March 2004 - Uhmah Park

Last Friday was pretty fun.

The homie Drew invited me out to one of his homegirls birthday parties over at the lucky strike ( its a bowling alley ) in hollywood. it was basically me drew and two of the other homies… Deardis and Jesus… and like 10 attractive ladies, including the birthday girl… Danielle.

and apparently… this man drew sends out the url to this lil peice of internet to his friends to laugh at ( if i so happen to write something gutty ). lol. so… im sittin up there shooting the shit… getting my mingle on. and Danielle ask me, ” are you the ashy back guy? ”
LOL!!!

man… this nigga drew has turned me into some kinda … i dont know what the fuck lol. everytime i meet somebody this nigga knows… they are like OH! youre that one guy!
im either the guy with the site… or the guy who wrote about church ( or some other shit )… or the guy who made the loochie ice song ( ill have to explain another time, for people who are wondering what the fuck im talkin about lol ) this last new years eve, im over this nigga house at a party and some girl is like OH!! ITS THE PINK PANTHER!!! ( this nigga calls me the pink panther ) THINK PINK!!! shit was the guts. its always the guts. so… i had to explain to her and a couple of her friends… how a girl could possibly have an ashy ass back. lol. we all had a nice laugh. i also had to point out some girl in there that fuckin had a hump back. YES! a hump back. i couldnt believe that shit. i had to go in for a closer look…. drew thought it was halarious lol. i had other jokes… but we’ll get into that later lol.

So yea… we were at the bowling alley… in hollywood. and well… to give you and idea of the atmosphere… there were a couple hundred people there.. and there were two groups of Black people in the place. about 15+ each. including the one i was apart of. the rest of the people in there? well lets just say they had a pinkish like tent to them ( the majority of them at least ). lol. and apparently it was rock n bowl night… and they were playing… well… rock n bowl music. lol. but none the less… us Black people usually find a way to groove to anything! and GROOVE we did… after while they started to mix in songs with a lil bit more “flava” to them. prompting a dance off… cosby show like ( dare i say ) CHALLLLEENNNGGEEE!!! style ( who remembers that shit? ). but yea… Deardis and I went at it. i dont know who won… but we definitly had fun and showed our asses… all damn night… damn near everybody in the group did. it was hella fun. We was all groovin for most of the night… even when we was at the counter paying our tab lol. turned the lil area in front of the shoe check out into a make shift dance floor. lol
at the end of the night i couldnt help but feel that we had maybe fucked everything up for any other large number of Black people that hoped to patron the lucky strike in hopes of a good time. we had too much damn fun lol.

in the midst of our fun however… i was peepin out a female in the next lane… who had more ass than she was really suppose to have. i just had to look. and look… and look some more. imma Black Man. i love ass by defualt. i cant help it. but… while i was caught up in the roundness of this girls booty. she walked passed some Black dude… who had on the smallest shirt possible, along with the smallest jeans possible. now i had saw this muthafucka earlier. but there wasnt an immedate joke really other than the extra medium i love la shirt he was sportin. but yea… so ok… his shirt was extra little. and his pants were as close to skin tight as you can get with being able to fit a wallet in your pocket possibly. these shits was little as fuck. his shirt and pants met at thier respective borders…. meaning… if he… lets say… lifted up his arms in celerbration… he would be showing everybody in the bowling alley his abdoman and everything else. but thats not what it was… this nigga was sitting on the arm of a chair… bent over… and showed everybody on the left of his lane… his fucking ass crack… how? because he clearly had on NO DRAWS!!!! i fuckin guess them lil ass jeans he had on didnt leave enough room for fucking underwear!! man fuck… i was so pissed!!! gotdamn shit fuck man… i caught a EYE full trying to follow this girls ass to the bowling ball thing. dammit! … i swear this niggas ass crack waved at me lol. like ha ha nigga lookitme!!! i got, got something cold. but? ( ha ha lol ) was i gonna suffer alone? by myself? FUCK THAT! FUCK NO! i pointed that shit out to anybody that would hear me out. and they was all pissed off like i was! fuck that. i wasnt goin down by my self. fuck that. niggas was mad at me tho… lol. oh well… it was a nice laugh anyway.

So the bowling alley was hella fun… however i told the homie i would attend some other event that night. a sports bar… there was suppose to be strippers or some shit like that. fuck it… it goes down! lol ( dudes night out! lol ) but bowling ran kinda late… we called it a night around one. i tried to call my friends that was at the event. but none of them muthafucks wanted to pick up they damn phone. so i was like fuck it. started to head home. but on the way home… the called me back, because they was leaving. they said the event was kinda wack… and i didnt miss shit. Dah Well! however… they was goin back to the apt. to drink. So i shifted my route a bit to go back to my old apts. ( where all the friends i have in the valley stay at damn near lol ). i get there… and im trying to get somebody to let me in the building, because the buzz a nigga in thing aint workin. and some how i beat them fools there. so im outside on the phone trying to find out how long imma be posted outside… and a car full of Black females pull up… but dont park. they just kinda stoped in the middle of the street. and im thinking to my self… i wonder what they want? ( honestly… i thought i was about to hear “hey whats your naaaame?” lol ) i see the door crack open and this girl leaned her head over to the side and gave it up everything that was in her stomach!!!
UUUUGH!!!
im still on the phone, talkin to the homie like yoooo some girl just gave it up right in front of the buildin dogg!!! lol. i guess the girl drivin thought she was done… the door closed and they was about to pull off. and the car stoped again. she wasnt done lol. she was throwin up all kinda yellow shit. im on the phone conversatin n shit… i mozzy my black ass over to where ol girl is givin up her guts… her friend is up there with tissue n shit… trying to help her out. and here go OJ… walked up… got kinda close… and she was about to look up at me… but, she threw up again… and i say to them “Damn…… kinda look like pinnapple…”
i guess everybody in the car thought it was funny lol. so did ol girl… she was a good sport about it. lol i countinued on “damn… i hope it was worth it babygirl lol that shit look serious!” she looked up and smiled at me with regeritation drippin offa her lip and said “SHO WAS! i had fun… i enjoyed my self!!”
“it look like it… ” i told her lol.
then i got a wiff of the shit she was givin up…
GOTDAMN!
that shit was stankin. i had to back up a lil bit. i damn near gave it up my self… that shit stunk lol. i hope she wasnt talkin in the car… i know her shit was stankin lol. i know they had to smell that shit tho… you know when a muthafucka throw up… they be breathin out they mouth buckwild… ahhh ahhh imma die! or some shit like that lol.
thats two weekends in a row, where i done sat thru a muhfucka throwin up in front of me. first my sister… and now some random girl. lol

and this concludes the highlights of my friday night.

I love to go out and be in the public… be social and merry ( its a celerbration! enjoy your selves! ) meet new people. mingle and all that other good shit. especially if i have some achole in my system. its great!
However… i HATE getting to know new people. actually… im really only talking about “getting to know a girl better” that shit sucks. i hate talking on the fuckin phone. and i dont date. i hate going out on dates… i swear. with a girl i know already. it aint so bad. but some new girl who im trying to feel out and see if i wanna be involed with? shit blows! i swear i hate it. i dont know how to fix this. but that shit really does stop me from “getting numbers” and “gettin at” a female. when i go out… i talk to females all night long. and come back with NO numbers… because i dont ask… because i dont want them shits lol. i actually have a thing where, when i go out… i dont go out collecting numbers… because if a girl give her number to me… she will give her number to the next nigga. fuck that, fuck it. it aint that serious. usually when i meet a new girl… its on accident some how some way. there are always different situations and what not. id honestly rather meet a girl at a small social function ( MAYBE! ) or while she at work or some shit… or fuck, at a store or somethin… i dont know. not at a club or a bar or a party. fuck that.
i dont know… maybe its just too much of a gamble for me. sitting thru the whole get to know her better process. and she turns out to be on some bullshit some how some way. or she does some shit i cant deal with… or REFUSE to deal with. after i done sat on the phone and listened to her ass babble on about a buncha retarded shit. i hate to waste my time. and i hate to gamble on wasting my time. if i might gamble on wasting my time… it has to be because im fuckin bored… or i have to be intriged some how some way ( making it then, not a waste of my time of course ).

anyway. i got shit to do. and please pardon my many chappelle show refrences lol.
that shit is one of the best things goin right now. chappelle show… laker games and the sapranos…. and sportscenter, naturally.


