Guttie Shit Archives - Uhmah Park

“If yall dont get yall friends… “

That’s the first thing that came to mind when I saw this. That’s what we used to say about ravers in high school when we used to watch them dance at lunch or something. “NOPE! Them is YO friends!”

I never thought I’d see this ever in my life. Until I thought about it. Then I felt dumb. Of course this was bound to happen OJ, dont be dumb.

Shit like this is never not funny. They was getting down. The guy with the horn in all white, killed the whole thing with the horn. These people were having fun blowing it and this guy; who doesn’t even match every one else hops around with a punk ass horn. Thats a true asshole right there. This guy is surrounded by assholes and whats to be the most obnoxious asshole of them all. Only a savage joker-esqe asshole wants to piss off another group of assholes who he joined to do asshole shit with. Why is he in all while covered in blood any way? With tassels! Everybody else has on black. Thats how you know this guy was set on being the number 1 asshole there.

These muthafuckas are under a damn bridge with this! That is probably one of the greatest under rated parts of this whole thing lol.

Only white people can do this. Even if these were asians, the police would have been over there before the video ended.

Here’s whats funny though. I’ve been to more than one rave function (dont ask). These people have been doing the same dance moves since 1995. Exact same. Nothing different. Every last thing you saw somebody do in that video, Ive seen a raver do. They just didnt have on Goth shit. Goth and Ravers started off as two different groups that didnt like each other. Clearly some of those weirdos had kids together.

This isn’t even the worst thing I’ve ever seen. This is just an insane mash up I’d thought I’d never see. I have a story or two.


Im very upset this is a real thing. 

I didnt know this existed until today, thanks to JD. smh. asshole lol. I tried not to click on it, but based on a few jokes, I couldnt resist. Im posting this here because I dont believe I should have to be the only one who didnt know this bullshit existed; is mad its a real thing; and who cant help but click it, because they cant believe its a real thing.

This video has two scenes. After watching for a while, I thought it was going to be one scene, but eventually, they moved on to somebodies house and had a party. Typical 90s video. Shits hilarious, if youre into laughing at wack shit lol.

You would think a basketball playing millionaire in LA would have more spectacular groupies. Not that there anything wrong with these. But something seems off about that situation. I cant put my finger on it. I dont want to talk about the game either. Just… man. Fuck this lol


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I’ve never heard the full, real version of this song. And now, thanks to this awesome reading, I will never have to. And if you havent heard the real song, dont worry about it. Just sit back and let the best Morgan Freeman impersonator read the lyrics as if they were an elegant poem.

I really wish it was the real Morgan Freeman would have put this out. It wouldve been way too awesome!!

 

Id point out some choice lyrics in this reading, but the whole thing is just……………………….. HA! I really dont know what else to say lol.


Lets file this shit right here under videos you shouldnt watch at work. Even with ear buds/headset or what have you. This is classic lol.

My homegirl sent me this earlier, and im not going to lie, i wasnt going to watch this shit at all lol. My friends send me tons of shit during the day, some of it I actually find funny, some of it is YEARS old, some of it…. just… lose my gotdamn contact information asshole.

But this shit right here; I hit play and one of the first things I saw was “it contains the word ‘cunt punt.'” … I stopped to read the commentary and watch the video. Thank God!

Remember when you were a little kid and completely insignificant things seemed like the most important events in the entire world? Well, that same logic applies to some students in college too. For whatever reason, a certain percentage of dudes in frats and chicks in sororities tend to obsess over social events, and earlier this week, we were all reminded of that via an absolutely hysterical email from a sorority member from Maryland who was furious at her sisters for acting like shy weirdos and whiny little bitches at recent events during Greek Week. It was later leaked to Gawker, and it’s since been making the rounds.

Given how serious it takes itself and how brilliant much of the phraseology is, the geniuses over at Funny Or Die recognized its hilarious potential almost immediately and enlisted Premium Rush and Boardwalk Empire star Michael Shannon for an overly dramatic reading. Not surprisingly, it wound up being hysterical, and it’s trending on its own merits now.

Shout out to: CinemaBlind.com where I snagged this text and got the link from. Good times at work!

Lastly, the limited use of the word “Bitch”, “Bitches” and “Ho’s” is a sign that this letter was not written by a Black person. So theres that lol.


This fucking killed me lol.

This is an LA thing lol. People dont give a fuck about the Filming notice sign. they will just walk through your set, like fuck you, I have some where to be at right now. Deal with it, this is happening.

lol


This man Eman is fucking dumb lmao. Out of complete bordom, a few years back, this man decided to go out in the front yard and built a snow man and named it OJ the snow man because I believe snow is a creation of the Devil himself (because it most definitely is). So this year, randomly out of no where; here comes Eman again, with a new version of OJ the Snowman, with a damn story. LMAO

 

