by. So me OJ pull into a parking lot and wait. Shortly thereafter a car full of females pulls up. And I instantly start staring into the car to see who I’m finna hook up with. From what I could see everybody was cool looking. OJ pointed out the one that was his, and the other 3 I could see would suffice form, although I did make the mental note that none of these broads looked like Janet Jackson (2). Anyway like I said they did look good enough for me. So anyway everybody starts to pile out of the car, and after I thought everybody was out I quickly learned that I was wrong.

Somehow managing to hide her self in the back seat out of my site was the 5th wheel. She was the last one to exit the car. As she shimmied and inched her self out of the car, it quickly started to dawn on me, that this was my Janet Jackson; I did not want to believe that this broad was for me, because out of all 5 females in the car, this one was the worst! It really wasn’t even that close, undeniably this would be the last pick out of the litter. So there I am hoping that this behemoth is not for me. To my dismay, everybody started to pile back into the car, except for Janet Fatson. Me and OJ kinda looked at each other like “DAAAMMMNNNN, nigga that’s you” I cold see in OJ’s face that he had no idea, he had been fooled the behemoth to, so I wasn’t mad at him , because he looked genuinely shocked and dismayed as did I(3). So the other cars peel off, leaving these 2 behind. Somebody tell me why it is, that this broad did not even wait for introductions, she just instantly rushed over to me, and enveloped me in some kind of Polar bear hug. Then immediately the girl wanted to start taking pictures and shit. I was sitting there in so much shock that I took a few pictures before I even knew what the fuck was happening(4).

I wish I got to see the pictures just so I could see my face. I was not a happy camper by any means. This girl had her arms all over me and was trying to be all hugged up and shit, I didn’t even know this broads name yet, well I did, but I couldn’t remember because I was in such a dumbstruck state. Anyway she is over here taking these lovey dovey ass pictures of me and her, I don’t know maybe she took them back to her friends and lied about how she was able to hook up with me. Anyway the picture horror finally came to an end, and shit is starting to settle down a little bit. And I’m still in shock looking at this big broad, thinking to myself, does this broad really think she looks the way she described herself? Like she did actually have nice hair. And I could tell she had good hair because from underneath her tattered ass braids was about 7 months worth of new growth. She was light skinned, and had pretty eyes. But gotdamn that girl was big as fuck. A “little thick” is where the lie came in. And it was no small lie. Anyway, this broad is just gabbing away, non stop, which is fine with me because the mood I’m in leaves me without to much to say. But this broad was just making some ole off the wall statements, like I was jut really going to be all over it no questions asked. She kept telling us how sexy she was. Nobody was telling her this, she was telling us she was. Then I remember the broad saying her name, and then saying something like “but everybody just calls me sexy” Me and OJ looked at each other like WHAT?!?!?!? This broad was dead serious. She even had the shit programmed into her phone. Now after we heard that statement the situation turned some, from horror, to amusement. (5) For a while there we were really laughing about the situation. OJ sensing that I am not feeling this broad makes the wonderful suggestion that since its late, he just take they ass home and drop them off. I was all for that plan. So we head to somebody house or whatever to drop them off. Somehow we end up walking them back to their apartment, after talking to they ass in the car when we pulled up for a good 10 minutes. Not something I wanted to do, but I did anyway, thinking cool, let’s get these hoes outta here and be on our way. Well this nigga OJ decides he wants to mingle with his girlfriend for a minute and whisper his sweet nothings and what not. So this nigga leaves me with this whalelephant all by myself. So there I am, this whalelephant is saying this that and the other, about how great I am, and how we should be kicking it all the Goodman time, and I’m trying to be cool and not loose my mind and give this broad the business, thinking that ill be gone in a little while and wont have to deal with her. The next thing I know I take a look down the walkway and I see this nigga OJ over there. BY HIMSELF, LOOKING IN MY DIRECTION, LETTING ME SUFFER. (6)

By this time this girl had her hands all over me and shit and was really fondling me. And this nigga OJ was over there fucking laughing at my misfortune. I don’t remember if he was actually laughing, but the nigga wasn’t trying to help me. And the nigga was like trying to be all incognito and sneaky and shit like i couldn’t see him over there. This nigga was trying to get some kind of enjoyment out of my suffering. He didn’t come get me he just and watched the show. Then to make matters worse. gotdamn this is fucked up and I really did bring this upon myself, but hey what can I say I am a man. So during the course of this girl fondling me, my dick starts to get hard. Even though I didn’t want any parts of any type of sex with this chocolate thunder turkey. FUCK!!!! (7)
Then I got so fuckin desperate that I had to resort fucking prayer “Please lord drain all blood from my lower extremities, please lord I don’t want to get hard on her on this big broad, and she thinks that I’m digging all this sexual harassment she is dishing out, please lord smite this bitch or even me” in the midst of prayer this broad reached down and felt that I was standing at attention. FUCK!!! Again. Is what I thought to myself, now everything is gonna get confused. Indeed it did, because next thing I know this big un’is sitting there rubbing me up and down talking about she wishes her family wasn’t in the house so she could take me inside and do this that and the other to me. And I was thinking, thank God they are in there because then I would really just have to fight your big ass off of me, because I know you would try and drag me into the house and reverse rape me or something. So to some point my prayers were answered a little bit. Finally after like what seemed like a fuckin hour of this brutal treatment, OJ finally brought his black ass over there, and was like “alright nigga lets go” finally!!!!!! Man I started bailing so fast. (8)
Me saying bye to her was the only time I was happy throughout the whole episode. Then I asked this nigga how come he didn’t come over there and help my black ass. He basically stated he wanted to watch me suffer. I don’t remember if the broad stole a kiss from or not, I hope not. I would seriously hope that I didn’t stand there and let her kiss me. But I really don’t remember. Anyway we laughed about that shit for the rest of the night, and that was the end of that. She called me a few more times after that but I just blew her off. Eventually she stopped calling me.