A wise man ( Albert Enstien i hear ) once said:

The only different between Stupidity and Genius is, Genius has its limits.

when i first heard that shit, i couldnt stop fuckin laughin lol.

Anyway.

I frequent walmart often. as im sure alot of people do. and for a long time, i couldnt understand thier security system. Now i cant speak for all the walmarts across the country. but i know most of the ones i been in. when you leave. they have some random ass senior citizen posted at the fuckin door. asking to see your receipt, you know, to make sure you aint stealing shit.
my question USED to be… ok. if i DID want to steal something… how exactly does this old muthafucka, plan on stoping me from taking whatever i fuckin feel like?? im rather certain that muthusula up here… is NOT going to chase my black ass if the alarms go off lol, and even if they did… aint no way in the fuck they are gonna catch me lol. i thought walmart was a buncha dirty muthafuckas for having old people at the door like that lol. some of them… take thier “inventory control” job way too seriously and will have you and the muthafuckas behind you posted at the gotdamn door. while thier hard of sight ass checks for every last item on the fuckin receipt.

but then the other day. it hit me. who ever came up with this fuckin plan is fucking brillant. Why? Put your self in the shoes of a theif. Say… you have the items you want to steal stashed away. And now its time to leave the store. Alot of thieves will buy something to cover up thier theif. some dont. but no matter what. youre gonna have to walk past this old ass person at the door. and they are gonna look at you… and say, bye! thanks for coming to walmart or whatever they say. Think about how that would make you feel probably. it would make you feel like you was stealing from an old person.
Do you know how low down of a son of a bitch a muthafucka would have to be to steal from the elderly?!?!?!?! or even worse… your grandma/grandpa!!! i know it would make me feel like im stealing from an old person lol. im pretty sure this has turned away more walmart thief that can honestly be acounted for lol.

BRILLIANT! like the beer commercial lol.

But this also brings me to another thought i had.

There is no way to tell some one, the shit they are involed in is stupid. or you think its stupid. BUT! still wanting to convey the idea that you think what they are involed in is stupid. or aint the smartest shit for a muthafucka to be involed in. like… ok, this is clearly a fuckin scam lol.

like when people ask me. OJ, why arent you a ________ ? ( fill in the blank, i know what im talking about lol. but eehhh crucifiction is better left for muthafuckas who aint me. ) i have to go into this long ass explanation. instead of telling them. well… because, im not a gotdamn idiot lol
How could anybody take that in a “nice” way?
Even if i said. Well, because im not so easy to fool. Anybody with half a brain would realize. Well… clearly im the fool. im speaking in a ” come joint my organization ” requerument type situation.
lol there really aint a nice way to convey the fact that you dont want to join because you think anybody who is affliated with that particular group is a dumb ass. lol
well… at least i aint came up with a way yet. lol oh well.
ill just be an asshole till i can some with some different shit lol.


this could be long as shit.

so yea… its been a min since i paid this thing any attention.
and well… so? lol.
a couple of things happen.

too many muthafuckas asked me if i was “retiring from the internet/blogging” when i clearly stated that i would ONLY IF, AND ONLY IF…. ONLY IF… this thing started to fuck with my cash flow.

fuck this… im about to smoke. then go to jack in the box.

and… were back. ( 45 min & four different jack in the box locations near you… that aint open at 2am. )

but yes… anyway. i know i cant spell. but fuck. there is no excuse for medicore reading comprehension levels. if you can read the words. you should be able to understand them shits in a logical formulated manner. whats so hard about that?
fuck it…
besides… would i be so lame as to announce a retirement from the internet/blogging? fuck no! shit would just disappear like a muthafucka. i aint jay-z, or the duce tray ( micheal jordan ) or rick james ( LMAO!!! ) or some shit. no press confernce or interview needed. lol

so… no. im not going anywhere.

although.. ive been ignoring this shit… and i havent been on the internet lately.
(but i DO check my email everyday… more than once)

why? ive been running the streets. its like my favorite passtime.
so yea… my summer started a lil while back. my summers usually last from march to september/october ( when ever it start to get cold ). basiclly from the first hot day… till i have to wear long pants three days in a row. lol.

time out… whos line is it anyway is the muthafuckin guts.

anyway… so… ive been enjoying the warm weather lately. i love summer… i love the sun. its great. the cold is evil! what chracther ever has been not cold in some respects, that was evil? theyve always been cold… or cold hearted… or something along those lines. except of course…. the devil himself. so… if everything evil is generally cold. then warm ( read: hotter shit ) should be everything that aint evil, which would be synomious with great right? there you have it!

so yea… its warm, it cracks. ive been out in the streets more often. i dont go outside when its cold too much, fuck that. i wont go outside for weeks at a time. ask anybody. lol. but this good mood ive been in… its werid… when im in a better mood… i drink more and smoke more. when shit aint going so well i tend to induldge less. i feel like im trying to run away from my problems. fuck that.

so whats new holmes?

well… a couple of weeks ago… i got a brand new bed. its my first new bed since i was little and me and my sister had bunkbeds. i got a cali king… from leeds over in conoga park. i got that shits hit for a reasonable price. ( $850 ). the muthafucka is comfortable. im sleepin better… and for more than 4 and 5 hours n shit. its great. i have more energy during the day. im in a better mood more often n shit. it goes down! shits fuckin comfortable. and this might make me look bad lol. but for those who have been in my bed ( lol ) and are reading this… thinking this is bad news because my old cali king was pretty damn comfortable. fear not. my shit feels way better now! the old shit had my hips hurtin n shit… i sleep on my side… that shit had my legs hurtin and everything. fuck it… fuck that… fuck the old shit. in with the new shit. it goes down.

i also got a new cell phone… it cracks… i got it because it had speaker phone. no… i did not get a lame ass camera phone ( screw all naysayers! them shits suck ) camera phones are for suckas. they are borderline republican. but… i love speakerphone… people hate speakerphone. because when people are on speaker phone… the receiver is pretty far away… so you have to yell. and the person on the other end… feels like youre yelling at them all the time. and back in the day… speakerphone used to suck. you used to not be able to hear shit. shit used to break up… it was bad. but people are still used to it. so they still yell. and people think it still sucks… i love speakerphone tho… you call my sell phone… chances are youre gonna end up on speaker phone.

what else happen… oh yea… two weekends ago sucked… i was told on friday that i had to be in fucking CHURCH sunday. gotdamn i was mad. i mean… i know i had to go n shit. but fuck… i thought i had a week or a two into march. not the FIRST weekend in march. i had shit i wanted to do and go to n shit… but church fucked that ALL up for me. fucked off my whole weekend. i was so pissed. so yea… this was Church Round 4. but… there is no big entry… no jokes and what not. i was up in there playing tetris on my new phone. lol oh well. i hate church. church never does me any good. this time when i went… it wasnt all that hot outside… but it was hot as fuck inside. i didnt understand how that was possible. i would also like to point out… that in alot of churches… its decorated in red. i would also like to point out that most churches are filled with muthafuckas that are fulla shit.
what that sound like to you? lol
but i only really go for my mom… who goes for my grandfather. yes… the guy in the picture with me on the about page. i honestly dont think he giva fuck if i show up or not. but its important to my mom, because its important to him that she is there. eh. none the less… i gotta sit thru it. every year. and thank God that its over. Church aint for me. i believe in God. but im cool on church… and not because its FILLED with people who are fulla shit.

i also bought some 12’s from the homie… but it turns out my old shit worked… i just didnt have em hooked up right ( im talkin about the speakers in my car ). i was kinda upset. its cool tho… i can still use them shits.

i just got back from del taco… the jack in the crezzies was closed. damn them. however. im full as fuck.

what else has happen in the last couple of days?

