August 2003 - Uhmah Park

Need to lose weight?
are you a lazy muthafucka?

well click here and embrace (oops lol got it right now ) your salvation ( no bullshit )

all you internet people… doing half ass work outs and bullshit dieting… you know you wanna click that shit. this shit here is the answer for all the big girls chattin online LYING to muthafuckas talkin about “im thick!” when you are really, relentlessly punishing the chair you are sittin your fat ass in lying to some dumb ass dude who dont know any better.

basiclly… its just no sugar… no carbs…. but you can eat anything else… protien protien protien…. meat meat meat… dairy all that good shit. you can even eat bacon. most fruits and veggies… all that good shit… just no bread lol and youre good to go.

but… be warned… for the first couple days… you will have no energy… but who cares? you are a lazy muhfucka right? sittin on yo ass and eating is what you do! it goes down!
if i was fat… id be all over this shit! if i was slightly over weight… id be all over this shit.
also be warned… if youre gonna do this shit… and you are a pork or a beef eater… dont work out at all lol…. or you will fuck around and have a heart attack lol. this muhfucka at costco told me he lost 50 MUTHAFUCKIN pounds in 7 damn months! i am a believer lol…. i know people on this shit and seen them lose weight in the first week… and still goin.

aint nothin to it but to do it!

no carbs!

your body burns carbs for energy… when there are no carbs… your body burns the next avaliable thing… FAT!
the weight (fat) melts away… its damn near magic. amazing to say the least… do you chair a favor… do your stelletos a favor… have mercy on that button on your favorite tight fitting jeans… do the suspension in your fucking car a gotdamn favor… yes… its a 2000 pound machine… but it was only meant to carry so much on one gotdamn side… gotdamn!

click the link!

now… if there was a diet for ugly… id feel alot better about clicking on random links to peoples blogger with they picture on the side. lookin like thier nick name should be “Oh No!” muhfuckas be ugly as possible… and big… gotdamn… i guess if you gonna fuck up… fuck up all the way. huh? shit… its already bad enough muhfuckas be typing about a whole buncha nottagotdamnthing. on some… ” oh… its so hard to find a good man ” shit… bitch! did you forget that this morning the mirror turned its back on your uncomfortablely ugly ass? of course its hard to find a good man, who is gonna put up with your ugly ass, with your ugly ass issues, and your ugly ass ways. ugly girls need to face the fact that they are ugly… and start learning how to give good head… and take a culanary class or two ( NO CARBS FOR YOU THO! of course lol lets not blow it lol ). thats the only way a ugly girl is gonna keep any type of nigga in her life, even for a little while ( which is better than nothing right? lol )… even another ugly ass nigga. dudes can get away with being ugly ( sometimes… tyrone hill has nba money behind him, i dout that nigga has groupies… honestly ) … a girl? pshhh you just fucked in the game lol unless you ohprah… and not all the way ugly… and got a hot billion ass dollars and a staff of stylist to back you up. but take somebody like…… joan rivers… that muhfucka there been ugly since ugly was ugly was ugly. and she is only getting old and worse… plastic surgery as only kept her from looking like the cript keeper… she still ugly… its sad when your ugly can shine thru thousands of dollars of surgery! or ellen degenerious… SHIT! or that mimi muhfucka from drew carey. i think the only muhfucka uglier than her is the fucking devil him self.

im sorry… i didnt mean to start talkin about ugly people.

this post was orginally meant to help those that was in the not know ( and killing chairs ) rather you just wanna lose a few pounds… or a lotta pounds ( equivlant of the avarage weight of a big 3rd grader lol ) …. this is the best way ive seen thus far. plain and simple.

im only hear to help ( kinda more like point in the right direction ) and talk shit ( mostly lol )

and yes… i know ” oj, youre SO fucked up ”
ive been hearing it all day


it is now that time. for “4:30 am thoughts ” with your host, O.com.

Have you ever seen a lightskinned africian?

i know i havent.

hmm?

riddle me that shit.

tune in next time…. for “4:30 am thoughts ” with your host, O.com.

goodmorning.