——–

OJ’s Commentary:

1. That actually did cross my mind. We called this girl on threeway and for a second, I was thinking like FUCK, why couldn’t I have met her first?! shit.

2. I said the same thing to myself lmao. Where’s Janet at?!?! Then my next thought was… Introduce a nigga to the driver! (this girl didnt have a car… and I’ve always hated fucking with girls who don’t fucking have fucking cars lol)

3. Shock and Awe homie. Foreal. I felt like I had played a dirty cruel joke on this nigga and I really hurt his feelings and crossed the line. That was probably one of the first times in my life I actually felt some kind of guilt lol.

4. This nigga was a deer caught in the headlights. Shit was the guts. Shit I was kinda caught in the headlights too. I couldn’t believe she was on that nigga so tough so soon?! I thought maybe they had been phone boning or something. They was taking pictures n shit. I remember thinking to myself. “Damn, she is gonna lie to somebody telling them JD is her man… I’m sure of it.” I wish I could have seen them pictures again too. Because the look on this nigga face was PRICELESS!

5. YES! my favorite part of the story lmao. THIS BITCH! LMAO! I’m not saying she don’t have the right to think she is sexy. I’m just saying I didn’t see the shit at all, in the least bit, none what so ever. However, me and this girl did have similar modled phones at the time, and I just had to look at her phone to confirm that ‘SEXY’ was the word that replaced the old school AT&T or GTE… you know… back before at&t pretended to split into cingular but was still at&t and then went back. and how GTE just became verizon like nobody would notice (guess niggas didnt lol). Anyway… her shit said SEXY… and I couldnt believe that shit. There was a whole lot of laugh holding after this shit lol. After that moment, JD was right… everything that happen after that was purely for somebodies amusement lol mine or his lmao. mostly mine lmao.

6. LMAO!!!!! THIS IS TRUE! LMAO!!! That shit looked like a ghetto ass missy piggy vs kermit d jankins lmao. Im not sure how good I was REALLY trying to do about hiding. But its possible that i stumbled into this niggas vision from laughing too hard lmao.

7. Hold up hold up hold up… she was fondling THEEEE FUCK out of this man. lmao that shit made ME uncomfortable lmao. This nigga JD wasn’t hiding his uncomfortablness either. lmao. Its a crying ass shame she wasn’t trying to even pay any attention to that shit lmao.

8. LMAO this muthafucka was ALL in this mans pants and didn’t give a SINGLE ass fuck if he liked it or not lmao. I had to pull myself together and go save this nigga. He looked at me like… nigga really? you don’t see this bitch in my pants nigga? When I was like, lets go. This nigga LMAO this nigga YANKED his self out of her clutches. I had to hold my laugh like gotdamn. He gave her the duce and didn’t even peek back. Now I dont know how youre suppose to feel after rubbing on somebodies dick. But if they leave and dont look back at you. How would that make you feel? lol

Oh how blessed we are these days to have cheaper digital cameras and Webcams and phones with cameras on them. (although it aint like I’m benefiting from these technologies any at the moment 😛 but fuck me and whatever.) Back in the day it was hard to avoid shit like this. You just had to kinda trust a muthafucka for their word. You had to be a fucking internet CSI agent n shit (i got my certificate) to try to see if a girl had fake pictures. These days its hella easy to tell.
Calvin has a similar tale, kinda almost but not really. Its funny as fuck though, gotdamn. I seriously almost pissed on myself through that ordeal lmao.

I must say though, JD is the true homie. Because he sat there and took that shit and didn’t try to ruin my cut for the night. What a guy!