i joined the gym… i joined la fitness… really what won me over is they had a basketball cournt in that bitch. im so happy lol. i havent balled since fuckin june. ive smoked a decent amount way before then… then way after them… all summer… all fall and winter. and now… today. i managed to run a mile. i couldnt believe it. it took a nigga a good 12 min lol but still. i was proud of my self. ive always hated running. but i kept it rollin. im not as out of shape as i thought.

oh… friday. friday night… i went out to my parents house, in fontanta. i was out there kickin it with my sister my cousin renee and then we went and picked up dani. 12 oclock hit and it was happy birthday dani! we went over to renee house… and on the way we bought some bacardi… and i think dani came up on some vodka or somethin… i dont know where she got this shit from. but she had some gordons vodka ( that shit! lol ) and some apple pucker lol. along with some apple twist smirnofs
we went over to renee apt… and got fucked up. well……. i got my sister fucked up lol REAL fucked up. lol she was so fuckin drunk. i was making STRONG ass drinks… and she was downing them… i couldnt believe it. that nigga RJ was smater than her… he sipped on his all night. my sister went outside on the patio, came back in and was GONE lol. she was all belidgerent n shit lol. loud as fuck… and wanted to fight anybody who looked like they wanted some lol that shit was so funny.
then all of a sudden… she slowed down… got quiet. and made her way to the bathroom. me rj and dani sat there for a min… and yoni still aint came out. so we get up… go knock on the door… and all we hear is THUMP THUMP THUD!!! we open the door and peek in… rj says… all he saw was yoni legs stickin out of the bathtub… but no yoni… i peek in and yoni has pulled her self up out the tub… she kinda wet… and she is lookin around on some… yall didnt see that shit… but she was HELLA SERIOUS… she popped up… eyes all big… like imma play this off fuck that! she walked out the other door to the bathroom… and went and sat on the couch… lookd back like “what yall doing?”
LMAO!! shit was the guts… yoni new name is Blidgerentness.
What wasnt the guts is when yoni started to throw up in the fucking sink! she had the water on and pluged up the fuckin sink with chunks of throw up. that shit was SO FUCKING GROSS… me and rj was in the bathroom with yoni… trying to help her out… hold her braids n shit. we had to put her over the tub tho… because she filled the fuckin sink up. me and rj was sittin up there lookin at the sink and each other like ” one of us is gonna have to unplugg this bitch ”
and how is a matter like this handled? the only way it can be! ROCK PAPER SISCORS NIGGA!! the first three tries… TIED! it was getting tense… on the forth… RJ: Rock … OJ: Siscors… RJ won… OJ gets to stick his fucking hand in a sink full of his sisters earlier meal. that shit was so fucking gross… i had to breath thru my mouth the whole time. i ended up having to get my plummer on… with my trusty assistant dani lol. i unhooked that shit and that throw up went into the bucket… that along with water and old hair and some other shit. it was so fuckin gross… i go to start cleaning up. then all of a sudden… dani is walking BACK in the bathroom… with an empty bucket. im like… uhh dani… what did you do with that shit that was in the bucket?
dani ass thru the shit off the balcony… into the grass and the bushes.. lol that shit was nasty lol. rj ass was sittin on the couch gigglin like a muthafucka… we was all buzzed at least… i was way more drunk than i let on of course. i cant speak on dani’s inbreation level. but she helped me clean up that nasty ass bathroom and take care of my sister. on her birthday. dani is the greatest! yoni had a hangover like a muthafucka… she dont remember telling rj she was gonna whoop his ass several times… or falling in tub lmao. gotdamn that shit was funny as fuck.
Good times… as Errin would say. and lastly… while im mentioning people with birthdays in march… id like to say Happy Birthday to Marina as well as Dani and Errin, whos birthdays have since pasted. and Peta Gay ( no site or picture yet lol )… whos birthday is coming up.

man… im tired. im blacking out.


i recently “came up” on like the whole catalouge by the doors. i wasnt really trying to hear them, until i found out they was from LA lol.
ive heard a couple of tracks that were dope so far… i gotta whole buncha more shit to listen to tho.

but yea. im not closing my blog down, which i suppose the title insinuates, but im talking about something else.

I think… i have reached the end of the interent. not only have i reached the end. ive laped the muthafucka at least twice. ive seen just about ever site there is to see, ive seen all the shit im interested in… and even shit i didnt know i was interested in till i saw it. ive seen all the pass arounds. unfortunatly i know a good number of dumb asses who like to forward me dumb ass emails about various shit, from jokes that ive gotten at least a good 8 times previous to them sending it to me… to retarded shit talkin about if you forward this to everybod you know… bill gates will send you 100 bucks or some dumb shit like that. ( just so everybody knows. thats possibly the dumbest shit ever ). ive seen all the graphic jokes and pass arounds. all the funny pictures. all the everything. there aint much i havent come by on the net.
the only thing that there is to look at… is design sites. and thats only because they change fairly often. and there are new design sites popping up all the time. besides. that is the industry im in… and the only reason im on the internet as much as i am. this is where i pay the morgage and the rest of my bills. i suppose i could go around reading blogs all gotdamn day. but, i dont read peoples blogs that often. there are like two i read more than twice a week. why? well… i aint interested to be honest. people dont type out anything im interested in reading. especially people im not familar with. i dont know. its werid to me. im surprised anybody reads this here bullshit to be honest.
im fuckin bored with the internet… message boards and everything. maybe i just need some friends and associates in my industry? i dont know.

as for this shit here… i will eventually shut it down. ill probably always have shit to say ( When i dont… is when i DONT post lol ). but its coming down soon as it start fucking with my money too much. like if i start losing business n shit because of my thoughts, views etc expressed on this shit. fuck that. lol. money is like my prozac… it makes everything ALLLLLLLLLLRIGHT for the most part lol. i can take care of the other shit lol. long as i got money in the bank. thats just how i work. it dont got shit to do with me being materialistic. or shallow or anytyhing other dumb ass trendy term people like to use for those of us that hold money in high reguard. i have people to take care of… i have responsibilities… me having money in the bank means i can sleep better, and be less stressed out about all kinda other shit.

man… speaking of sleep. a nigga needs to get a lil mini black out session going. i can barely see.


The Trife Life Memoirs: The Girl with the Curl.

i can admit my short comings all day long. Some im ashamed of, some… but most of them? I could really giva fuck, Honestly. So with that. I can admit to the world. That I aint shit. I know it. The muthafuckas I kick it with know it. My Parents know. My friends and family know it… well… my friends and the family members I do kick it with, we all aint shit lol. The girls I fuck with… eeehhh some of em know lol. Which brings me to the story I promised to type out. Anybody that read the longest entry in blogger history knows what im talking about.

I remember a few years ago, I had a friend on the internet… and some how some how… me and her cousin developed a liking for each other. I don’t know how this shit happen. But anyway… to make a long story short. She died. ( damn huh? Lol ) Or at least that’s what I was told. I don’t know what really happen, shit… it’s the internet… and honestly… my friend, eeehhh im not sure if she was all there. it happens. Fuck it, lets just say ol girl died. What I was told is she got in a car accident, she got hit by a head on driver. Crushed her skull she didn’t make. To be honest. I didn’t know how to feel, I was ALMOST certain she was a real person lol. But with Megans ass ( my friend im talking about ) you never know. I talked to megans cousin a couple of times, and she had a lovely british like accent. She was from South Africa. ( she was Black, cant fade the pinkos ). But yea… ok she passed. But my experience with her left me with a thing for girls with accents. I think they are sexy as fuck. ( some of them )

So some months later. I was in this chat room. And I met some girl from Africa… but she was from like… a northern country. Like Algeria or Ghana or some shit. Over a couple of weeks I got to know her… she was kinda local. I was living in Fontana at the time. And ol girl was in like… Anaheim or some shit. We talked… her native accent was great to me. She was cool. But let me tell you. Rule number one of meeting ANYBODY off the internet. You HAVE to see their picture first. I don’t give a fuck what the situation is.