Shout goes out to Deah on her 23rd birthday!

id link her website… but she never updates that shit… so it would be extra pointless lol.

and i would type out a buncha nice shit about deah, who is one of my favorite people. but… eeehhh fuck all that… deah knows she is indeed a special girl. she is one of the only people who can prove me wrong regularly. lol. as much as we go back and forth… i do value her opinion. shes lucky a nigga doesnt have 4 years of college behind him though. my field goal percentage would be much higher.

in hour of deahs birthday… i got her a strawberry cheese cake for us to split. but she wasnt around… so in true nigga form… i ate her half.
ha

also…

thanks to all the people who sent comments thru the five27 main site. i WILL email yall back… eventually… but i be busy. as you may be able to tell by the rate in which i write in this shit here.

and…

Tony Hawk hit another 900 today. he is the man. ( niggas didnt know i keep up with skateboarding a tad bit lol )

and….

i got some spam today from the sender “Green Card Lotto” with the subject line “Do you need a united states green card”. i thought that shit was pretty damn funny.
speaking of which… i do find it slightly ironic… that you need a GREEN card to live in the US if youre a foriegnier… and if you are in this state illegally… youre considered an illegal ALIEN.
it might not be so funny / ironic in the morning tho.
lol

and….

thats about it.


My Friday… fuck a Friday Five… that shit is getting more retarded every week. people and thier retarded ass answers is gettin irritating too lol

so imma remix it… here is my friday… the fifth day of the week!

first… let it be known that i am far from sober… but nearing sobrity. but im still on that shit.

