This Is What Happens When... Archives - Uhmah Park

If by chance, you were sitting around one day, wondering if you were a weenie. Well I have the perfect test for you. If you think you might get great use out of this product, then there is a 99% chance you might be a weenie. With a 1% chance for special circumstances. I cant think what any of those special circumstances would be off hand. I dont know, maybe if you keep burning your fingers on your blunts and they temporarily hella sensitive… and you need to send a text message. Watch the video for an explanation. Text could never really do this product any justice.

Sigh.

If you ever need fucking protective guards to shield your sensitive ass from your phone keys. Then I basically guarentee you that youre a damn weenie lol.

And dont come with that bullshit… Oh I text alot and my fingers start hurting sometimes. The only thing that means, is that you need to stop texting so gotdamn much. Nothing is that important to where you have to text so gotdamn much that your fucking fingers start to fucking hurt.If your fingers are starting to hurt (which i dont dout is possible) then its probably time to put your fucking phone down and make a fucking phone call already lol. Either that or send a text message saying. hey… my damn fingers are starting to hurt. ill get back.

LOL I do give the inventors a lil bit of props. Mainly because I wish I thought of this shit. I mean, while I might be calling my customers weenies still. I just hope those same people werent standing behind me in the line at the bank while Im talking shit… walking their doe to the bank lol. But the one thing I can give a high five for. Is that you get more than 1 pair, and the pouch doubles as a screen cleaner LOL. Which EVERYBODY needs lol.


I got high as possible so I could come back to this and laugh at it as much as possible.

“is this whats hot in the streets these days??” I honestly cant help but wonder how many girls really find this appealing. Im sure its more than I think. However, I’d seriously hate to have to deal with any girl who did happen to find this appealing. For reasons I wont even bother to get into lol. Mainly because, its not that “I cant stop laughing at this”. Its like, Im not actually laughing, but Im laughing uncontrollably on the inside. If that makes sense to anybody.

This is the random link I was sent, no explanation, no nothing. I click the shit, and it says fuckin, “Wild Stallion Tang”. So I immediately assumed it was an openly Gay R&B group. I thought, you know, hey… bold move. Usually everybody just say “oh them niggas is gay” when some fruity ass R&B group comes out. I only watch the second Flavor of Love season (I have no regrets! although it forever turned me off to watch another reality show ever again ever.) so I only barely know anything about anything. I didnt watch I love New York, however, I did see pieces of episodes when somebody else had that bullshit on. But I dont know whats really goin on at all. But apparently, the nigga on the left, and the nigga in the middle are brothers. Go fucking figure. ?? And the both these niggas were on I Love New York at the same muthafuckin time? Really? Seems a bit trifflin… I dont know. It seems somethin, maybe Im just blowed. Maybe Its this fucking picture throwing me off lol.

The nigga on the left, looks like a gay camron, or like Cam dressed in drag or something. Do these niggas have on eye liner? Or am I blowed? They dont look like that on the VH1 site, Im just sayin…. they HAD to put on some kinda makeup for that shit lol. Anyway. See, I dont like to say retarded shit like “thats gay” because the gay shit people call gay these days, is usually just overly wack. And I cant say being gay is wack, because I dont believe that. I also believe its not for me, lol. So to say something is gay because its wack, to me is retarded. However lol.  This nigga on the left, has manged to look gayer than Camron did, draped in fucking pink, rolling around in that fucking pink range rover. But he has on Black and White. Astounding how he manged to pull that shit off.