At the time, I knew this. But, there is this thing about me. I must constantly entertain my self. I have to, ill go insane. I get bored EASY… easy easy.. So through out my life… I have done some bullshit just to entertain my self. People call me a asshole or whatever yap yap yap. Honestly I do half the shit I do because I think its funny and to keep from being bored. It may be fucked up to other people, but it be funny to me. If you’re reading this and you have any kind of intuition, you can probably see where this shit is going.

One day… I was bored off my natural Black ass. And I decided. Fuck it… imma go see this girl. I aint got SHIT else better to do. Please don’t ask me what this girl name is/was because a nigga like me has no recollection of what it could possibly be. Lol would it be fucked up if I referred to her as ABS for the rest of this entry? Lol im not gonna do that. Nobody will guess what that means… and im not gonna tell lol. 1000 points to the muthafucka that can guess tho lol. Anyway. I had a lil bit of a reason to see her anyway. This girl was talking about she gave bomb ass back massages and she could make my dick hard by giving me a lap dance. I knew better… I know my self. I don’t get hard offa lap dances unless Im SURE ill be cuttin. And I made a lil flirtatious, nasty nigga that I am bet with her… I told her… if she couldn’t get me hard… she had to give me head. ( yes I can be kinda bold like that. But we was already on that page plus we had also talked about her felatio talents… so I wasn’t disrespecting her in the least bit. This was just the conversation ) she was down, so clearly she wanted to do it anyway lol. Im not stupid lol. So we had that bet going on for a couple of weeks before I got bored as fuck and decided to pay her a visit. So yea I hit her up… and im out the door.

I get to her flat. Mind you, I had NO clue what this girl looked like. But I thought to my self… well… if she is ugly, at least it might be funny. FYI: most girls who spend all day chatting… are ugly. Yup. I said it. I don’t giva fuck. Im kinda drunk right now. But id say the shit sober. 80% of the girls that chat all gotdamn day ( at any point in their life ) aren’t the easiest on the eyes. The other 20%? Them muthafuckas is crazy, or have SOME kinda big ass problem that you don’t want to deal with lol. Which means… either way you go. These are a group of muthafuckas you PROBABLY don’t want to deal with… nobody does lol that’s why they have a whole buncha time to fucking chat lol. Now… remember. I said girls who spend ALL day chatting im talking about in chat rooms / and these days on message boards… not those people who get on the internet… socialize for a couple hours maybe and be about they regular ass life. So I don’t wanna hear no bullshit. Lol I know who the fuck im talking to/about. Lol
So yea… I get to ol girls house… and honestly. I don’t remember what she looked like. But she wasn’t pretty. She wasn’t hideous. Actually she could have been… but it was dark or dim light most of the time I was over there… so I didn’t get a good look at her. Lol so yea… she coulda been. And I only really say that because… tonite I was at a club and I was drunk and it was dark and I had on my fuckin inebriation-focals on. And at the end of the night when I was sobering up and the lights came on… I looked around and felt betrayed by some of the muthafuckas that was in there. like… HEY! Wasn’t you way more attractive than this like, an hour ago? Fuck? Lol
Anyway. So yea… who knows how ugly she was. But if she wasn’t attractive in dim light. Decent lighting would have told the painfully ugly truth. But… lol BUT! What I COULD see in the dim light was the fact that this girl had a muthafuckin jheri curl!!!! That shit was MOIST! So it was catchin pieces of the light n shit. She opens the door… HI!!!
I did the, is this foreal neck forward squint thing real quick like… HEY! THAT’S A JHERI CURL!!! I was fucking flabbergasted, taken back, shocked, appalled, all that shit…all at the same fucking time. Sigh… I walked into her apt like… well, I aint got shit else to do! Lol and it will probably be funny one day. Fuck it.

This is where I should have just been REAL fucked up and turned around like man aint no way in the fuck. She reached out and gave me a big ass hug. And put her head ALL in my chest. Now… I was 6’4’’ at the time I was 18 ( im 6’6’’ now ). EVERY girl is short when it comes to me. She put her WET ASS jheri curled ass head in the middle of my chest! I looked down at her like GASP!!!! NOOOOOO!!!! I had a brand new shirt I had bought a week or so before. Man fuck! She pulled back and a nigga had a BIG ASS jheri curl stain on his shit!!! Like I said… I should have turned around at this point. But waiting for me. Was a hour long ride back home and a bunch of nothing to do. Fuck it. Lets see how this plays out.

So im posted… she grabs her self a drink. And says… yea… we are gonna have fun… I just need to get a drink or two in me to loosen up a bit.. yap yap yap. So… she sips on a lil glass of henn dogg… and we are sitting there making small talk and what not. I was bored once again… saying to my self “now nigga… you can be bored by your muthafuckin self… with out a girl with a jheri curl, making feeble ass flirtatious ass remarks, and just save your self the trouble, chalk it up as a lost. “
But did I follow my advice? FUCK NO! I stuck that shit out… besides… imma good listener… I can listen to a girl babble on and on for hours and really be interested some how lol ( in most cases ). All of a sudden she breaks out… OH! I didn’t show you my bedroom.
I should have broke for the fuckin door dogg.
I get to her room… and she was like yea… so… how about that back massage? You still want it?
Fuck it? Why not? I takes my shirt off and lay out… im a REAL untrusting ass nigga… I don’t trust NO fucking body lol I kept my eye on her thru her mirror lol. I thought she was gonna scalp my black ass or something. I don’t know. So im laid out and she give me the wackest back massage ever in the history of back massages. The only way it would have sucked more is if she could have got the hard end to some fucking Velcro and started scraping that shit hella hard on my fucking back. A few min pass. and I I think to my self… ok… how can I get her to cut this shit out. She sucks. Lol this is where I fucked up lol. I say… so yea. Whaasup with the lap dance you been swearing by?
Oh? Yea… let me put on some music!
Im not gonna lie… she was ugly. But she was thick as hell. She was a butter head top to bottom. She had FACE! ( and a jheri curl ) But the rest of her was actually great.
Too bad her lap dancing skills surpassed awful by like 40 fuckin yards! I mean… hell she had her back turned to me. Her body was niiice. She’s from AFRICA! The place where ALL ass shaking originated! I was thinking I was gonna get that motherland special. This should really crack right? WRONG… WRONG! Man fuck.. that shit sucked lol. But… she did give a decent effort. She went a whole one and a half songs, turned around and felt up my man… who was M.I.A. because I was FAR from turned on. She looked at me like… youre not hard?
Gave her a head shake filled with disapproval, yet a “sooo, yea… you remember the bet right?”
She did… and she was down, enthusiastically I might add… and then she went down. And ill be a fucking tap dancing walrus if that wasn’t the worst head ive EVER gotten that didn’t involve teeth. ( she had teeth… she just didn’t use em. Thankfully ) It was sad really. What was REALLY sad tho… in a reactionary like movement… I put my hand on her head at one point… and DOH!!! Hand fulla fuckin jheri curl juice!
FUCKING SHIT! I cant win for SHIT!!! But you better fucking believe I wiped that shit off on her fucking shoulder and her gotdamn bed!
Sigh… ok… so how am I going to fix this shit? Ummm… say she has a nice pair. Maybe she will be down for that pearl necklace. And what do you know? She was! Hot damn! Maybe shit will turn around for a nigga and I can salvage the night! This works, this works! So I give her a pearl necklace lol.
Im done, satisfied, didn’t look down. Because I thought I was gonna laugh in her face to see a pillow stained with jheri curl juice. And I was trying to nut, fuck the dumb. So I do she got her a set of pearls and im thinking cool… this wasn’t so bad after all. Then she rubs on me… and looks at me… OJ, do you have a condom?
GASP!!!! FUCK!!! No this girl does NOT want to have sex! Gotdamn!!! And that’s where I drew the fucking line! I was NOT about to have relations with a girl with a fucking jheri curl!!! NO!! fuck that! My morals my be questionable but fuck that shit! NO!
Think fast nigga! Its time to break the fuck out! Im not gonna even LIE… I considered grabbing my tshirt and running the fuck out her apt. on some she got a gun shit. Sadly… I couldn’t bring my self to do it. Plus… her brothers was in the other room. So I couldn’t just run out screaming like some crazy nigga. Although id admit to being crazy for even going over there in the fuckin first place. I KNEW better lol. I fuckin knew better lol. Why does it seem like when you KNOW better than to do some shit. The worst shit happens?
Ok ok ok… think fast nigga… its time to pull an escape. Sigh… traggicly, I have more than several stories where I had to “escape” fuckin with some girl. So I tell her… umm yea I gotta condom… but its in the car!
YES! I bought me some more time to think! Cool! So she got up and took off/cleaned off her new pearl necklace in the bathroom. Closed the door. And my mind is fuckin racing. Then… on some cartoon shit… a big ass light popped above my head! So, this is what I did lol.
She was talking to me the whole time she was in the bathroom… so I couldn’t just sneak the fuck out lol. Which I DID think about. Lol this had to have been in 97/98 because I had my pager on me… and that was the last year I had a pager. I was 18 right out of highschool when this happen by the way lol. I picked up her phone and paged my self! Now… if you’ve ever paged your self… you know it take a couple of seconds to come thru. While I was waiting… I didn’t want her to say I was lying by saying that I had some kinda page and I was making excuses to leave now that I done busted one… so I went and stood by the bathroom door real quick… and that shit went off loud as fuck right when she was walking out, about to try to hug me again! Saved by the beep. I looked down like… hm? 911?????? My house?? What in the fuck is wrong? Lol and like I knew she would… “ hey… you should probably call to see whats going on… here, you can use my phone”
I reply all innocent and worried… ah yea thanks. Cool.
Sigh lol I picked up the phone and dialed the fax line into my house that was basiclly the message center on my computer. And fuck. I wish I would have saved my self on the mock call. Honestly… my quick thinking was fuckin brilliant because my DADS voice was on the outgoing message… and I held the phone a lil bit away from my ear and was close enough to her so that she could hear somebody on the other end of the phone talking. But not close enough so that should could make out my dad saying “ Hi, you’ve reached yap yap yap yap yap” after the greeting went off… I kinda walked away… and started to basiclly talk to the voicemail lol “ DAMN! Really? Wow? So what you need me to do? COME HOME?!?! Now?! Im WAYYY In orange county! I know bu…. But… damn… alright. Im on my way… give me a hour…. ok ok ok… im coming right now. Now im not gonna kick it… I know… I know… im coming right now. You want me to come right now don’t you? Then imma hang up the phone and be on my way!”
Sigh fuck!
Looked over at her… and says, what happen?
I tell her, yo… my dad said he was getting ready to go to work… and the radiator exploded when he tried to put some water in and his shit is all over heating n shit now. So now I have to go home and give him my car so he can go to work.
Lol im not stupid “overheating” and “radiator” most girls know these car words and they are usually associated with something bad. So the fraudulent tragedy was well in place. And I was in the clear! But now with out one more Jheri curl head hug before I got in the car… and my shit was dry from the other one too. I drove all the way back home smelling like fucking jheri juice!!!! I was pissed! Before I left. She told me… call me later. We can continue where we left off. I popped open my glove box and showed her the condoms in there and smiled like yea it cracks…
Drove the fuck off… never called, and only heard from her once. When she hit me up on instant messenger some weeks later. On some… so I guess you don’t like me huh?
“That’s about the size of it.” Was my response. And I never heard from her again. I came home that night… and logged on to the net… and told the homie max ( of Bolivion.com ) or the homie John ( some may know him as BMG ) the story on yahoo instant messenger. And this nigga had a pretty good laugh. Lol what can I say? It happen… it was the guts lol I laughed on the way home. And had to give my self a high five for my quick thinking and managing to salvage the little bit of self respect I had left, lol if any lol.