Still though, I’ve never seen anybody is SO MUCH shock… they just really couldn’t do better for themselves. I mean, JD could have easily beat this girl off him. But I seriously saw in his eyes, he could not believe what was going on. Like a big ass fat ugly bitch flash bomb blew up in his face and he was disoriented for hella long lmao. Yes nigga… HELLA HELLA LONG LMAO. This nigga got in the car and said something like… “I shoulda socked that bitch!!” Like he finally realized that he didn’t have to sit through all that shit lmao. Like he couldn’t say… “you kinda need to get your hands off my man hood please, thanks.” LMAO!!!!!! I will fully vouch for this niggas shock. It was like when white people lose all they money. It was like he really thought it could never happen to him and it did and he was really having to live it out… and he didnt know when it was gonna end. But his body wouldn’t respond all the way to how nuts his mind was going. Thats what that shit looked like the whole time. gotdamn lmao. Fucking complete distress lmao. I know this nigga was sending out telapathic SOS signals lmao. He was sending me them shits with his eyes through the fucking darkness lmao.
LMAO!!!! I cant stop laughing at this shit. I’ve been trying to put this together for 2 fucking days now. I keep laughing too hard to keep going lol. I could only do a little bit at a time, and I didnt even write the shit lmao.

Lastly, Happy Birthday to my Dad.

even tho he ignores what the fuck i have to say, fucked my whole shit up lol. but like i said, fuck me and whatever. again. lol Yes, my Fathers birthday is 5 days before mine. Dope huh? I always thought it was. Too bad he dont like to celebrate them shits lol. More fun for me nigga. fuck it.


Im thinking about creating categories on this here blog. but if i were to actually go thru with it. i would only have one category: “The Trife Life Memoirs”. I think i really might do that shit lol.
anyway…

Some time ago, i dont remember how old i was. i think i was about… eehhh 17? 16 maybe? i was posted at home, another boring ass day in fontana. the phone rings; its some girl asking for Shawn. i inform her that she has the wrong number. She insisted that she didnt; for whatever reason ( warning sign number 1 ) and she says… yea, this is Shawn Meeks? ( warning sign number 2 ) I say, uuhhhhhhh thats my homeboy, but that nigga dont live here lol. you got the wrong number girl. she says oh, i guess i must have dialed the wrong number then. but ummm… whats your name? you sound cute. ( warning sign number 3 ) im thinkin to myself, well hey she thinks im cute/sound good, it might go down for me. cool!

so i proceed to be about it. lol. yea my name is OJ, whoopty whoopty whoop.
the details of the convo arent important, mainly because they are hella sketchy to me right now lol. but from this one convo, she became interested in me, for whatever reason. (warning sign number 4) mind you this girl did not know what i looked like at all. (warning sign number 5) nor did she know too much of shit about me. except that i was homies with the nigga she called looking for supposedly. (warning sign number muthafuckin 6!) turns out… this nigga shawn gave her my number, because she wouldnt leave THAT nigga alone. aint that about a bitch?!?! lol asshole lol

Anyway… this girl starts to call me everyday from then on. i think her name was tahmekia or something slightly ethnic like that. i dont remember at all. so we’re talkin and i should have really sniffed out this girls ghettoness, but i was young and not as experienced as i am now lol actually, i didnt have the disdain for ghetto girls that i do now. but  just so we are all on the same page, i think that i should make it clear that i DO NOT like ghetto/hood ass girls. i can take a lil bit. even a lil bit more than a lil bit  if shes special like that. but full blown ghetto muthafuckas? i can not deal with at all! i can deal with every other type of girl. stuck up girls ( i like them ), mean girls, angry girls, nice girls, rich girls, broke girls, expensive girls ( i like them, they always got nice shit, but when they want you to pay for it, thats some whole different shit lol ), spoiled girls ( i like them too actually ), whatever… but not a ghetto muthafucka. fuck no! i do love a girl to be a lil “street/hood/ghetto/whateveryouwannacallit” a lil attitude, whatever… ghetto i just cant do tho. fuck that, fuck it.

So yea… movin on, the girl was clearly a chicken head / pigeon, whatever muthafuckas was callin classless bitches back then. but here go my black ass, oblivious to the bullshit one of them muthafuckas can drag a nigga through, choppin it up with her ass every day. for like two or three weeks. my bad… whatever.
she didnt live all that far from me. One day, she is on some ‘imma come see you’ shit. i got some money for you (warning sign number 7). i cant remember WHY she was volunteering her funds like that, but sheeeeeit, i was ALL fuckin for it. im like COOL! come through tomorrow and it goes down.sigh…

The next gotdamn day rolls around… me and jd ( of ‘the world famous bumble bee story’ fame ) we’re at my house, posted. i told jd what was crackin, and the nigga was on some oh wow shit. and he was really ready to see this shit transpire. the girl calls, like she said she would, she ask for directions. she had to catch the bus. i told her which bus to take from where she was at n shit. then, either jd said something or it just all of a sudden dawned on me; i dont want this muthafucka to know where i stay at!!! ( this aint called the Trife Life Memoirs for nothin folks lol ) why? because i was messin with the girl one house over (WHO WAS FINE AS FUCK!), and i didnt wanna get caught basically. we werent together; but just in case this girl was ugly, i didnt really wanna be seen with her ass. plus brandy (thats the girl who stayed one house over from me) was already mad at me for messing with the ashy back / ashy titty girl , so i was already kinda fuckin up in brandys eyes. but hey, back then, if you had big titties, or a big ass, i was all for it. ashy or otherwise properly moisturized lol. oh well. ive learned my lesson and have evolved from that bullshit. lol