Snowman: psst
Me: ….
Snowman: PSST!!!
Me: Jesus Christ are you fucking kidding me…again?
Snowman: WHAT CRACKS MY NIGGA?!?!
Me: Thisisntreal thisisntreal thisisntreal
Snowman: Thas how you gonna treat ya boy now?
Me: Ugh……OJ?
Snowman: THE ONE AND ONLY HOMIE!
Me: How the fuck does this keep happening?
OJ: Ever heard of astral projection?
Me: Yea…
OJ: I call it nigga projection.
Me: The fuck?
OJ: Yea man, I can only appear to other Blacks.
Me: THIS is your special power? Don’t you feel slighted somehow? Like God specifically said “Fuck you.”?
OJ: Every day ::sad face::
Me: And why do you look like that?
OJ: Like what?
Me: Like Snowman the Hutt…what the fuck is with the tail?
OJ: I was trying something different. I wanted to be tall this time like I am usually and this is what happened. I’m victim sized 🙁
Me: I don’t even have a response.
Me: Hold on bruh, how the fuck did you get my head band and my daughter’s scarf?
OJ: Oh, well, I was cold so…
Me: You’re made of snow asshat. And you didn’t answer the question.
OJ: I got them from inside.
Me: My house?!
OJ: Where else?
Me: How the fuck did you get in? How’d you even move?
OJ: I’m from Cali nigga please. And this tail is remarkbly useful for propulsion.
OJ: Ayo nigga I am starrrrving. I feel like my stomach bout to declare war you got some food?
Me: You can’t be serious right now.
OJ: Travelling through the ether is hard work.
Me: Why do it then?
OJ: Bored at work as usual and niggas stay pissing me off so I took a break. This is where I ended up. I was trying to get to Tamron Hall’s…
Me: I don’t even wanna know. Anyway I got some PB & J.
OJ: YES NIGGA hook that up!

lol niggas is dumb. I dont even talk like that lmao. …. I do call little dudes “Victim Sized” though lol… well… i read it again. May I do talk like that just a little. He was pretty on point with the Tamron Hall thing too lmao.

Hi Tamron 🙂


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Mixed kids be so confused lol. The White half of my friend Monique wants to oppress me. The other half wants to join in on the work the White half is trying to get all her black friends to do. Because the Black half is the white half’s slave lol; clearly lol. What kinda shit is that?! lmao I love Monique!

Mixed (Black and White) Kids are dangerous as fuck. You know why? Because they are just as ignorant as most niggas, but just as ABSURD as most white people. And of course you do know; nobody beats White people in any Absurdity contest. EVER.

I have PROOF.

Look at Barack Obama. He is half white and half black. This crazy ass nigga ran for President of the racist ass United States with the first name “Barack”, last name “Obama” which already sounds wayyyy too ethnic for white people. But to make the fucking murder complete, this crazy muthafucka had the NERVE to have a middle name as “Hussein”! AND STILL ran for president! Mean while the country had just snatched up Saddam Hussein 2 years previous! White people dont have accurate memories! Yet and STILL this man thought he could win. ABSURD!!!!!

He won that shit tho lol. I guess it was the White side who was absurd enough to say he was. Then the Black side had to actually make that shit happen some how. Thats how its been going since we got here lol.

LMAO


 

This was fucking awesome! The other day the homie Eman sent me a text in the middle of a meeting that said “Nigga… youtube ‘DMX RUDOLPH’  like right now”. If you know me, you know the chances of me actually following through on some shit like that are SLIM lol. But for whatever reason, after the meeting  I remembered and said fuck it, let me look real fast, I love DMX interviews. THANK GOD I DID!!!!!

LOL I hate Xmas for the most part. However, there are 3 things about Xmas I like. The spending of money that goes on; The song Jingle Bell Rock, thanks to the movie Die Hard; and The Nutcracker Suite, Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies… and now this here is the 4th thing I like about Xmas!

You might be saying, oh this nigga is cracked out and is this what he has been reduced to. I dont see it like that. I see a real artist doing what a real artist does when its time to get down. He fucking gets down.  DMX put his own signature on Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, thats what youre supposed to do when youre a real artist. Gotta love it. …if you know what youre looking at that is. But no matter what youre perspective.. the shits STILL hilarious!


LMAOOOO ive been wondering what the hell this was about!

I never get passed the first couple of sentences because its clear bullshit lmao.

IF you sign up for a web service for free, what you are doing is giving them data and content to make money off of; and in turn, you get to use their service. facebook is not a birth right lol.

Nothing is free people. Jack asses lol.


First let me say that Im only freelancing at the place. Im not officially an employee. This information is pertinent because the homie was the person responsible for taking the company profile photos.

We were yapping it up while he was setting the camera up and somebody asked if I was taking a picture. I was like nah, I dont officially work here. The homie was like, yea go take some test shots; then that turned into us taking test shots of how you should not take company shots profile shots lmao. It was hilarious.  I am not THIS ignorant lol. These wont be seen anywhere but here. These pictures do not represent me professionally lol. I repeat, I know I can be an ignorant bastard, but I am NOT THIS IGNORANT LOL.

Working in an office 9 to 5… actually 10 to 6.. or 5. Or whenever.. its growing on me. I dont know how you people work regular jobs that you hate though. If I hated this shit here, I dont know how I’d make it. I salute thee.

Im happy I get to do silly shit like this. I love this industry lol. This is really the best situation I couldve hoped for. Now if I could get a couple of hands out of my pocket, I’d be straight. lol