Now… I know what a lot of muthafuckas are thinking right now… “ that’s why your black ass aint ever gonna find nobody because you aint shit! “ or “ that’s fucked up! You aint right! “
Well yea I know this. I can own up to my faults and wrong doings. I know when I do wrong. I know when I do right. But im ok with that. Im a man… I can live with the choices I make. I may get frustrated at times and type 10,000 word entries ( I didn’t count im just saying ). Honestly. Im ok with the person I am. I only have one TRUE regret ever in my life. And the rest? Eeh fuck it, it happen lol. When this happen… and most of my trife life stories… I was young. I was up to no damn good lol. And truth be told. Im probably paying for that shit now some how some way. And if I am… it HAS to end eventually lol. I didn’t do HALF the shit I knew I could have gotten away with. So its bound to end eventually.

But shit like this happens when you know better to do some shit. Lol but for some reason. Im ALWAYS doing some shit I know better than. And every single time it’s a unique case. Something or Someone ( in most cases ) makes the situation special. So you break your rules. And you jump into some shit, knowing how its gonna turn out. Knowing you’re really setting your self up. And then, when the shit you know that will be true, manifest its self into here and now. All you can do is sit back and say to your self. I fuckin knew better. But like I said. I have no regrets. Im honest with my self. And a lot of times I really do enjoy my self for as long as the situation I know better to get my self in cracks. And when its over. It sucks. But that’s how shit like that is. But I find more times than not. Its well worth it.
But this shit… this shit I just typed out, that I knew better than? Oh… I was just bored lol. And that’s what the fuck I get! LOL Shit like this is why I smoke now. If I was blowed, I would have NEEEEVER fucked with her! I would have never got my ass in that car and drove a hour to some girl house I aint never saw… never! I would have maybe drove to jack in the crack and got spicey chicken sandwich like a muhfucka ( that’s what a nigga used to live on at the time lol ) and that would have been the adventure of the night lol. When im blowed. I usually stop my self from being bored and doing dumb shit like this.
Except the time I broke my camera lol.

Ok im rambling… and beginning to sober up.
Hopefully I wont have a hang over tomorrow. And oh yea… big shouts out to the big Homie God for getting me home safely and not pulled over. I some how manage to sober up every time I have to drive when im fucked up. I actually drive better drunk or blowed (type better too!). If im REAL drunk I might swerve a lil bit. And I never drive when im totally shit faced! That just doesn’t crack.
My head hurts.


alright MCI, ive about had it!

these gotdamn ads are all the way out of hand.

They have these muthafuckas singing great motown classics, at some psudeo live proformance, stinkin up the joint with thier BULLSHIT! these songs are CLEARLY out of thier damn talent range.
these muthafuckas just suck!
at first they had micheal mcdonald. i didnt know who this guy was for a long time. but apparently he was a member of the doobie brothers. but i dont know anything about them. and with his lackluster, agonizing ass profromances… i dont want to know anything about them muthafuckas. they had his ass up there singing, aint nothing like the real thing. how in the hell he gonna a song called ” aint nothing like the real thing ” and you aint the REAL or ORGINAL composer of the fucking song? not only are you covering somebody elses joint but youre fucking the song up altogether!
Now MCI has some other asshole with a guitar. discribing his efforts as piss poor pathetic, would be a flagrant understatement foreal.
both of the guys ive seen mci come with are tottally devoid of any soul and feeling. damn… if youre gonna bite, at least come with something dope! fuck.

i really hate having to sit thru them shits. it be driving a nigga insane.

and now MCI has the nerve to call a nigga house, on some dont you wanna sign up for mci friends and family and bullshitbullshitbullshit?
No… muthafucka… i dont lol. primarly because your commercials suck. and are painful to sit thru. if them muthafuckas are singing to mci’s friends and family… clearly i am not a part of this fucking group. screw mci… but thankfully for me. i love to give telemarketers a hard time. and harrassing them instead of them harassing me. heh.


thats the title of one of my favorite Nirvana songs. yes thats right… OJ digs some Nirvana… they used to get pretty live. This is going to be long as fuck, i have been thinking half assed typing on this for two weeks now. ive been obsessing over this shit more than usual. and maybe typing it all out will help?