So, i told her id meet her at some corner, not too far from my house. like 20 min passes by, jd and i get up and go to the agreed meeting spot and were posted there, waiting for this girl to show up. we’re standing around talking, shootin the shit, then all of a sudden, we see this tall dark ass girl walkin up.
COOL! i love dark females! AND tall females!
she had on a skirt….
COOL! i love tall females that like to show they legs off!
she had on some lil top
COOL! Clevage!
she had on….. grant hills. sigh… (WARNING SIGN NUMBER 8!!!!!!)
i wont go into my late 90’s ghetto muthafucka grant hill theory, so ill move on.
me and jd are like oh shit! it cracks for that nigga oj! she looks like she might look good as fuck! wooooooooooo! a nigga like me got my sly dap in, like good work dogg! you came up. im hyped! like hell yea!
then…. she got closer… and all of a sudden, there were questions that needed answers:
ummmmm, wheres her hair?
dont know?
uuuummmm, whats that thing on the side of her head with all the colors on it?
dont know?
ummm, why is her head shaped like a football?
dont know?
maybe its because shes far away?
man, i was trying to be optimistic! to the point of me, basically lying to my muthafuckin self lol. i could see the truth starting to develop with every step she took closer to me and jd.
ok ok ok… time to regroup!
i say “well nigga, maybe she aint as good lookin as we originally thought… ”
jd replies, “yea, maybe not……”
she got closer and started to smile n shit.  the truth was clear, this girl was fuckin ugly. ugly and ghetto as fuck. saggy titties, hair was in some kinda of bun contraption, but was off to the side on some jack in the box shit. with a GANG of fuckin scrunchys things around it. it really did look like a fuckin cone sitting off to the side of her shit. mind you, her head was abnormally round. she mostly looked like a gotdamn alien. and to make the murder complete, she was GREASIER THAN A MUTHAFUCKA! this girl had the ghetto glow workin overtime for her ass. sun justa BEAMIN offa her greasy ass head and face. AND she was dark! so you KNOW the sun was hittin HARD offa her shit.

every step closer she took, she got worse and worse. she looked good from afar… but looked far from good. far far far. in a game of inches, she was a several hundred feet away from anything barable. the girl was a 32 all day long. and that might be a lil bit nice, because it happen so long ago lol.
i look over at this nigga jd like oh fuck. then, good ol jd; you can always count on him to put things in perspective for what they really are (we call him the truth). jd looks at me and looks at her… and ill never forget this shit…

“nigga, she looks like a black ass moon cricket!”

sigh and dammit. i damn near pissed on my self. to go from so much reverse information, to this nigga sayin some shit like that, damn near killed me. i tried like HELL to hold back my laughter, but failed!!! BAD! i laughed loud as fuck and for a long time, untill she got up all the way to us, and by that time. i was in fuckin TEARS! this girl walks up and was like, “*smacks lips* is yall laughin at me?!?!”

that made us laugh even harder, but i had to pull myself together. i say  naw naw naw, we just up here talkin shit about some shit that happen earlier (not a lie, really. i didnt say how much earlier. lol like SECONDS earlier lol). i guess jd was done at this point, because he just kinda walked the fuck away. lookin over at me, face red as fuck, teared up, laughin like a muthafucka. and here i am talkin to this girl who honestly looked like fuckin

Antionio Tarver
Dont look like Antionio Tarver in the face

Antionio Tarver in the face, trying my HARDEST to stop laughin, so this girl can give me the 50 bucks she promised me. so im sittin up there choppin it up with her for all of like 3 min. and i get to the important shit. wheres my money? lol of course i didnt say it like that. but basically thats what was crackin.

this girl tells me “well… i need to break this $100.” then she broke out with like 500 dollars, cash. in hundreds. 5 hundreds. i was fuckin shocked. dont ask me why some ghetto ass girl from fontana was walkin around with 500 dollars on her. but she was. just so happens, i had change at the house. but im like FUCK! i dont want this girl to know where i stay! i peep the time (on my pager lol) ok cool, brandy wont be home from school for another 30 to 45 min. so im like alright, i got change at my cousin house where my shit is at. this nigga jd looks at me like ah hell naw you didnt! so we walk over to my house, which i was frontin like it was jd house and im like yea, imma go upstairs and get your change and she wants to follow me up there; i guess she wanted to get cut or somethin, i dont know. but like a DUMB FUCK, im like yea alright. we go up to my room (jds room) and while im bussin out my change for this 100 she got, she is peepin the room out and notices on the walls, MY NAME is all over the fucking place.

