May 2006 - Uhmah Park

I forget what has transpired today to make me write about the shit im about to write about. But fuck it, here it goes.

My senior year in high school, we were at a Senior class meeting. That means all the seniors went to the gym and we got talked at by some of the members of the faculty. Whatever gets niggas out of class, and amongst the homies is alright with me. On this particular day, it was hella muthafuckin windy. If you dont know about the wind in Fontana, its Hurricane-ish with out the fuckin rain. Sometimes, it be hot… and windy as fuck. But whatever, im not here to bitch about how Fontana wind is some of the worst shit ever.
I know some asshole on the east coast is saying to himself… damn, thats as bad as it gets, nigga thats it? Yes Muthafucka! and it sucks, fuck off!
Anyway… so it was so so windy, it wasnt exactly cold, but not all that warm. East coasters and white people can still wear shorts in this weather miraculously.
So here we are… alot of the homies were all in one spot. Of course, im sitting next to JD. And we are all kind paying attention, talkin n shit. whatever. The whole senior class has settled down and the speeches n shit are underway. Oh but wait. There is a lone member of the senior class that hasnt made her way into the gym quite yet.
If youre a Do-Gooder, turn back now.
The big heavy ass Oak door starts to open. The gang is not all quite here. In through the door a very fraile mentally disabled girl starts to fucking CLAW her way into the gym. Ummm, CLAW you ask? YES! This mentally disabled girl in particular needed the assistance of a walker to immobilize her self across our humongous ass campus. The biggest Highschool Campus in Southern California. Nigga it takes forever to walk that school! I dont know how the fat kids managed to stay fat walking around that shit. It would take people a full six minutes to walk directly from one class to another. No stoping and talking. OUT! Neglecting your friends n shit lol. So this lil retarded girl had to use a walker to navigate the school grounds. Frail as fuck. This same girl is trying to open a BIG ASS oak door that our gym had. Ive seen small girls have trouble with the door. So you know her ass was strugglin like a muthafucka! Clawing her way into the gym. Put her walker through and proceeded to BRUTE her way through the door with her lil ass shoulders. And you know how fucking cruel kids are. Muthafuckas was laughin n shit, or trying not to. Holdin it in n shit. She was strugglin bad!! And Nigga didnt NOBODY get up offa they ass to lend her a hand! IT WAS SAD YALL!!!
But… My poor poor student counselor, Mrs Sargent, she was great. But she was a bit old. And far from the girl. Too far to save her. Like she probably wanted to do, bless her heart. She probably realized this, but wanted to do something to stop the kids from laughing at her, and try to take a little bit of attention offa the girl who was getting crushed by this big ass door mercilessly!!!
She turns into the microphone and says "if you think you had a tough time trying to graduate, you should’ve seen her walking against the wind this morning!""
I had to think about that one for a moment, because her saying something was kinda unsuspected. But i thought to myself…. Nigga is she helping at all?(Her being laughed at and all) Did she just put her out there like that?? is that fucked up? Is there more to this?!!? just as im thinking all this, i hear JD behind me GASPING FOR AIR!!!! and i hear my homegirl shawntayah(sp????) say, "JD You Wrong!" I turn around and this nigga JD is laid the fuck out, crying laughing!!!

I immediately became weak! My thoughts were confirmed. That was the most Unintentional Coldest Shit ever! So much was so funny about that whole shit. Ive been laughing for the last 30 min just typing this shit out!!!! Gotdamn!! I couldnt help my self, if i had any hope of holding that shit in, JD is soley responsible for throwing that shit out the window! We were sitting there laughin like a muthafucka, and everybody around just thought we was the cruelest insensitive bastards out in the world at that point.

I dont give a fuck though! that shit is STILL the guts to this very day. and i KNOW JD is reading this shit, laughin like it just happen!
This is one of them things only me and him will find uncontrollably funny. Like most people might see its funny, but not laugh because of the circumstances. ME? i cant help my self AT ALL. But i dont be laughin at just whats at the surface.

Anyway. I see some McDonalds in my future.


You know what Tampico is? The Ghettos Favorite Nutritious drink. Which explains alot. But im not gonna front, the shit is kinda good when you have no other options. Or if youre just ghetto like that and dont get to have it all the time because you know better. But when you do get to have some Tampico, because there aint no better option, shits kinda good.

Although it gives you HELLA FLEM! shits gross. but we drink it anyway lol.

And then you have the other shit that comes in all kinds of colors. The shit that just says JUICE on it n shit, or DRINK. No real name or anything, just "Tropical Juice" Do you know what that shit is?

Pop-cycle Juice!

Thats exactly what it is.

Its pop-cycles that have been either melted down, or they freeze half, and bottle the other half. And tah-dah. Two different products! Damn. I mean, hell, id probably do the same thing if i could to be completely honest. Anybody that wouldnt is a fucking idiot.

Ive told a few people about these thoughts, and they knew it to be the truth instantly!  And im betting who ever reads this will too!


This is not about what you might think. And i only say that because i know what my punk ass friends are gonna think. Probably because i know what id think if i were in their shoes. Assholes.