Anyway, ive been thinking about me lately. And i was thinking, chaces are… ill never be married. dont get me wrong, id like to be married. although i cant picture nor imagine that shit at the moment. Or anytime soon for that matter. But one day id honestly like to. but i just dont see it happening. im a hard person to be with. there is shit that i just can not put up with. plus the fact that i refuse to change who i am for anybody. I understand that relationships are all about compromise. and ive been in a few relationships where a compromise was agreed on and it works alot of times. truth be told, im the first nigga looking to compromise. i believe in compromise. but some shit, i WILL not budge on. such as:

Cigerette Smoking. if im with a girl, and she all of a sudden decides to start smoking cigs… im giving her ass the boot. i hate cigerettes. with a passion. i have even gone days with out speaking to my own mom if she has me around some cigerette smoke. and i DO NOT let her smoke in my house… or in front of the muthafucka. call me want you want. i dont care. i hate cigs. its really all her damn fault.
I wouldnt giva fuck if i was married with kids. i catch my wife smoking… im puttin her ass on the street! and i aint lettin her take my kids so she can kill them slowly with her fuckin poison.
truth be told, this isnt a big deal. i would never be serious about a girl who smokes cigs. Weed is a totally different subject however lol…

Christanity/Church/Christmas. Sadly this eliminates a good portion of Black females in this country or any where else feasable. but i dont think i could be all that serious about a christain, church going female. Simply because, im not christain, and i despise christmas, and i REFUSE to go to church ( and i honestly dont want my kids at church ) if my grandfather or mother doesnt put my well being at risk lol. and shit… that really doesnt crack anymore. but hey, its only once a year and it means alot to my grandfather… so i go. UNWILLINGLY AS FUCK! but i go anyway. id never extend that privlage to anybody else, ever. But i couldnt be with a girl who celerbrates christmas. just because i hate it so much. and ill hate christmas until the day, i see marginal profits from the christmas season ( AND I WILL, one day! ) anually. ill be a deckin the halls ass nigga lol. well maybe not. lol. but ill never have the christmas spirit. fuck that. ive actually dated girls who love christmas… and my black ass disapears around that time. i dont want to be around it at all. i dont believe in it. and im insulted when its forced on me. but im thinking, being married to a female who is all jolly n shit about xmas will definitly weigh on our marriage. because im such an asshole about it lol, because i dislike it SO much. i talk so bad about xmas. its rediculious. lol. And as for a church going girls goes. pssh. my life is probably the exact oppisite of everything the christain religion represents. it would never work. im really starting to believe i shouldnt even bother with girls who go to church just SOMETIMES, sinning the day before and the hour after church. It has been my experince that they will eventually go holy on a nigga. which basiclly rules out OJ all together. its happen to me more times that i would really like to remember. i get funny when girls start talkin about church n shit. its like telling me im tempoary. alot of people dont understand why i feel this way. but i have bad experences like i said. lol but my dumb ass, every time it happen… i KNEW better. and still sapped out anyway. put my heart on the line. and everytime single time. they go super jesus on a nigga. and its like thier heart turns so cold to me. it almost hurts, im not gonna lie… it does hurt. but i refuse to let any girl break my heart like that. while ill admit all day to being sad and disapointed about it. heartbreak aint for me. So yea. i cant do that shit. it never turns out in my favor. even if i did try to stick it out. i have my own personal beefs with christains and thier religion. im QUICK to point out when a christain is going against something they are suppose to believe in. how do i know? i was born a christain. i went to christain school ( ingelwood christain school… in inglewood on lebrea and hill or some shit like that ). i have a very good understanding of the whole shit. so my beef is legit. and muthafuckas HATE for me to be on some “youre being a fake christain” “real christains dont do that”. anybody would get tired of my black ass. my policy is: hey look. i believe in God just like you do. i know right from wrong and i dont need anybodys preacher or religion to tell me. ill serve God the way im comfortable with and you do the same. Dont talk to me about your religion and i wont discredit and disprove that shit. and we can be cool lol. its just usually when a girl goes super jesus on me. her WHOLE life changes and she is no longer the person i was attracted to or interested in. she stops cussin. she stops drinkin or whatever. she tries to talk to me about church n shit. they ALWAYS go way out. its traggic damn near lol.so what am i suppose to do? accpet her change? yea… i can do that. but i dont have to be with her ass no more either. because she is no longer the person i was attracted to. lol muthafuckas get divorced over shit like that. and oj will cut yo ass off because of some shit like that lol. it sucks trying to phase they ass out my life. it hurts a lil. but i just cant do it. im not interested in a good girl. good girls aint for OJ. im not saying i want a liar and a theif or no shit lol but the so called straight and narrow aint for me.

This may seem triffling as fuck lol… but i can NOT deal with a girl who doesnt AT LEAST drink. ( see why the straight and narrow aint for me? lol ) and not sometimey about it. im talking about a girl who likes to drink like i drink. not full fledged lush. but somebody who likes to get shit faced on occastion. you know? its werid, when a guy who drinks and smokes weed can find himself a girl who drinks and smokes weed. its like some kinda werid connection. its like you enjoy her that much more. youre just on the same page as that person. i dont know… you have to actually have to be a drinker or smoker to know what im talking about ( let all the muhfuckas who drink or smoke say ” yea huh?!?” lol ). its really nothing i can describe. but like i said. it may seem triffling. but i find that girls who AT LEAST drink and DO NOT look down and have no problem with weed smoking are way more enjoyable than girls who dont drink and dont smoke. reguardless on thier stance on both activities. lol sadly tho… alot of girls who actually do smoke and drink are totally and traggicly devoid of the next thing i REFUSE to put up with lol.

Ambition. i can not be with a girl who has NO damn goals or asperations to do shit. I can not be with a girl who just TALKS about her goals and asperations, but wont get off her ass and get up get out and get something… fuck! i hate hate hate that shit. i dont like girls who are scared of life. who are scared to get out and get thier feet wet. scarey ass females with no damn self confidence. the shit irritates me. i have had to stop my self several times from cussin a girl out over this shit. ive been with a few girls… more than a few that lack ambition… or just talk big shit about doing something one day… one day… one day… and make no real effort about doing it. i cant do it. its irritating. first site of any other female with confidence and self worth. she will steal my attention. and thats not something i want to happen with the woman im married to.

Education. i find that i can not deal with a girl who isnt at least in college. ive actually taken a few girls seriously that wernt in school. but its only because i saw that all they needed was a lil insperation. but yea… girls who arent at least in school. i cant deal with. i refuse to do it. its something about a girl who is in school or who has a degree that can keep my attention. i love smart females. i really like females who know something i dont know lol.

Sexuallity. i can not put up with a girl who doesnt believe she is sexy. because thats all im really attracted to. However, there are some females that are sexy as hell… they just dont realize it. and dont act on it at all. there are some that talk that bullshit about them not realizing they are sexy, but know how to turn a nigga on when they want to lol. i dont mind them at ALL :-D. but i need a girl who want it like i want it. ive known a few. and its some of the best shit ever. i promise. i absolutley need a girl who is confident with her body and her sexuallity to keep me faithful. lol and i wont even speak on how nasty she MUST be, because i cant really describe it with about being vulgar as fuck lol. but i will say…. imma nasty nigga. and i need a nasty girl. lol. and thats just what it is.

Common Sense. sigh… there are plenty of smart girls, who you would SWEAR they was the dumbest muthafuckas ever when you try to give them directions or youre depending on them to do some real world type shit. you can fuck around and lose your gotdamn life fuckin with a girl who has no fucking common sense! i think people over look this often. hell… i used to, til my dad pointed it out to me one day. and ill be damned if i aint cussed some girls all the way out for exemplifiing what it is to be with out an ounce of common fucking sense. gotdammit some of the prettiest muthafuckas, good in school. dumb as fuck off campus. its fucking traggic. dont know shit from shit. this shit is beyond irritating. i cant do it.

