June 2004 - Uhmah Park

1. Kanye West needs to stop jumpin on niggas tracks that HE produces for them… and then outshining they ass. lol thats just mean. he did slum villiage and dialated peoples wrong. lol.

2. No Basketball, No Football Make OJ go, something something. SIGH!!! sportscenter is fucking saturated with baseball… this is some bullshit. baseball is the cure for insomnia… i watch that shit at night when i cant sleep. on the bright side tho… at least its summer and i can distract my self with drinking and partying. it goes down.

3. that slow motion shit by juvenille is BANGIN. Bangin out of control. that shit is lapdance music for that ass. i dont even like strip clubs, but fuck! ( fyi – i am down to recieve that lap dance from that female that can shake her shit ). imma have to get somebody to give me a lap dance to that shit.

4. i need to get some more jordans. ( 12’s or 13’s… or them af uno bootleg ones they got out… them shits is dop )

5. My PF was folded yesterday and scared the fuck out of me. but thank God everything is alright. and she is gonna be ok 😉

6. i need to get the LASC goin. but im closer than i was a month ago. so it cracks. and hopefully it will crack all the way soon!

7. Im going to be getting my travel on this summer. Vegas at the end of July… the 22nd… somebody left a comment on here mentioning something about them going around the same time… i dont know what that was about tho? (this might get pushed back, depending on how fast niggas wanna come off my cheese). i just found out that my family is gonna be having a big ass family reunion in New Orleans in August (which should super crack.. ive only meet like 2% of this side of the family). and at some undetermined date i WILL be in orlando. i also MIGHT be in Tennesse to visit my cousin, see his latest child Charlize (i hope i spelled her name right) and also kick it with the killa, since my cousin and him dont stay all that far from each other. im going to be in San Deigo one of these weekends to see the latest addition to the family (my cousin just had a baby) and hopefully get my beach on.

8. speaking of the beach… i need to start going back to the gym. fuck. i aint been in a cold min.

9. Nobody out, has more music than Me, and them niggas BMG and The Killa Himself.

10. i think i wanna learn how to play the electric guitar. that shit would be live as fuck lol…

11. Dodge Ball was the mutahfuckin GUTS! woooooo! shit. im still trippin off that one dude thinkin he wa a gotdamn pirate! lmao fuck

12. SoulPlane was just as fuckin funny as Dodgeball actually. i dont care what NOBODY says! that shit was WAY TOO trifflin not to be the guts. you can not get movie… you just have to laugh. because its the damn guts.

13. That Method and Red Show is the guts too actually.

14. i CAN NOT find my fuckin TV remote… that shit has been missing for the last 2 days! do you know how dumb of a problem this is to fucking have?!?!?! fuck!

15. im done.


http://www.five27.com/socks/

lol i dont think ive ever showed yall ( like i know half the muthafuckas that read this shit ) this shit. its the gotdamn guts lol. (to me at least… )

let me explain… one day (long time ago), kwasi and kkarma saw a picture of me, dressed how a nigga be dressed, (i wont even go into what a niggas style of dress has been referred to n shit lol) and they started talkin shit like… ha ha ha… OJ dont be wearing no fuckin socks, OJ must be from hati or some shit! ha ha ha. ( or something to that effect ).

now me… im thinking to my self, first. hm? hatians dont wear socks? really? its way too hot and humid out in hati for niggas not to be wearin socks… thas nasty lol. i know one hatian family and they all wear socks lol. (and one of em is fuckin beautiful and wooo wont talk about that lol) anyway… they was gettin on me how my feet must smell like a bag full of ‘the worst shit ever’ and corn chips ( or something to that effect — fyi… i like the way corn chips smell lol nigga them shits is good lol ). This was on SoulCity (a message board hosted on this site) by the way. and so i put this lil page together to explain why exactly i rock my socks the way i do. when you wear shorts and show your socks… thats just some wack shit lol im sorry lol. it just doesnt crack.

now… when i wear pants… i pull my shits all the way the fuck up. but thats some whole other shit as far as im concerned lol.
My faces in these pictures are the fucking guts.
i did this shit about… hmm 3 years ago? i be going thru extra shit to prove my fucking point… i MUST prove my point. i must get my fucking point across! i know my spelling is fucked up. but if my spelling affected my point getting across effectivly (or at least if i believe it did lol). id be a hooked on phonics at 25 muthafucka lol.