HEY THIS IS YOUR HOUSE!!!

im so fuckin dumb lol. but like a true nigga, it aint NEVER over till its over. i say, no it aint!
Yes it is! this is your name all over the walls n shit!
naw, me and jd got the same intials. i go by oj and he go by jd so people dont get confused…
mmmmhmmm… this is yo house!
fuck it, i was busted. but i really didnt say shit after that. lol fuck that, i was gonna ride that shit out to the VERY fuckin end.
i get my money and im TOO cool on her ass now. so im like yea, me and jd is about to roll to……… some where… either that. or… umm you gonna miss your bus! there aint another one that comes around for like 4 hours! i was trying to kick her ass out. i forgot what brand of malarkey i came up with. but it was PUUUUUUURE bullshit. 120% proof.
but in a fucked up ass turn of events, THIS bitch didnt wanna muthafuckin leave all of a gotdamn sudden. she was on some, well, youre gonna have to walk me to the bus.
i looked her dead in her face and said “FUCK THAT!” face saturated with all sorts of disgust and the like. it was hot, and the bus stop was like a mile away. all kinda muthafuckas could have seen me with her ugly ass. i knew everybody that stayed around there. i was already pressin my muthafuckin luck. i aint a gamblin man by far; i wasnt about to walk that muthafucka NO WHERE. im sittin up here lookin at the time thinking, damn shit fuck! my dad is gonna come home pretty soon! brandy is about to come home even sooner than that! lucky for me tho, brandy dont always come over right after school. sometimes she would just call a nigga, like come through. so that MIGHT give a nigga some time. and i needed it because this girl didnt wanna fuckin leave. i couldnt do shit to get her ass to leave either. i tried to get jd to walk her to the bus stop. i think i even offered the nigga money. and he was like aint no way in the fuck.

so now im sittin up with jd in the other room like yo, we need to make this girl shake. like now! then what happens? the muthafuckin door bell rings!
FUCK!!!!!!!!!
who is it?
its brandy!
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREE TIMES!!!!!!!!
i crack the door open… hey! hows it goin?
she tries to come in and i say… yea about that?
and she looks up at me like, boy stop playin and let me in.
turns out, she was coming over to introduce me to her other fine ass friend. on some yea, this is the guy ive been telling you about. *holds head in shame* i know… i know… sigh.
i had no choice, i let her in.
she spots the moon cricket.
“ummm, who the fuck is that??!” ALL Loud and indignant.  lol and in true nigga fashion, i was NOT going out like that! FUCK that lol. i had to hit her off with the TILTED ass version of the story that wouldnt get me swung on. i was busted as fuck,  not totally, not in my eyes at least! i dont remember what exactly i told her. but i didnt tell her that it was jd girl or no retarded shit. i told her some shit like she is some girl that likes me and basically found her way over here and wont leave. (not a total lie. just skewed a tad)
and here go brandys ass, loud as fuck again… “WELL HOW THE FUCK SHE GET IN THE HOUSE?!?!?”
“well…. she had to use the rest room, i wasnt gonna let her piss in the bushes or no shit… i wasnt gonna do….” notice how a nigga didnt go with the typical uummmmmm bullshit while i was trying to conjure up some bullshit!
Brandy: “fuck that! she need to take her ass home!!!”
Me: “she does!”
brandy ran up in the girl face, ready to whoop her ass!!!!! i was like YES! beat that muthafucka ASS!!!!
brandy told the girl something like… umm you need to get the fuck up out my man house, before i beat yo ugly ass!!!
im in the background like YES! beat her ass!!! trying to fuck up a nigga whole shit!!!
then moon cricket said something like, he invited me over here!
my thoughts: OH FUCK!
but lucky for me, brandy wasnt going for it.
but ol moon cricket was insisant that SOMEBODY walk her to the bus stop. and i cant see brandy MAKING jd walk her to the bus stop. but i remember he left out the door with her ass. only to return less than 60 seconds later. JD is an asshole
but while JD was gone, guess who got fuckin swung on ANY muthafuckin way?!?! i thought she fuckin believed me?!?!?!

yes! brandy socked a nigga a good three to four times lol. she wanted to know what the fuck are you fuckin with ugly bitches for when you got me?!?!?! (brandy was fine and she knew it) i responded “well, dont you have a boyfriend? (trife life indeed) i dont have you. plus, i wasnt fuckin with her, i told you what happen.” but she wanted to be hard headed for the sake of being hard headed for like a good 5 min, she just KNEW i was fulla shit, but couldnt prove it! but still,  she did not believe my ass. when im sittin up here thinkin everything was everything when she was ready to whoop ol girl ass. i wasnt ready for that shit at ALL. but i convinced her that i was tellin her the truth. kinda… lol . whatever the case was, she was cool and everything was cool afterward. i got my hugs and kisses and ass grabs n shit on (she had a GREAT ass. good lord!). and i liked her a lil bit more after that, because she was really ready to ride on ol girl. i mean fuck, i couldnt take her by her neck and throw her out the house physically and my sister wasnt around to do it. brandy was kinda down for a nigga. gotta love that shit.

but back to jd.  jd was gone for less than 60 seconds. after brandy left, we laughed about the whole thing. but i was fucked PUZZLED, like nigga what happen?
this nigga jd, said he walked her to the corner, and turned the fuck around like peace bitch! i couldnt believe that shit. i thought she was gonna come back, but she didnt. and she never asked for her money back either lol. through out that whole shit. and i just KNEW she would lol. hey, more power to me! i think me and brandy went to the movies with that money then did some other shit.