Anyway… so im waiting to play the homie in some NBA Live online, listening to this bullshit ass sound track ( except for the busta track ), and i had a thought. Has any internet rapper became famous? Like, actually got a deal, got signed. Made a video, showed up on trl n shit. Or at least okayplayer or some shit. Actually scratch Okayplayer. that might not be the top, but a mildstone to getting there none the less. Although im sure all them hatin ass niggas over there will get hella critical of said Internet to Limelight individual after they inquire too much sucess and have become bigger than their scene. Whatever tho. Im not really big on the music thats out now, and i dont watch mtv or bet regularly. Im probably the only person youll ever know that actually means that when they say it, i promise. But as far as i know, no internet artist has made it big yet.
I suppose you could count those two dudes that never met, but put together a album over the net. But ehh, not really. Im sure they sold units. plus i know mad niggas that bootleged the shit. Thieving bastards! i dont remember them making a trl apperence or proforming on a late night show or no shit. So, they dont count. Im talkin like, big enough to have the stalkeratzi in your grill. Paying attention to what youre doing.
I havent seen a case yet. I dont even think anybody REALLY REALLY cares what Andy Milkacrackas ( i dont know how to spell this muthafuckas name…. and really, should i? ) does in his spare time. I think thats probably because thats how he got on tv in the first place.
I think the cloest possible case is Tia Tequila, but she isnt a mega star yet at all. She doesnt have the media all in her business at all. If you know whats crackin with her, thats because of her promotion efforts, and not any residual attention. But like i said, im detached from the tv. So i might be the best authority. None the less, if she was that big, with me being detached like i am, i would have surely heard something by now.

So that leaves our count at zero. But, the world is changing. Within the next two years. Some of who started off on the internet is bound to become insainley famous. So then eventually, i guess that would mean, that marketing will start coming from the net, instead of going into the internet. ( im real blowed, but that should make sense sober )
What im saying is… eventually when that one person breaks big. Then the next…. focus will turn to the internet for new music and entertainment. instead of waiting for the next new artist on trl. or 106 and park.

Anyway… i dont think nobody has broke yet.

That too way too long to say. What i really was thinking was, what if said internet rapper got a little big, a little shine, and then started dissin niggas by they screen name in they raps. Like had that tupac hate in they voice. “PIMPSTYLE76, FUCK YOU TOO”
I think that will have plateued Lameness in rap. I predict in the next 4 years. We will see that happen. With all the lame ass shit thats out now, its bound to fucking happen. I think ive been witness to some painfully lame shit. And honestly, i cant say i would be surprised if some internet rapper blew up a little bit, and started dissin other internet niggas that could only make a website and a bootleg ass song in response. So it would always seem like he wins his battles lmao. Its gonna happen. I just know it. I almost need for it to happen now, so i dont seem like im out my gotdamn mind. But mark my words. In the next 4 years. You dont understand, the shit im listening to on the NBA Live shit, and some of the pure ear garbage ive heard on the net. its going to happen.

As you can easily see, i have no faith in my fellow man.

And thats ok, that just means i can stop being disapointed all the time, and just expect the worse and save my self the heartache. It works, i promise. you should try it.

Lastly, id like to say that Reggaeton does not suck. Its just not for me. at all. maybe after 3 long islands. i could  get a temporary visa to reggeaton land.
lol shit id do the twist to the polka then! id be perv-superior.

( perv-superior = right before frunk as duck! )


WHOS WITH ME?!?!

Let me tell you why first. While i sit here with my ever evolving Big Juave Style Chicken Nachos. Soon to be the greatest Nachos any human has ever tasted ever. Im still adjusting the recipe though. So thats why they aint the absolute greatest, they are just one of the greatest. But total domanince of the Nacho game is near. Keep an eye out for em.

Anyway… So while i was making my Big Juave Style Chicken Nachos, I looked at the bag of tostitos Hint Of Lime Torilla Chips that i use in my Nachos, and I noticed that the fuckin bag is only half way full. Possibly less. Its a pretty big bag though, and im like damn… 60% of the contents of this big ass bag that probably cost me like 3 bucks, is full of fucking air. Where is the muthafuckin justice? Its certinaly not in that gotdamn bag, ill tell ya that much!

I say we boycott Potato Chip Companies for insulting our collective inteligence! NOTHING ELSE is packaged like that. JUST potato chips! And for what? Im sure most people first thought is to make it seem like its more. But truth be told, Im blowed, and this is a blowed thought. Although let it be know that i do realize that the air is in the bag like that because it protects the chips from being nothing but crumbs by the time it gets to you, the consumer. I realize that. But what im saying is… my bag of chips, and every other bag of chips when i bought them, was 60% AIR! Im sorry, im not fuckin stupid! Yes, protect my chips, i dont want a bag of crumbs. But if imma pay that much for chips, why cant it be 60% Chips in the fuckin bag! and 40% air to protect the chips! Im more than sure thats a good amount of chip protecting air.

Another reason we should boycott chips is because some brands of chips dont give a single solotrary fuck, and will have a CLEAR bag, and SHOW us how much they ARE NOT going to give us up front. And know we are still going to buy the shit! How fucked up is that? Very if you ask me. Down right arrogant. All you Kobe haters out there should deffinitly be with me just because of that fact along. This means you too Raja Bell ( with your punk ass ). Every Kobe hater can not stand that “he is so arrogant”, well if thats the case, focus that same hate on Potato Chip companies! For blantenly making clear bags so you can see how much they are fucking you over. And there aint SHIT you can do about it! They do it on purpose to tease us and stick it to us, because we are STILL going to buy that half ass bag of chips! Thats arrogance at its finest… WHOS WITH ME?!

If we stick together, we can do it. Potato Chip Companies are snack facist! They must be stoped! We must get more chips. Like in a pringles can, what a great deal that is! Right? You can fill up 9 little potato chip bags with one can of pringles. But one bag of chips cost the same as one can of pringles. Why dont all potato chip companies go to that format? Because they wanna rip you off! They dont care about value, or you, or the fact they are practacly spitting in your face by offering up their bullshit!

So yea… boycott chip companies until they get they act together!