The nigga in the middle looks like Money Mike in drag. That HAS to be a fucking weave. And if its not, then nigga damn. Your ear is poking through your hair like youre a white girl or something. With all the feminness in this picture going on, I almost thought this nigga had on a cleavage shirt. As a titty man, I was about to be FUCKING offended lol. However though, I would like to point out this niggas old school TLC, what about your friends, metal peace sign lol. I’d say it was on a shoe string, or a string of yarn, but then I feel like that would be hating lol. And Im not hating, Im presenting my perspective, which happens to be saturated with what I believe to be humor.If I was hating, I would have said his peace emblem was Die-Cast Metal, instead of just metal, which you can clearly see it is some kind or form of metal. I hope. lol If it was plastic though, a nigga wouldnt be surprised lmao. lol This niggas goes by “Real”. There aint no way in the hell this nigga hasnt been growing that hair sense he was little. His real nick name was probably “Real Gay”. This nigga got on tv, and shortened that shit. He was probably one of them little niggas who you bring up when people start talking about “can you be born gay?”. I think every Black person believes one can be, ONLY because of personal experience lol. And to all those niggas who were born gay and couldnt help it. This man is clearly your champion lol. This nigga looks like he is perpetually really to smack his lips. The only excuse that nigga has for his hair being long is that he is a pimp. Which I would believe. Ive seen pimps in some shit. So fuck it. Id believe that. But, no self respecting REAL… HA!!!! LMAO!!! LMAO!!! my bad on the pun … ok… REAL pimp would be caught dead on I Love New York. lol. So clearly, this aint the case. Seriously though, lets for one second. Lets just say this nigga isnt gay. So if he isnt gay, then the only reason he would have his hair this long is to be fly, and pull him a bitch or three mayne lol. So any female who think this nigga here “swag” is off the meter. Seriously, this nigga can have alllll them muhfuckas. Please do take them. He deserves it lol. Does this nigga have on a choker. Time out, I strangely feel like somebody showed me this shit before. I feel like Ive noticed this niggas choker before, I may have not gotten around to talking about it. But thanks to Crunktastical ( where I saw this shit at lol ), I got to laugh at this shit again like it was brand new lol.

The nigga on the right, looks like Jamie Foxx, from the first episode of The Jamie Foxx Show. Of course, the gay version lol. It also appears he took a missy hair cut from around that same time period and fit that shit in his get up. Stop it dammit. Is his jacket, velvet?

This picture looks like, they put together a musical like Idewild and combinded it with an urban version of Broke Back Mountain. And this picture was the album cover for the sound track to that movie, they started in, and also… preformed the entire soundtrack lol.

lol these niggas look like they are on the white carpet at the gay thug fetish ball lol.

Alright, I think Im finished laughin. Imma go find something else to laugh at lol.


This is what happens when you wake up high and drunk… still. Because you were getting high and drunk as hell maybe a hour or so earlier and you thought you was about to sleep it off, but you woke up prematurely for some reason.

This is what happens:

video://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsG0_w69Ykc

You know what I think happen? I think maybe if he could possibly fly, his powers were stripped from him when he made the fucking bird noise. LMAO Muthafucka super man could fly, he didn’t “caw” lmao.

This commercial is the fucking GUTS!!!

The first time I saw it, it caught a nigga off guard and I thought I was gonna sophisticate myself from laughing too damn hard.

His homeboy couldn’t even believe he actually jumped out the window.

That man is better than me, I would have probably damn near fell out the window pointing and laughing at this muthafucka. Gotdamn.

This shit is way too funny.

Yall Welcome.


This is what happens when youre percived as being too wack AND lame for your own good.

“Somebody” put a hit on on this mans life. And for what? Because he’s wack? Thats a reason to take another persons life? Because he did Brittney Spears dirty? Because he is perceived as a male gold digger?

I honestly dont understand why people hate this man sooo damn much? What did he really do to deserve so much hate? Im sure its nothing that most people couldnt have avoided if they put a little effort into it. In other words, if you hate K-FizzelFashizzle, then its your fault, not his. Its really easy not to pay attention to tabliot news, I promise you that. Every time you log on to perezhitlon.com or defamer.com or imakemoneybecauseyoucaretoomuchandsodoi.com there is a little red x in one of the corners, of your browser so you can avoid all k-feezy news. Or just turn the gotdamn channel. But whatever… fuck it, you still hate K-Federally.

The other thing about this whole shit I dont understand is… How do people not see that When Brittney got with Kevin, Brittney wasnt stepping down just because she got with a dancer and she was the main talent. Brittney and Kevin have always been the same class of people. Fuck what class exactly that is. But my point is, they really do come from the same background, got a bunch in common, they the same kinda muthafucka. You can tell a number of ways.