The thing about this story though is; its the only time ive EVER been caught up in some bullshit. the only thing that really didnt go wrong with this ordeal is that neither one of my parents came home in the middle of all this. but 70% (thats more than a small amount of misfortune!) of what could have fuckin went wrong, did indeed GO VERY WRONG! lol and im convinced to this day, that is the ONLY reason i got busted so fuckin bad in all my years of trife lifing (you can consider me retired from the trife life these days) i aint NEVER been caught. nothing close to being caught. except this shit! ive done some pretty trifflin shit. WAYYYY more trifflin than this shit. ive NEVER got caught. actually…. no i take that back. i did get caught in some other bullshit kinda. but it didnt effect me directly. i got caught with a girl and muthafuckas just HAD to snitch. the girl involved got her ass whooped. but nothin came back to me. so that dont count all the way.

But back to this story, i damn near feel bad about the shit not because i got caught really. but how i had to get swindle my fuckin way out of the situation. i just wasnt proud of the fact that i had to lie like that. i dont know, maybe im werid. but sheeeeit nigga, me first! lol i wasnt about to get caught if i didnt HAVE to. brandy wasnt my girl, fuck the dumb, this was about principal! i REFUSE to lose!
there was a clear way out of the shit. i just had to fuckin apply my self! shit worked…. lol
but whatever. im pretty sure every girl readin this shit, is like OJ AINT SHIT! honestly, thats old news lol. its the trife life memiors! what do you expect?! but hey, a nigga was young. and it was long time ago (like 96). and i aint on that shit no more. i dont even put myself in those types of positions any more. i got other shit to do. i got bills, shit. i dont have time for all that. PLUS on top of all that, i refuse to down grade! lol through out the whole thing, i had NO real intentions on messin with the moon cricket, even before i knew what she looked like. but fuck, she was talkin about she had some money for a nigga. i was suppose to turn that down?!?! fuck that! lol. i realize i was messin with somebody that was fuckin beautiful. and then it would appear that i was trying to be trifflin, and fuck with some one below sub par. but thats really not the case. all i was thinkin about, was money in my hand. and if she HAPPEN to look better than brandy. well hell? lol shit… brandy had a man. that wasnt me! fuck it! lol.
lol i know this shit is gonna get me in trouble, some how some way. i can feel it. i could be wrong… but, eeehhh i dont know. lol. we’ll see.


yummy.

Im a male, I love women. I often talk about women with my friends and other males. This scoring system was developed from common factors that Ive heard males from every walk of life. All the special conditions and circumstances. All the points of views, needs and wants of guys every where have been packed and considered in this rating system. If you can find a hole in this system. I dont care. As far as Im concerned, this is the best thing there is and should be used often. Especially on the internet.

The Man League Scoring System is a system that was created for Men to score Women’s physical beauty, from face to feet. hair, eyes, hands, body, feet, legs, lips, teeth all that; as well as how she dresses, or has on at the moment. that shit hella maters! i promise! No personality traits matter in the Man League Scoring System. You dont need to be the best person in the world to be fine. And you can be the ugliest bitch on 2 feet, yet be the greatest person in the world. Things like this should never affect the “Score” of a woman’s physical beauty. I know a couple of guys that try, so thats why it has to be made clear. Only physical/visible attributes are considered.

Yes… i do muthafuckin realize that this could be considered (is) objectifing women just a tad bit (a lot). but to that i say…  SO?! i could honestly give exactly, 5 flying fucks! ive seen females do that shit to dudes more than often. so hey, if you wanna be on that “oh youre objectifying women” shit, kiss my black ass.

So why an offical rating system?
Well, my cousin and i were sitting around one day, waiting on some girl for some bullshit. While waiting around, we were checkin out the girls walkin by and what not;  rating them with the classic numbers. like oh yea, shes a 7. Shes an 8. yap yap yap. then i had a notion. too often, females are given a way higher number than they TRUELY deserve. so yes, call me a kill joy, because i think some of these girls need to know where they truely are; because their attitudes dont reflect thier true rating lol.
Before i get into this, i must also note, its called “League” and “Scoring” because most dudes relate most things to sports. so it cracks. get wit it!

The MLSS, is the rating (“score”) of any given female, with a score ranging between 1 and 100. yes, thats right, plenty of space to place everybody in. Those of you who may happen to share my view point on things; are saying yo your selves “Well damn… some where, some how, some bitch out there is a 1!” LMAO!!! YES! thats about the size of it! and gotdamn i bet she is beyond destitute and depleated of any eye pleasing qualities a muthafucka could possibly possess. gotdamn. lol. yea, thats about the size of it (as my dad often says lol). Actually, now that i think about it. i know of a girl who is a fuckin 4 at best. Errin knows who im talking about. LMAO!!!! gotdamn that muthafucka is beastly!!! she looks like the unholy marriage of a sleestack, an actual troll, and a muthafuckin robot! i swear! the girl is stomach turning ugly. and dont be drunk around her, because fuck; its REAL hard to keep it together and not say no flagrantly foul shit lmao. I was for me, on 3 different occasions.