i remember also… one time… Roc tried to say ( on soulcity also ) that i looked like fuckin masta ace. i was like WHAT?!?!?! lol so i had to make the biggest effort i could conceptualize to prove her worng. i posted ( in my photo gallery ) EVERY picture of me i had at the time. little did i know at the time i had a WHOLE lotta pictures of me. and honestly… there is some that are missing out of that bunch ( like the sock pictures lol ). and shit… since its there, over time it just kinda grew.
Im pretty sure before this little explaination, somebody was thinking some shit like… well damn nigga… vien as fuck are we? When that aint the case at all lol. and now you have the story…

so anyway… im done. and before somebody post the comment. NO! i REFUSE to wear ankle socks! you CAN NOT fuckin rock ankle socks with pants… and YES! i AM too lazy to switch between ankle socks and regular socks… BELIEVE that shit lol. plus… LA weather be on that BULLSHIT sometimes… i keep a pair of pants in my car when i have on shorts (when i can remember), LA weather will up and change its fuckin mind on a nigga. it will be hot all day till like 7… and then that ocean breeze get to kickin a nigga in his black ass… that shit is the pits! im anemic too? psshh that shit dont work for me.
So yea… fuck ankle socks. my tan goes well below my ankles, it cracks.
and fuck pulling your socks all the way up when you have shorts on… that shit is terrible. actually… so are ankle socks with fuckin shorts. its like congradulations… you dress like your dad! … or some shit. i cant get with it!

now… im a lil tipsy ( where as earlier i was frunk as duck ) and im taking my black ass to bed.

ko-nee-chee-wah, Bitches!


sigh… im going to type this out at the request of a dear friend of mine… her intials? PF ( lol inside joke lol )

but yea… im pretty sure any normal muthafucka would say to themselves, i wonder what the fuck that random ass title… has to do with what this nigga is about to fucking say?

buss it.

i used to have a cat when i was younger. we had 3 sets of cats growing up. the first set, is the set imma speak on. they were two all black cats. named Niger (mine… yes like the country) and Candy (my sisters). Anyway… i cant remember how old i was when we got these first two cats, i just remember i came home one day and they was there lol. i loved my cats lol. However… i am from the ghetto, so i am a ghetto child at heart. and if you didnt know this about most ghetto children, we can do some CRUEL shit to animals lol. and you better damn believe i had fun with my cats at the expense of a some pain on thier end lol.

anyway… i guess you can say me and my cat got kinda close. after a month or two he would come and sleep in my room at night. the lil muthafucka wouldnt black out when i did tho… he would wake me up scratching on my door to be let in. id let him in. and he would find a spot to black out on my bed some where.

sigh… i dont know what the fuck happen to this muthafuckin cat. but i guess he felt a lil too gotdamn comfortable with my black ass… oh wait. time out. did i mention Niger was a MALE cat?!
anyway… the fuckin cat one day… i guess… he got on that shit. now i also should mention before hand… that i have ALWAYS slept in just my boxers, no shirt or anything. just draws.
and yea… so one day… the fuckin cat decided that he wanted to lick my muthafuckin nipples! have you ever fucking felt a cat tounge? that shit is ruff as fuck! the shit do not feel nice at all! im laying there… blacked the fuck out. and i wake up to a molestation session sponsored by my very own muthafuckin cat.
i was in disbelief and hella grossed the fuck out. not only because my gotdamn cat was getting fresh with me. but because that shit felt fucked up!!! this nigga was licking hard as fuck and clawing my chest!
i remember the first time… sigh. ( why do i sound like a former choir boy? LOL ) i woke up and yelled out a loud ass ” WHAT IN THE FUCK!!?!?! ” i pushed the cat off me hella hard… like nigga UGH! and really didnt know what to do… i was shocked as fuck but still sleepy as fuck. so… eehh pushed him off… grossed out like nigga get away from me! and blacked back out.
Niger, the cat, undaunted by my disgust… AND NO MUTHAFUCKIN MILK mind you… went RIGHT BACK AT my shit… like i just didnt push him off me. i was like oh HELL NAW!!! this time i TOSSED that muthafucka across the room. and he hit something, i dont remember what. fuck it it was dark… but clearly he was ok. because he came back for more! i guess i should have taught this lil muthafucka that No, means fuckin NO!
i had to actually cover my shit up with my blankets to try and get some sleep. ok… so no nipple…. he left me alone. for that night. i didnt tell nobody, because… fuck. it was embarrassing… Oh… this nigga OJ be getting licked up by his cat at night ha ha ha. fuck that lol.
so over the next few days… the same shit kept happening… i kept being woke up by this fucking cat licking my gotdamn nipples in the middle of the fucking night. like he was a priest in his past life or some shit. i remember a couple of times i threw that muhfucka against the window ( lol ) and tried to just cover my shit up with my hands… nope! he would lick my fucking fingers and hands n shit… i was honestly perplexed but always too fucking sleepy to do anyting about it at all lol. the last fucking straw… was when… ok so he got at my shit… and toss his ass off… and i put the blankets over me…
ONLY to wake up sometime later… and this little muthafucka had found his way UNDER MY BLANKETS! to my muthafuckin nipples!!!! i was fucking done… i hit him… opened my fucking door and threw that nigga down the fucking steps! and yelled out, BACK UP OFFA MY FUCKIN NIPPLES HOMIE, GOTDAMN!!! my dad said that he heard me say that shit and couldnt figure out WHY in the fuck i would have POSSIBLY yelled that shit out at 4 am lmao. and he was so perplexed that he didnt ask. and was just like fuck it.
he did ask me later and i told him the whole story… and he just gave me this slight… oh hell naw look and kept rollin his joint lol.
my cat was banned from my room after that…

and i dont think he ever got over it lol. he ran away one halloween and never came back lol.