Young Females. im 24, i refuse to talk to a girl who isnt at least damn near 22. it has been my experince that older females are just way better to deal with. i didnt like dealing with young girl shit when i was young… and im too old to deal with that shit now. ill admit… i have talked to a girl that was 19 before… lol and when i was 21… i talked to a girl that was 18. ive strayed from this thinking a couple of times. but in both cases… i didnt know how old they both were until i they told me. they were both hella mature and didnt act thier age. ALTHOUGH… they did both eventually act thier fucking age at some point. it wasnt all that unbareable. but in most cases… i wont give a young ass girl a chance in hell. it just aint worth it. they cant keep my attention. they just cant. i only know because ive been down that road more than twice. i found my self bored to tears, and above the shit they enjoy doing. so it doesnt work. im not saying that im “better” than a girl who is hella young. its just that… shit… when you get a certain age… you dont do certain shit anymore. i mean fuck, at some point youre gonna have to talk about somethin else besides whats on fucking BET. I dont watch videos OR listen to the radio. i havent since i was like 14 / 16 some shit like that. i dont giva fuck about what a celeberty does. this is damn near the SOLE reason i only had one girlfriend in highschool. i can get some ass, that aint a problem… but being with a girl… being her man, being commited is something tottally different for me lol. most girls cant keep my attention for that long. and up until this year ( i was just with a girl for a whole year ) i had only had like 3 “offical” girlfriends ever… and none of the relationships saw the 5 month mark. sigh….

ive heard time and time again… oh, OJ… youll find somebody, it just takes the right person. well… im really starting to believe the shit aint gonna happen. im 24 and ill be 25 in may… i realize im “still young”, so? im not a hooker or anything lol. but ive been with my fair share. and it just gets more and more hopeless. there is something wrong with every last female ive EVER been with. some girls, dont want to have kids. cant do it. i want kids one day. why be in a relationship with someone who doesnt? am i suppose to change thier mind? fuck that! am i suppose to hope they will want kids one day? fuck that. thats time out of my life ill never get back waiting on they ass. lol

i was REALLY feeling this girl a while back. but she wanted ALL my gotdamn time. and im sorry… but i work… ALOT. i cant be under a muthafucka like that. she was hella suddle about the shit too. if i couldnt come see her, no matter what the reason was. she would get mad in her own lil way and not answer my calls and i wouldnt see or hear from her for days and weeks at a time. that shit got old QUICK. and to prove im not a TOTAL asshole. this girl im talking about… her smile was less than desirable. she was dead fuckin sexy, she was fuckin gorgious. as long as she didnt smile. it was traggic. im the type of guy who loves to see a girl smile, i crack all kinda jokes and i love to give compliments. just to get a smile. but damn… her smile used to make a nigga bite his tounge sometimes. was it that bad? man… every time she smiled, it looked like she was making a face. you know the kinda face you would probably make if somebody farted and it stunk, but some how it was funny? yea… thats its right there. and at first, i thought i couldnt deal with that shit. but i liked her sooo damn much, i couldnt help my self. i managed to look passed it ( which was a big thing for me ), and eventually… i didnt mind her smile so much. it wasnt great… but it didnt make me crindge like it did at first lol. but it turned out she wanted all my muthafuckin time. imma be honest. i thought she was it for a min. i thought i was DONE with females forever and she was the girl i was gonna marry one day. but, she wanted to be on some bullshit. plus i suspect she is jealous of sylvia. and i dont giva fuck… i can not put up with any female being jealous of me and sylvias relationship. other than that… she was perfect. Tall, Sexy… busty lol curvey, funny as fuck… talked as much shit as i do. drank like i do. smart as hell… ambitious. she was just too far ( she lives about an hour away ) for me to spend every fucking waking hour with her ass… nor was i intrested in spending that much muthafuckin time with her. nothing against her at all. i loved spending time with her. i just need my gotdamn space. fuck… just thinking about it makes me wanna open a fuckin window and get some fresh fucking air! ill even take it a step further to prove how much i really liked this muthafucka. At one point in time, she went super jesus on me. and yea… i left her Black ass alone something cold lol, true indeed. but when she eventually went back to the person she was ( they ALL do… its the guts really ). i was right there. and we damn near picked up where we left off before. but like i said. she wanted something i couldnt give her. i work alot. and my work schedule is pretty unpredicable. my work isnt just work, its my company (mybaby!!), its my well being. if i half ass it. then i half ass get paid, shit… IF at all! fuck that… i cant have that. she wasnt trying to jeapordize that. its just that i couldnt give her what she needed. and she wasnt gonna give me a breathing room lol. so it didnt crack for us. its kinda sad really. she used to be one of my bestfriends. but i couldnt be around her and not be with her. imma all or nothing kinda nigga. she was young too. she just didnt act like it. and she used to say young ass shit… that would irritate the fuck out of me AND talk about videos and celeberties all gotdamn day. but some how some way i saw past all that. except for her wanting something i couldnt give her. she coudlnt put up with it. i couldnt either.

But yea like i was saying, there is always something wrong with everybody. the young girls wanna eventually always do some young ass shit to turn me off tottaly to they ass. and honestly females go thru a couple of changes when they turn 21/22 they really dont know who they are. they ALL think they do. but ill be gotdamn if one day all of a sudden, they just somebody the fuck else! its only human nature really. people need to find themselves. i know i did. i dont know anybody who hasnt had to. but they usually find them selves when they are 21 damn near 22. thier whole outlook on life chances. what cracks one day… doenst crack the next… then all of a sudden, you have a tottally new person on your fucking hands. and its not the muthafucka you were initally attracted to. it sucks really. but it happens. and id rather not deal with that shit lol.

there was another girl… who i used to absolutley love. and we were never together ( Although i did put it on her something cold, twice times!… but she put it on me just the same and it was great lol ). but she was down for a nigga something cold. she had my back. if was gonna do something janky, she was right there with me. she smoked and drank more than i did lol. this was one of the only girls ive ever known who could actually talk enough shit to embrass me lol. she was fiiiinnnneeee fine fine. smart, sexy, had all the common sense a nigga ever wanted. she was close to perfect too. most of the girls i feel strongly about… they remind me of her, in some way. but, i guess with her… it just wasnt the right time. if i would have taken that window of oppertunity when i had the chance, i would have missed out on alot of other shit that is hella important to me. because i would have been stuck in fontana, with a wife, working some dead in ass job. something i absolutely can not do. i refuse to give my life to some dead in job that i cant see my way out of. and im stuck at because i have some one to support. i fuckin refuse lol. besides lol at the time… i wasnt even 21 yet lol i wasnt ready for all that. but i saw it coming. thats the type of girl she is. when i was 20 i couldnt even imagine being with one person like that all the time lol. but now… now. it still doesnt crack for us. I hate her brother ( my sisters boyfriend/ ex/ i dont know what the fuck is going on between them ) to death… literally. for one. for two. all my memories of her are from about 3 plus years ago. she is a different person now… im certainly a different person now. i seen her this summer and another time in the fall. and it was the same. but different. i hear she has been thru a whole BUNCHA bullshit in those 3 years that turned me off to her when i found out. PLUS she was already doing some bullshit during the time she was in my life. so… that doesnt crack… and chances are, never will. really what it is, i dont hang around her to know the current version of who she is. and i still see her randomly and she looks just as good. and i still have those memories. but i realize it doesnt go down.