so… friday.
i woke up.
got some work done…. but in the middle of that shit… got some bad news. but i handled that shit and hopefully i can roll past it. sigh….. then, finially got the LA Social Club Gallery up. AND YES… there are pictures of blowed max… i think ill link em later… but i dont know lol. around 3 or 5 pm… i dont remember which right now. My girlfriend came over, and i got to enjoy her company… untill she passed out on the venus fly trap… also known ass my bed lol. i have a big ass cali king bed that takes up a cool ass 70% of my room. but the bed is so great it doesnt matter… honestly. its like being with hallie berry but you cant make no money lol. GREAT! but clearly… there ARE draw backs! anyway… after me and marina had our fun… i went upstairs to dennis apt. and end up gettin very blowed. after that… i rolled downstairs back to marina… and got my cuddle on… till i noticed my AIM screen… it was calvin… inviting me to a chat. i end up rollin into this chat. man… i havent been in a chat room of any type on some real chat shit sine 98-99. it was werid… plus yall… i was higher than gas prices. so im sittin there, and these niggas is conversating… Calvin is off his GOTDAMN rocker lol frunk as duck. on that shit! then disappeared. after this nigga calvin computer, Flaco… the gay republican, started actin up and booted him from the whole internet with ruthless agression. i posted up for a min… and conversated with resha kitty and chris… it was cool… i havent posted up in a chat room for a min lol. plus i was waiting for marina to wake her black ass up lol. she finially woke up and i took her too my favorite burger joint in the valley. BIG TIME BURGER! on victory and reseda. ( fuck big fat john… that shit aint all that good and over priced! ) we posted in there, ate and watched americas funniest home videos… man i havnt seent that shit in a cool ass min… what the fuck happen to bob sagget?!?!? he used to be the fucking guts…. the nigga thats on there is on some true bullshit. 8:30 rolls around… big time is closing… and im JUST finishing marinas turkey burger… because she could only eat half…. because they burgers is big as fuck! ( 5.50 for a whole meal it goes down! ) i was blowed as fuck and hungry as hell… so i dogged my shit and polished hers off indeed… rolled back my apt and marina left me… sigh. not like that lol. she went home… she wasnt trying to kick it. she wanted oj time… and honestly yall… i was WAY Too blowed for that… plus… fun was in the atmosphe. and i was enjoying her company, and i wanted her to kick it and have fun with me and my friends… but nooooooooooooo. so fuck it. she took off.. oh well… her lost. her lack of kicking it will kick her in the ass more than several times. and she just gonna have to be mad. fuck it. i dont know. anyway… roll back upstairs to dennis apt.
Yo… what cracks? we drinkin?
IT GOES DOWN!!!
LIQUOR RUN!
we got a big ass thing of bacardi and some vodka… some sweet and sour… and some other shit i dont remember… all i know is… we came back and took kamakazi shots to the HEAD! dennis girl and her friend came thru… i was already drunk… and then…………. it was time for some music! my cousin RJ came thru… we was out of sweet and sour… him and the homie brick went back to the store and got more… they came back… it goes down countiniously! we drank and drank and drank… jane came thru… we drank and drank and drank… then oj was drunk enough to get it CRUNK!
OJ FAQ # 13: i get too drunk… and there is music playin… im shakin my stankin ass homie! believe that shit… and oh boy i did… me and jane was in the middle of the floor shakin our asses! then…………………..
sigh….
then……. Get Low came on….
man! thats my shit…
i was fuckin it up…
i started dancing with the chair n shit… left the chair… went back over to jane ( shes black fyi lol ) then back to the chair…. by this time the song is damn near over…
i guess i was too much for the chair… because i broke the fuckin chair!
i snapped OFF the back! something cold… i was embrassed as fuck! niggas killed that shit for like 10 min… i was like fuck it… and layed out on the couch lol i was way too drunk… it was time to lay it down.
by this time… its about 1:20.
these niggas decide… fuck it! lets walk to 7-11!!!
at first… i was cool… dennis marc and brick… mob… then… i got bored and i got rj… yo… lets mob!
we got up and ran outside… liquor bouncin all around in niggas stomachs… i thought i was gonna give it all the way up! but i held it like a champ… inbetween my apt building and the corner… we managed to wild out as much as possible at 1:30 in the gotdamn morning with nobody on the streets.
walked up in dennys on some fuck shit… left out… invaded 7-11. a nigga like me got some crumb donuts. this nigga rj tho lol got a fuckin lunchable! lol gotdamn lol anyway. on the way back… me and marc walked up in the HOLE In the wall spot called Club Reseda… now… i dont have a problem with mexicans. i grew up in LA… all i know is mexicans, i grew up with mexicans. but there is nothing BUT mexicans in Club Reseda! and when me and this nigga marc walked in there… it was all eyes on us. we went in there because one of the bartendars was suppose to be fine. eeehhhhhhhhhh she was ALRIGHT… she had that cold rack tho and she was proud to show that shit off lol. So… we are all walking back to the building… and rj and i decide… fuck it nigga… lets keep walkin! dennis brink and marc was like fuck all that. we are going inside.. rj and i…. mobbed! we hicked a cool TWO miles up the street! from saticoy to parthenia! all thru neighborhoods n shit… wavin at people… talkin all loud… me and this nigga talked about all kinda shit lol… frunk shit! like nigga… i wouldnt be airing my bidness like this if i wasnt so fucked up.
so… 3 oclock rolls around and rj and i hit the apt building. fresh off a long ass walk lol. sober! lol or so we thought! we go BACK up to dennis apt… everybody is still up and kicking it… this nigga calvin ( not killacal ) is back from jamaica. tellin us how much they smoked out there and what not. Niggas was playin Tekken 4… so i jumped on the sticks… im pretty cold in tekken… but i swear i dont know WHAT The fuckin problem has been with me lately. i guess i be too blowed when i play. now mind you i thought i was sober… till i sat down… and a nigga was leant all to the side n shit lol. so im frunk still playin tekken. 4 am rolls around and its time to raise the hell up lol. its late yall.
i come back to this muthafucka and check my computer for lingering AIM messages n shit… and its this nigga calvin… who was FRUNK AS DUCK on some serious shit earlier… has left me a message. Nigga… i know youre not around. But Shanna is having a baby. peace.
WHAT?!?!?!?
i couldnt believe that shit.
who is shanna?
honestly… shanna is just some retard internet girl who be lyin to niggas who will listen to her. but ill admit. shanna USED to be cool with a nigga. and i wont go into Calvin and shanna relationship… or ours lol. but gotdamn… that nigga thru me for a couple of loops with that shit. lol but. shes probably fulla shit. she aint shit… she will never be shit… baby or no baby. Internet person… or real life. Screw her… with the whole black and decker catalouge.
So now… its 4:45 and i chooped it up with this nigga calvin for a cool min… informed this nigga on other peoples reaction on him showing his ass earlier lol but this nigga has pulled one of his famous whoodi AIM moves… and i have been typing this whole entry in the mean time… which im pretty sure is fucking long by now. And me and this nigga RJ are listening to old tracks from when the homies was rappin as a group ( them niggas is all doing thier own thing now ). reminiscing about pre 2000. when niggas was back in fontana… and … shit was just different.

but that was my day.