oh well.

the other cats we had never did that shit. just that one. i dont know why till this day. ill probably never own another cat ever. because i hate cleaning the fucking litter box. so chances are that shit will be a mutahfuckin mystery. lol

lastly, please dont be an asshole like certain muthafuckas i know… whos name starts with an A and ends witha RIE and think i named my cat NIGGER. i mean honestly… lol
i named the muthafucka Niger… like the country in africa. pronouced NYE – JER!

damn lol.


oh boy… i know this title is gonna be all fucked up in the search engines lol

just a lil forward to the conversation if you will:
when you start the atkins diet, like the third day you have NO gotdamn energy… and you wont have no energy, unless you constantly eat. its some werid shit to witness… and i bet it sucks to go thru….

Syl: did you know that there is atkins for dogs?
Syl: and cats
Syl: lol
OJ: what?!?!?!
Syl: ya
OJ: this is getting out of hand!
Syl: my tia was saying that she put her dog on the atkins diet and it lost 3 lbs in a week
Syl: LOL
Syl: that dog is FAT
OJ: ha
Syl: but now its 3 lbs lighter
OJ: i know that dog wasnt understanding at first tho lol
OJ: like BITCH IM TIRED!
OJ: what is this bullshit you got me on!
Syl: LOLOLL and sick!!!
Syl: LOL!
OJ: where is my normal fucking food! gotdamn!
OJ: if i had some fucking energy… id fucking bite you!!!!
Syl: and no more table scraps
Syl: unless its meat
Syl: LOL
Syl: HA!
OJ: lmao thats the fucking guts right there lmao
Syl: lol

gutty shit.


“yea, we’re kinda like pinky and the brain… me and you.”

if somebody EVER says this to you. and you have to ask….

“well, which one of us is Pinky?”

chances are… You’re Pinky, homie!

Congraduations muthafucka.


alright… i know i said i was gonna post an update of the shit that went down for my second birthday party for my 25th birthday, like LAST week. lol it could have been two weeks ago. who knows? ive been busy lol. i got some things ive been working on. it should crack.

anyway…. like i stated before. i celerbrated my birthday for a pretty long time…. from May 21st to May 31st. Friday the 21st till that next monday, memoral day. i think i actually took that day to rest.

So, we already know what a nigga did and went thru the first weekend. that whole week, i did something just about every day. nothing big. but something. on the 27th ( my actual birthday ) i went to maggianos, one of the best places for italian food ever in history. all during the day over half of the people i knew called me to wish me a happy birthday. they either called me or sent me an email or an happy birthday instant message. Thanks to all the people that wished a nigga a happy birthday, or a happy belated birthday. later on that evening, i watched the laker game with a couple of my peoples. the lakers won of course… the lakers ALWAYS win on my birthday. i cant remember what i did later that night. probably because i got real blowed lol. that part i do remember. wooo lol.

Friday… jane was looking for something to do. so i hit up the homies and they was going to some party in north hollywood. turns out it was an asian party. no biggie. just didnt know anybody there. neither did jane… so we decided to try to do something else. i knew of this after hours spot in downtown LA called the MoonBar. this girl i know host it from 9 till like 3 or 4 in the morning. its at this place called soulfolks resturant. its a nice after hours spot. i hear the food is hella good. they just charge a whole bunch for it. the drinks was cool. i didnt get fucked offa about a good 3 of em tho. still cool over all. the only thing i dont like about this place tho. is that its near skidrow. you will walk out to your car and see a couple of muthafuckas passed out on the way to your shit. that shit kinda bothers me. its just sad really. i saw a couple actually. laid on on the ground sleep. and muthafuckas was just walkin past them. i dont know, i just wish i could help people do better for them selves sometimes. its like… they dont have to lead that life. eh. anyway… got home at like 5 that night

Saturday we went out to ivar ( Pictures! )… i had the time of my fucking life! ive NEVER had that much fun… EVER! EVER NEVER EVER! first off. i was blowed off my ASS before i even left my room to go downstairs where everybody else was at. me and JD smoked just a good two bowls of some fuego he had, and i was on cloud 25 ( pun intended … but really. i was pretty high ). so then me and this nigga JD go down stairs. Jane got here… then Peta-Gay and her friends. and i had to break out the trusty martini shakers and the Skyy Vodka. oh you know what time it is! Peral Harb… i mean Kamakazi time! lol we all took no more than 8 shots each… i know JD was fucked up. i know i was fucked up. i know Jane was fucked up, but she is a light wieght. Sylvia was drinkin Cosmos all afternoon… and evening. she could barely stand before we left the house! PetaGay Keisha and Moran, i think folded a bit. but they can drink! i know PG can. Anyway. Sylvia rented me a limo for us to go to the club in. so nobody had to worry about driving. plus… i had never been in a limo before. so she rented it for us to roll in. and gotdamn that shit was fuckin great! we piled in… there was some champane in there ( dont ask me what kind it was lol ) we popped that shit and killed that bottle before we got to the 5 freeway ( about 7 miles from here lol ). it was 7 of us. but still… we had about two glasses a peice lol. we get to the club… got in for FREE because i got the guest list hook up earlier in the week. the homies came thru for a nigga. We got to go to the front of the line… everybody else had to pay 20 bucks. i get in there… and a few of my friends were in there already wiating on us ( which explains this picture… because them niggas kept calling me . i get there and muthafuckas started handing me drinks. mind you i was already stumbling. all i was drinking that night was long island ice teas! i love them shits! the homie calvin handed me one… sunny handed me two. and i think i got two more from sylvia and somebody else. i cant remember. i think it was drew but im not sure. i got my groove on for most of the night. and depending on who you ask, they might give you a lil bit more detail of what happen, as i WONT lol. i walked around a lil bit when i was takin breaks lol. me and jane went upstairs to the vip portion of the club ( a nigga did have vip too. ) it was cool. just… it was more cracken downstairs. to where we went after a short stay. danced for the rest of the night. went back home… blacked out. great great great night. i had hella fun.