So here is where we will go over the numbers of this rating system. and what it means. let’s start at the top.

100 – 80: this is usually reserved for celebrities and athlete wives, celebrity wives, and girls that will probably pay you any mind and if they did, you would be REALLY surprised. No matter how tough you think your “swag” is, if Halle Berry was showing you  any attention, you would be in disbelief. if you can pull a female who is pulling off anything between 80 to 100, youre fucking winning. Everybody you know would probably fuck your girl given the opportunity; or if there were circumstances where he could, he would, with out a second thought. Such as: if you wasnt with the girl; or maybe if yall wasnt as cool as yall are, thats your boy and what not, you just cant do it to him; if she would even look your way lol; if she was willing to cheat on the dude she has (that you dont know); you know, shit like that. anybody who is rated an 80+ is certified fine. there aint too many people on this planet that look better than them.

79 – 70: this means the girl basically above average. WHICH IS GREAT AND NOT BAD! This woman is still beautiful. However, you DO have “really above average”; “better than just above average”; and “above average”. This is why 2 above average females could be a 71 or a 78. There is usually alot of debate in this range because there is a difference in these areas. ask any guy, he knows. the girl who is a 71, she is almost dippin into the 60’s range, but not really. like if she didnt have ass, she would be a sixty somethin; something like that. but a girl who is pushing that 78 is still beautiful and DAMN near hella fine, its just something is missing or she got something wrong with her physically, like she got a big ass muthafuckin head or something (something you could get over, most times, and really not even mention; just think in the back of your head some where lol). or maybe shes really fine but she got small tittys or no hips and ass or something. Maybe she has a great body but has an ugly smile. Or maybe should could stand to lose a few pounds. Little shallow shit like that. Things that guys talk about, but never stops (any straight man) from fuckin and being happy with this girl. this girl is still beautiful than a muhfucka. Just nothing SUPER special, like a celebrity or something similar. but she still looks good as hell. a girl in the 70’s, every dudewould be happy with her. and honestly every guy HOPES to get a girl that is around this range lol.

69 – 60: well… here is where things get kinda touchy. now a girl who is in the 60’s range, AINT BAD. aint bad at all. just average. like SUPER average. like if a dude had sex with a girl who is pushin somethin in the 60 range, he aint gonna be mad; but clearly, he can do better! depending on the dude of course lol. some dudes…… well, couldnt pulll anything over a 61, if they wanted to; that would be doing good for them lol, if you know what im saying. i suppose there could be a Womans League Scoring System, or some other varatoin, in which dudes are rated and what not. so you know lol, anyway; this girl aint terrible. but she aint greater than great. things could be better; things could be worse lol. so 60’s aint nothing to really be ashamed of, just know where you are lol; and know what youre upagainst lol, thats all im saying.  You might have to take a couple of extra steps to keep that dude in your life lol lol lol. wooo. moving on.

59 – 50: ha! welcome to the start of a rapid decline! if you can buss a 50 something (as a women), you can definitly buss something way lower lol. if youre in the 50 range. well shit, you just aint the best lookin muhfucka. and youre pushing the ugly line. (44 unoffically). Guys, if youre fuckin with a 50, you might not want to admit that shit to just anybody lol. Maybe only the homies, otherwise, it just doesnt crack. you might get talked about lol. you might not, some dudes would say “well yea… i woulda cut too…”; but sadly everybody cant be that honest. lol these girls usually aint too fly in the face but got something tangable to get you going. Such as, if you like ass abd she got cake! or if you are into titties and she got a cold rack. But, there is generally something wrong with this girl physically or she dresses fucked up or she got a bad weeve lol, fucked up teeth, something. so yea, some dudes wont even DIP into the 50’s.
UNLESS (of course there is an unless!) there is at least ONE special condition! yes, The Special Condition, will get some damn near ugly girl dick she wouldnt normally have the benifit of getting. but for whatever reason, some guy is high, drunk, bored, in the middle of an ass drought, or STUPID horny for some dumb ass reason (like post strip club lol). and if you didnt think bordum will have some dude, fuckin some suspect lookin girl… THINK AGAIN! especially if that man is hella trifflin like that. its a mystery that no one will ever be able to explain. its just a fact holmes.

