January 2005 - Uhmah Park

What Would OJ Do?

for some reason… people are alaways asking me… say OJ, would you do this that or the other? i suppose they are amused by my answers for whatever reason.
sometimes yes, sometimes no… but for whatever reason im always being asked.

anyway… so the other day, i was talkin to my dad… and he was telling me about nasa.gov and how great of a site it is and what not. the articals and video and what not on the site.
then i had the sudden revalation… hey… ill be damned, if im not into space all that much. im more into shit thats crackin on the ground… maybe a plane, a jet, a hang glider maybe. but space? if it aint star trek, star wars or somethin like that ( a movie?! tv maybe? ) im kinda cool. but you know… whatever.
so i let my dad know… my interest arent deeply rooted in space. lol

so here goes my dad:

dad: what? you dont like space? man… how dont you like space?!
oj: im cool on space… im kinda more into earthly things.
dad: whats wrong with space?
oj: …. uh….
dad: so you tellin me, if you had a chance to go to space, you wouldnt?
oj: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllll NO!!!!!
dad: WHAT?!?!?!? you wouldnt go to space if you had the chance??
oj: naw man… im not trying to be fireworks over houston, for a buncha nerdy ass white people and they kids. naw… im cool.
dad: ah man youre trippin… it would be fun! it would be an experience!
oj: ppsshhhh, yea… im cool. fuck around and be niggaworks over houston n shit. im cool.
dad: ahhhhh id go… be up in space…. lookin down on the whole shit n shit.

… anyway. im cool on space. lol i wish i could take my black ass to space. some how my dad was like… yea you could have your chance like next week. how? im not exactly sure… but yea… according to my dad. this is something i should be preparing myself for lol.
hopefully, one day he will read this back to himself and realize how impossible that shit is lol.


Muthafuckas say…

yea… i dont like raw fish! i dont eat raw fish! sushi? ugh! im so cool on raw fish…

but them same muthafuckas are quick to eat a tuna sandwich.

yes… i am guilty of this lol.
i just realized yesterday night ( morning… it was like 4am ) when i was making me some of the best tuna ever… that tuna is indeed raw fish. uncooked like a muhfucka.
dah well lol.
i never thought about that shit before…
and i know tons of people who swear they never eat raw fish, but ive seen them niggas make a tuna sandwich lol.
we cant all not be fulla shit lol.

— edit —

ok… much to my fridgin chagrin, i have been fridgen informed that tuna is fuckin cooked. who muthafuckin knew?
i for muthafuckin one… certainly fridgen the fuck did gotdamn not.
but… on the brighter side of things… i still dont eat raw fish. it goes down.
ha.


i have a poem. its called When I Get High
buss it….

When i get high
sometimes i get too high
but i can see why, what is what
and why is why
i could eat a whole apple pie

when im high
it feels like the fog has been cleared from in front of my eyes
i can see how its deep
and why its wide
but i cant understand why more people dont get high

when i get high
i feel just fine
i sit alone and let silly thoughts run through my mind
im higher than the highest leaf
on the tallest tree
and every thing is sooo gotdamn funny
like when jd was scared of the bumble bee
and damn near lost his mind, right in front of me

Damn im high
and i sure could go for some apple pie
or some other blowed snack i could make on the fly

when i get high
my brain cells dont fry
so what if i think i can fly
i know i cant
and i aint gone try
but i can close my eyes
and feel like im floating thru the sky

fuck im high
im fuckin stuck
if i had to do something important, id be shit out of luck
i feel like i have been leveled by a truck
but damn i could go for a snack
imma have to pick my self up
hit up the kitchen, and make something good as fuck

im so high
i must say goodbye
imma go make me something to eat, and enyoy my high.

lol shit was the guts. lol.


Some people ask me… say oj, how do you and your friends come up with this retarded ass shit you write about in your blogger.
And of course there is a story behind it… usually shit evolves from other shit. for example: “The Guts” evolved from when niggas used to say… “i almost busted a gut laughing at that shit”
that probably isnt going to correspond well with the shit im about to paste. but fuck it, you get the picture. anyway… this nigga dell had me rollin earlier.
oh… and dont ask me when that nigga is going to post again in his blogger, your guess is as good as mine homie.