Sunday… i went basiclly to the same spot. but just upstairs from the ivar. to this industry party that was pretty cool. i meet a lot of people. i had fun that night too. it was great. i forgot how expensive drinks in hollywood are tho. 12 bucks! plus a tip if youre not being an asshole. Going to hollywood to party will tap your pockets soemthing cold. because its 20 bucks to park… if youre not on a guest list its gonna be anywhere from 15 to 20 bucks to get in certain places like ivar. but the place around the corner, star shoes. its free to get in but the drinks is a lil bit more expensive. and then yes… you do thave the the drinks that aint cheap. so its easy to blow 100 bucks havin a grand ol time in hollywood. ive done it plenty of times. but i have also mananged to only spend 20 bucks fuckin around in hollywood, gettin just as drunk and having just as much fun. but there was some pre club alchole involed and a guestlist lol.

Monday. i dont rememeber what happen. i chilled out all monday. i was trying to go some where and do something but i never got off my ass. oh well lol.

so my 25th birthday was probably the best ever. imma be disapointed if i cant get this shit crackin off for me like this every year lol.

and oh yea… speaking of pictures. The Uhmenhiem has been updated!


i droped my muthafuckin cell phone, in the muthafuckin toilet!

ugh nigga huh?

well the toilet was piss-less before i droped that bitch in there. so i escaped having to reach my hand in a piss filled toilet bowl. however… my phone was still muthafuckin folded! it was about to get back to workin for a second. then it decided to just say fuck it and the muthafucka died on me. it was a 300 dollar phone and a nigga didnt have no muthafuckin ins. ! bitch! what a dumb ass problem to have! huh?

i was all prepared to suck it up. man up. and go to verizon and shell out however much doe i had to, to get another fuckin phone. i get there and God was smiling on me today, because i get there… and the homies sister is behind the counter. now me and this girl dont know each other all that well. and she has a man she been with for a good min. so it aint like i can flirt my way into a new phone… so i just had to be like hey, remember me? Marc’s homeboy? whats good with a new phone? lol she remembered me. and hooked a nigga up. i told her what happen n shit… she was like let me see your phone…………. hold up, you cleaned it off first right? lol at first i thought i was about to have to give up 40 bucks for a battery. but nope. got off scott ass free. it goes down! i have a brand new phone. just like the one i had before. and im a happy nigga… except for the fact that i no longer have ANY of the numbers that was in my old joint. fuck it. cant win em all.
so… if i possibly had your number…. email that shit to a nigga. so i can get my shit back to where it was, all the way. ( o at five27.com )

that was the second time i had to man up today. the first time was harder than the second time. but, good shit came from both instances. it goes down lol.

i got smiled on by God three times today actually. another time when i found out that my friend was ok. she got folded earlier in the week. i found out last night and was worried like a female lol. like oh no! had to man up and make that phone call. ( we havent talked for months, i was being an asshole ) a nigga was worried. but shes cool and shes gonna be alright. it cracks. and at the moment… i gotta few dranks in me. i was drinkin in pasadena tonite but managed to make it home safely. it goes down.

all this God smiling on me buisness is great. but i went and took that dantes inforno test that was on calvins livejournal, and gotdamn! lol Calvins test result placed him at the 5th level of hell. ( dudly do-right face ass nigga ) But my black ass. i really did answer all them questions truthfully. and i knew my results was gonna come back kinda skanless. and wooo boy. there is only 9 levels of hell. my Black ass, my results placed me on the 8th level of hell. i was like GOTDAMN! lol i knew i was bad. but i didnt know i was that muthafuckin bad, shit! lol. the 9th level supposivly is meant for the “Trechorous”. and is where satan himself is suppose to chill at. i get my resutls back. and after i get over me being as fucked up as they come damn near. im wondering what i gotta do to step it up a notch and get that Treachorous label lol. Maybe if i didnt believe in God? that was one of the questions. I do actually believe in God tho ( dispite what some of you non-reading/my way is the right way ass niggas might think, assholes ). so i guess ill never be Trechorous lol. fuck it, im bad enough as it is lol. i know it. but im comfortable with it. i suppose thats why i got placed at level 8 lol.