1. she had TWO kids with this man.
2. She was all the way ready to support this man. not only support him, but his wack would be entertainment career as well.
3. everytime you saw her with him, they were HELLA happy. she was truely happy untilshe started cheating or whatever the problem was. im sure she didnt all of a sudden just realize he was a wack person or whatever his real problem is.

Fuck it, I could go on and on. But my point is still, they have always been the same person. What I STILL cant figure out is…. BRITTNEY IS REALLY JUST AS WACK AS HE IS AS AN ENTERTAINER! The only thing Brittney has on Kevin is she looks better half naked, even when/if she is a lil pudgy lol. She sing for shit, the level of her so called dancing skill is completely relative. Brittney is as good as her team is. Brittney wouldnt even be who she is if she just tried to come out before all the Disney Channel hype. If she just tried to come out with any one of her singles after the oops i did it again shit, she would currently be an after thought. There would be no great production and videos n shit. None of that.
Clearly these days though, her fucking team sucks all to hell, or she just stopped listening to muthaufckas lol. Im kind of in support of the latter, but in her defense, at some point every one get tired of being told what to do even if they are always wrong, at least they are making their own fuck ups and only they are responsible. I understand that fully.

I dont give a fuck how bad my life is going and how sick I am of muthafuckas telling me what to do though, im not gonna keep embarrassing myself. For instance. I eventually got spell check for my blog lol. Not that I use that shit all the time, but Im trying, fuck yall lol.

I actually almost feel sorry for Brittney sometimes, I couldnt take muthafuckas in my business all the time like that. Even worse is all these companies see her as a check lol. If you attach that woman to anything, youre getting fucking paid. To prove my point. MTV knew good and gotdamn well what they were gonna get when they booked Brittney to open for the VMA’s. Im not gonna fuckin lie, her performing was one of the MAIN reason I wanted to watch that historicly (for the last few years) boring ass show. Even I wanted to see what she was gonna do. And boy did we all get something to talk about lol. Poor girl lol. MTV may have fucked around and ended her damn career lol. But MTV got PAID off all the ratings and advertising doe they got for her opening the show im sure. Alls well that ends well I guess…

Having a hand in running a TV station myself, I cant say I wouldnt have done the same shit lol.


In China, the other day, a 30 year old man fucked around and dropped dead playing online video games. This man had apparently been playing for 3 days straight.
Maybe if the keyboard didnt contain lead based paint and materials he would have made it for 5 days? yes? who knows… But I do know this:

This is what happens when you have a little dick and nobody wants to fuck you.

This is also what happens when people dont have shit else to do because the government is hella controlling.

How is it that you really have nothing else going on in your life, that you can spend that much time playing an online game lol. Now I cant really talk shit. Ive managed to lose like 50 pounds damn near from working WAY too much. But I was making money. What was this mans excuse??
I love video games like the next guy, but gotdamn lol. What happens if he would have survived this stint, and won the game? YES! I won the game!!
I know every time Ive won a video game, that feeling of satisfaction only really stays around for like 15 min. And then Im left feeling pretty empty lol. Like this has rewarded me nothing but 15 min of satisfaction, but it took me like a month to finish the gotdamn game lol.

The only games I cant really say that about are games with story lines, its kinda like watching a movie. And you finish the game to see how it end. Those games and games where there is a high level of user on user competition. Im SUPER competitive lol. Im still not spending three gotdamn days non stop on my shit though lol.

Anyway… lol

Im going to start two new categories on this shit lol 1. “This is what happens when…” and 2. “The INS”

Im starting the This is what happens when category to provide me with a platform to say the most fucked up shit that comes to mind when I see something, and then want to provide a explanation as to why that particular thing might be going on lol.

And then some of you might be familar with The infamous INS (Insensitive News Syndicate), some of you same muthafuckas might be wondering what happen to that shit. Well… a nigga like me doesnt have all the time in the world to blog. AND the niggas that was suppose to help me, clearly have other shit to do and dont wanna eventually be paid to write fucked up shit that they watch on the news daily. Whatever. I cant do it by myself. But I can write shit on MY shit from time to time. And thats whats about to happen.

Joy!