March 2002 - Uhmah Park

Fuck you!

did you hear that shit?

i fuckin hate that got damn verizion commercial.

so much damn hype… them fuckin phones dont work that gotdamn good… because i cant get ANY phone reception in my damn apt. i have to go outside… and stand still with my head tiled back and to the left at a 18 degree angel n shit.

bastard… if i ever see dude… or one of the marketing people for verizion… im goin upside somebody head…


you ever get tha feeling that people just dont wanna talk to you no more or even be bothered with you for that matter?

i hate that shit.

but then again…

i aint for holdin a muhfucka..

fuck it and them.


man…

Public Enemy moves my soul.

…. i got my steal in my right hand… now im lookin for that fence.


im so damn happy its starting to get warmer…

my cousin ( JD ) has been over here for the last couple of days and i had to go to the computer store with this nigga ( imma undercover computer nerd… jd… recently converted ) and i got to wear shorts!!

hell yea…

i was so damn happy when i checked outside and it wasnt cold!! i almost didnt know how to act.

its 12:08 am of the next damn day… and im still happy about that shit.

speaking of happy…

like last week my ex ( we’re really good friends ) told me that she she got accepted to all of the law schools she applied to. Whitter, La Loya Marymount (sp), and USC. man… im so proud. ( marymount and usc are good schools… so is whitter actually ) i remember way back when, when she was still a junior in highschool. and we used to chat and send letters back and forth. now she is graduating from a real good school, did good on her “i wanna go to law school test” ( forgot tha name of it ) and she is gonna stay in califorina to go to law school. im so happy… thought she was goin to boston for a min. knowin her… she still might because… eh… shes difficult ( one of the many reasons why we arent together ).

but im still happy for her, even if she leaves me. ol punk ass march person.

i should get her something for her birthday (29th… or 31st… i never get it right )… but fuck that… she aint got me shit for mine in a cool ass min. ( even when i do get it right lol).


Working from home has is benifits…

i love the shit.

means you can ( sometimes ) run your errands during the day while most people are at work… no traffic and what not.

there are , however, drawbacks.

old people.

today… i went to the grociery store to pick up a few things… and oddly couldnt find good parking.

?

ok… so what… actually did come up on a cool spot… caught somebody pulling out.

anyway, i walk into the store… and i had to dodge a couple of old people. not really dodge but i had to walk around them… because they were taking thier time of course… these are the things that old people do. so i pick up that lil hand basket thing ( cant remember tha name for that shit ) and i look up… and i see a sea of old people… then of course i remembered why i DONT normally go out during the middle of the damn day.

the freaks come out at night… the old people come out in the mid morning / early afternoon.

sigh… man… so i think to my self… ahh hell muthafuckin naw ive been setup!!!!

OJ… how in the hell were you set up??

well… when i left the apt today… my sole intentions was to go see about my car… and my muthafuckin money. while im grabbin my shit to leave…. here comes syl…. hey…. can you go to the grociery store please? ( weve been outta some shit for a min… but we both are lazy and wont go shopping ) so im like… ehhh fuck… ok… its about 1100 or so. i take my ass to go see about my shit… then i hit the fuckin grociery store. and blam… soon as i see all these damn old people… i realize… ive been setup… because Syl HATES goin out in the middle of the day and having to dodge old people ( cuz you know they cant drive and dont see you when they be walkin ). shit… i dont like it either… but i was pissed off when i left… and i fuckin forgot… my dumb ass

so anyway… im in the store feelin like a big ol jack ass for being so easily setup. fuck it… im here i might as well get my shit and go… i peek over at the line… of course its long… and filled with old people… with every coupon that was printed in the last two weeks.

FUCK

imma be here for a cool ass minute. so im walkin around, gathering tha shit i know we need. make it to the check out. notice that ALL of em are long… i only had like 8 items so i go to the 10 items or less…. even that shit was long as hell… with old people lined up… shiftin thru coupons n shit… and like 4 people have WAY more than 10 items. and wouldnt you know it… the OLDEST clerk they had was workin that shit… and i look down… they had like two more older people workin the lines… i wanted to just put my shit down and leave.

but lucky for me… there was a guy in the next line by him self… only thing was… he had a GANGA shit. due to my experince in checkout lines… i knew that he would be done sooner than 3 of the muhfuckas than the line i was in.

so… i got behind him in the check out line… was out in 5 min.

walked out the store… of course… this old ass lady didnt see me ready to cross the street… luckly i also have exprience with old people and cars… so i wasnt so quick to jump my ass into the street.

let this be a lesson to all of you… who may work from home… or have a day off… stay yo ass at home still the afternoon!!!

old people are worse than traffic!


anywhere you go… i am gonna find you

everywhere you go… ill be right behind you…

just to let you know and constently remind you… you will never be as dope as i am… gotdamn!!