anyway… a nigga like me is blacking out.


a few weeks back… the funnist shit happen. this little boy at the national spelling bee, fucking fainted when asked to spell a word he had never heard of and didnt know exsisted. wooooooo it was one of the top 10 funniest things to happen this year, i promise.
He steped up to the mic, with his hands tuked firmly in his pockets, they told him to spell some long ass word ( like imma know how to spell it… honestly! ). This little muthafucka eyes got SO BIG! it was like he had just seen the most shocking shit a 12 year old could possibly see ever in his megar 12 years of life. it was like a pokemon jumped out… did the robot and then threatened to rip off his legs and beat him to death with them shits. so yea… his eyes got big as fuck… and then he started so slowly stumble off to the left and just passed out on the kids in the front rows shins. and the two funniest things happen at that moment… 1. none of the kids he fuckin landed on… tried to help his ass up! lmao gotdamn… i knew kids were cruel. but fuck lol nobody bent down or anything. not even the adults managing the shit really made a solid effort to help him. 2. ok… so the little muthfacka passes out right? he falls n shit… and he is on the ground… sleep for a few seconds… but if youve seen the pictures… peep them shits out. HE NEVER TOOK HIS HANDS OUT HIS FUCKING POCKETS!!!!! i couldnt believe that shit!!!! i damn near suffocated from laughter when i noticed that shit LMAO!!! GOTDAMN!!!! and i dont know if im imagining shit or if i just dont remember all the way… but i dont remember that boy taking his hands out of his pockets to get up either! LMAO!!!! FUCK!! LMAO!!! that shit was the fucking guts!!! ah man….
The dudes on sportscenter was SO COLD about this shit too. they was talkin SHIT the whole gotdamn show. i really do wish sportscenter had fucking reruns… i watched every last playing of that shit all that day… i couldnt stop laughin. anyway… that SAME day… me and max were talking and of course. i saw and oppertunity for a very relivant joke.

MAX: ‘s goin on
OJ: shit
OJ: im hyper
MAX: I, conversely, am not
OJ: good word!
MAX: what, conversely?
OJ: yea nigga lol
MAX: spell it
OJ: what?!?!
MAX: lmao
OJ: *eyes get big*
OJ: *staggers to the left*
OJ: *faints on somebodys knees and shinns*
OJ: *hands still in pockets*
MAX: MAXIMILLIAN A. YOUNG 1973-2004
OJ: OH SHIT LMAO!
MAX: ___________
MAX is idle at 2:59:45 PM.
MAX: that was classic
OJ: lol this nigga here
MAX: I thought that shit was a joke when I first seen ole boy faint
OJ: lol that shit is funny as fuck im sorry
MAX: it is

Now let me tell you something about max… if youve ever talked to him on an instant messenger. the going joke ( amongst me and a couple of other people what he has known for a min ) is that max dont ever laugh lol. nigga just dont lol. not really… you might get a lil “lol” out of him, but going for more than that is a fuckin long shot. i think me and calvin had a contest one time to see who could make this nigga laugh the most. it could have not been. but i remember having a bet with somebody. But, ive kicked it with max more than a few times and im here to tell ya… that nigga always laughs. ( or maybe i just crack alot of jokes lol ) so yea… that shit was the guts. and certifiable if max laughed at it lol.

and then… to make the murder complete… i was asking kwasi if he had seen the shit and here is what he had to say:

KWASI: he’s like one of those faintin goats
KWASI: have u ever seen them shits
OJ: FAINTING GOATS?!?!?!?
KWASI: if they get excited their muscles stiffin up and they fall out
OJ: LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!
OJ: gotdamn that has to be some funny shit to see
KWASI: http://www-personal.umich.edu/~jimknapp/goats.html
OJ: HELL NAW LMAO!!!
OJ: this picture is the guts!!!! LOL
KWASI: yes i have to find some video of those fewls
KWASI: it’s funny as shit

oh fuck.. this shit is funny all the fuck over again lmao. the white people on the page posing with the gotdamn fainting ass goats are just as gotdamn funny damn near… and for whatever reason i cant put my finger on why.
wooo shit lol.
anyway… thats two entries in one day.

im out.


I have been celerbrating my 25th birthday for about the last 10 days! and ive been having the time of my fuckin life! gotdamn!
i even have the pictures to prove some of it. not all of it. because ive been drunk as fuck and high as hell for most of the more memorable moments.

lets recount!