and now its time to lay it down….

oh… time out… lets not forget one of the guttiest moment of the night.
dennis girl busted out with some OLD SHIT…
she said somebody was…. SHIESTY! lol can you believe that shit?
imma bring it back yall!! Shiesty!
niggas be rockin throw back jerseys… that nigga oj has throw back slang!
what yall know about it! IT GOES DOWN!
just like my head to pillows in less than five min.
but first…. a piss must be taken!
im easy!


its a lil known fact that FALL is short for Football ALL the time. yes… thats right… Football ALL the time…. but you know black people be shortining shit up… so now its FALL… lol

i swear football is the only good thing about the sumer comming to an end. and summer is great. great enough to not go crazy with no sports. and im pretty sure some asshole is gonna invade my comments with some dumb shit about baseball. But, truth of the matter is… baseball sucks homie… and is NO WHERE NEAR as exciting as football or basketball. Have you ever heard an annoucer for a baseball game? if he talked just a tad bit lower… you wouldnt know if it was a baseball game or a fucking golf match. Well maybe except for the RARE occastion that somebody hits one deep… or something that might go deep. even the highlights for baseball are hella boring. so fuck baseball… baseball doesnt count. So back to Football. Football is great.

and what better way to start off football season with jokes!

MAX: why jerry rice look like the predator?
OJ: LMAO GOTDAMMIT!
MAX: he do
MAX: that recedin hairline
MAX: with fuckin dreads
OJ: that is the fucking guts
MAX: whats that all about…
OJ: i dont know dogg lol
MAX: thats how he be gettin open
OJ: LMAO
MAX: he hit that lil invisible shit on his wrist
MAX: pop up where aint nobody at
OJ: LOL LMAO!!!
OJ: holy shit lmao
MAX: see, all this time people thought it was cuz he was fast…
MAX: its alien technology

gutty shit.


Credit: Calvin Smith for that shit there.
lol that shit is still funny to me..

Frunk will now be my new word for being extra faded.

With that said. i have a statment to make:

Frunk swimming is terribly underrated!
wooo boy!

the other day, we got frunk as duck ( indeed! ) offa two pitchers of mararitias… it was like 5 of us. i had more than 10 cups. jumped in the fuckin pool around 11pm. it was great. the jucuzzi super cracked as well.
but a nigga was hung the fuck over the next day. wooo but mylanta took care of that. i tried to fuck with some tequilla the next day and couldnt bare the smell. i think i wont get drunk again till Kkarma comes out ( yea right lol )


thas right!
i dont care what anybody says, that show is the fucking guts ( doggie fizzel telivizzle ). Snoop is on some shit. When he do that arbys shit… he be right around the corner from my house. a nigga be passin that shit breakin his neck to see if snoop on there. dont let me get caught in that drive thru when he workin it… imma put on a muthafuckin show.

and while we are on the topic of putting on shows. Five27 got a redesign today! IT GOES DOWN! (*gives self high five*).
that shit didnt come out like i wanted it to. but ehh maybe ill slowly change shit up when i get a spare moment or two. Its been 2 and a half years since i changed that shit. but i finially did it. Thanks to Sylvia who bet me that i wouldnt be able to get anything up by the first. this was about two weeks ago. she said i couldnt do it. i have TWO whole redesigns sittin on this server… POSTED! half way done! did i go live with them shits? NO! why? because… all i do is work. Ask any one of my neighbors that be knockin on my window, on some OJ come kick it shit. Ask anybody that i talk to on AIM often. lol ask my girlfriend.
What usually happens is, i start on a new design for 527 because i have some free time. But because im so picky ( and some what of a perfectionist — depending who you ask ) it takes me a while to decide on what i actually want to do. Then another project comes up and its time for OJ to head his black ass back off to work, once again. Ill be busy for 6 to 9 months with work… then next time i catch a break. the shit ive designed is hella dated or i just dont like it no more ( which is one of the reasons i dont have a tat — lol what are people gonna do when those tribal bands go out of style? lol ) so i say fuck it… and start on a new one… then the same shit happens again. But this time! i managed to flush one out! honestly… it aint much. but fuck it! its done its changed. it goes down!
Now that ive finished this shit here… ON TIME! Mallie says he will have a new site up by monday. lol lets see if he can pull it off. Me and this man here were born on the same day, in the same year. on different coast, he is my exact oppisite damn near lol. Christain, Married, Child, doesnt cuss. And then me… well… we know about me lol gutty shit.