-aceyalone

i truely think if even 60% of Black people in this country just decided they had enough of the bullshit… and got together to move out of the country for a more stable homeland and all around better situation… i dont think the government would really let us leave.

or there would be an “accident” in route to our new homeland. couldnt get us all… but still lol

and finially… if we did get to where ever we decided to go. there would probably be a serious embargo on which ever country we go to, ( that doesnt have US influence ) or war or some sort of confrentation between the two countries.

doesnt matter tho… the majority of black people are too trianed and conditioned to even think about doin something like that. And those of us who would think to get together to be out, lol we enjoy capitalism too much.

so we aint goin NOOO where.

might as well make the best of things.


Round 1- for anybody that missed tha shit and dont know what im talkin about

ok.

i would firstly like to say… reguardless of what people may think, believe or desire to be the truth. i do not post shit on this site to entertain anybody, well… maybe my self, and a few of my friends.

but really…. i just post some of the shit that i go thru or that might be on a nigga mind at tha moment. i dont sit up and come with material like this is stand up. because if i did… id charge muthafuckas to read this shit lol ( which aint soundin like such a bad idea because i saw tha stats for this shit. ) so once again. im not tryin to entertain nobody, my days just happen to be filled with bullshit, dumb shit and retarded shit. Some people think that shit is funny for whatever reason. its cool. some time it is… i make my damn self laugh so… hey.

anyway.

Today, i had to make yet another dreaded apperance at church… tha same church from round 1 ( thats why this is round two ). The reason i had to even go to chuch? Well… my GrandFather is a Preacher. He has his own church… and what goes on is, every year… there is this thing called pastor apperication day or something along those lines… annerversery or some shit. its basiclly a celerbration of when tha pastor comes to the church to head up tha church and what not. i think tha shit is kinda mob like… because tha nigga gets all kinds of gifts and money and whatever else. bigger tha church… the greater the gifts.

the last couple of years i got out the shit. basiclly what happen is i gave my moms like 50 bucks and she went and put that shit in tha collection plate or tha money tree or whatever they got him. sigh. but this time i wasnt so damn lucky. no amount of money was gettin me out of this shit, this time. Why? i dont know really… he just demaded our attendence. so i had to show my black ass up. i found out on about thursday that i had to go… and since then ive had a bad headache that wont fuckin go away ( till today of course ) walkin around pissed off because i REALLY REALLY didnt wanna go. i absolutly hate going to church… i feel like my soul desinergrates as tha minutes pass during my attendance.

so, i arrive. with my moms and sister, late. everybody that reconizes us does tha whisper high, how yall doin thing… good tah see ya baybe. yea yea yea. im sittin there.. and once again… i start to notice lil shit.

You know those fans they put in the chruch? the hand fans. Why in tha fuck is there ALWAYS a ad for a funeral home or cemetery? thats kinda fucked up. And then… to make tha murder complete… they have pictures of the people that either own or run tha shit… and they be old as hell them DAMN selves. its like well gotdamn? who gonna need your services first homie? you or me? foreal dogg… when tha muhfuckas i know have to visit… YOU AINT gonna be there. well… you’ll be THERE…. “THERE” you just wont be able to assist my black ass when i need to put somebody in tha dirt… you will be in that dirt im askin how much it will cost to put down my loved one lol.

Why dont churches advertise some shit that tha people who attend service and REALLY use sometime in tha near future ( not inclusive of those individuals with a foot in the grave ).

Such as Debt consoladation. its a well known fact that most black people are deep as shit in debit. shit i know i am… most tha muhfuckas i know are too. lol im pretty sure 80% of church goers could use some help with they bills… half them niggas but up in there prayin for help with they muthafuckin bills ANYWAY. shit…

Hair Dressers. they should advertise in church… church goers always get they “head did” for church. they be up in there with they shit whiped the hell up.

Wieght Loss is somethin else they should advertise in church. There be so many big people in church… big as hell. for no reason… aint gulttoney a sin anyway? how you get so big only 3 other people can fit on tha bench with yo ass? that dont make no damn sence!! i know half way to them being that big they had to notice… less and less people are sitting by me these days… i wonder what in tha fuck is going on here. but i guess not. anyway…