Ive been really close to alot of girls. but there is always one BIG ASS thing in the way, that i absolutley can not deal with / or see past. and it sucks each and every time. shit, some dont even get that far… they will do or say some bullshit that will turn me completly off towards they ass, and ill be cool on them, foreal foreal. there were a few girls who i wouldnt even be thier boyfriend, because i saw the problem before it got to the point where it would be a problem. and i didnt want to have to break up with them because of that problem. they really liked me… and i really liked them. loved in some cases. but in the end… that one big ass thing that was in the way, manifested its self. wasnt thier fault, wasnt my fault… even tho i saw the shit coming. we’re just different. different to the point where our differences will drive us apart. and it usually does. usually we end up as friends. a couple of girls i cant really bare to even talk to anymore. shit hurts. i even took a chance actually and decided to be with a girl that i knew our differences would eventually surface and we would have to go our seperate ways. i took a chance, maybe something might happen. who knows? lets give her a chance. and i did. and it turned out to be my longest “offical” relationship ever. a whole fucking year lol. we just broke up in december. and honestly i love that girl. she is so sweet to me and she loves me so much, she’ll do damn near anything for me. but we are from two different worlds. she is a good girl. im not cut out for good girls. i need a bad girl lol. i need a fuckin law breaking heathen damn near lol. there is a couple of other things that she does that used to drive me fucking insane. that i wont mention lol ( because she reads this bitch sometimes and im not about to have a week long conversation about it lol ) anyway… in the end. it was just too much for a nigga. and i didnt want to mistreat her and start talkin bad to her because of our differences and because she couldnt be the person i needed her to be really. it wasnt her fault. but it aint mine for wanting what i want either. so i had to break it off. and it took me SO fucking long to do. and it hurt me so much to make her cry and to make her sad. i felt like a fucking criminal afterwards. im not a heart breaker at all. i dont like to mistreat girls who dont deserve it ( but let yo ass be asking for it!! lol ill get down right evil!) shit sucks. but in the end. i had to.

so that didnt work out either. sigh. its hopeless. i promise.
and i know there is some asshole sittin here reading this shit saying to themselves. well nigga… maybe its you! umm. its possible? but alot of times, when i a girl breaks something off with me. its usually because i place that reason there for them to want to break shit off with me. alot of the time, its because i wont be thier boyfriend. which is my fault, yes lol ill own up to that. but hey… i dont wanna be with them muthafuckas for a reason lol. either i dont want a girl at the time. or either they just dont do it for me like that. OR like with some of the girls that i was just now talking about. there was one big ass thing in the way that kept me from wanting to be with them like that. and they couldnt take it. so they eventually broke it off. nothing i could do about it. i just had to accept it for what it was lol. cant fault them for wanting what they want. cant fault me either tho. But i know how to be the model boyfriend. im not about to sit up here and hype my self, oh i do this that and the other. i do it when i want. its not an act, if i like a girl like that. then ill show her that side of me. and ive never had a complaint at all. Even tho i drink and smoke lol. even tho i cuss and refuse to do any church time. the only reason a girl will break shit off with me is because i put the reason there for them to break it off, like i said. i wont be thier boyfriend. or in a couple of cases ill just start acting up lol, and force that shit. i know that may sound a lil cocky. but shit… its the truth. im not hyping it at all. im not perfect at all. ill admit, im hard to please… ill admit i will make a girl jump thru hoops. but females when i cant be with somebody, its because of something i cant deal with. its really my fault if you have to put the blame on somebody. i want what i want. i dont settle. i cant settle. i HATE to settle or feel like im setteling. id rather go with out before i settle. and thats with anything. However, sometimes… what i want is really unfeesable. but if im convinced. it takes me a while to realize how much it just doesnt go down for me. so ill come to grips and get whatever i want thats in my price range or whatever makes the most sense at the time. but ill still be working my way up to eventually have what i want. i refuse to go with out what i want. i WILL have my way. im absolutley determine to, in every sitation. But with a wife or girlfriend, its really different from say… a car. there was a point in time where i was rolling a beat up 84 cutlass supreme ( the gangsta mobile! lol ) and i could have fixed it up a buncha times. i had the money. but one day i saw the brand new infiniti q45 ( this was about 2001 ) and i feel in love and i was really determine to save up enough money to put down on the bitch so my payments would only be like 200 a month ( this is a 80 thousand dollar car mind you ). and it aint like i wasnt making enough money at the time. it would have been a stretch. but if i would have found somebody with good credit… i could have had that bitch lol. but it woulda broke a nigga. and eventually i saw that. but i was still holding out for something i REALLY wanted. and eventually i settled on a 1990 q45 ( that i LOVE! ). and ill eventually work my way up to the brand new joint. but you cant do that with a wife/girlfriend/spouse. i cant work my way to what i want. im not trying to get married 10 times. you cant just trade a person in like that. but me being me… i just cant settle for a person who has something i want and need, but also does something that will drive me up the fucking wall… like the shit i mentioned before. ive learned that… that one big thing that i have a hard time dealing with, usually makes the small shit WAY bigger than it is. and it makes for a FUCKED up relationship. so fuck the dumb. why even bother?

like i said… im reasonable. if a girl keeps a dirty ass car. thats ok… i can see past that. ill wash her shit ( even tho i really hate doing that shit. i feel like a servant. if a female has an able body, there aint no reason she cant wash her own shit. im sorry lol ) and ill drive, just so i dont have to be in her dirty ass car. no biggie lol. i can see past shit like that. even tho its a pet peeve. but lets say she has no fucking ambition and works some punk ass part time job and doesnt go to school. that shit would irritate me to no end. id probably end up yelling at her and saying some fucked up shit. like BITCH! wash your fucking car! its not like you got anything major to do out this muthafucka! gotdamn! what have you been doing for the last couple of days?! SHIT! get off yo ass and clean your shit. you nasty muthafucka! lol im pretty sure just offa me actually calling her a bitch, shit would have been over anyway (followed by a fight, knowing the girls i be fuckin with lol ). but honestly if imma be on some shit like that. i was probably hella irritated and looking to end the shit anyway lol.

Ill have to admit. im not really looking for love. most of the time it just happens. i HATE new people, so im not a muthafucka to be out trying to get at every pretty face. lol and it aint like looking on the internet is a good place to find your soul mate. muthafuckas is crazy or lie about thier apperance or something else. or got issues that make them borderline certifiable lol. and the girls who are actually worth a damn. usually its something its always something. lol i know a few girls i know on from this shit are scared to even go there with me if it was feesable, just because they are afriad they will end up on this shit as a story lol. lmao, ive heard that more times than i can remember lol cant fault them for that!! because in all honesty. i have absolutley no reservations about posting a story about ANYBODY i meet / talk to / have sex with / or anything of the sort. i dont care where i meet her. if you blow it and its funny. ill tell the story to anybody who wants to listen lol. i dont be airing a muthafucka business like that. im talkin about the muthafuckas that just be blowing it. like i met this one girl. she was cool and all… her aroma was just OFF. like… it didnt stink, it was just uncomfortable as hell. her natural body odor just wasnt right. lol. there was this other girl who ive been meaning to post about too for a long time lol i met her off the net… long long long ago. i had to be about 19 i met this girl on the net, she didnt have no picture ( first rule of meeting a muhfucka off the net lol ) and my dumb ass figured id take a chance on her because she was from africa and had a precious lil accent. turns out she also had a fucking jheri curl. lol maybe ill post about that shit next lol that shit was the GUTS! but yea… muthafucaks be scared to end up as a story. its cool. i understand. i aint even trippin lol. i wouldnt fuck with me either. especially after reading this long ass shit. i wont even elaborate on how im hard to please, and make girls who wanna be with me jump thru hoops, and how im hella untrusting of muthafuckas.

actually, now that i think about it lol. anybody in they right muthafuckin mind wouldnt fuck with my Black ass lol. and as the days past i come a lil bit closer to the realization of my lonesome fate. maybe love and companionship isnt for me. with all the shit that i can not put up with. its not looking that way. but i cant change who i am. i wont, i refuse. the shit i spoke on will drive me crazy. guarented. the relationship is bound to end due to one of them reasons plus id cheat on them because of that shit. every single female i know at this moment in time does at least one thing i can not deal with. and if they dont, chances are im not attracted to them. so that rules all that shit out. because ill definitly cheat. and i dont want to cheat on my wife. i dont even want a slight reason to maybe think about it.

i didnt type out this shit for any sympathy or for a buncha oh youll find somebody comments or for a buncha advice. or really for anybody to read it. i realize its long as fuck. but at this moment, i feel like i have absolutley ( i wonder how many times ive misspelled that word thru this post lol )…. lol but i have no one to talk to. and ive been talking to various people about this same shit for the couple of years, and i know sylvia is tired of me constantly talking about this shit lol. but, im starting to feel like nobody cares. honestly its alot to listen to, i know that. and at the end, im always pretty convinced its hopeless, no matter what. it makes me really really sad every time i think about it. to a point of depression sometimes. i thought maybe typing it all out, maybe id see something that ive over looked…. but i havent. i also thought that maybe id feel better. but i still feel like shit.