friday the 21st. ( the first day of gemini season! ) late that night, i went out to my parents house. me and my sister planned a lil get together for me and my dad. see… my dads birthday is on the 22nd and mine on the 27th ( may = 5th month / five. my brithday… is on the 27th of that month = five27.com — for the slow people lol ). but my dad aint big on celerbrating his birthday too tuff. and honestly i was starting to feel where he was coming from, until this past week lol. anyway… sometimes we have a birthday event together. this was one of them times. usually how it works is…. a few of his friends come thru. and a buncha mine. which is cool. my dad usually enjoys himself and i do too.
Anyway.. back to friday night. i get to my parents house. and gotdammit if i didnt get some horriffic ass news. i mean. gotdamn. at first i was pissed. then sad as fuck. to the point where my feelings were damn near hurt. ive only had my feelings hurt twice in my life. once by my dad. and once by my mom. but… ive been disapointed a buncha muthafuckin times. and the shit that started off my friday night fucked me all up. i dont even wanna talk about the shit. it still kinda makes me sad. but eh. ill live. shit happens. and its really out of my hands. aint shit i can do. so fuck it.
Anyway… me, making an attempt to get my mind off of it. i refused to sit up and drink all night, for two reasons. one… because i had planned on doing that the next day lol. two. because i refuse to drink or smoke to run away from my problems. i believe that is some chicken shit, shit. and it will only make shit worse… what if i get real drunk or somethin and show my ass. or get real high and start crying or some dumb shit lol. fuck that lol. i refuse to go out like that! i only drink and smoke in the name of a good time! and speaking of which… me and that nigga rj was desperate for a good time. my sister left to some old folks club with tracy (one of thier neighbors) my mom and dad where no where to be fuckin found. its just me in this big ass house by my self. talkin shit on my cell phone with rj. so… we decide… fuck it, lets hit up dave and busters at the ontario mills mall, fuck it! niggas is bored.
We get there… and to our surprise, its the most crackinest shit we’ve ever seen go down in the whole inland empire ever. there was even good lookin females there. something VERY RARE for the IE. well ok… youll see maybe 1 or 3 but nothing over 8. and there was well over 8 there that night. we couldnt fuckin believe it. So… im at the bar, eating somethin… i cant remember what. i finish and all i hear is a glass break on the other side of the bar. i get up like… that sound like a fight. and sho nuff it was! at first it was a pushing match. then i think somebody got took off on… then a few people steped inbetween the dudes fighting and it was broke up… almost… all of sudden lol the shorter of the two dudes reached thru like 4 mutahfuckas and STOLE on this big mutahfucka something COLD! ol boy was SO pissed… he was yelling out… fuck that cuzz!! that nigga sucker punched me cuzz!! fuck that!!! then in one swift motion… this big nigga moved about 5 people out his way real smooth and took off on that other niggas whole face with ruthless aggression. homie melted away under the bar and big homie jumped ALL on him and kept taggin his ass. lol. now i know for a fact that this bar has a big ass foot pole thing at the bottom of it. and by the way dude feel i KNOW he fucked his head up on that shit. i guess these two niggas didnt know that there were two police officers having dinner or some shit over there and they came and broke the shit up. we had a nice lil laugh tho. it was the guts.
After that. i was like fuck it… i should have me a good drank! i hit up the bartender for a kamakazi shot ( my favorite shit! ) and she gave me at least a tripple. i took that shit to the head like a champ and challenged rj to a game of pool! while we was playin… i saw the homie there that i aint seent in a while. dont ask me this niggas name, i can never remember it when i see him. i dont know why…. dude is hella cool. anyway…. while we was playin… i caught the two ghettoest tackest girls in there eyein us. im thinking to my self, “eeeh fuck this aint gonna turn out too good.” sigh… next thing i know the more tackey of the two. ( and clearly the one with less to lose ) came up to me and was like ” hi, my name is (something-hella-ethinc) and thats my cousin (something-even-more-ethnic) and she think you super cute. she shy and didnt want me to say nothin. but i thought i should just let you know anyway”
i look over and say “well hi (somethin-hella-ethnic) my name is OJ. is that your cousin over there?”
“yea….” she says.
“well great, im flattered. ill have to introduce my self after my shot” i told her. now for whatever reason i tend to talk hella dignified (or what i think is lol) when im drunk or otherwise unsober lol. so after my shot i walk over to ol girl and i say “hi, my name is OJ. whats yours?”
she says, “(something-even-more-ethnic)”
and i say “well its nice to meet you…………….” from there i was drunk and really was out of tact. so i just kinda turned around and kept on with my conversation and pool game and forgot they was standing there watching us a couple of times till they kinda joined in a couple of conversations or somebody would kinda include them in on some cosign shit. needless to say, i dont think they got the attention they thought they was about to get. so around the middle of the second game. they left. and we had a few lil laughs… like hell naw!
So that was basiclly the end of that night. i drove home kinda buzzed but i was cool.

Saturday.