construction? maybe not… but how bout we get somethin out that building fund tho? add some stalls to tha bathroom… some FUCKIN AIR CONDITIONING!!!!! some EXHAUST FANS??!?!? it be hot as fuck in there with all that fuckin recycled air!! let some of that shit out…shit… muthafucka up there talkin about how he wanna go to heaven and not hell… but yet im sittin my black ass next to tha biggest blackest muthafucka ever, HOT AS SHIT… cant fuckin breath because its humid as fuck in here. im sweatin like a muthafucka and aint really moved all that much… im just next to a human suna rock over in this muthafucka and cant get a breath of freash air. ummm IM SUFFERING! i dont wanna fuckin be here… FUCK THAT SOUND LIKE TO YOU?!?!? gotdammit… spend some of that fuckin money unhellifying this muthafucka… YOU up there sweatin out your fuckin suit n shit… sweatin out your perm/jheri curl/fro ( because thats tha only hair cut preachers have… for tha most part lol… ) IT FEELS LIKE LIL HELL UP IN HERE DOGG!! damn… i know that building fund is deep… AC MUTHAFUCKAS AC!!! get a fuckin TRAINE…. get finaced make payments!! church is 4 times a month… with people givin money for the building fund four times a month with a average of 2 to 4 bucks thas damn near 10 bucks from everybody in there tell me thats not enough for a AC payment?!?! damn man. ol unpleasnt ass experince the fans from rite aid/walmart DONT WORK that good… tha hand fans is ASS BACKWARDS!! damn. ac muthafuckas ac… please!! do your fans…. members a fuckin favor. anyway… get some up to date decorations. softer benches… HELLO!!?! how you gonna expect me to be in this fuckin place for gotdammit 2 to 3 hours… and the bench is hard as fuckin fuck?? that aint fuckin fair! i aint seen in tha bible no where… Thou shalt be uncomfortable while in tha house of the lord. DONT HE WANT PEOPLE TO COME?? shouldnt they be comfortable while they praisin his name man?!?! damn. make em wanna come back… they need to make decons and ministers attend a customer service classes. shit… get some return customers… umm i mean visitors lol.

Also… somebody needs to go to a church and offer to advertise Jheri Curl touch up! Church is tha LARGEST GATHERING of individuals with jheri curls ever. oh so many curls… and they just be so terrible.. if your gonna fuck up… at least fuck up all tha way there homie… let there be MOISTURE MAN!! gotdamn!! you done already blew by even bussin the curl. but then its dry… sometime people shit be moist in the middle and DRY along the edges… or visa versa… kinda shit is that?!?! i mean foreal.. why? well maybe because it be SO FUCKIN HOT in there and they shit DRY UP! it aint like you can exactly get out tha jheri juice and spruce yo shit up. i guess. i dunno… ive never had one. i dont fuckin know.

Why doesnt somebody start a clothing line called “Church Clothes”? just make nothing but clothes for church. they would clean tha fuck up. all they have to do is open a store and advertise in tha local churches lol.

Somebody also needs to sell ginsing or some ginkobaloba (sp) or whatever that shit is that helps you remember shit… now… cell phones are cheaper than ever… why during service muthafuckas cant remember to shut they shit off??! or put it on vibrate?!?! dont yo ass be up in here every fuckin sunday?! u know that shit is rude!! muhfuckas is up in here tryin to watch tha show!! i mean listening to tha sermon! you fuckin up people holy ghost man!! holy ghost fuck around and pass you by because you say to your self… ” whos FUCKIN phone is that?!?!? ” damn hethen! holy ghost wants no parts of you now lol

they also need that shit because muhfuckas be up on tha stage forgetin people names… forgettin what they was gonna say… mixin shit up and everything else.

Time out… Why did the church i was at… have a lil girl who shook tha tamberine RIGHT ON QUE… like while the preacher was up there yellin n spittin on tha mic n shit… i couldnt believe that shit… she wasnt even old enough to understand what was goin on. she was sittin up there talkin with her lil sister… fightin n shit… then right at tha correct moment… shake shake shake… i was like wow… i wanted to shake her hand after tha show was ……. church was over… but i forgot.

Is it me? or is church the greatest gathering of people with glasses? everybody in tha muhfucka had on glasses… i was like damn… well time out… i suppose a computer convention would be tha greatest… but ratioly speaking… i bet church comes in a hot second.

They also need to advertise fashion tip classes… for one… because people be up in there fuckin BLOWING it… i dont giva fuck who you are… some of the shit these people be havin on… there is really no excuse for. for two… hey… muhfuckas be competing… spending all kinda money to look they best anyway… why not play offa that shit? i would if i had time lol.

why doesnt a doctor advertise… somebody is ALWAYS sick or fucked up or somethin is wrong with a member of the church that we should keep in our prayers.

oh yea… why i catch like three church goers raising the roof? or at least doing a primitive verison of that shit? now i know where that shit came from lol

in the begining of church… they need to hand out walkie talkies or two ways… that way muhfuckas aint spending half of chruch tryin to send hand signals and lip read somebody else half way across the church. shit… they need to teach sign langauge in sunday school.

in sunday school… they also need a tad bit of science class… somebody needs to tell these people that IF you WAVE THAT HAND FAN… its only gonna do two things. its gonna cool tha muthafucka next to you off… and make YOU hotter than you was when you started wavin that shit.