Dell: im watchin this chris rock shit right now
Dell: this nigga is silly as fuck
Me: im watching lewis black
Me: this nigga is the muthafuckin guts!!!
Dell: “they spinnin nigga, they spinnin”
Me: LMAO!!!!
Dell: his ugliness makes him more funny
Me: you have to watch that lewis black stand up
Me: LMAO!!! this nigga lmao
Dell: for real nigga
Dell: imagine if lonnie had a stand up ( most people have no idea who lonnie is… but trust my reaction lol )
Me: LMMMMMAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dell: you would laugh before he told a joke
Me: fucking shit lmao!!!!!!!!
Dell: his teeth are also a gut factor multipier
Dell: multilier
Me: this nigga lmao
Dell: damn i cant type
Dell: you know it higga
Dell: cant you say im lyin?
Dell: he must have a laugh creater in his gums
Dell: creator
Dell: shit
Me: LMAO!!!
Me: shit lmao
Dell: his gums put you in a trance
Me: KLOLOL
Dell: does this nigga think we forgot that his eyebrows used to connect
Me: LMAO!!!! HELL NAW LMAO
Dell: not only did they connect, they connected like westside
Me: LMAO!! SHIT LMAO
Dell: if im not mistaken, his teeth were in a more tattered state
Me: they was nigga
Me: that nigga got some doe… and did what every ugly nigga should do…
Me: fix his shit up
Dell: money is a muhfuccah
Me: lol
Dell: money is the fountain of youth
Me: lmao
Dell: at least he got rid of the curl
Me: true lmao
Dell: a rich nigga wit a curl really bothers me
Me: LMAO
Me: ac green?
Dell: i migt have to question a niggas intentions
Me: LOL
Dell: he might be a terrorist
Me: LMAO!!!!!!
Me: fashion terrorist?
Dell: no, a real terrorist
Me: lol
Dell: he might run up in a building and set his hair on fire
Dell: blow that shit up
Dell: that shit is more devestating than a car bomb
Me: LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: HELL NAW LMAOLMAO!!!!!!
Dell: world of curls is highly explosive
Dell: on some tnt shit
Dell: the government keeps a list of world of curls consumers
Dell: like niggas that buy c4 an shit
Me: L:nominate this years most ignorant black person
gutty shit.


so i was in the store… got my shit… i was ready to leave.

headed to the door. some guy, trying to enter the store, gets to the door a step or two after i do. and as an act of decentcy and humanity, i hold the door open for said buddy, no big deal, happens millions of times a day right? right. he nods at me… “oh thanks” walks by… and fucking farts as he is walking by!!!!!!!!

what the fuck dogg?!?!

i didnt catch on at first… but the aroma quality in the immedate vicinity plumated like 80 points! and i stoped, all stunned and appauled like. with a look of bewilderment and disgust on my face, asking my self… did this nigga just fuckin fart?!?!!?

BASTARD!!!

you asshole! how fucking rude!
what kinda muthafucka… rewards an act of simple kindness with that hot air pocket of crass assflatulance?!?! you dirty…. son of a…. bitch!!! dammit! i hope the muthafucka trips over his fucking shoelaces or someshit. the muthafucka could have at least held the shit, till he was in the store and caught somebody slippin after he vacated the isle or what have you. but not… this was a cold blooded, out in the open, blatant ass POOT-BY! this asshole had no reguard for me standing right there. right fucking there… just let one out. i cant help but feel like he did it on fucking purpose.
i used to actually hang out with some white people in college, in phoenix, who thought it was fuckin HALARIOUS to fart around other muthafuckas on purpose. Practically on them! and if the shit was loud… oh now thats where the REAL laughs were at.
muthafuckas would come sit by you and ask you a real question… like they really wanted to know. sit there for a second… you help them out. and they would just get up and leave your personal space with the most mordacious odors ever.
and me… not to be out done lol. i was just gonna get farted by and not let that shit ride. but at the same time. im not a kill joy and about to start drop kickin niggas for fartin by me. so of course my vengance was spitful and overly flagrant. im not going to get into some of the shit i did, but lets just say, it was foul lol.

lol anyway…

i know in some enviornments holding open the door for another man “sends the wrong message” at least thats what i was told by my sisters xcon ass, career criminal ass boyfriend (i DO not like that nigga). this nigga was like… ah cuh, dont be holdin open the door for me, it sends the wrong message. know what im sayin?
and i just had to ask, naw… what kinda message might that send dogg?
this nigga went on to explain how that shit might imply that he was my bitch or some shit like that.
lol hell naw. nigga what?
THIS AINT JAIL! NIGGA THIS THE OUTSIDE!! aint no bars around this bitch. no guards!! no none of that!!
lol gotdamn… i dont like that nigga at all.
i understand im way bigger than you… and you wear my sisters clothes. but still lol.

sigh… niggas and flies. always on some shit!


its raining fuckin wilderbeast and walrusses ( say three times fast….. with out laughing! )
nigga its raining hard as fuck.

there is water every gotdamn where. fuck.

but… im hungry as fuck, and i need substainace! so i headed out to mc donalds… rolling through a airbone fuckin air tsunami ( was that insenstive? im sorry lol not really, but yea ). and i get a 20 peice mc nugget, large fries, and two apple pies ( did i mention im blowed? ) equipped with thier special bbq sauce and one of a kind sweet and sour sauce. ( have you ever tasted anything that taste like THAT shit. it doesnt even RESEMBLE the taste of sweet and sour chicken from the chinese spot )

for whatever reason, the guy who put my order together thought i would like a heap of sauce.

now… if youre a person who loves chicken mc nuggets like i do. then you would think…. man, extra sauce? score!
WRONG! WRONG!
have you ever tried to eat mc donalds sauce with anything that WASNT from mcdonalds? have you ever tried to eat SAVED sauce?
it doesnt crack as much as you think. it just dont taste the same. its werid. why is this? i cant figure that shit out. perhaps it doesnt taste all that great because i refrigerate my shit, and at mcdonalds its just kicking it under tha cash drawer lol.
i dont know… whatever it is. its wack!

but oh well… probably shouldnt be eating mc donalds shit like that anyway. lol.

oh yea… speaking of blowed missions…. i posted the blowed mission staring me jd and rj ( los tres juaves! ), in vegas baby!

it goes down like value jet nigga!