Friday night i went to bed at like 4:30am. my cousin jd calls me at like 9:45 am like dogg… you still going to the computer show with me? and i said i was… so i pulled my self together… got up and this nigga came, scooped me up and we was on the 210 fwy west, headed for pomona. on the way there this nigga jd sparked up a blunt. and here i go… not even up for a hour… BLOWED as fuck. i get to the fuckin computer show. and i should have KNOWN there was gonna be a buncha shit for me to NOT openly laugh at there. gotdamn that shit was hard. me and jd was walkin around on that shit lol. crackin all kinda jokes, while peepin out the deals and steals there. i been thinkin about putting me together a new machine. imma have to fuck with it when the next show come around.
Anyway… this nigga gets what he needs to get. and we bounce. this nigga drops me off back at my parents house and i blacked out till about 3 pm. When my sister called me and woke me up… telling me we needed to go to costco and get some food for the bbq. i wake up… come down stairs and have a continuation and clairification of the fucked up ass news i got friday. which was even more fucked up and made shit worse. sigh. but fuck it. i refuse to let ANY female fuck with my heart like that. so i just had to turn my emotions off and keep with the festivities! im still disapointed tho lol.

so we are fastfowarding to saturday … eehh lets say late afternoon… sun was still up.
now… the kamakazi is my FAVORITE drink. and every time i drink them shits with somebody i have a lil ritual that i go thru…. you take your drink… you take that shit to the head… you slam it down on the counter and you let everybody know what number shot youre on. so lets say i take a shot to the head… i slam the glass down on the counter ( not hard of course ) and i yell out… ONE!
and you keep doing that till you get too drunk to keep count. or if youre like me… you know when to fuckin say when! Too bad for my peoples… they aint really never fucked with kamakazis before. so they had NO CLUE of what they was in for. and ill admit to settin they ass up. wouldnt be the first time i set some niggas up… one night i got my sister BAD lol. anyway… so i stood there and took the first 8 or so shots by my self… and i saw everybody kinda intriged so i poured them shots like HIT IT!
well… next thing i know my shot count is like 10 and everybody else is on like 3 and 4 n shit. but oj is on 10 and drunk as fuck lol. my mom is like… its only 7:30 yall should pace your selves! mamma knows best… so i sat my black ass down. after i sat there for a good 30 min ON ONE… my sister and my cousins was taking shots here and there… and was like… OJ. go play some music. so i got up and went to the computer to put together a mp3 list of shit to play. then all of a sudden… eric and rj come in the office like NIGGA WE ON 23!!!! YOU GOTTA CATCH UP!!! these niggas was FUCKED up lmao!!! i mean FUCKED UP lol. i have pictures!!!! CLICK HERE!!! complete with movies and everything!!! but i felt kinda bad… like gotdamn… these niggas passed me up!!!! my sister came in the room like im on 12!!! and she was fucked up too!!! then these niggas nominated me… because i was the most sober at the time… to drive to the store and get some more vodka and lime juice. im blowed… im buzzed a lil.. i can drive. so i did… in the car… these niggas started arguing about what number they was on lol. we went to the store and couldnt keep it together for shit lol. we was laughin and being loud as fuck all over the place. well not me. them niggas. im cooler than a fan when im drunk… i can control my liquor. these niggas was loud as fuck and all over the place lol it was the fuckin guts. we get back to the house… prophet and his wife tawanna (sp) is there. and so… they gotta catch up! i started making more kamakazis and prophet didnt wanna drink that much because he had to drive. but his wife got ALL fucked up. this nigga was over there plotting with me on getting her fucked up so he could have his way with her later lol. i guess she is more fun when she is drunk or something lol. or either he wanted to show her a good time. these niggas got THREE babies. so needless to say… they dont get out much lol. anyway… so we are drinking again… eric gets up to 26 shots… rj is on 25. im on 23… my sister is on 21 and tawanna is on like….. 9 or some shit lol. but hers dont count really because i was cheating making hers super strong and giving her doubles lol me and prophet was doing her dirty lol. so we are sitting around and thats when eric said claimed that my sister broke his watch and that he had plans for that watch. he said, he was gonna ice it up! lol he said the it was gonna have so many carrats in it that it was gonna look like fuckin coleslaw!!! please pardon my fuckin laugh… but i was drunk and couldnt help it. i dont even laugh like that normally lmao but that shit was fuckin halarious!!!! part two of that shit is just as funny. the nigga said it was gonna have more rocks than an aquarium! lol gotdammit lmao.
all of a sudden… this nigga rj disappear. i look around like… where is this nigga rj at? i get up and check the bathroom… hm… door closed. light is on? yo? rj… you alright dogg. this nigga didnt say shit. me and prophet was at the door and im like… nigga… he is giving it up!!!!! im bout to pick this lock!!! and right when i was about to crack that bitch… prophet stoped me like… nigga. what if he is taking a shit???
ugh!!! well… he wasnt sayin shit… so i took my chances… picked that lock and we opened the door… this nigga was LAID OUT, clutchin the toilet!!! lmao!!! i was fuckin rollin! i had to put my camera on video mode so that nigga would always remember this shit lol that nigga was talking that i dont throw up shit lol i had to throw that shit in his face lol. you can hear this nigga eric talkin about YOU LOST! YOU LOST!!! and my sister telling him to get his phone off the fuckin toilet lolmao oooh shit lol.
so eric is up there talkin hella shit… went over and got in this nigga rj face and everything! then… after all that shit talkin… he too started to give it up i couldnt believe that shit!!! and then this shit here is the most priceless picture ever! these niggas was BEYOND folded lol too fucked up to care they that was both given it up to the same toilet lol. not at the same time tho lol. but the same camode lol. i was fuckin rollin. i coudlnt take it.
After while… we draged rj ass out of the bathroom… because it looked like he was finish giving it up. so what do we do with this nigga? drag him to the middle of the floor and start contourting his body in to retarded ass positions lmao!!! tawanna was yellin out at us… put his body like the dead people on forensic files!!! lmao… people was posing n shit with this nigga… taking pictures lmao. that shit was funny as fuck. THEN tawanna grabbed some lipstick and hit this nigga face up!! he couldnt do shit about it! he was WAY too fucked up. she jumped back and looked at her handy work… on some… look yall… i brought out his eyes!!! woooooooooooo lol we was rollin… i have pictures of that shit too. but thats my nigga… i cant put him out there like that lol its bad enough im telling the story as it is lol. that nigga was cool about it tho. although tawanna ass is in for it lol rj is WAY MORE Mean than me lol. rj is FUCKED UP lol. good laughs tho.