Speaking on redesigns, FunkMedia also got a redesign. a temperary one. it cracks.

So, why was my deadline August 1st to get up a redesign of 5:27? well, the nice people over at Eclectic-Soul.net ( roc might be mad at this name lol ) decided to interview me for thier e mag for thier “site of the month” section. and well dammit… im too competitive and vien to just be aired out like that with a two year old site up lol. i had to do somthing! Shit almost didnt happen ( let syl tell it, it wasnt gone happen ) but i manged to pull it off. So there you have it lol.

and while im sitting here gettin my type on. the other day e stizzy ( errin ) and i went to the hollywood bowl ( on a WHIM! With this site, HALF finished and a pressing ass dead line ) to see all of the scores from Spike Lee’s films proformed by Terrence Blanchard, Hosted by Spike him self. Entertianing indeed it was. However, i only signed up for two reasons.
1) Errin: Hey, lets go to the hollywood bowl tonite! they are proforming the scroes from spike lees movies!
OJ: Word? Fuck! im working………………………… time out… IS PUBLIC ENEMY GONNA BE THERE!?!?!
Errin: YES!
OJ: FUCK! IT GOES DOWN! FUCK! ( i had to work and didnt wanna leave the house –) Alright… im down!
2) Well, Errin is leaving soon… so im trying to get in as much time as i can before she shakes the spot ( awwwww… sigh )
So yea… we get to the concert and its cool. till i had to piss… hella bad! didnt really wanna miss no parts of the show. Chaka Chan profomed, Diane Reeves ( sp?) fucked it UP! I didnt know shit about Terrence Blanchard, but he is pretty live on the trumpet. even tho i think he was blowed when he composted a couple of them tracks… so yea i didnt wanna miss shit else. ( honestly i was REALLY fearing that id miss PE! because i didnt know where the rest room was ). Eventually i was like FUCK IT! and ran down to the rest room real quick. And on the way there… walking back to the back stage area. Guess who i see?!! Spike Lee him self! got to shake his and and say whasup briefly! then… it was off to the rest room where i promply relieved my blatter of its holdings! lol shit! i was excited as hell… errin was jealous! lol. The whole night was cool. Are tickets were free ( i dont know how youd have to ask errin, her friend got them shits ) i only paid a hot 2 bucks for parking ( instead of 20! or 15 ) 3 hot bucks for a bus ride RIGHT up to the gate… it cracked! Errin says,, “some of those songs were the kind that made you happy that you have ever been in love, because that was the only way you could really know what they were about… “. Made me feel like i missed something. ive never been completly inlove. not to say that ive never loved anyone before. but never inlove. if there was a special girl in my life, and we went our seperate ways for whatever reason. ok yea… ill admit to being sad. but i got over that shit ( with in a couple of days ) and moved the hell on lol. i dont understand the whole inlove thing. i think i missed the boat. Sail on….
Anyway… OJ was happy to find some contemporary jazz that i actually liked ( maybe it wasnt jazz… but fuck it it was close! ).
Hey… what about PE OJ?? YES YES! they did proform Fight the power… and all the pinkos slowly left one by one lol. it was great! my favorite part? ” Elvis… was a hero to most….” they drug that shit out like they do on the song too… ” but he never meant SHIT to me, he was a straight out racist / the sucka was simple and plain. — MUTHAFUCK HIM AND JOHN WAYNE!! — cus im black and im proud / im hyped cus im amped / most of my heros dont appear on no stamps / ” YES! thats that shit right there homie! ( Little known OJ Fact: He is a big PE fan ). i was in my seat yelling that shit! it goes down!
No, the s1’s wasnt there… neither was terminator x or prof griff, Flav was there tho… right wit Chuck D. Them niggas is gettin old. but like errin said… they got as live as possible proforming that shit with a live band lol.

Damn… this turned out longer than i thought it would, Oh well.
Sigh. in less than 5 fucking hours… i must be awake and on my way to Fontana to help my parents move into thier new home. im gonna get me some redbull and it goes down.

… its the first of daaa mmooonnnntttthhhhhhhhhhh.
i dont think ive ever posted on the first.
hm.
anyway… time for me to catch some black out.