49-40: and we’re still sliding and well within Ugly range. we have gone with an explaination as low as 40 because, as stated earlier, we need some room to give the many different ranges of females, the appropriate amount of space. so ok, the 40’s range. half of these girls aint ugly. but theyre fucking pushing it. and the other half are indeed ugly (44 and below). and it could be whatever somebody finds ugly, thats just what it is lol. they are what they are. some dudes WILL NOT dip in this area under NO circumstances.
but some dudes (yes… the trifflin train is speeding toward you rapidly!) they have to have AT LEAST a couple of special conditions! Such as:  “i was drunk and bored. so… fuck it. yea, i did it.” If you fuck around and find your self doing some shit like this, normally you only tell your closest friends lol. And maybe not even them.
Or maybe your explaination is something super extrme. Such as: “man… i smoked, went to the club got drunk as fuck… i was still blowed. we went to the strip club, and afterwards… i was up… she was up…. wasnt shit on tv… i was still fucked up… i aint had no ass in a cool min…i got a lap dance earlier… and shit… fuck it. i couldnt help my gotdamn self!!”
lmao!! yes, it could be anywhere from two special conditions, or up to every special condition (some how some way, but trust me. it happens! it happens to the best of us!  lol). youre dirty dickin it, but hey, sometimes… shit, it happens lol.

30 to 1: This is just jokes. you fuck somebody in this area; youre getting talked about, BAD! BAD BAD! these are the muthafuckas that make niggas say shit like “you look like a hungarian battle chicken” (credit JD). or “moon cricket” (credit JD). niggas that fuck with below 30’s, would also fuck a yak or a goat or some shit. i mean fuck, they might as well be, it aint NO muthafuckin better (well, it is… but still!!). these are the mudd ducks. the less than desireables. the all that other shit that is devoid of anything pleasure related.

Thats its for the ratings.

A couple of rules tho. Guys, NEVER never EVER never tell any woman, where you ranked her in the Man League Scoring System. Under no circumstances! only if she is over a 93! and maybe not even then! she will find away to get offended. foreal. if she says she wont, shes fucking lying! and fuck, why take a gotdamn chance?!?! youre better off playing it safe. she WILL get over it. and if she dosent, you probably dont need that draining ass bitch in your life no muthafuckin way! real shit! lol.
Also, NEVER tell a dude the score of his girl. its just best you keep that shit to your self. and you niggas that are married; dont fucking ask. because if i tell you the truth and youre mad. well fuck. if you call the fuckin devil, dont be mad when that muthafucka pick up the gotdamn phone. really!
oh yea! if you plan on lying to some girl about her score? dont do it!!! you will either have not so attractive girl suck on you, who thinks that YOU think she is finer than she really is. So now youve lived to this girl;  now youre in a spot where you dont wanna be in! or in the case of the homie Leon, youre gonna set some girl up to face a firing squad, with big guns and bullets filled with truth and dipped in reality! This would really suck for this girl youve selfishly mislead; and you would be responsible for this girls downtrotten mental state. lol especially if me or jd or rj or d’artist or somebody like that is around lol. it aint gone be pretty. because neither is she and it would have to be spoke on, at some point, out loud, in a humorous manor, with total disregard for said girls feelings. Niggas aint shit lol.
Since this shit is sports related and this scoring system is set up on opinion and opinion only. alot of times, you can take a couple of guys scores and average them out. because every guy dont think the same. like take me for instance. in some circumstances, there is no way a woman is getting over an 80 from me. Some things I refuse to compromise on. Every one has their thing. I certainly have mine. I wont list them, because I know women who will read this a few times to gauge where they are and arent, according to me. I know this, because I had to re-write this entry, sans detailed opinion of what I will and wont do lol.
So yea, my 76 can be another mans 87. just depends on what the guy likes.

With our scoring system, you can take the different “scores” from dude to dude, then average them out; and you have which ever girls average score. And thats what she is according to any given group of males. sometimes, you might have to take a nigga score and adjust that shit some. i have a friend who actually likes him some “heffalumps”. so, of course his score usually comes with some kinda handicap. nothing against him; not really lol. It just be like that sometimes.

so there you have it. The Man League Scoring System (MLSS). now girls can get a very accurate rating and guys can give other dudes the skinny on a girl with a reliable system that makes sense.

there it is!

Yea, im waiting on the “OJ, youre so fucked up” blah blah blah blah shit. dah! blow it out your fricken pie hole! i dont give a fuck, honestly. oh yea, lets not forget the “youre not that cute anyway… why you talkin shit?!!?”, my answer? bitch because i can. fuck you! if i looked like you (10 out 10 times a girl who says something alonge these lines is lacking through and through)… id still talk shit. now what?

Go forth! Spread the word! This system has been used by my friends and associates and it works. It works for males every where. These are simple guidelines that every male can relate to and understand. And as a male, if you cant, something is wrong with you. I promise you that. Even gay guys can use this system. For women and men a like!

Lastly I would like to say thank you to everybody that applied to be my designated driver. We are still accepting applications. lol nothing against the current applicants at all. but we want to give everybody a chance to apply lol.

Before i get end this, speaking of blowed, JD (star of the world famous bumble bee story) has created a blogger on this site. when i get that nigga the info he needs, ill link it and you can enjoy the shit he has to say; which will actually include a rebuttle to the bumble bee story (yes lol). i cant really comprehend how he could possibly have a fucking rebuttle. but according to him he does.