but i guess tho.

i sat there… again… didnt really wanna miss shit… but i did get up a couple of time… my ass was hurtin… i couldnt help it… i got up and called a couple people. went in tha back room… they BLEW it because they had a tv… watched a lil bit of tha laker game. walked back out.

lol and during tha time i was actually in there. i called syl and let her listen in… because shes never been to a black church and shes only seen tha shit on tv… she didnt think that shit was real… i was tryin to tell her that shit is right on point. lol she heard first hand… i called during key moments of the A selection lol when the lady who was singin some song… had everybody standin up and cryin… then walked off the stage still hollarin n shit… YEEAAAAa… *everybody else* YYYYEEEEAAA *her* YEEEAAAAAA *everybody else* YYYEEEAAAA… in her seat n shit… singin lil parts of tha song. everybody rockin… tryin to calm down.

Then i called her back when the guest preacher ( not my grand father ) got up there and start proformin……. preachin… and was signin n shit… had tha deacons and tha nigga on tha organ goin… with tha lil girl shakin tha tamberine right on time and everybody who was feelin that shit… rockin… rasin the roof, sayin amen, cell phones goin off and wavin they hand fans with tha funeral homes on them shits.

i hate church… but that shit is mildly entertaining.

Round 3… next year.

if my fiddy dolla donation doesnt fly of course… fuck that. lol


tha homie named his computer Mase

DigiTaLSuprMaN: my computers name is Mase

DigiTaLSuprMaN: cuz its slow….

DigiTaLSuprMaN: …stupid

DigiTaLSuprMaN: …aint worked since 98

DigiTaLSuprMaN: …and it aint got no eyebrows

OJ: LMAO

OJ: ahhh that shit was tha fuckin guts

im still laughin at that shit


eBay item 1710504973 (Ends Mar-10-02 05:41:47 PST ) would you look at this shit?

gotdamn.

you can tell sometime by a person actions… one or two things

they have never had they ass kicked… or if they have… tha ass kicking they recived wasnt good enough.

tha muthafucka that posted this shit? needs they ass whooped…

tha dumb bastard tha posed for tha fuckin picture…. need his ass kicked too

tha muhfucka that sent me tha link…. and i think is kinda serious about buyin this costume… if that muhfucka didnt stay way in bumfuck south carolina… id kick his ass my self.

while posting this…

i came up with a fantastic idea

Ass Kicking Day.

There should be a place where you can submit a form to be granted permission to kick a muthafucka ass if so they deserve to have they ass whooped.

on tha form you should include a damn good reason why they need they ass kicked. once the form is carefully reviewed by a staff of highly trained individuals whom are fair ( fuck you syl ) wise and know what tha fuck is up. you should get a certificate in the mail, granting you permission to go kick tha muthafucka ass in question.

after reciving the certificate in tha mail… you have one week….. to present it to tha muthafucka who need tha ass kicking. explain to him/her why they will be served up an ass whooping and proceed to whoop that muthafuckas ass like it needs to be whooped.

and in cases where tha muthafucka ass that needs to be kicked is bigger than tha muthafucka who will be doing tha ass kicking… on tha form will be a spot to explain this and write down tha names of the individuals who will be helping you kick tha muthafucka ass whoms ass has been granted kickable by our panel of grantors.

there shall be no more than 4 ass kickers.

just an idea tho lol

but knowin my damn luck… id end up gettin served with ass whooping certificates often.

people dont like me for some reason…

they say i talk too much shit.

lol

oh well.


i fuckin hate starbucks…

but all the meetings i ever have seem to take place there.

OH that shit sucks… that fuckin place sucks

all of em

i havent been to one i actually like yet…

all them muhfuckas be dirty as hell!! crumbs and all kinda other foul shit be all over tha fuckin place.

dirty coffee drinkin muthafuckas.

the whole enviornment is just fuckin ugh

i cant put my finger on tha shit

ever last one ive been to ( even tha magic johnson ones )

i was very uncomfortable for whatever reason.

and id say… its because there aint shit but white people that be at starbucks… and evvvvery time i go… im tha ONLY black person around alot of the time… or if there is more than one Black or even ethnic person… there are never more than 7 and the shit is usually some what crowded

but shit… i cant say that… because i dont mind being around large groups of white people ( non-hick of course ) plus… the one of the magic johnshon starbucks in la… you probably will only see a white person there….. pssshhh hardly ever…. not one that doesnt work in walking distance lol.

and i STILL dont like that fuckin place…

fuck starbucks.

fuckin snacks be dry n shit. and i dont drink coffee no more.

ugh. muthafuckas dont even have orange juice…. kinda shit is that?

as a matter of fact… i dont think they have SHIT there BUT coffee and water.

janky muthafuckas.