thought this night was over? FUCK NO! i was hoping that it would be! but it wasnt! my parents neighbor calvin ( not the killa himself ) came over… mind you it was like 2:30 am…. like ay yall… lets go to the elks lodge! ( WHAT?!?! ) they have an after hours spot! we can go have a good time and get out n shit! ( WHAT?!?!?! ) and then here go prophet and tawanna… yea lets go! i wanna dance!! i dont never get to get out the house! come on yall. sigh… i dont know how the fuck them niggas got me and my sister out the house and in the car. but they did. sigh… we get all the way to the middle of fuckin san bernardino and we roll up to the elks lodge and wasnt nobody there… im like COOL! we can go back home! shit! WRONG… WRONG!!! shit would from “bad” to “GOTDAMN SHIT FUCK” calvin is like… i know of another spot we could go to. so we back track a lil bit and we pull up to this Black Biker Bar on highland and mt vernon. if youve seen biker boyz… this spot was the lowest step of that spot they had in biker boyz. they had pool. yea… they had music. yea… people was dancing… yea. but it looked like it was the fuckin BaseHeads Ball out that bitch. and these niggas had the muthafuckin AUDACITY to charge five bucks to get in. i couldnt believe that shit! like you have GOT to be shittin me!? we get in there… and oh boy. where do i begin? there was some nigga over in the corner who looked like he was dead. and honestly…. he could have been because i never saw that nigga move… not one fuckin time. and the music and everything else in that bitch was loud as fuck. then there was some girl in there who had on pants… a old bootleg fubu jersey a JACKET ( wind breaker ) and a visor that was upside down and backwards. and she was big as hell. but… she was shakin her ass like she was trying out for a video. not any video… like… a dance video with routines n shit lol. like a mya video or a beyonce video or some shit. and who was she dancing with? the residence base head! this nigga had every last characteristic of your sterotypical basehead. hair aint been combed in weeks. LINT in his fuckin hair… look like he didnt have teeth. he did… but you know how baseheads can some how make them selves look toothless? he had on the basehead uniform…. dirty tshirt and slacks… fucked up shoes. and he never really looked straight or opened his eyes all the way for more than 5 seconds. but! he was groovin! he would kick out his leg and point on some disco fever shit… he was shakin his head n shit… he knew all the words to all the songs lol. but what made the murder complete… he would just arbitrally STOP dancing…. get down on ONE KNEE… cuff his elbow with one hand… and plant both his elbow and his hand on the knee that wasnt on the floor… put his chin in his palm and appear to take a 3 to 9 second nap! i fuckin swear to GOD! i should take a picture of what the nigga was doing ( i wouldnt if i wasnt so lazy! ) the muthafucka would just stop and do that shit every so often! i couldnt fuckin believe it. then… he would just fuckin pop back up and get back to groovin like a muthafucka… i didnt… i couldnt… i was like… man fuck… i didnt know what the fuck to make of that shit. lol i laughed like a muthafucka tho lol. there was also another girl in there who looked like a dark skinned ass golum… with a OLD ASS 92 body suit on. but it wasnt quite there… it was like capri pants and it was sleeveless and it had some bootleg ass saved by the bell print. she also had on some kinda leather jacket over that shit. why? who knows lol she kept taking it on and off… and captn basehead managed to dance with her too lol. i REALLY wish i had a bigger memory card for my camera because i would have taped captin basehead singin along to the youngbloods – damn, track. DONT START NO SHIT IT WONT BE NO SHIT!!! he was serious!!!! i been telling muthafuckas you cant play songs like that in cali… we dont get crunk we get bout it lol niggas be serious lol niggas will fight over some shit like that. like nigga what? what you mean wont be no shit?!?!?! even tho they hear the song playin… it just dont work out here lol. as you can tell. because even the baseheads be ready to start some shit lol. nigga was walkin around serious about that shit lol. about 4 somethin… we left. i was happy as fuck lol. i was ready to lay it down. i was tired as fuck. i got home and passed out face down on my parents couch.

Sunday? i dont remember what the fuck happen on sunday. i drove back to LA and …………………… shit who knows?

that was that weekend… part 2 will detail thrusday (the actual day of my birthday) thru … eehh monday or sunday… one of em lol.